11 Things I Learned About Life & Love in 2019

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Photo by Amy Shamblen on Unsplash

There is only one week left in 2019, and what a year it has been! It ended a little crazy– but also, with many things to look forward to. Simply put, if you can’t take lessons from your year then what good is it to celebrate a new one?

Here are 11 things I learned in 2019– and will never forget.

Standing up for yourself is never a bad thing

It’s not always easy to speak out when someone does something wrong, but it is necessary.

As a mom, I am a role model for my kid. If I allow bad treatment to happen or sit back and do nothing when I could make a positive difference, that’s not setting the right tone.

Breathe–your journey is not going to be the same as others

Your timeline will be very unique from everyone else’s. Even when it seems like everyone else on the planet has done something or hit a life goal in the same linear fashion, and you haven”t.

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Will You Be Remembered as a Good Person?

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“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”– Maya Angelou

On a daily basis, we do “things.” Some of these things are mistakes or bad choices. Some of these things are good choices and decisions. We interact with so many people on a daily basis, leaving powerful impressions behind on each person we speak to or even just look at!

How are we making these people feel? Are we leaving impressions of goodness or are we leaving them feeling annoyed, angry, hurt or disgusted?

And on a greater scale–when our time on this planet is done, how will you have left the people you loved behind? Will you have left them with good, positive feelings? Will you have left them remembering all the negative ways you made them feel? Will they remember you as a loving person who made them feel cared for?

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Is She Worthless to You or Worthwhile?

 

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Photo by Natalie Breeze on Unsplash

Okay gentlemen and ladies– or anyone dating or caring for a woman– let’s be real:

Do you make her feel worthy or worthless?

Do you even know?

I had a friend whose partner was so abusive and controlling, she couldn’t see it. My mom and I tried to point it out, but it was impossible. She didn’t get it. Even with both of us pointing out the obvious, it went over her head.

Sure, he bought her gifts. Sure, he was “there” for her. But he was also, controlling and insulting.

Same with another friend. Her ex was stalking her when angry. He was “great” the rest of the time she said.

And hey, I had an ex who was nice and calm when he was nice, and then when he wasn’t, he would insult me and tell me I was only good because I was hot. That no one would want me for anything but my body.

So, were these men treating my friends or myself as worthy or worthless?

To me, worthless! It didn’t matter if they were nice sometimes. The fact was, they weren’t nice and kind all the time.

Here are signs you’re making her feel worthless– letting her flower wilt VS worthwhile– helping her bloom:

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When Nothing Gets Easier & Everything Gets Harder, Even The Strong Need Support

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Photo by Ian Stauffer on Unsplash

One of the hardest things about being the youngest of four kids with a large age gap between me and the other 3 kids, is that my parents are older and unable to support me and be there for me in the way I wish they could. I understand why they can’t though, especially with my mom’s health issues, but it is still hard. They root for me on the sidelines, but because they are dealing with a lot– I cannot at their age ask for too much. In fact, I try to give instead of take when it comes to them. They paid their dues in their eighties to be helped instead of burdened.

Still, it makes it really challenging– especially when going through a very hard situation knowing that they can’t physically be there for me.

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Feeling Left Out & Alone From the Fa-La-La’s: Holiday Blues

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I have a lot of friends– most of which I would say are good, close friends, but it is hard for me to not feel a bit lonely amongst all the holiday cheer. Perhaps it’s that my family members have grown and gone many different ways. Some of which are not well and able to celebrate very much. Perhaps it’s being single for so long. Perhaps it’s living in a town where everyone is so closely knit and I am still relatively new. Perhaps it’s that some of the old traditions we have I couldn’t afford to do OR, that my kid was sick and we missed out on two festive things.

Or maybe it’s just me. Maybe not.

What do you do when you feel like the holiday cheer is so loud and you are lost amongst it? It is hard to not feel disappointed and sad because the most wonderful time of the year really can be so wonderful. Why wouldn’t you want to enjoy?

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8 Ways to Say I Love You Without Really Saying It

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Saying “I love you” is certainly important and meaningful, but there are many ways to say those 3 words without really saying them. And why wouldn’t someone want to just say “I love you?”

