6 Things I Wish I’d Done Differently With My Former Mother-In-Law

I had a difficult relationship with my ex-husband’s mother. There were many things she did that hurt me, but looking back, there are things I could have done differently for my own sanity and for the sake of the relationship.

Today, she is usually very helpful to me and also, a great grandmother. Although we don’t live near each other, she is as supportive as she can be from afar. I know she truly loves my daughter. I feel (I hope) she appreciates how hard I try as a single mom to raise my daughter right, and sees that I attempt to keep a good relationship with her son. Does it always work out? No, it doesn’t, but I try my best.

People are shocked at the change in our relationship—for the better—since my divorce. I am sure it’s helped that I’m not her son’s wife anymore and that I’m the mother of her favorite grandchild (OK, technically that’s not proven). Whatever the reason for the change, I am grateful for it. We let the past stay in the past and have forged a good path for the future. I know, overall, we both want my daughter/her granddaughter to be happy.

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Everything Looks Better In Hindsight,

Laura

Happy Mother’s Day to a Woman Who’s Like My Second Mom

My mom is still here with us — thank you, God — but she’s been having major health issues for quite some time.

For a while, it felt like maybe I had done something wrong. I wouldn’t hear from her. She would say she was tired. I would call and she wouldn’t answer the phone.

I took it personally. I didn’t understand what was going on.

But now I have answers about her health that I didn’t before. I know the fatigue and weight loss are all a part of her advanced lung disease. I know the lack of oxygen makes her tired. I know her memory isn’t as good as it once was. I know that if I want to talk to her, I have to call her.

Watching the one woman who meant everything and did everything for me her whole life get older has been hard. I miss all the time we used to spend together. I miss her sense of humor and our frank conversations. I miss being able to lean on her. I know I can’t lean on her now, as it would be unfair.

This is why I am so thankful for Joyce.

For many years, my mom worked with Joyce. I’d come into my mother’s office and get to talk to Joyce. She was always sweet, fun and had the cutest clothes. Joyce watched me grow up and become a mom myself. Over the years, she became a friend, and now, she’s like a surrogate mother to me.

I’m now a single mom living just 15 minutes away from her. Since we’re so close by, we see each other pretty regularly.

Read More: Happy Mother’s Day to a Woman Who’s Like My Second Mom

Happy Happy,

Laura

How to Handle Divorce Advice From Your Non-Divorced Friends

It’s not unusual to get bad advice from well, just about anyone. The worst, though, might be getting advice from someone who has no idea what you’re talking about. If you’re divorced, you know what I mean. Everyone has a piece of advice about how you should live, date, breathe and exist as a divorced person, even if they’re happily married. It’s like the hottest topic and everyone thinks he or she is a guru worthy of spitting out advice like Dr. Phil or Oprah. If you just recently separated, be prepared. The unsolicited advice is going to hit you like a bout of diarrhea after eating Pizza Hut. No disrespect to the “Hut,” but girlfriend is lactose intolerant and there is no hell worse than diarrhea, minus vomiting. That’s the worst.

So, batter up kids: the constant self-help and psychobabble is about to be unleashed because everyone knows how to handle your divorce better than you do. (Kidding).

Read More: How to Handle Divorce Advice From Your Non-Divorced Friends

Deep Breaths,

Laura

Mother’s Day When You’re Married Vs. When You’re Divorced

Mother’s Day when you’re married is very different from when you’re divorced. Of course, the day is really a celebration of motherhood and all we do each day— it’s not a celebration of marriage in any sense. But it feels very different “celebrating” the day as a single parent than it does when you are part of a nuclear family, in my opinion. It doesn’t take away from the special role we play as mothers, but it does feel like a whole other ball game.

WAKING UP TO A DAY “OFF” VS. WAKING UP TO ANOTHER DAY

When you’re married, your partner will usually (even the laziest of partners) try to pick up the slack so mom (you) can have a day off. Of course, you’ll most likely be picking up after everyone anyway—and doing a load of laundry or ten. But your partner will swing taking you to a meal or making you one. Maybe even tell you to put up your feet. The kids will be rallied a bit more to help with the coaxing of the other parent that hey—it’s Mother’s Day. You might want to do something, you know?

Read More: Mother’s Day When You’re Married Vs. When You’re Divorced

For All the Mommies,

Laura

 

Why Does My Partner Go From Hot to Cold & Back Again?

There is nothing more frustrating than having a partner rescind his or her warmth and love. Especially if in return, you get a cold front.

It’s like having a relationship with someone who exists in a room: the door opens and so does your partner and then, the door closes … and so does the access to your partner.

I’ve been down this road before where a love interest or partner would shut me out and let me in … I know how painful it can be to deal with. I know the questions that run in your mind and that maybe keep you up at night. I also know what it’s like to walk away from that person. At times, my ex-husband could be very cold.

Here are a few reasons that could explain your partner’s mood changes from cold to hot, and hot to cold.

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The Man/Woman Who Push-Pulls Your Relationship: What You Need to Know

You have someone in your life, male or female, who comes close to you, and then drifts further away. This person approaches you on his or her terms, gets involved, and then runs for cover while you’re left feeling abandoned, doubtful of yourself and in pain.

Sound familiar?

Welcome to the push-pull cycle. Where the partner comes in, withdraws, comes in and withdraws again, all to your detriment.

Why the hell is this happening? Why does this man/woman do this? I bet you’ve said all of those things, more than fifty times in your own head.

In my twenties, I experienced this for a bit with a guy. I ended up cutting it off, and we became friends right away. Thank god. He was a much better friend, then a sexual partner and boyfriend, and I was happy to offer friendship. Years later, he kicks himself and says how beautiful I am and wonderful. We are still friends, years later! We’ve been there for each other through a lot. It’s pretty awesome.

Trust me– I see how he aged and how I aged. He regrets it. He was afraid I was too free-spirited for a committed relationship. It turns out I wasn’t, but at least we could be friends … and for 15 years!

If you are reading this page and landed here like me, you probably are the one who is being pushed and pulled away. You probably feel really bad about yourself, wondering why this person would do this to you. You probably feel down about yourself, wondering what you did wrong. You probably feel downright crazy.

Wipe your tears, get your sexiest outfit or– whip out your razors boys, and stop blaming yourself.

Learn what’s what with this push-pull character

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