Month: December 2019

11 Things I Learned About Life & Love in 2019

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Photo by Amy Shamblen on Unsplash

There is only one week left in 2019, and what a year it has been! It ended a little crazy– but also, with many things to look forward to. Simply put, if you can’t take lessons from your year then what good is it to celebrate a new one?

Here are 11 things I learned in 2019– and will never forget.

Standing up for yourself is never a bad thing

It’s not always easy to speak out when someone does something wrong, but it is necessary.

As a mom, I am a role model for my kid. If I allow bad treatment to happen or sit back and do nothing when I could make a positive difference, that’s not setting the right tone.

Breathe–your journey is not going to be the same as others

Your timeline will be very unique from everyone else’s. Even when it seems like everyone else on the planet has done something or hit a life goal in the same linear fashion, and you haven”t.

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6 Things to Consider Before Moving

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Photo by Erda Estremera on Unsplash

Making a move can be very scary. It can be hard to make the change, especially if you thought your current home would be a forever place or circumstances like divorce, breaking up or a job change force you into a move.

And if you’re on the fence about a move and mulling it over, pulling the trigger can also be hard. Here are some things to consider when debating to move … or not.

Will it Further Your Career in a Significant Way?

If moving will elevate you to the next level, do it! These opportunities only come around once in a lifetime.  You may not have the same opportunity again.

This is especially key if it will lift your salary in a big way.

Will it Help You Heal?

If you move, will you heal a divorce or break-up?

Or will you be just as sad or hurting if you leave?

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7 Annoying, Creepy or Rude Online Dating Behaviors

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Photo by Yogas Design on Unsplash

For a good chunk of the year, I decided to skip online dating and take a break from all of it.

As the tail end of the year arrived, I figured I might give dating a try again. Why not? So, in that whole process, I signed up for a few different apps.

My god. How is it that I have selective amnesia, forgetting how hideously awful and also, slightly humorous and scary this whole beast is?

Here are some of the most consistent and crappy findings I’ve noticed online. If you are doing these things or behaving this way, please stop. No one thinks you’re cute. Really.

Using Random Photos Without Your Human Face in ANY of Them

Literally, landscapes are beautiful but unless you’re a mountain, I believe your profile photo should be one of a human. Preferably of you– not someone else.

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Will You Be Remembered as a Good Person?

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“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”– Maya Angelou

On a daily basis, we do “things.” Some of these things are mistakes or bad choices. Some of these things are good choices and decisions. We interact with so many people on a daily basis, leaving powerful impressions behind on each person we speak to or even just look at!

How are we making these people feel? Are we leaving impressions of goodness or are we leaving them feeling annoyed, angry, hurt or disgusted?

And on a greater scale–when our time on this planet is done, how will you have left the people you loved behind? Will you have left them with good, positive feelings? Will you have left them remembering all the negative ways you made them feel? Will they remember you as a loving person who made them feel cared for?

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Emotionally Unavailable Men & Women Are Just Like Gated Bridges & Stop Signs

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He wants his freedom. He is not available to date you.

She doesn’t want a relationship. She only wants to see you sometimes  when it’s convenient.

These “freedom lovers” view you as someone holding him or her back. These bachelors don’t want someone to get in the way of his or her agenda.

They want to do what they want– when they want!

They want to be free to date many people and never commit.

Or, just sleep around and dodge intimate pillow talk.

You– wanting and loving you– are in the way of that freedom. Your desire to feel needed, appreciated and close is a noose on this person’s neck.

This is what it’s like with emotionally unavailable partners. And if sex is involved well,  sex is fine, but not commitment. Sex is fine,  but not intimacy. (I repeated for a reason).

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Is She Worthless to You or Worthwhile?

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Photo by Natalie Breeze on Unsplash

Okay gentlemen and ladies– or anyone dating or caring for a woman– let’s be real:

Do you make her feel worthy or worthless?

Do you even know?

