Everyone has pet peeves– but for me, the 2 big ones are people who are cold and unreliable (or pure flaky.) I have very little tolerance for any of that. I’m sure other people have bigger trigger points, but these 2 really get to me.
That said, as you’re dating, swiping, chatting and what have you, you’re going to come up against a whole plethora of people with different traits and things that you may love, like or really hate.
How do you handle or respond to cold or unreliable dating partners then?
Here is how you handle these “pain” points:
Ask the person first, if something is wrong. It’s not all about you– and you don’t know what the person has been up against.
If there is nothing “wrong,” and you’ve communicated to this person that you care and want to talk then, you can assume a few things:
- The person’s nature is cold. If this doesn’t work for you like it definitely doesn’t work for me, then don’t date him/her. If you need warmth, look for warmth– but this person isn’t it. If you don’t really mind, accept the person as is– all of us are flawed and come with issues, baggage and bad traits.
- The person may not be interested. If not, that’s his or her loss. Let that person know that you’re not getting the sense he/she is interested, and move it along. If the person changes his/her mind, I’m sure that cold individual can make an effort.
A little space may give this person time to warm up also. And if it doesn’t–there are plenty of warm, loving people on this Earth, so if Mr. Iceberg or Mrs. Elsa has you frozen out– then, just peace out.
Don’t deal with it.
Sometimes, people are stressed and have too much on their plates. This makes them late to dates, cancel-prone and generally, frazzled.
Take the same steps like you did prior.
First– communicate how you feel. Say you don’t appreciate the person’s flaky nature and ask if there is anything wrong or something he/she would like to talk about.
Then, if nothing is wrong and there are no big stressors in this person’s life, do one of the following 2 things:
- Decide how much you can tolerate of this unpredictability. Me personally? I can’t stand it. It makes me feel restless, anxious and bored. If you’re ok with it– then accept it as someone’s core being.
- Set ground rules– if you’re going to keep dating this person, set rules and expectations of how much unreliability you will handle and make it clear to this person. If he or she is just unreliable by nature, the individual will most likely understand your concerns.
No one is perfect. Everyone comes flawed. It’s up to you to decide what will make you happy and what you can deal with in the long run.