How To Tell Your Friends & Family You’re Getting a Divorce

You and your soon-to-be ex-spouse have decided to get a divorce and at first, the two of you were not ready to tell anyone. However now, it’s time to separate and really step out into the world as two separated distinct beings. How do you go about telling your friends and family? Is there a method or a way to go about it to try and break the news in a way that allows you to both keep your sanities and privacy?

There is no definite rulebook as to how to tell everyone, but there are some smart ways to go about the matter that will incur you and your former spouse, les stress.

Who NEEDS to Know

Before you start breaking the news, decide who really needs to know. In the early stages of separation, you are most likely going to feel vulnerable, scared and unsure. You and your former spouse can have a conversation over whom you both feel “needs” to know about the divorce, but understand that your partner’s view and comfort level may be different than yours. So when deciding to tell people, choose people in the beginning that you feel comfortable seeing you at your potential worst. The early stages are often the hardest.

 

Read More: How to Tell Your Friends & Family You’re Getting a Divorce

It’s Going to Be O.k.,

Laura

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8 Things Every Sleep-Deprived New Mom Needs to Keep in Mind Through the Chaos

When the baby is crying (again), your nipples are cracked and bleeding, and you want to hide in a corner and cry, you can’t seem to think past the baby phase and into the future. Right now, you’re in the thick of the lovely, yet stressful newborn chaos, and in most cases, you probably don’t feel it to be lovely at all — you can’t see beyond your fatigue.

Your heavy-lidded eyes are too stuck in the throes of sleep exhaustion to remind yourself that this too shall pass and will be over in a blink of an eye. When it’s your first baby, you don’t have the past experience to remind you of that.

So when you’re utterly exhausted and wishing your baby could just sleep through the night, here are eight things to remember in the middle of this newborn blur — straight from a mom who is done having babies.

1. You Must Know That This Too Shall Pass — All Too Quickly.

Right now, it seems like your baby will never sleep through the night and that you will never get the hang of it, but that’s not true. In a blink of an eye, your “up all night, sleep all day” baby will begetting on the bus to kindergarten.

Read More: 8 Things Every Sleep-Deprived New Mom Needs to Keep in Mind Through the Chaos

Babies Don’t Keep,

Laura

8 Reasons Positive Discipline Is Still Discipline

Positive discipline is essentially when you focus on your child’s behaviors and choices as good or bad and reward the good behaviors. There is no such thing as a “bad” kid when it comes to positive discipline, and a lot of schools and parents are taking on this way of rearing, raising, and helping kids grow.

But still, there are the naysayers — especially parents of the previous generation — who say that perhaps we are all “too soft” on our kids with this positive parenting nonsense. To the older generation, this is us going too easy on our kids.

“Back in my day, kids behaved the right way!”
“A good spanking got you and your siblings to behave!”

Although each generation of parents tends to have its own unique method of parenting, for some reason the previous generations seem to believe that children can’t learn to behave unless they are frightened to death or scared. And perhaps for some kids, the scare tactic approach works. For me it didn’t, and for many other kids it doesn’t work (in my opinion). I truly think that for positive parenting skeptics, they ought to open their minds to the idea that perhaps children can learn to make great choices without being afraid. That rewarding good choices and focusing on the positives of each individual child can result in a healthy, strong adult.

Need more evidence? Read through for eight reasons positive disciplining is still disciplining.

1. Focusing on the Bad Brings on the Bad; Doing the Opposite Brings on the Good!

Think about it logically. When you focus on something bad that happens to you, the rest of the day seems worse. Do you really think it’s any different in regard to behavior? If you focus on all of the bad things your kid does, I can guarantee you your child will do more bad things. Why? Well, he or she will grow to assume that he or she is only capable of doing bad things and therefore is not a worthy person.

Read More: 8 Reasons Positive Discipline Is Still Discipline

Fear Does Not Equal Respect,

Laura

6 Reasons to Not Feel Guilty That Your Kid Is Playing Alone

As the parent of an only child, there are plenty of times when I feel bad leaving my girl to play alone. But truthfully, it doesn’t matter if you have one child or four, because many mothers feel that “am I leaving my kid alone too much?” pang. That, or they feel guilty at times when they can’t join in and play with their children.

As mommies, we should of course make time to play with our kids as that’s how we bond and connect with them, but that should be balanced with making time to have some fun ourselves. Teaching our kids how to be OK with being alone from time to time is a great life skill, but there’s is a difference between neglecting your kid and giving your child time to learn to be independent while you do 50 million other things as a mom.

Read through for six reasons you should feel glad your child is learning to simply be alone.

