There is no pain like the pain of heartbreak. The pain of someone lying to you. The pain of an affair.The pain of finding out someone you thought loved you, doesn’t. Whatever the story is, we’ve all been hurt in some way or capacity and we can recall those feelings vividly within a second!
I know for me, my immediate reaction, like many people when I’ve been hurt, is anger. Vivid, wrathful anger. There is no pain like being hurt by someone you care about.
But there are constructive ways to handle the pain and “destructive” ways to handle it. Here are 3 things to do immediately when someone has hurt you– 3 things that will help you without being destructive.
1- The Onus Is On That Person, Not You
You are amazing and wonderful– don’t doubt it! The person who hurt you, lied to you … did you wrong in any shape or form, is the dud, loser, doo-doo head or whatever word you’d like to insert. This person has to own his or her actions, not you.
So, instead of wondering what you did to deserve this or what’s wrong with you, put the onus on that person. That person has to soul search and figure out his or her issues, not you!
Don’t waste time picking yourself apart or wondering why you’re not good enough– because you ARE good enough and this person isn’t good enough for you!
You are not the bad guy here. Sure, you may have made bad choices or not been a perfect partner. Sure, you are not perfect, but let the onus lie with the heartbreaker, not you.
That person decided to hurt you all on his or her own accord.
And that person probably has issues that are getting in his or her way from being a good and loving partner. Those issues are his problem! Her problem! Not yours!
Repeat after me: You are amazing, worth loving and special. That person that hurt you is a F-O-O-L. Not you. You rock! End of story.
2- Step Away and Take a Break
Take quiet time for yourself to heal. Don’t talk to anyone. Just take time to breathe. Cry. Take a walk. Think. Don’t ask for advice from others. Don’t go on dates. Just take quiet time to reflect and heal from the pain this person has caused.
You can think about your own role in the situation. You can think about the past and what happened. You can review or fret over what you should have said or done but, don’t beat yourself up! Remember point #1– the onus is on the heartbreaker.
Instead, think quietly to yourself. Reflect. Cry, cry and cry …
3- Make a Plan
After you’ve acknowledged that the person who hurt you is the one who messed up. (Point #1) and after you’ve cried and reflected and taken some time to yourself (Point #2) … make a plan.
What are your next steps? How do you want to love the next time around? Do you want to date again? Do you want to take a break? What did you learn from this person that crushed your spirits and heart? What do you want to do next?
Do you want to move? Make a life change? A career change? Take inventory on you! Decide if you have been on the right path all along and if not, make a new plan with small actionable goals and stick to it.
Back in my twenties, it took a big catastrophe and heartache to push me to go back to college.
Another time after being hurt, I pushed forward with my writing career.
After being hurt, I’ve considered relocating. Moving. Finding a new place to start over and make the life I want. Maybe what I thought I wanted isn’t right for me. Maybe where I am isn’t where I am supposed to be.
Whatever the case, take this heartbreak to make a plan for yourself.Perhaps this person hurting you and breaking your heart will open the door to something else.