The Rules of Intimacy


Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

The rules of intimacy are simple and genuine. They’re not as complex as love is. Love is a feeling and feelings are often complicated– but complicated doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Love can be intricately and wonderfully complex.

Intimacy however at its core, is simple.

To really have intimacy though, you must honor that person and that intimacy!

You can’t take that person for granted. You can’t be full of hot air. You must be genuine and available.

The 8 rules of intimacy:

Be available & present

Emotional unavailability is absolutely not ok! It breaks intimacy down and hurts and isolates the parties.

Be available. Be present. Put your phone done. Put your “reactions” away. Listen first. Then respond.

But be available. Show up.

Be honest

This doesn’t mean cutthroat commentary at every minute. It means being honest with yourself and your partner about your needs and wants. When you are dishonest, you trash intimacy– whether you’re being dishonest with yourself or your partner, or both of you.

Be supportive

Your partner’s journey is not yours. Yours is not his/hers.

Help this person be who he or she needs to be. Honor them by being supportive.

Be loving

Understand that in order to have viable intimacy, you must be loving and not judgmental. Offer care and thoughtful commentary– not constant  critique.

Be mindful

Your intimate life with your partner is a garden. If you do not pay attention, it will grow weeds and die.

Be mindful of who you are in the space of your relationship.

Be growth driven, too

Work on yourself. We are all works in progress. Work on your character, your goals, your presence. Be mindful of who you are becoming! Care to your own section of that garden.

Be vocal/ active

However you love, love. Your intimate life depends on actions. Positive small actions. Verbally or visually or however you can– express your love.

Do not be silent– you will be damned if you are!

Be appreciative

Your partner doesn’t have to be with you. She doesn’t need to spend time with you. He doesn’t have to show up.

Appreciate what you have. Stop looking at the other “gardens” and thinking about what you don’t have. Start appreciating what you do.

Pay Attention,


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