Month: November 2019

Walking Away & Giving Up Is Sometimes The Only Option

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Sometimes in life, you’ve got to quit the fight and battle.

When it comes to important things like, taking care of your health or paying down debts, you mustn’t quit. But when it comes to other things, walking away and giving up on a situation or person can be incredibly smart.

Consider the person who has tried for so long to make a broken marriage work.

Consider the person who is trying to get a friend sober or get the person help with other issues all with no effort being done on the part of the other party.

Consider the person who has tried so hard to make a relationship get off the ground while the other person does nothing.

In those situations, walking away and letting go and seeing what the universe has in store for you is the best thing you can do.

If you’re that person putting in all the effort into a relationship while the other person does nothing–  give up!

If you’re the person trying to get someone to get help for an addiction or problem, yet the person refuses to get treatment … give up!

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The Benefits of A Relationship Vs. Benefits of Being Single

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You want to date or you want to be alone. All of this is dependent on your perspective and current needs.

Dating someone or being single both have pro’s and cons– and it’s up to you to decide which “pros” are more desirable.

Here are the pros of being part of a couple versus being a swinging single:

Happily Coupled

1. Safe sex (usually)

Not only is the sex safe, but the sex is often reliable, enjoyable and experimental if you two so choose. When a relationship is safe and happy, often two people can really explore their desires and this is amazing. Not to mention without fear (usually) of STD’s etc. Of course, many people want a monogamous situation, and this will limit the ability to be with others.

2. Shared resources

When you’re part of a couple, you usually share mental, financial and physical resources. Two are better than one as the saying goes. You have someone to turn to and vice versa. It is very beneficial.

It does mean that you often cannot act without someone else weighing in on these resources.

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Why People Avoid Intimacy

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People avoid intimacy and relationships for many reasons. There are a lot of factors that play into this, such as:

  • The quality and history of the person’s past relationships
  • The quality of their parents’ relationship
  • The general health of the person
  • The person’s exposure to healthy marriages and relationships versus the person’s exposure to unhealthy ones
  • Personal preferences, too

If you find yourself dodging intimacy or, find yourself caring about someone who avoids being intimate with you, consider some of these things:

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Gratitude: This Single Mom Sees Wins & Rewards Everywhere– Despite Hardship

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After a very difficult few weeks– and a few still upcoming, I was pretty spent. Tired, lack of appetite and a bit quiet.

Yet, as Thanksgiving, Christmas and Hannukah and the New Year approaches, I remain pretty grateful even despite.

I didn’t find love or create as much work as I wanted to in 2019. I didn’t do as much financially as I wanted to in terms of debt management or savings.

But I did pay down quite a bit. I did make some huge strides financially. I learned a whole new skill (tap dancing and jazz). I improved my turns (ballet) and form at the barre. I wrote and found new clients and did my final pieces for former clients. I just got word from another writer about forming a long-distance writing group. I may do two recitals in 2020.

And I got closer to my child.

This past weekend, I got so many hugs from her– and I could see the results of the care I provide and protection I give for her. More often than not, I put myself aside to make things work for her. I am one person with a lot of responsibility so sometimes, I cannot do as much as I would like– but I am still one person who really cares.

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Why Men Enjoy the Chase & How to Make Him Run

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I can’t make any definitive generalizations but, many men do enjoy chasing people that they are interested in. Some because they want to have many admirers, others because they like pursuing unavailable partners, and others simply because the chase validates the interest’s worth and makes the relationship feel like a victory. If he has to work to earn his love’s interest, it will feel like a valuable relationship worth investing in.

Some people are masters of the chase. And some people are masters of “being chased” and others not.

As much as it seems game-like and perhaps high school-esque, allowing a man to chase you is a great idea. Here are 4 things you can do to make him run:

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What Its Like to Be a Reluctant Dater

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I took a break this year– about 5.5 months from dating altogether. I needed a break from the swiping, chatting and searching. It wasn’t getting me far and I wasn’t having fun. I enjoyed a nice peaceful summer at the beach and I don’t regret it.

Now, I’d like to date but I find myself reluctant on many levels and I wonder if I will ever have someone pull me out of this reluctancy.

To start, I married the wrong person– and I am reminded of this periodically even after all this time. The good news is I’m divorced. Happily. Separated almost six years and divorced almost four years.

So why still the hesitancy?

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What It’s Really Like to Accept Something You Can’t Change

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One of the hardest things to accept is being unable to change something or someone that you care about. Of course, we’re all supposed to love someone as he or she is– but, there are times when we want a partner to change an unhealthy habit, get help or do something for us or our relationship. But as much as you may want this change, your partner or love interest may not. This is heartbreaking.

Consider this:

  • The partner with a bad drug habit
  • The partner with an untreated mental health disease
  • The partner who won’t commit or move forward
  • The partner who wants a divorce when we don’t

Sometimes, there are situations we want to change, not people, but we cannot.

Like:

  • Working conditions
  • Our health
  • Financial matters

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6 Things You Must Do to Be a Good Partner

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It doesn’t matter if you’re young or old, gay or straight or bi or any other orientation. It doesn’t matter if you are never married, married twice or newly divorced.

If you want to get love from someone, you have to give back of yourself.

Relationships shouldn’t be one-sided; they are reciprocal arrangements where both people get to exist happily according to each other’s various needs.

These are the 6 key things you must have and give to be a good partner.

Let’s get started:

1. Must be giving: you cannot take constantly or be selfish. However, in each relationship there are times where one person can be more selfish than the other and vice versa. This is “okay” as long as it is balanced in the long run and both parties feel validated.

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The Recipe for a Great Relationship

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The recipe of a good partner is a mix of connection, chemistry, dedication and direction.

Connection— the feeling of closeness, comfort and unity.

Chemistry– the feeling of passion and desire.

Dedication– the act of continuous care, collaboration and work.

Direction– is the act of taking your connection, chemistry and dedication for each other forward.

Without a good dose of all of these ingredients combined, your relationship will lack.

Can you imagine a partner with chemistry but has no dedication or direction? What about a partner that has dedication with no chemistry?

To really have love take off, you need the right mix, but which ingredient is more important than the other?

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6 Ways to Tell If Your Partner Thinks You’re Replaceable

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Have you ever felt like your partner– male or female, gay or straight or otherwise– would be ok replacing you at any minute?

Have you ever felt like you weren’t significant to this person or perhaps, like he or she always has eyes open for other candidates?

It’s not a great feeling.

I’ve heard many friends and loved ones tell me how they feel as if their partner wasn’t really committed all the way. In some cases, it was paranoia. In other cases, their partner wasn’t really committed.

Here are 6 ways to tell if your partner thinks you’re replaceable … or not.

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