Is He Using His Job as a Coping Method?

alejandro-escamilla-LF8gK8-HGSg-unsplash.jpgPhoto by Alejandro Escamilla on Unsplash

One of the things my friends have been commenting to me lately is that the men they love tend to bury themselves in their work.

Consider that phrase- bury themselves.

Literally, suffocate themselves and their feelings by giving themselves so much work that they’re not accessible to handle their relationships or other issues of the heart. They’re not around. They’re present, but absent.

As someone whose dad worked constantly, I could relate to their feelings.

When men are depressed, anxious or any other kind of troubling emotion, they “seem” to dive into their jobs, isolating themselves from others.

Society jokes about the “man-cave” and of course the newly minted, “she-shed,” but work can be a safe place for men to dive in and ignore their feelings. This really interesting article in Psychology Today talks about the ways in which men manage their emotions.

Typically, men compartmentalize and shut out their feelings at work. So, it’s not unusual to me when people start commenting that their husbands are working too much, or that their partners are coming home late, only to find that the man in consideration is struggling with his feelings.

So, if you start to notice these signs, it’s possible that your favorite man is burying his feelings at the office or place of work.

Keeping Later and Later Hours

Yes, people worry about affairs when their partners start to work insane hours. I admit, I have considered this about partners in the past.

And while it may be the sad case, in other situations, the man is simply avoiding his problems by getting so deep into his work that he can’t possibly think about anything else.

Working at Home– More Than Usual

Is he working even when he’s home– more than he normally he does?

He may have a big deadline due, sure or, he may be avoiding a discussion with you or other obligations.

Eating Poorly & Exercising Less

Is he eating too much or too little? Is he gorging on unhealthy foods and skipping his normal workout routine? Does he claim it’s all work-related, but you suspect he may be depressed?

Lacking Focus

Does your partner seem scattered or in general, not as available when speaking to you?

In & Out in a Flash

Does he seem hellbent on rushing back to work and suddenly, missing events that were once important to him before?

These are just some signs that your man is avoiding his emotions and diving into work as a way to cope. If you feel he is truly doing this, start with a conversation and see how he responds.

Good Luck,




One thought on “Is He Using His Job as a Coping Method?

  1. AD says:

    Good post… To your point, a deadline might be due sometime that requires longer hours at work. However, that shouldn’t ever be the norm and when it is, it’s usually because the guy is going out of his way to avoid something at home, whether that be the kids or his wife.

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