Do You Want a Relationship Built on Sex or Intimacy?

jonathan-borba-JDBCtEh5x9Y-unsplash.jpgPhoto by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

What does it mean to build a relationship towards intimacy versus what it means to build a relationship of sex?

It really depends on what you want. If you value the person and desire closeness, intimacy is the path you’d like to take.

If you just find the person attractive and don’t want to be close to them other than for carnal needs, sex is the path you’d like to take.

There are some easy key differences between these two paths, so let’s dive in and discuss them, as well as discuss which path is better.

While sex is intimate and part of intimacy, taking your relationship down the path of sex does not guarantee closeness. And while taking your relationship down the path of intimacy includes sex, it does includes closeness.

One path builds continuously and evolves, while the other path is limited and steady.

A relationship built on sex means:

  • You don’t need to be close other than physically. You don’t need to know much else about the person.
  • If you are close to the person, it’s still limited emotionally. Neither of you want the other party too involved in each other’s daily lives.
  • Your time, efforts and attention to this person are restricted to the bedroom, basically. You don’t make plans or dates typically and if you do, they revolve usually  around sex and do not ever include people or hobbies from either of your lives.
  • You both have little expectations of each other and are very cool and flexible about seeing each other.
  • You two don’t share a lot of intimate and personal life details. You don’t talk often but rather, in spurts to plan “meet-ups.”
  • You sometimes see each other steadily and other times, not at all.
  • You guys will sometimes discuss dates and other people with each other like friends.
  • You like having a lot of space between each other and generally, have periods where you don’t feel like seeing the person
  • There are little risks to the situation emotionally as long as no one catches feelings.
  • There is no commitment and if there is, it’s just to be sexually safe and upfront with each other

A relationship built on intimacy means:

  • You need and want to be close both emotionally and physically. You desire more information about the person.
  • You are careful regarding each other’s feelings and you want to be involved in each other’s daily lives.
  • You have expectations that build over time and you both communicate these feelings to each other.
  • You like having little space between each other, minus occasional needs for private time and self-care
  • There is a commitment or, a growing commitment or build up between the two of you.
  • There are risks to the situation emotionally, as both people are growing closer to the other.
  • You enjoy seeing each other as steadily as possible.
  • Your bedroom life together is varied and rich– and also emotional in many aspects.

So… which path is better?

Good question! There is no right or wrong answer. Ultimately, it depends what you’re looking for. So, before you get in bed with the person, consider these things:

  1. Do I want to develop something that could be long-term with this person? If yes, you want to work towards intimacy.
  2. Do I not see a future with this person, but think they’re fun to be around? If yes, work towards sex.
  3. What do I want a year from now? If love and closeness, work towards intimacy OR if you’re not ready for that, be sure to steer clear of sex and go slowly so as to have that intimacy in the future.

Basically, it’s up to you to decide what you need and want with a potential candidate.

May the Force Be With You,



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