I had a friend whose partner was so abusive and controlling, she couldn’t see it. My mom and I tried to point it out, but it was impossible. She didn’t get it. Even with both of us pointing out the obvious, it went over her head.

Sure, he bought her gifts. Sure, he was “there” for her. But he was also, controlling and insulting.

Same with another friend. Her ex was stalking her when angry. He was “great” the rest of the time she said.

And hey, I had an ex who was nice and calm when he was nice, and then when he wasn’t, he would insult me and tell me I was only good because I was hot. That no one would want me for anything but my body.

So, were these men treating my friends or myself as worthy or worthless?

To me, worthless! It didn’t matter if they were nice sometimes. The fact was, they weren’t nice and kind all the time.

Here are signs you’re making her feel worthless– letting her flower wilt VS worthwhile– helping her bloom:

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When Nothing Gets Easier & Everything Gets Harder, Even The Strong Need Support

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Photo by Ian Stauffer on Unsplash

One of the hardest things about being the youngest of four kids with a large age gap between me and the other 3 kids, is that my parents are older and unable to support me and be there for me in the way I wish they could. I understand why they can’t though, especially with my mom’s health issues, but it is still hard. They root for me on the sidelines, but because they are dealing with a lot– I cannot at their age ask for too much. In fact, I try to give instead of take when it comes to them. They paid their dues in their eighties to be helped instead of burdened.

Still, it makes it really challenging– especially when going through a very hard situation knowing that they can’t physically be there for me.

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Is Your Love Interest or Partner More Than “Friends” With Someone Else?

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He says they’re “just friends.” She says they dated “ages ago,” but are now friends.

Okay– these statements can be totally true. I’ve stayed friends with people I have dated. I have friends of both sexes and all sorts of orientations. I mean, a lot of people have friends outside of their romantic relationship- without any sort of physical attraction or desire for these friends.

However,  sometimes, a friend may be more than a friend. Just consider the tale rapped by the great Biz Markie. On occasion, you may be wondering how truly friendly your love interest or partner is with someone. You’ve had doubts and despite the “just friend” response, you feel uneasy. Is the person being honest?

Here are some things to consider if you find yourself questioning if your love interest, partner or spouse might be more than friends with someone:

How committed is this person to you?

Is he or she a loving spouse or partner? Is he or she a very available and attentive love interest?

If the person is attentive, loving and available, your fears are probably not founded. Just paranoia.

If the person is not very attentive, loving or available, then you might have a problem.

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Feeling Left Out & Alone From the Fa-La-La’s: Holiday Blues

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I have a lot of friends– most of which I would say are good, close friends, but it is hard for me to not feel a bit lonely amongst all the holiday cheer. Perhaps it’s that my family members have grown and gone many different ways. Some of which are not well and able to celebrate very much. Perhaps it’s being single for so long. Perhaps it’s living in a town where everyone is so closely knit and I am still relatively new. Perhaps it’s that some of the old traditions we have I couldn’t afford to do OR, that my kid was sick and we missed out on two festive things.

Or maybe it’s just me. Maybe not.

What do you do when you feel like the holiday cheer is so loud and you are lost amongst it? It is hard to not feel disappointed and sad because the most wonderful time of the year really can be so wonderful. Why wouldn’t you want to enjoy?

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8 Ways to Say I Love You Without Really Saying It

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Saying “I love you” is certainly important and meaningful, but there are many ways to say those 3 words without really saying them. And why wouldn’t someone want to just say “I love you?”

There are many reasons:

  • It’s boring to just use the words constantly without backing them up with actions!
  • Someone might not be ready to say those words– and therefore, would rather show love instead of make a declaration.
  • Someone could love you but not really realize it yet.

Truly, showing someone you love them is the most important thing of all– above and beyond those 3 little words.

Here are ways you can show someone love, without having to speak a word.

Eliminating or Assisting With a Burden

Helping someone with work or a task that stresses the person out is a great way to show love.

Caring When You’re Sick

Got a sick partner or love interest? Caring or helping the person in some way is an act of love.

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