What Its Like to Be a Reluctant Dater

I took a break this year– about 5.5 months from dating altogether. I needed a break from the swiping, chatting and searching. It wasn’t getting me far and I wasn’t having fun. I enjoyed a nice peaceful summer at the beach and I don’t regret it.

Now, I’d like to date but I find myself reluctant on many levels and I wonder if I will ever have someone pull me out of this reluctancy.

To start, I married the wrong person– and I am reminded of this periodically even after all this time. The good news is I’m divorced. Happily. Separated almost six years and divorced almost four years.

So why still the hesitancy?

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What It’s Really Like to Accept Something You Can’t Change

One of the hardest things to accept is being unable to change something or someone that you care about. Of course, we’re all supposed to love someone as he or she is– but, there are times when we want a partner to change an unhealthy habit, get help or do something for us or our relationship. But as much as you may want this change, your partner or love interest may not. This is heartbreaking.

Consider this:

  • The partner with a bad drug habit
  • The partner with an untreated mental health disease
  • The partner who won’t commit or move forward
  • The partner who wants a divorce when we don’t

Sometimes, there are situations we want to change, not people, but we cannot.

Like:

  • Working conditions
  • Our health
  • Financial matters

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6 Things You Must Do to Be a Good Partner

It doesn’t matter if you’re young or old, gay or straight or bi or any other orientation. It doesn’t matter if you are never married, married twice or newly divorced.

If you want to get love from someone, you have to give back of yourself.

Relationships shouldn’t be one-sided; they are reciprocal arrangements where both people get to exist happily according to each other’s various needs.

These are the 6 key things you must have and give to be a good partner.

Let’s get started:

1. Must be giving: you cannot take constantly or be selfish. However, in each relationship there are times where one person can be more selfish than the other and vice versa. This is “okay” as long as it is balanced in the long run and both parties feel validated.

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The Recipe for a Great Relationship

The recipe of a good partner is a mix of connection, chemistry, dedication and direction.

Connection— the feeling of closeness, comfort and unity.

Chemistry– the feeling of passion and desire.

Dedication– the act of continuous care, collaboration and work.

Direction– is the act of taking your connection, chemistry and dedication for each other forward.

Without a good dose of all of these ingredients combined, your relationship will lack.

Can you imagine a partner with chemistry but has no dedication or direction? What about a partner that has dedication with no chemistry?

To really have love take off, you need the right mix, but which ingredient is more important than the other?

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6 Ways to Tell If Your Partner Thinks You’re Replaceable

Have you ever felt like your partner– male or female, gay or straight or otherwise– would be ok replacing you at any minute?

Have you ever felt like you weren’t significant to this person or perhaps, like he or she always has eyes open for other candidates?

It’s not a great feeling.

I’ve heard many friends and loved ones tell me how they feel as if their partner wasn’t really committed all the way. In some cases, it was paranoia. In other cases, their partner wasn’t really committed.

Here are 6 ways to tell if your partner thinks you’re replaceable … or not.

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Life Tip: Women Want to Hear How You Feel

Men ask me for advice rather frequently about the ladies. And one of the biggest things I always say is to tell her how you feel.
Every woman and person is different, but there are quite a few of us who really love to get that verbal affirmation from our partner. If you’ve ever looked into the 5 love languages, then you know what I mean. If you haven’t– verbal affirmation is a love style; people who have this preference enjoy hearing their partners express their feelings, getting praise or  hearing expressions of love from their mates.

For me, this is one of my strong love styles.

So, if you are a man who can’t or won’t express how he feels and you meet a woman who needs this, you are in deep, deep poop.

Here is why:

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Are You Happy or Just Settling?

Have you done a recent check on your relationship and how it’s going? Are you feeling like perhaps your relationship is missing something or like you’re missing something?

Does it feel like you’re truly loved in the way you need to be loved?

If you’re struggling and unsure if you are really demanding the best of others or, taking whatever you can get– use  these tips to get some clarity.

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If You’re Feeling Defeated in Love or Life, Read This

There is no worse feeling than defeat. That feeling when you have tried really hard to be your best you, repair a relationship family or romantic, reach a goal or what have you, and you failed.

Failure is devastating but to me, defeat is worse. Failure at least implies courage and an attempt made.

Defeat is pure loss.

It’s the relationship that didn’t work out. The dream that died. The reparations not repaired. The goal not reached.

When you feel defeated, how do you get back up again and believe in yourself when it feels impossible?

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How to Tell If You Are Really Valued or, Taken for Granted

There is a clear difference between people who value you and people who take you for granted, yet sometimes when we are vulnerable, not confident or naive, we miss these clear signs.

A lot of the time, I see women and men being taken for granted when they are already in a vulnerable state and can’t see the writing on the wall until it’s too late.

To prevent anyone from getting hurt, I’ve made a little quick ‘Go-to Guide’ to help you see clearly.  Maybe I can prevent a few heartaches.

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5 Things to Do for a Partner Who Has Been Through Trauma

If you have been in a traumatic situation and are struggling to recover, rest assured: you are not the only person to have experienced this.

Trauma could be anything:

  • an accident
  • abuse
  • mugging
  • disastrous storm or natural event
  • rape
  • losing a loved one

Whatever the case, after enduring something traumatic, it can be hard without the right support. So, if you have a partner you love and are watching them struggle through something like this, here are 5 key things you can do to help your partner out.

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