Month: November 2016

15 Things Working Moms Should Definitely NOT Do This Holiday Season

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The holidays are a special time of year, but they’re also the time of year for insane work deadlines, sugary binge-eating, serious spending—and way too much time with those extended family members we avoid the rest of the year. So it’s pretty easy to blow a gasket or burst a seam while at work or home during this period. Want to avoid losing it this year end, and gain some ho-ho-ho instead? Do not do these things.

1. Line Up Back-up Care at the Last Minute

Will the kids be out of from school from before Christmas until after the New Year, but you’ll be powering through at the office? Hello, working mom. Many of us will be making the commute to work during the holidays. One thing you definitely cannot do at the last minute: get back-up care.

You think your family and friends will be around to watch the kids. You think your sitter will be on deck. Uh, uh, life happens. So make concrete plans well in advance—including a plan B in case plan A falls through. This way, your kids will be cared for, and you won’t have to drag them with you to the office (if you’re even allowed to).

Read More: 15 Things Working Moms Should Definitely NOT Do This Holiday Season

Relax This Season,

Laura

What His Relationship With His MOM Reveals About His Personality

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It doesn’t matter whether he loves men or women — a man’s relationship with his mother will create serious lines and crevices into his personality. It’s the first person he had a close and connected relationship with (in most cases) and is, in many circumstances, the person who shaped his values and outlook on the world.

When you meet a man, take heed of what sort of relationship he has with his mom. It’s going to reveal quite a bit about who he is as a person or, at the very least, how he relates to his romantic partners.

1. He avoids his mother altogether.

Does he spend a good deal of time avoiding his mother, and not because he’s a forgetful man but because she creates anxiety or distress for him? He can’t put her in her place if she upsets him; he’s a people-pleaser and not very confident. Also, he’s afraid if he tells her how he really feels, he will either upset her or get more flack from her.

He is known as a “nice guy” and liked by others, but he floats underneath the surface, meaning he doesn’t really engage hardcore in social activities or the community. If you are an outgoing type of partner, you won’t thrive with this man. If you like operating under the radar, this dude is the one for you.

He can be a little passive-aggressive but he is not likely to leave you if he commits to you. Why? Commitment to him probably produces anxiety so if he’s decided to deal with the anxiety and stay with you, you’re a keeper to him. It takes a lot for him to deal with problems head-on, so expect deep conversations and fights to be difficult.

Read More: What His Relationship With His MOM Reveals About His Personality

Freud Was No Joke,

Laura

 

11 Phrases Guys Say When They’re REALLY Into You

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Women have an arsenal of things we say when we aren’t into someone. We also use body language cues and eye rolls that could freeze an unwanted man right in his footsteps.

But men? Well, they’re knocked for being the less verbal sex, which isn’t necessarily true or accurate. Perhaps they’re saying plenty to us but maybe the message isn’t translating as they’re intending it to be, or we’re missing the signals.

But there are quite a few phrases a man can say that tell you he’s very into you.

1. “This reminded me of you.”

He won’t always say he’s thinking of you because he might want to avoid being too direct to spare his feelings from being hurt. He will say that something reminded him of you because he’s thinking about you and wants you to know without taking the risk of truly saying so.

Read More: 11 Phrases Guys Say When They’re REALLY Into You

He’s SO Into You,

Laura

Why Single Parenthood Helped Me Face My Anxiety

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I have never been a shy or introverted person. I was always comfortable being “me” even at a young age. Still, I have always been a sensitive soul and as I got older, I was anxious—a high energy, anxious, Type A sort of woman. When my ex and I separated, the anxiety ebbed and flowed. Sometimes, it was fine. There was a happiness and peace in finally deciding to divorce once and for all, as well as a joy in not being with the wrong person: i.e., not fighting every day and night anymore. But with separation and divorce, there came major uncertainty and with those changes and “new territory,” came anxiety.

Dating. Losing a home. Moving out on my own. Becoming financially independent. Navigating the divorce process. Sharing our child. Coparenting.

All of these things brought some very real fears and others, imagined. One of the greatest fears I would wager to bet most divorced people fear is failure.

Will I be able to make it on my own?

Did I make the right choice?

Will my daughter be fine?

Will I go broke?

Will I meet someone?

I want to tell you that two years later all my fears have subsided, but life has changed since we went our separate ways and in some ways, things are easier and other ways, things are much harder.

Single parenthood though, made me face my fears to the highest level.

Read More: Why Single Parenthood Helped Me Face My Anxiety

You Can Do It,

Laura

Coparenting Versus Parallel Parenting

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Parenting after divorce can range from very smooth to completely and utterly difficult. In general after divorce, most parents “coparent” together—sharing duties, working together to be on the same page discipline wise, acting together to plan hobbies, as well as making decisions together on medical and educational matters. It’s not always smooth and pretty, but some parents of divorce can coparent like champs, and even spend time together.

Yeah. That happens sometimes.

But for parents who are in high-conflict divorces or are in the middle of negotiating a divorce, coparenting can be very difficult and sometimes, completely impossible. In that case, these parents “parallel parent,” in which they make daily choices for the kids on their own, without consulting the other parent. In general, they’ll still make the major decisions together—albeit mostly through email—such as health care and education. Because the strife is so ripe and the relationship is so toxic or disengaged, former spouses who parallel parent may not breathe even one word to each other; instead, they rely on the technology of email and text to get the decisions resolved.

Here are the daily differences between coparenting and parallel parenting:

Awareness of the households:

Coparenting— Coparents are very aware of what is going on in the former spouse’s household. They’re both aware of the routines and respect each other’s household differences.

