My one-year divorce-aversary is coming up quickly.
It’s made me stop to think about the year and overall, it’s been a rough one.
Every time I thought I had things under control, life would pull the rug under me and laugh saying, “Not so fast, blondie.”
There were some moments in which I thought—I just can’t do this. Many moments. The feeling was overwhelming, but then suddenly, I turned a corner. Not that I don’t sometimes feel defeated about caring for myself and my daughter on my own…not that I don’t look at my bank account and think, “When does it get better?” because I do… a lot.
Not that I don’t think, when another issue comes up with my ex, “What now?”
But that I believe wholeheartedly that I will manage it. Somehow, I managed when I thought I couldn’t during numerous moments throughout this year. And honestly, out of the three years we have been done with our marriage, this one was the hardest by far—proving that no two divorce journeys are alike.
And here it is spring. A time of new growth. A time of warmer sun. A time of longer days.
And for the first time, I will be without my child for six whole nights.
Originally when we split, we shared her time 50/50, and it was challenging making a life for myself when she was gone with dad. Then as her dad started to take less and less and less time with her, suddenly, it was the two of us again, attached at the hip just like we had been when I was a stay-at home mom.
I’ve never been apart from my daughter for this long. I’ve never missed the chance to dye eggs or see the bunny in time for Easter. It’s this time of the year that I am most sentimental about missing my stay-at home days with her… she just turned six and I still remember those days…the ones rocking her in her chair, her nursing to sleep. The ones in which we hopped from park to park, drawing on the sidewalks, writing letters, and swinging on swings…climbing to the top and me wondering if she wasn’t going just a little too high…or not.
How quiet the house is going to be for six whole nights…getting used to that silence. Getting used to being alone with my own thoughts.
Read more: Finding Treasure Among The Trash
Diamond in the Rough,