While I would love a relationship … it hasn’t come along easily for me or at all– in the past five years I’ve been single.
I’ve had many dates and many conversations with men, but I haven’t felt much of a connection with anyone that would last. I met one guy initially who seemed great– but that fizzled out fast. I met another guy who was nice, but too immature. I had a bunch of nondescript crappy dates or flings. Then, I met one person who I had an amazing special connection with, but he didn’t want a relationship.
I have spent a lot of time trying dating apps or sites. I have spent a lot of time wondering why I didn’t find much of a connection with anyone or why things don’t seem to work out. Wondering what I could do differently or what I did wrong. Wondering if I bypassed the wrong person— or wondering if I had been looking in the wrong places.
Period: I just spent too much damn time thinking about it and feeling bad about it. I have spent a lot of time leaving dates feeling like, “Man, this sucks. I am not feeling it.”
This method isn’t working. If insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, I am insane.
So, I’m doing something different now: My 5 month challenge or commitment to myself.
I ditched the dating apps and sites about two weeks ago
I am just spending the next 5 months doing things that bring me pure joy. I don’t care if I go alone. I don’t care if there are no men about. I will just do what makes me happy.
My challenge is this…
I plan on:
- Taking ballroom or salsa lessons alone– I’ll use the teacher as my partner. No more waiting for someone amazing to join me in class
- Heading to my favorite beach where I have plenty of friends who regularly go and I can mingle with
- Seeing all of my friends and getting them to go out at night with me
- Trying new activities
- Only spending time with men who– make me happy, don’t pressure me and want to have fun
- (If I have a date– like if some random guy asks me out in passing) Keeping it casual and simple
- Not using any dating apps or sites for 5 months
- Not giving a f*ck if I die alone, end up alone or am I alone– the worst case scenario is being with the wrong guy OR crying over some guy who is too foolish and passes me by
- Not wasting time being upset over it
My goal is to spend 5 mindful months just doing things that bring me joy. I’ll keep checking in to share how I am doing.
If a guy asks me out when I’m out and about and he seems nice, I’ll go for it– but I am not going to swipe left or right to anyone. And I won’t be asking anyone out or making the effort.
I am a single working mom. I have aging parents and a lot things weighing heavily on my shoulders.
For now, all I need to worry about is where the fun is at (pardon my dangling modifier), because sitting around and wasting time talking to a bunch of random dudes in meaningless conversations online or pining away wondering why someone won’t commit to me is a HUGE waste of my time.
My new motto is : F*ck it. If I die alone and never experience love again, I will live.
But I don’t want to waste any more time worrying or being down about something out of my control.
If I meet someone great– cheers! If not, it’s better than settling.
And if all else fails, I will be a cougar 🙂
OR, find a nice young man in the nursing home.
My advice to all wondering why love is hard to find? Stop looking for it. It’s impossible to orchestrate love. It comes to you.
And if someone passes you by and won’t commit– trust me: he or she will regret it down the line.
Just keep doing you.