Month: November 2019

Really Good Men Exist– Here’s What to Look For

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Photo by Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash

“A good man is hard to find.”– Flannery O’Connor

If you’ve been searching, swiping, checking out or just in general, chatting up a lad and are curious of how he rates, well– time will certainly answer that question for you.

However, if you want to  know if you’ve met a man who is a good man at heart or one who needs to take a hike, read on:

1. He is thoughtful

Someone who makes the effort to get to know you and pay attention to the things you like is a good man.

2. He is protective– not controlling

Yes, you’re an independent woman but a good man wants to protect you because you matter to him. This is not the same as someone who is controlling. This is a man who cares and values you and wants you to be safe and happy.

3. He is warm and giving

He wants to make you smile and enjoys making you happy.

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5 Things People May Think When Recovering From Abuse

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Photo by _Mxsh_ on Unsplash

When someone has gotten out of a traumatic situation, it’s very common to struggle with complex emotions and thoughts. More often than not, the abused will blame themselves for the abuser’s bad behavior, especially if the abuser was narcissistic.
1. Victims may retreat, lose/gain weight and feel depressed

It’s not unusual for victims of abuse to retreat from others out of shame, self-blame or desire to keep the abuse a secret.

Of course, it’s not the person’s fault and he or she shouldn’t be ashamed, but after being treated a certain way, it can be hard to not feel down about oneself.
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7 Traits ALL Good Partners Have in Relationships

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Photo by JD Mason on Unsplash

If you want to love someone, it doesn’t matter what gender or preference you are. Without these 7 traits, you can’t fully care about someone in a positive way.

Let’s dive in:

1. Honesty- Not Harshness

Being honest with each other makes for good communication but remember you don’t need to share every little last thought with the person.

Also– you’re not here to make someone perfect, so be kind with your words. Harshness will not build a relationship.

2. Available- Not Needy or a Doormat

Be available to the person you care about– emotionally and physically.

However, you are not a slave and you also deserve alone time and space. A healthy person will respect that.

Additionally, being too needy and in someone’s face is too much! It’s a balance.

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3 Things to NOT Do When Supporting a Loved One After Abuse

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If you have a friend, romantic partner or family member who has been physically, emotionally, verbally or financially abused, this person needs your support.

If you really care, these are something things you can avoid doing to make this person’s recovery better and smooth.

1. Don’t Avoid Talking About It 

If this person brings up the event or abuse, don’t dodge talking about it. Obviously it’s not the most fun topic to chat about, but  avoiding the topic is basically invalidating how the person feels. Talking about something like abuse is not easy so if the person gets the courage to discuss, let them talk. It takes a lot of courage.

 

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Walking Away & Giving Up Is Sometimes The Only Option

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Sometimes in life, you’ve got to quit the fight and battle.

When it comes to important things like, taking care of your health or paying down debts, you mustn’t quit. But when it comes to other things, walking away and giving up on a situation or person can be incredibly smart.

Consider the person who has tried for so long to make a broken marriage work.

Consider the person who is trying to get a friend sober or get the person help with other issues all with no effort being done on the part of the other party.

Consider the person who has tried so hard to make a relationship get off the ground while the other person does nothing.

In those situations, walking away and letting go and seeing what the universe has in store for you is the best thing you can do.

If you’re that person putting in all the effort into a relationship while the other person does nothing–  give up!

If you’re the person trying to get someone to get help for an addiction or problem, yet the person refuses to get treatment … give up!

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The Benefits of A Relationship Vs. Benefits of Being Single

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You want to date or you want to be alone. All of this is dependent on your perspective and current needs.

Dating someone or being single both have pro’s and cons– and it’s up to you to decide which “pros” are more desirable.

Here are the pros of being part of a couple versus being a swinging single:

Happily Coupled

1. Safe sex (usually)

Not only is the sex safe, but the sex is often reliable, enjoyable and experimental if you two so choose. When a relationship is safe and happy, often two people can really explore their desires and this is amazing. Not to mention without fear (usually) of STD’s etc. Of course, many people want a monogamous situation, and this will limit the ability to be with others.

2. Shared resources

When you’re part of a couple, you usually share mental, financial and physical resources. Two are better than one as the saying goes. You have someone to turn to and vice versa. It is very beneficial.

It does mean that you often cannot act without someone else weighing in on these resources.

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Why People Avoid Intimacy

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People avoid intimacy and relationships for many reasons. There are a lot of factors that play into this, such as:

  • The quality and history of the person’s past relationships
  • The quality of their parents’ relationship
  • The general health of the person
  • The person’s exposure to healthy marriages and relationships versus the person’s exposure to unhealthy ones
  • Personal preferences, too

If you find yourself dodging intimacy or, find yourself caring about someone who avoids being intimate with you, consider some of these things:

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Gratitude: This Single Mom Sees Wins & Rewards Everywhere– Despite Hardship

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After a very difficult few weeks– and a few still upcoming, I was pretty spent. Tired, lack of appetite and a bit quiet.

Yet, as Thanksgiving, Christmas and Hannukah and the New Year approaches, I remain pretty grateful even despite.

I didn’t find love or create as much work as I wanted to in 2019. I didn’t do as much financially as I wanted to in terms of debt management or savings.

But I did pay down quite a bit. I did make some huge strides financially. I learned a whole new skill (tap dancing and jazz). I improved my turns (ballet) and form at the barre. I wrote and found new clients and did my final pieces for former clients. I just got word from another writer about forming a long-distance writing group. I may do two recitals in 2020.

And I got closer to my child.

This past weekend, I got so many hugs from her– and I could see the results of the care I provide and protection I give for her. More often than not, I put myself aside to make things work for her. I am one person with a lot of responsibility so sometimes, I cannot do as much as I would like– but I am still one person who really cares.

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Why Men Enjoy the Chase & How to Make Him Run

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I can’t make any definitive generalizations but, many men do enjoy chasing people that they are interested in. Some because they want to have many admirers, others because they like pursuing unavailable partners, and others simply because the chase validates the interest’s worth and makes the relationship feel like a victory. If he has to work to earn his love’s interest, it will feel like a valuable relationship worth investing in.

Some people are masters of the chase. And some people are masters of “being chased” and others not.

As much as it seems game-like and perhaps high school-esque, allowing a man to chase you is a great idea. Here are 4 things you can do to make him run:

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What Its Like to Be a Reluctant Dater

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I took a break this year– about 5.5 months from dating altogether. I needed a break from the swiping, chatting and searching. It wasn’t getting me far and I wasn’t having fun. I enjoyed a nice peaceful summer at the beach and I don’t regret it.

Now, I’d like to date but I find myself reluctant on many levels and I wonder if I will ever have someone pull me out of this reluctancy.

To start, I married the wrong person– and I am reminded of this periodically even after all this time. The good news is I’m divorced. Happily. Separated almost six years and divorced almost four years.

So why still the hesitancy?

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