Why People Avoid Intimacy

People avoid intimacy and relationships for many reasons. There are a lot of factors that play into this, such as:

  • The quality and history of the person’s past relationships
  • The quality of their parents’ relationship
  • The general health of the person
  • The person’s exposure to healthy marriages and relationships versus the person’s exposure to unhealthy ones
  • Personal preferences, too

If you find yourself dodging intimacy or, find yourself caring about someone who avoids being intimate with you, consider some of these things:

1. Some people avoid intimacy in order to have sex with many people

Monogamy is work and some people avoid work at all costs. For some people monogamy gives them the freedom to experiment in a safe situation. For others, it feels less intriguing. Some people don’t care about the risks emotionally and physically when being with many other people. They think solely based on the pleasure aspects and nothing else.

2. Some people fear getting lost in intimacy OR fear being controlled based on past bad relationships

If you or an interest of yours is avoiding intimacy, it may be due to a fear of getting lost in the other person or perhaps, feeling controlled.

Healthy intimacy is NOT controlling or engulfment.

Healthy intimacy means being close together but also being strong individual beings apart.

Some people have never had this though and therefore, fear the worst. They don’t want to lose their identities by belonging to a couple even though a good relationship would never allow that to happen. I don’t want someone to be my robotic partner. I want an individual.

3. Some people have seen too many relationships destruct and therefore assume that being involved with others will end in destruction

When someone is exposed to numerous bad or miserable relationships, he or she may start to assume that relationships can only end in misery.

4. Some people may want time to themselves 

Others may just need time to regroup or think about their goals before diving into something.

This person may just have a lot going on in his or her minds.  This person may be taking a breather  to recoup and think.

They may not want to get involved and risk getting hurt.


Intimacy is a great thing but it also comes with responsibilities to the other person. That is why it is not something to enter into lightly.

Be Well,


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