If Your Man is Like a Cat-Back Exhaust System, You’re In Luck

I never thought I would know anything about cars or men.

Actually, it’s debatable how much I know about the XX species—and I’m still learning about cars.

For a new job of mine, I’ve had to learn a lot about cars, trucks, performance driving, off-roading and then some. If you know me, you already know that all that stuff is Greek to me. But I’m a good student and hate to look stupid, so I’ve been doing my research. When it comes to men, I’ve made stupid mistakes sometimes, and I’m learning too—a work in progress trying to understand the sexy, mysterious and sometimes incredibly weird species, called males. Let’s just say…I have been researching men since age 3 and so far, I’ve yet to find that one guy that can capture me and throw me into his man cave for eternity.

But the other day, I had to write about Cat Back Exhaust Systems, and it made me think of men.

First of all, I knew zilch about exhaust systems, much less what a “cat” had to do with any of it.

But as I read on about mufflers, resonators, and horsepower, I realized that a man’s love or lack thereof, can be compared easily to a Cat Back.

For those of you who are already asking WTF is a Cat Back Exhaust System, you’re not alone.

These types of exhaust systems are put on aftermarket—not by the dealer—to make the car go faster and sound bad-ass. The system attaches right after the last catalytic converter in your car—hence the name “Cat back”—least, that’s where I’m thinking that name was sprung from.

That stock muffler on your Toyota that keeps your car nice and quiet? Well, the owner driving with a Cat Back Exhaust System doesn’t want to drive down the road quietly. He or she wants a particular noise to come from the car…something that is heard loud into the night down the highway. He wants a louder, more racing sound…. a performance vehicle, and not some wimpy suburban ride.

It’s not just about noise—a Cat Back—but also about speed.

With these exhaust systems, the pipes are made with a larger diameter than your stock exhaust, as well as bent tubing for better flow….it reduces pressure at the engine manifold…meaning, the engine gets more horsepower and torque.

For someone who wants power and speed in his or her ride, this will do it!

As I was trying to understand the elements—not too shabby for a woman who usually just makes puppy face at the mechanic in hopes of not getting screwed and paying high dollar, I realized how much a man’s affections can be equivalent to a Cat-Back.

Men are simpler than we women interpret them to be. I don’t mean this as an insult—but more to say that we read into everything when usually, the writing is on the wall and we just refuse to read it or interpret it in a way that’s much deeper than our male audience wants us to interpret—although hey, usually those deep connections we make are uncanny.

So, it’s really a simple thing. If you want to know if a man is invested in you and making you an offer you can’t refuse, just compare him to your Cat-Back:

Is he like a stock muffler?

Quiet with his affections, rare to get back to you—taking his time with texts, emails and calls. Is he reserved on making plans and does he have little to say about how he feels about you?

Or is he like a Cat-Back?

 Loud, racing and outward expressions of his feelings. Let’s his opinions and ideas be heard. Tells us where you stand with him. Makes plans and communicates with you.

If you answered Cat-back, he likes you.

Stock muffler men could be shy but 90&% of the time, he just isn’t into you.

Move on.

Is he standard pipes?

Reaching out to you when he can or when he runs into you, hesitant to commit, and cautious about introducing you into his world. Seems stressed out or squeamish about where you fit in his life.

Is he large-diameter pipes?

Can’t help but reach out to you. Makes plans or already has introduced you to people he knows. Relaxed around you and shares a lot.

If you answered large- diameter pipes, BINGO! He’s into you.

Is he steady speed, 50MPH with you?

He can be affectionate when necessary, but doesn’t overdo it. He’ll contact you consistently for a while, driving down the highway at a steady clip, and then takes a corner, dropping off the face of the earth, at least for a bit. If you date other people and he knows about it, he doesn’t say much.

Is he horsepowered and torqued up?

He’s taking risks by sharing his feelings and making plans like taking you to a wedding, or a weekend getaway. He’s showed you his good traits—and his bad. He sometimes seems emotional or hesitant because he’s let himself become vulnerable. He is easily jealous—but not in a psycho way, that’s just bad—and likes to show when out in public, that he’s into you. He’s getting closer because he knows he hasn’t taken you off-the market yet.

If you answered 50MPH, well, wah-wah…. he’s not that into you.

It’s simple. Guys want to commit and learn more about you…investing time and energy into you…

Or they don’t want to commit or invest time in you.

So, if you find yourself a guy with a bit of horsepower and a loud muffler, you may want to give him some time. He could be a great one!

Just make sure he’s not driving an ugly car.


4 thoughts on “If Your Man is Like a Cat-Back Exhaust System, You’re In Luck

  1. 30's Dater says:

    Hahahahaha! This was hilarious to read as an active dater and serious car person that has also worked in auto for 20 years. You’ve learned very well! Only thing you missed was on the bends – mandrel bent means they put slugs into the pipes when they bend them so the pipe bends true and and doesn’t wrinkle up or compress inward when bent in the machine. Then you have your stainless qualities, 304, 409 – aluminized. 😉

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