Ambivalent desire can truly drive you crazy. One minute the person wants you– and the next minute … not so much.
You could probably go nuts trying to understand why someone is so on the fence about you, but it wouldn’t be worth it.
Someone who really cares about you will be firm in his or her convictions or at the very least, trying to overcome whatever is causing his or her ambivalence.
There is nothing more frustrating than having a partner rescind his or her warmth and love. Especially if in return, you get a cold front.
It’s like having a relationship with someone who exists in a room: the door opens and so does your partner and then, the door closes … and so does the access to your partner.
I’ve been down this road before where a love interest or partner would shut me out and let me in … I know how painful it can be to deal with. I know the questions that run in your mind and that maybe keep you up at night. I also know what it’s like to walk away from that person. At times, my ex-husband could be very cold.
Here are a few reasons that could explain your partner’s mood changes from cold to hot, and hot to cold.
You have someone in your life, male or female, who comes close to you, and then drifts further away. This person approaches you on his or her terms, gets involved, and then runs for cover while you’re left feeling abandoned, doubtful of yourself and in pain.
Sound familiar?
Welcome to the push-pull cycle. Where the partner comes in, withdraws, comes in and withdraws again, all to your detriment.
Why the hell is this happening? Why does this man/woman do this? I bet you’ve said all of those things, more than fifty times in your own head.
In my twenties, I experienced this for a bit with a guy. I ended up cutting it off, and we became friends right away. Thank god. He was a much better friend, then a sexual partner and boyfriend, and I was happy to offer friendship. Years later, he kicks himself and says how beautiful I am and wonderful. We are still friends, years later! We’ve been there for each other through a lot. It’s pretty awesome.
Trust me– I see how he aged and how I aged. He regrets it. He was afraid I was too free-spirited for a committed relationship. It turns out I wasn’t, but at least we could be friends … and for 15 years!
If you are reading this page and landed here like me, you probably are the one who is being pushed and pulled away. You probably feel really bad about yourself, wondering why this person would do this to you. You probably feel down about yourself, wondering what you did wrong. You probably feel downright crazy.
Wipe your tears, get your sexiest outfit or– whip out your razors boys, and stop blaming yourself.
Learn what’s what with this push-pull character
Going out on the first date after divorce or separation is quite a doozy for most people. Think of it as like a cocktail of emotions—a dash of excitement, a sprinkle of dread and a dousing of nerves—and voila—you’ve got the first date after divorce.
Of course, the situation is different for everyone. If you’re going out with an ex or an old friend, your “spidey senses” won’t be as tingling since the person is familiar. If you’re venturing out with an online date or app match, chances are your nerves are in overdrive because, let’s face it: the online experience is a kooky one.
You might even feel a little guilty that first date out, even though you shouldn’t. Guilt over moving on or guilt over being so excited about a date and maybe not caring at all about your ex.
Read More: Tips For Your First Date After Divorce
You’ve Got This,
Laura
Have you been crying or depressed over someone? Agonizing over why the person won’t commit, dumped you or is annoying in some other way?
Join the club. We’ve all felt that torturous sting of love. The one woman/man who can’t make up her mind. The guy/gal who can’t commit for sh*t. The other flake who dumped you out of nowhere. The dude that ghosted you.
It’s hard to recover when your heart hurts and it feels like the pain will never end. But it will.
Read on for 6 steps on how to get over that chump, get your revenge and move forward!
Have you ever wondered what makes a guy settle down? Have you ever watched a lifelong bachelor finally decide on someone? What about your guy friends? Have you seen them swoon over one woman and act indifferent to another? Have you, as a woman, sat there before or during a date and made some sort of strategy, whether it was to hold off on kissing, sex, or avoiding or encouraging certain kinds of conversations?
I’ve spent a lot of time wondering how men categorize women they meet, strategizing and deciding how much of myself to reveal, give or offer up. After all, that’s what will make a good relationship in the long-run.
It’s always seemed straightforward: if a woman really likes a man, she should make him work for it and not give up too much. Because if a woman is too quick to hop in bed or seems to be too eager to be involved, a man puts her in that “short-term fling” category, instead of someone he’d want a long-term relationship with.