1. They’ll learn how to manage time.

When you are alone as an independent worker — which many of us are as adults for at least a portion of our day — you need to learn how to manage your time on your own without someone hovering over you to remind you what to do next. Although a child could never be that independent all day long, playing alone can teach a child how to work within a time frame to accomplish whatever he or she wants — build a castle or read a book, etc.

Read More: 6 Reasons to Not Feel Guilty That Your Kid Is Playing Alone

Independent Thinkers,

Laura

8 Signs He’s Not Just Having Sex With You, He Actually LIKES You

You’re super-excited about someone and your feelings are intense for them. The sex is off-the-charts hot. The connection is amazing. Waiting to see this person is torture. You cannot imagine another second without being in this man’s arms.

You’re so cooked and fried over this guy, we could call you a friggin’ hamburger. But is he sizzling over you? (Pardon me… all this talk about sex makes me hungry. Wink.)

Is this man crazy about you and serious about the relationship you’re forming? Or is it just about the sex for him, and the only real relationship that’s going on is the one inside your head? Here are eight signs he’s actually serious about your relationship and isn’t just in it for sex.

1. When the chips fall, he’s there to see you through.

If he’s serious about your relationship, when your car breaks down, you get sick, the cat dies or you have a huge blowout with someone in your family, he’s there. He’s there not because he’s forced to be, but because he cannot imagine leaving you alone.

He’s there because he’s invested in the time he spends with you and developing what you two share. He’s there because you need him, and that’s all he needs to know. If he’s not there for you, he’s only into you as a “curvy, sexy body.” Period.

Read More: 8 Signs He’s Not Just Having Sex With You, He Actually LIKES You

He’s Into You,

Laura

8 Ways To Know The TRUE Difference Between Having Sex & Making Love

In my dirtiest opinion, there is room for both f*cking and making love. If you have a partner that you can’t f*ck and only make love to, or vice versa, you’ve got the wrong partner.

A hearty and fulfilling sex life has a little of both, and most of the time, couples go through stages in which they’re “making love” all the time or “f*cking” all the time. It’s simply part of the life cycle of the relationship.

But in the early stages of the relationship, it’s when the cycle happens rapidly. Sometimes, if you’re with a new partner and wondering where it’s going, you’ll start to analyze the sex. Is it just banging, or is he connecting with you?

Bottom line: Is it f*cking or making love? Here are the differences.

1. When you’re making love, your vulnerability levels are high.

When you’re making love, the vulnerability level is high. People start to share words and feelings that they didn’t before. Don’t be surprised if her eyes, or yours, well up a little. This is when both of you let down your guard. This is when risk and reward comes into play.

Do you tell him you love him? Do you tell her you love her? Are you becoming so close that it’s difficult and scary? Are you becoming so close that it’s hard to imagine any other moments happening without him or her? This is making love.

2. When you’re f*cking, the vulnerabilities are there, too… it’s just different.

On the flip side, when you’re f*cking, the vulnerabilities lie in the two of you sharing some freaky stuff that might make the other person turned off. If your freak flag doesn’t fly with this new partner’s, the party shuts down. The vulnerabilities lie in: Is the sex going to suck? Are we going to lose chemistry? If I let my sexual needs show, will they be received well, or not?

Read More: 8 Ways To Know The TRUE Difference Between Having Sex & Making Love

Which Is It?

Laura

The Important Thing I Learned While Struggling to Be the Perfect Parent

I wish there were a rulebook that came with babies when they are born, but there isn’t. There isn’t even a rulebook for one set of moms versus the other. The only thing that is certain about motherhood and parenting is that there is no hard and fast set of rules other than, “Do your best to not hurt your child and keep him/her well cared-for.”

Other than that, it’s all up for interpretation. What you think is the right way to raise one child may be the wrong way to raise your second child or someone else’s child, or vice versa! We all think we are doing what is right for our kids but the reality is we may not really know how “right” or correct we are, until our kids are up and grown from our homes, showing us how they “turned out” as adults.

I think the hardest lesson I personally needed to learn about parenting (so far — yes, the chapter isn’t closed . . . I am still in the early childhood to elementary years, and is it ever closed?) was that I don’t really know all the answers and that sometimes you have to test things out and watch for the results.

That I can never be perfect as a mom, but I can be “good enough.” That in parenting, there are rarely any A+’s and far more B’s and C’s. Sometimes even D’s and F’s — but we try. We try for that A, time and time again.

Read More: The Important Thing I Learned While Struggling to Be the Perfect Parent

We Are All Perfectly Imperfect,

Laura