There are many reasons:

  • It’s boring to just use the words constantly without backing them up with actions!
  • Someone might not be ready to say those words– and therefore, would rather show love instead of make a declaration.
  • Someone could love you but not really realize it yet.

Truly, showing someone you love them is the most important thing of all– above and beyond those 3 little words.

Here are ways you can show someone love, without having to speak a word.

Eliminating or Assisting With a Burden

Helping someone with work or a task that stresses the person out is a great way to show love.

Caring When You’re Sick

Got a sick partner or love interest? Caring or helping the person in some way is an act of love.

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6 Ways to Hide You’re Hurting When You Can’t Be Real

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Photo by Sami Hobbs on Unsplash

It’s not easy keeping it together if you are feeling depressed or going through some serious life stuff. A biggest part of the challenge is hiding it.

Sure, maybe you have people you can come clean with, but for the most part, adult life is going through the motions without showing the “emotions”– unless you trust someone and let your guard down. I’m not saying you should fake it and not get help. If you are depressed, you should get help. But what I am saying, is sometimes you have to keep it together when you’re out in public or in a situation that demands privacy.

Here are some tips for keeping cool when really, you need a hug and a break.

1. Steer conversations towards other people

Avoid questions and have the person talk about him or herself. Most people like to do that!

2. Take time outs

Take a mental health day. Go for a walk. Hide out for a while and work in a different location in the office.

3. Say, “I’d rather not…”

Discuss it. When people ask if you are upset, you can decline talking– and find someone you trust to vent to.

4. Take a drive and cry

If your kids can’t see you cry or you just need to let it out, blast some music and cry a bit. Just watch the road.

5. Can say you’re fine

Not ready to talk to someone about your hurt feelings? Say you’re fine and wait for a time when you’re more composed.

6. Exercise, meditate or dance

Move. Move and mooove. Put your sadness or stress into the motions.

 

Chin up– hang tight– and hope for the best,

Laura

 

 

6 Best Traits Every Man Should Have

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Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

Not all men are equal. Well, okay– we are all equal as humans, but not all men are super awesome as the rest. Hey, like I tell myself– someone will always be funnier, smarter, prettier than you– but that doesn’t mean you’re not funny, smart or pretty!

But there are certain traits that set other men above the pack and let them shine as stellar examples. Nice pecs help, too, but I’m talking about character and personality.

Does your love interest or man have these 6  traits?

Integrity & Honor

He stands by his word. He doesn’t lie and he will tell the truth, even if it sucks.

He puts his name on everything and everyone he touches– in a positive way.

He does not half-a*s stuff. He puts in an amazing amount of effort.

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12 Days of Christmas, Single Mom Style

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Photo by Ira Ostafijchuk on Unsplash

I tend to listen to holiday music ad nausem because I miss singing in choir; this season always reminds me of numerous years of concerts I either sang or sang and played an instrument in over the years. But, as I “race” to get stuff done– and try to remember hiding the elves for my daughter, and oh can’t forget Hanukkah too, it all blurs by. This is when I wish I had four hands instead of two, but part of being a single mom is learning how to be more than one person. Guess what? I still haven’t quite learned because it’s just not possible.

It had me making up my own little 12 days of Christmas song– if only.

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5 Reasons He/She REALLY Doesn’t Want a Relationship

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Photo by Tyler Lastovich on Unsplash

You’ve spent a lot of time wondering why he/she is so flaky or unavailable. You seem to have a good time with the person, but then he or she is nowhere to be found. The person ghosts you for a while, and then pops back up. Or, you can’t get any consistency from the person. Dates are good, but they come and go. You wonder to yourself “WTF is wrong with this person,” when you get the “I don’t want a relationship” line that we all know is total bullsh*t for the most part.

Here are 5 reasons your love interest really doesn’t want a relationship.

Brace yourself. The harsh truth is coming.

1. He/She Doesn’t Care About You

Their options and freedom is more important. They like the idea of having many options available to them and you aren’t special.

Yup– you aren’t special and you mean squat to that person.

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