Read More: Coparenting Versus Parallel Parenting

Sometimes You Can’t Coparent,

Laura

The Sparkling Wines to Break Open in Celebration of Your Divorce

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Congratulations! You made it! Whether you’re utterly devastated or absolutely over the moon that you’re divorced from that SOB or bitch on heels, it’s finally done. Finito. Finished. The end.

Ending a marriage can be soul-sucking, not to mention expensive. But as Louis C.K. says, “No good marriage ends in divorce,” so if you find yourself finally as Ms. after all those years together or a swinging bachelor, you need to pop open one of these bottles of champagne in celebration of your divorce. Here are some recommendations:

WHEN HE OR SHE DRAINED YOUR SOUL — AND YOUR BANK ACCOUNT

Broke as all get out? Pop open Korbel California Brut. You might feel like the sorriest man or woman on the planet with your cheap sparkler and your heinous legal fees, but at least you don’t have to wake up next to that soul sucker again.

Read More: The Sparkling Wines to Break Open in Celebration of Your Divorce

Bubbles On,

Laura

How to Please Your Mother-in-Law in 5 Easy Steps

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You want your mother-in-law to like you but the chances of that happening are about, oh, one in a million, but you still have hope.

That’s OK, Mama. Everyone can have dreams. But just remember, you took her baby boy. Her pride and joy. Her reason for existing. Did you just experience a little heartburn upon reading that? Not surprising.

It’s hard to understand why your MIL can love the grandchildren you made, yet wish for your death simultaneously. Don’t try to understand it. You never will unless I suppose you have a son and even still, you want your son to grow up to be happy and loved, right?

Just accept that most likely, you will have to nail yourself to a cross in order for her to see how badly her behavior can sometimes make you suffer. Chances of you doing that are zero, so just realize she won’t change and instead do your best to painstakingly please this woman in order to survive being her “family.”

Read More: How to Please Your Mother-in-Law in 5 Easy Steps

She Hates You,

Laura

10 Phrases Of Affirmation Your Man DESPERATELY Wants To Hear

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Girl, it’s not all about you. Really. Your man wants to hear that he matters.

Your man wants to hear that he matters. That he’s a vital and important part of your heart and your life. That he means the world to you. So when you open your mouth to tell him something, make sure it’s these words of affirmation that your man really wants to hear.

1. “I want you.”

Men often feel as if they have to be the sexual initiators in the relationship. Doing so can be draining and often feel as if they’re “asking for it” rather than you “wanting it.” Women want to feel sexy and adored, and men are no different. Telling him “I want you” is a surefire way to make him happy.

2. “I appreciate your hard work and effort.”

Sometimes, men will make an attempt to please us by fixing things or doing various chores or tasks to make us happy. Sure, we may have wanted something more romantic or for them to notice our haircut, but in truth, their effort is there even if it’s delivered slightly different than we had hoped. Saying that we appreciate his effort and work is a statement that will go so far with men.

Read More: 10 Phrases Of Affirmation Your Man DESPERATELY Wants To Hear

You Want Him,

Laura

Why He’s Not Leaving His Wife. Why She’s Not Leaving Her Husband.

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He’s not leaving because he doesn’t want to. She’s not leaving because married life is easier.

We all know someone, are friends with someone or dated someone who is in a constant state of “separation” — or worse, on and off with his or her husband or wife.

I had a guy friend who constantly complained about his wife. Divorce threats came out of his mouth like his life depended on it. He “dated” people, wondered why his wife was mad and complained he had to leave her. But guess what? As time went on, nothing changed. He was still the same old hamster, stuck on his wheel.

Then, there was my female friend. The marriage was brutally awful and the plan was to leave him in five months. Then six months. Then seven months. The reasons why she hadn’t yet left him simply changed or got more complex.

Then, there are the numerous “separated guys” — and women too, I’m sure — you go out with, only to discover that they’re not divorced yet, or you knew they weren’t divorced but separated only to discover that their idea of separation doesn’t quite match yours.

Why? Why do people stay despite their pledges to leave?

When a man isn’t leaving his wife,  he complains about her non-stop, or you meet him online (or anywhere really) and he says they’re separated.

What does that mean? Maybe they live separately. Maybe you discover they’re “living together” until he can figure things out or any other number of legit or non-legit reasons. Maybe they’re talking to lawyers.

Read More: Why He’s Not Leaving His Wife. Why She’s Not Leaving Her Husband.

Don’t Believe the Hype,

Laura

11 Awesome Things From Our Childhood That Our Kids Will Never Get To Do

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Every generation of kids thinks they have it better/worse/easier or harder than the previous, but in my opinion, it’s not that easy to compare a whole generation of time and being to another. However, there are some awesome things that I got to do as a kid that my daughter will most likely never experience, and quite frankly, that stinks—for her!

1. Making Prank Calls

I’m not sorry in admitting I loved prank calling people. I was damn good at it, and it continued all the way up through college.

But with smartphone technology, sure you can block a number, but it’s much easier to get caught. And besides, kids today can tweet, Snapchat and Facebook each other a bunch of nonsense under fake profiles.

Still, there’s nothing quite like the thrill of live prank calling.

2. Playing MASH

Our kids will never know how awesome it is to discover your entire future on a piece of paper.

Mansion. Apartment. Shack. House.

Single. Married. Divorce.

How many kids you had.

Read More: 11 Awesome Things From Our Childhood That Our Kids Will Never Get To Do

I Was Promised a Mansion,

Laura