Parenting after divorce can range from very smooth to completely and utterly difficult. In general after divorce, most parents “coparent” together—sharing duties, working together to be on the same page discipline wise, acting together to plan hobbies, as well as making decisions together on medical and educational matters. It’s not always smooth and pretty, but some parents of divorce can coparent like champs, and even spend time together.

Yeah. That happens sometimes.

But for parents who are in high-conflict divorces or are in the middle of negotiating a divorce, coparenting can be very difficult and sometimes, completely impossible. In that case, these parents “parallel parent,” in which they make daily choices for the kids on their own, without consulting the other parent. In general, they’ll still make the major decisions together—albeit mostly through email—such as health care and education. Because the strife is so ripe and the relationship is so toxic or disengaged, former spouses who parallel parent may not breathe even one word to each other; instead, they rely on the technology of email and text to get the decisions resolved.

Here are the daily differences between coparenting and parallel parenting:

Awareness of the households:

Coparenting— Coparents are very aware of what is going on in the former spouse’s household. They’re both aware of the routines and respect each other’s household differences.

Read More: Coparenting Versus Parallel Parenting

Sometimes You Can’t Coparent,

Laura