If you want a great sexual relationship with someone, you’ve got to agree on 4 different things:
- Frequency– how often you do it
- Type–is it kinky always, sometimes or never? is it romantic sometimes, always or never?
- Communication– do you want to discuss and push the envelope or share feelings, or do you like to keep it basic?
- Intensity– do you want it deep and long or short all the time?
It’s not like you need to have an academic discussion with your partner on the matter, but generally, couples who are sexually healthy and happy have similar bedroom styles in terms of type of sex, frequency, intensity and how they communicate during, before and after sex. And in many –I’d say most couples, one or both parties is willing to compromise on perhaps the frequency or type now and then. This is what makes the relationship work out well.
If you’re having troubles with your partner sexually, ask yourself the following things:
- Is one of us unhappy with the amount of times we have sex? Why? When does our partner ask us for sex? Is there something triggering us to want it less or more? How are our partner’s or our own needs being met outside of the bedroom?
- Is one of us bored or, feeling overwhelmed with the types of sex our partner wants? Are we giving our partner or are we getting enough time to adjust to new styles? Is the pacing right? Are we both being respected?
- How often are we talking about these issues? Are we both being honest?
- Do we feel sex is too rushed? Is he forgetting foreplay and jumping right to oral? Is she expecting it to last for hours when we don’t have enough free time for the build-up?
- Are there other matters that are affecting our sex life? Health issues? Body issues?
- Are his/her fantasies over my head? Are both partners willing to try these fantasies out? Are both parties sharing what they really need?
- How often is one or both of you rejecting each other sexually and why?
Sex is the best part of the relationship, or one of the best. Friendship is nice too, but sex counts a lot. Talking to your partner and being open may help address any issues you two have going on.
Make The Most of the Bedroom This Fall & Winter,