I recently made a commitment to myself to stop dating for five months to sort of refresh myself and take a break from the whole thing. About two weeks previous to that post, I cut out dating apps, so it’s been about 3 weeks and I have to say … I feel a lot better.
Giving up never felt so damn good– in other words.
I was not enjoying my experience on the apps and if it’s not fun, why bother? Life is too short and I am too busy to spend my little free time on an endeavor that doesn’t bring me happiness.
In the first place, I tend to veer away from long-term relationships only because I rarely meet someone I click with enough to make it worth my time. I tend to get bored quickly, and I have a very full life. If someone doesn’t bring a lot to the table, I would rather not get deeply involved as for me, my time is precious.
So, here’s what I have learned from stepping away from the whole dating process and trying to get past some of my hang-ups, thus far. And here’s how well I’ve done committing to myself for the last few weeks.
1- I Don’t Miss Apps
It seems like I was going on the apps when bored or just seeking someone cool to hang out with. For about a week after I deleted them, I looked to see if they were there– forgetting I deleted them … and then said, “Oh yeah– I deleted them.”
Now I don’t even look for them.
I really wasn’t getting enough engaging connections to make it worth my time.
2- I’ve Been on A LOT of Dates– But I’ve Only Made Friends
I can enjoy a lot of people’s company– but it doesn’t mean I want to be in a relationship with them. I make friends easily–but most guys don’t want to be friends with women. I understand this. Knowing this about myself, it only affirms my belief that spending time with friends is better than going on blind “online dates.”
3- I Pressured Myself Too Much– Not Caring Helps
Giving up caring has been the single best thing I have ever done. I kept feeling like time was literally on my heels– yelling at me to meet someone. I think I’ve compared myself to too many other people, forgetting that by nature– I am not quick to settle down or feel intrigued. I dated a lot prior to marriage– I should have remembered that I don’t tend to go on other people’s timelines. I’ve never done anything by the book. This is ok! It’s me and who I am. I should remember that I don’t have to be like others because quite frankly, I’m not and it wouldn’t work for me anyway.
4- I Have a Hard Time Being Alone Without My Kid
It’s been years, but I really miss my kid when she’s gone. When I’m with friends, I’m happy but when she’s gone and I’m left to my own devices for too long, it’s hard for me.
This may just be my nature– but it’s also circumstance driven. Most of my friends are married and have families. It makes socializing single a lot harder.
5- I Am Still Grieving An Injury
I’m still hurt over an injury to my heart and friendship. I spend a lot of time analyzing as I do, and so being in my head sort of means I am not really available to devote a lot of time to the whole online dating venture. I’m not really present because I still have a lot of emotions brewing.
6- I Really Enjoy Going Out & I’ve Stuck to My Promise to Not Sit Around Waiting
My social calendar is pretty full. I’ve been out with friends, out to the beach– exercised etc. I’m staying active and it’s enjoyable — way more enjoyable than sifting through profiles or worrying about a silly boy.
7- I May Not Have a Partner, Ever
Maybe long-term relationships are not my bag.
As we get older, the quality of partners decreases. I find there are many in my age group who don’t want to commit and who are flaky. Some men just have many women at once— whether they talk to them all or try to sleep with them all. OR, some men are still nursing a lot of wounds from past relationships and don’t trust women. To them, relationships are no good
Maybe I just don’t need anyone.
It’s too bad really– because I have a lot to bring to the table. I just may have missed my chance. I am coming to terms with this and accepting it.
I live in a small town– where there are not a lot of opportunities to begin with. I’m busy with an elementary school-aged child. I’m working.
I may have missed the chance.
Either way– onward– I am almost done with month one and so far– not having to swipe around has been pretty damn great.
Send Your Positive Vibes My Way,