Let’s face it. Financial stress can be a key factor in delaying divorce. People are afraid to split due to financial woes. People are delaying the divorce because someone doesn’t want to sign the papers over a low alimony number…whatever the case may be, finances are indeed a real hardship and pain in the butt when it comes to divorce. But the reality is even with that over a divorcing couple’s heads, it’s not the hardest thing about divorce.
And trust me, I know. I did not walk away from my marriage financially comfortable. I hustle. I work hard. There are definitely some incredibly tense times that I don’t sleep worrying about money.
But even still, the hardest thing about divorce is not dividing the property, paying off debts and starting up again on your own.
The hardest thing is having faith that you will be okay again. The hardest thing is telling you that as you’re walking away from someone you may have known for years and years and years…that you will rebuild. That you will find love. That you will be okay.
This is something I struggled with greatly during my separation from my former husband. I wondered if all of the “newness” and uncertainty would be worth it. I wondered if one day, this struggle both emotionally and financially would pay off. I wondered if I would be “okay” again.
So many people sit in bad marriages and situations because the devil they know is easier to deal with than the devil they don’t—will I be ok? Will I move on? Will I find love again? — in so many ways. It’s what my friend Sid calls “Sitting in sh*t.” So many of us sit in the sh*t because the idea of getting ourselves up and cleaning ourselves off seems so much worse than the agony of sitting in smelly, rotten feces—metaphorically speaking.
It’s that question that lingers in the backs of our heads as we move forward and untangle our lives from our former partners that can stall us from either calling it completely quits or from really moving on and embracing a new life after divorce.
It’s that doubt and that silent nagging voice that makes us wonder, even when we know full well that there is NO way in hell we could have stayed married to our former spouses if we will really truly be okay.
You Will Be Ok,