He says they’re “just friends.” She says they dated “ages ago,” but are now friends.
Okay– these statements can be totally true. I’ve stayed friends with people I have dated. I have friends of both sexes and all sorts of orientations. I mean, a lot of people have friends outside of their romantic relationship- without any sort of physical attraction or desire for these friends.
However, sometimes, a friend may be more than a friend. Just consider the tale rapped by the great Biz Markie. On occasion, you may be wondering how truly friendly your love interest or partner is with someone. You’ve had doubts and despite the “just friend” response, you feel uneasy. Is the person being honest?
Here are some things to consider if you find yourself questioning if your love interest, partner or spouse might be more than friends with someone:
How committed is this person to you?
Is he or she a loving spouse or partner? Is he or she a very available and attentive love interest?
If the person is attentive, loving and available, your fears are probably not founded. Just paranoia.
If the person is not very attentive, loving or available, then you might have a problem.
Does your love interest/partner or spouse bring you around this “friend?”
If the friendship exists when you’re not around–meeting the friend without you, private texts or FB messages or phone calls out of earshot– you have a good reason to be suspicious.
If the friendship is public and you know this person as well, I would think you are being paranoid.
Does your love interest/partner or spouse spend more time with this person than you?
If yes, there’s a problem. A BIG problem! I’d be incredibly suspicious. And also, having a talk with my partner.
If no, than that’s a good thing.
Is your love open with you and reassuring? Do you both trust each other?
If you can say yes to all of those questions, maybe you’re just having a bad day, feeling insecure or being paranoid.
We all have our down moments and moods. It could be that you’re just not feeling very happy or secure with yourself. It could be that your relationship has hit a low or you’re not sure if your love interest really likes you … these things could be fueling your fears.
If your love isn’t open, reassuring and trustworthy, then it’s possible that you’ve got an issue.
Sometimes, we all feel vulnerable, anxious and unsure of ourselves and our relationships with others. The point is to not let it get to you. If there is a real issue though, then you need to reevaluate if this person is worth your love.