What to Do When Someone Won’t Commit


Photo by Nadia Jamnik on Unsplash

The other day, a friend was asking me for advice. He wanted to know what to do next.

Yup, male friends often turn to their female friends in these situations.

Someone he had been seeing and dating for a while had told him she didn’t want to further the relationship. They were really close and things were clicking … but then she said that while she really liked him, she wanted to be alone and stay away from committing or getting involved with him. He, heartbroken and looking to me for some solace, wants to be with her and told her he would be patient, but realized that there was nothing left he could do. He had tried so hard and was really great to her, but her position was firm: she wanted to be selfish at this point in her life, and as great as he is– it didn’t matter to her, sadly.  He knew the only thing he could do would be to move forward.

“What next?” he said.

The answer I told him isn’t clear-cut. Everyone’s journey is different, but if this is you– dealing with a break-up or heartache or situation where someone hurt you very badly, you can try these things. I know it helped me a lot when I realized my marriage was over.

Take some time to yourself

Walking, reading, or taking car rides. Writing in a journal. Working on a project, like a car remodeling or home improvement project. All of these types of things will keep you busy and distracted.

Make some fun plans

If you’re feeling up to it, make some fun plans to see friends or some casual dates. Maybe go online and look for meetups or a partner to go to movies, the beach or concerts together. Get together with your boys for drinks, to shoot pool or maybe jam out. See your girlfriends for a weekend getaway.

Realize it’s them and not you (if it is)

In my friend’s case, it was her that was the root of the issue, not him. Eventually, she will realize she was stupid to lose him but who knows when. He was doing all he could to be patient and understanding, but she was not willing to give the relationship a real chance.

If this is a similar situation to yours, realize it’s the other person’s issue and not yours.

Talk about it

Find some good friends and talk it out until you feel better.

OR …

Avoid discussing it for a while

Maybe you just need to get that person off your mind for a bit. Avoiding rehashing it all could help.

Give other partners a chance

If your relationship wasn’t long or serious, go out with others! You never know. You may find someone who is giving and loving. Everyone deserves a partner who will not be selfish and who will be available.

Let yourself cry or be sad

This is normal. It’s okay to be angry, disappointed and sad.

Be prepared that this person may not be honest

Maybe this partner is seeing other people. Maybe this former girlfriend was stringing you along for someone better. In that case, it’s also not your fault– it’s the other person’s.

Binge in easy happy things

Eat some candy. Watch some cheesy TV. Color. Play some touch football. Go surf. Do things that bring you easy joy.

Exercise to release stress

However you like to move– playing sports, dancing or working out– do it! It will help release stress.

Lots of LOVE!






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