7 Ways to Build Gratitude For Your Life After Divorce

” … you can build your gratitude muscle by consciously choosing to be more grateful, and thereby you will be happier.” (Harvard study finds strong link between gratitude and happiness – http://www.phillyvoice.com/harvard-study-finds-strong-link-between-gratitude-and-happiness/)

It can be hard to have gratitude for your life after a divorce because so much of it can look so greatly different than your life did before, and some of it may not be happy changes. And if you have kids, they could be struggling with the same feelings. There’s always the feeling that you “lose” when you divorce because, in reality, you do usually lose money, objects, time with kids and properties, etc. You actually lose things.

However, we wouldn’t divorce if we felt we would simply just lose, lose, and lose. The flip side to all of this sad sack stuff is you win when you divorce. You really do. And if you find these “wins” then you will really be able to build true gratitude into your life after divorce.

When you are feeling like a grouchy sore loser, do these things to feel like a winner again!

1) Remind Yourself of Your “Wins”:

I don’t mean your literal wins like alimony or getting the family home…I mean the wins of divorce that you can’t see or touch. The wins of divorce that are daily manifestations of how you live after the divorce like:

– Winning peace in your home—no more fighting!

– Winning the chance at love again…the right love, and not the wrong one!

– Winning focused and concentrated time with your kids in which you can parent and breathe easier when you’re with them.

– Winning the chance of starting your life over again. Just think about all the miserably married people in the world who wouldn’t love that shot!

Read More: 7 Ways to Build Gratitude For Your Life After Divorce

Winning,

Laura

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6 Things Your Work Husband Will Do for You That Your Real Husband Won’t

While you love your husband dearly and wouldn’t trade him for a hottie with six-pack abs, there’s something extra-special about your work husband.

Your what?

Your work husband. You know. Your male work BFF. The man around the office who you are not hooking up with (oh, no-no-no, ladies), but who makes your life at work infinitely better?

Sure, he might not make your heart skip a beat quite like your Original & Official Husband (OOH), but he is pretty damn great, and you sort of wish that Double O-H would take a few hints from your work husband counterpart, like:

1. Notice Your Haircuts

He might not know a highlight from a lowlight, but an observant work husband can tell your hair is different from the second you set foot into the office. It’s not that he’s a better guy than your real-life husband, but that he’s got to keep you cheery or life at the office will suck much more for him. Plus, amongst the drab corporate life, what else does he have to notice besides a billion memos and emails?

Read More: 6 Things Your Work Husband Will Do for You That Your Real Husband Won’t

He’s a Good Egg!

Laura

Why Don’t I Have What Everyone Else Has?

When you get a divorce, the comparisons will increase. Many of us compare ourselves to our friends, but when your life sort of falls apart and you have to make a new one, it’s very easy to start wondering why your marriage ended. Why you are struggling or heartbroken. Why you can’t make your ends meet. It’s very easy to get engaged in a metaphorical war of “Why don’t I have whatever everyone else has?”

But engaging in a pity party/comparison war isn’t going to make you happier. It’s just a bunch of negative energy that you don’t need. With every comparison you make, you’re literally throwing your own damn self into the gutter. Quit it!

The next time you go to compare what you have to someone else, engage in this exercise. I guarantee you it will help your view point on life and your attitude, post-divorce.

 

1- You Don’t Have Cancer

Now you may indeed, have health problems, but if you don’t, remind yourself that that’s right! You don’t have what everyone else has! You don’t have cancer. You aren’t sick. You are healthy and capable of caring for yourself and your kids, if you’re a parent.

You feel healthy and well. You are able to make a living. Many people do not have that honor. Watching my friend’s mother go through chemotherapy and radiation reminded me that even if I couldn’t pay for my groceries, heck—I am healthy!

Read More: Why Don’t I Have What Everyone Else Has?

You Have More Than You Think,

Laura

9 Signs Your Relationship Is On Thin Ice

You feel like you’re walking on a tightrope and if you make one false move, your relationship will be done and shattered in pieces. It’s like the two of you spend every moment skating on ice that is two seconds from cracking, only to leave you two to drown.

The struggle is real and the pain in your heart is deep. The reality is your relationship is on thin, thin ice when you feel like that. Here are 9 signs your relationship is in trouble and you may be headed for a breakup.

1. He’s moody.

Your partner is about as predictable as the weather. You have no idea what to expect every time you see him or her. Will your partner be moody? Available? Not available? Will your partner be attentive or distant?

Why don’t you flip a coin and take a guess? That’s when you know your relationship is on thin ice.
Read More: 9 Signs Your Relationship Is On Thin Ice

Watch Out!

Laura

8 Mental Mantras To Adopt After Divorce to Find Peace

One of the worst parts about divorce and separation is the initial marching band that’s going off in your brain, and no—this isn’t a nice “in-tune” band. There’s like a cacophony of clashing notes…a melody in constant “minor” and the feeling as if your brain never shuts the heck up. How do you, after the divorce papers are signed and you’re walking out into the world as a newly single Mr. or as Ms., find some peace as you make a whole new life?

You adopt mental mantras that you say daily, or as needed, in order to fool both you and your brain into believing you’ll be ok because guess what? You will be! You just need to make yourself believe so.

 

1) For the DiscouragedThis Too Shall Pass:

It was my saying of the summer! I am still saying it.

You will encounter some new hardships as a divorced person and if you have kids, they’ll also be going through major changes.

As hard as things are today, remind yourself that they won’t be around tomorrow.

Indeed in time, everything changes.

This too SHALL pass. Repeat.

 

2) For the Brand New Single Parent: I Am Only One Person:

I tell my daughter this often.

I am only one person, with one set of hands. Be patient.

Be patient with yourself. Be patient as you adjust to doing things on your own. Be patient as you learn a new rhythm.

Read More: 8 Mental Mantras To Adopt After Divorce to Find Peace

 

All in a Mind Set,

Laura

One Reason NOT to Get Divorced

When I was hemming and hawing over whether to divorce or not and my husband at the time was as well, I asked my friends who were divorced for advice.

Should I get a divorce?

How will I know if it’s right to divorce?

I wanted someone else to make the decision for me. I wanted someone else to call the shots for me. I wanted some sign from the heavens like written in the sky saying, “Hey Laura, It’s Me. G-d. Do you need to get a divorce, ok? Glad we had this talk.”

Of course, life doesn’t work that way and neither does divorce. Knowing when it’s time to call it quits is different for everyone. For some people, it’s an event that drives them to sign the papers. For another person, it’s a gut feeling. But one of the things that struck me so very deeply was when I asked my divorced friend if I should divorce, she gave me one reason not to get a divorce.

She told me, “Don’t get a divorce to meet someone else. You may not meet someone else. You may never. Leave because you absolutely can’t take another minute with this person you’re married to. Leave because being alone is better than being married.”

It was a sobering piece of advice.

Not meet anyone? How dismal.

But how sound! How practical!

You can’t divorce someone simply because you think there’s a better model out there for you.

Read More: One Reason NOT to Get Divorced

 

The Right Reason,

Laura