Read More: 10 Men Share How They Know Whether A Woman Is Short-Term Fun Or Worthy Of A Long-Term Relationship
Get the Scoop,
Laura
When it comes to dating, you’re concerned. You have a laundry list of fears. You’re worried about the size of your thighs. You’re worried someone won’t accept your kids. You’re worried you won’t have the time for someone. You’re concerned people will judge you for your divorce. You’re feeling old. Isn’t that a count against you? And truly, will someone else love you for you? Or was your former marriage the last chance that happened, if your ex even loved you for you in the first place?
The fears I hear from people, men and women, but especially women after divorce, usually sound like the ones I listed above. The fear that ultimately, you have lost your chance at love, forever, simply because your marriage failed.
By the way, that’s a flat-out no, you haven’t, but it’s a fear many people have—men and women, alike.
Yet, there is one thing that I see many women forgetting as they start dating after divorce that if they considered it would really change the way they date and meet someone, for good.
Read More: The One Change You Need To Make Before Going Out On A Date
Is He/She Worthy?
Laura
Are you a stage-five clinger? Do you rely on a man for everything? Do you believe that couples should be so close, sharing everything from every second of each other’s time, to telling each other every single thing? Do you schedule things around every guy you have even an inch of feelings for?
You might be a needy, needy Nancy. And neediness is not attractive or healthy.
Wanting someone is healthy and normal. But needing someone in order to sustain your happiness, livelihood or self-esteem is downright toxic. You might not even realize how much your neediness is impacting your ability to have real lasting relationships.
Here are 14 signs your neediness is scaring men away.
Things start out great, the chemistry is on point… but then, he asks for space. If this happens more than once or twice, you may be clinging too hard to him.
Sure, there can be other reasons a guy can request space like his inability to be emotionally available or his desire to avoid commitment, but if this happens to you often, you may be clinging too hard.
Couples should certainly spend time separately and with their respective friends. But if a guy starts going out with friends all the time and doesn’t want to spend as much time with you, you might be pushing too hard. It can also mean he’s lost feelings, is cheating, or is avoiding commitment.
Read More: 14 Signs Your Neediness Scares Men Away (And Turns Your Relationships Toxic)
Needy, Needy, Needy,
Laura
If you’re divorced, it’s normal to wonder if you’re going to ever love someone again and have that person love you.
Doubting love and the longevity of relationships is normal. But if you’re one of those people who have decided that you want to try dating after divorce and find a lasting love, you need to make sure you’re approaching love the right way, and not from dysfunction.
Many of us struggle with issues such as trust, confidence and commitment after our marriages fail, but it’s how you manage those issues that make you succeed — or lose — in love.
Here are 9 ways you keep yourself from finding love after divorce.
You’re divorced, but your boundaries with your ex are fragile. You two are too invested in each other’s lives, or perhaps, you’re too invested in continuing to fight with each other.
This type of emotional friction keeps you from finding love. You need to stop the battle or stop the emotional investment in your ex in order to move on.
Read More: 9 Ways You Unknowingly And Actively Sabotage Yourself From Finding Love Again After Divorce
Your Own Worst Enemy- YOU!
Laura
You’re divorced and now you’re ready to meet the right one.
Ok, got it! So many of us are looking for love, part deux.
But are you putting your best self forward? Or are you sabotaging romance before a spark can set aflame?
It’s not unusual for people to go out into the world bitter, afraid and slightly jaded after a divorce or any major breakup really. The key is really going out there and meeting people when you are truly your best self. Here are 8 serious signs you are sabotaging your love life all on your own.
1) A Billion Things on the Checklist
Before you’ve even met the person, you’ve got a billion things on the checklist someone needs to meet or you won’t consider him or her.
If your list of criteria is so stringent it is enviable to college application requirements, you’re not ready.
Yes—you should have deal breakers in your list.
Yes—you shouldn’t settle.
But no, it shouldn’t require jumping through hoops to be with you.
2) A Great Big Dump
Are you joining dates for a drink, only to prattle on about your ex or how jaded or torn you are about love and relationships?
You’re not ready. You’re a big hot mess of negativity and sorry, no one wants that.
No one wants to date your sad stories. A potential partner wants to date you—the available loving, you. Sure, you come with baggage like everyone does, but if your baggage arrives at the date before your personality can…you are not ready!
Read More: 8 Serious Signs You Are Self-Sabotaging Your Love Life
Tellin’ Y’all It’s Sabotage…
Laura
