Mature Love, Immature Lust, Sex & In-between

When I was younger, I often got too confused between sexual feelings and love. Good sex does not equal love or deep feelings. Just because a man or woman is attracted to you, does not mean that person cares. I stumbled a lot and met disingenuous people back then, but I’m older and wiser now.

Good sex is important in any relationship. There is no doubt that a powerful sexual connection and intimacy will be incredibly beneficial to a relationship and its longevity, but lust does not equal love. While sex can be compromised of two loving partners, it could also be composed of two people who simply are attracted to each other. Animalistic tendencies… Desire and lust does not mean someone actually cares about you or respects you on a deep level.

Immature lust comes with fun and pleasure, but does not come with connection, deep intimacy and deep respect— usually. Although you can lust for a partner you deeply love and you should respect anyone you’re intimate with. But typically, immature lust is just based on physical feelings. That person who lusts after you doesn’t necessarily care about you beyond a physical need. More often that not, you are a need that person wants to fulfill. But beyond that need… you don’t much matter on your own.

Deep intimacy is built off connection and respect. It’s different than Immature lust. Deep intimacy comes with deep feelings and often, but not always, commitment. There is a level of love that is much different than basic physical lust, which doesn’t mean it’s still not amazing sexually. In fact usually, the sex is much better.

Mature love is different. The guy who lusts after you and wants to have sex with you doesn’t necessarily respect you or care about you. The woman who is good in bed does not necessarily care about your dreams or career goals.
Mature love is when the two of you have seen the good and the bad and the ugly, but still stick around . Mature love is when you are sick and somebody is there to help you because they can’t imagine leaving you alone to face something so stressful by yourself. Immature lust doesn’t care about your personal health or problems. The person who lusts after you cares about his or her needs— not you! Very very different.

So what do we want? We want mature love and deep intimacy, with moments of immature lust woven in. We want someone who cares about us beyond his or her physical needs. We want someone who walks with us in life—not just fulfills every pleasure principal. We want pleasure and sex too, but we want to be respected and loved.
We want it all. Because life is always a mix of the good, bad and the ugly. Immature lust can’t handle anything but the good. Anything but his or her needs only.

We want a deeper level.

Deeper and Deeper,


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