Category: dating advice

How Someone Treats You Is a Reflection of Who They Are

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Someone hurt my feelings a bit ago, and I found myself wondering what I had done to earn such behavior. When I dug deep, I realized I had done … nothing. When I spoke to a confidante about the matter, the person said plainly:

This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with this person’s self- view and own issues.

This is good advice.

How people treat us is often an indicator of how they view themselves and feel about themselves, more than anything.
Self- esteem and confidence. Past issues. These factor into many of our behaviors when we interact with others.

So, the next time someone hurts you remind yourself that this person’s actions are a reflection of how he/ she feels about him or herself. It has nothing to do with you.
Not to mention, your actions are in relation to how you feel about yourself.

All we can do is control our own actions. We can’t control if others hurt us or make bad choices. We can just choose how to respond and move forward.

Be Strong,

Laura

6 Easy Ways We Can Show We Love Someone During Social Distancing

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While we can’t grab someone in a bear hug or hang out with the person we love necessarily, we can still sustain our relationships and show love to the people we care about while six feet– or most likely, homes apart.

For me, I’ve had someone reach out every single day to ask how I’m doing and my daughter. The person always asks if I am doing okay and says something nice to me. This makes my day!

Another person asks if I need anything and went out of the way to help me accomplish something I needed to  keep me “sane” over this tough time. I will never forget that! It is one of the few things keeping me going during social isolation.

These things make a HUGE difference from a distance. These things show real love.

They make me feel loved. When we feel loved, we are happier and more positive.

Just because you aren’t face to face doesn’t mean you can’t make a loved one feel loved.

In fact, during this god-awful time in which the lot of us are frightened and unemployed and a chunk of us very sick, we need to be MORE Loving, MORE caring and MORE giving.

Now is not the time for BS, fighting, tensions or stress. Now is not the time to be cold, uncaring or harsh.  Now is not the time for petty excuses and nonsense.

We need more than love of course. Many of us need PPE, groceries and our health… but we need love too. A lot of it.

Here are 6 things we can do to make someone feel loved, despite the distance– no excuses:

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3 Things That Affect Whether Someone Trusts You or Not

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https://unsplash.com/@mischievous_penguins

You may be a trustworthy person, but if you’re doing the following three things … your love interest and or partner may not trust you as much. It may even be unintentional completely, but small things can build up over time to affect how someone trusts you. If you’re unpredictable, not available or distant, you could end up causing someone to feel as if he or she can’t put all his or her faith in you.

Unpredictability

If you’re not reliable or can’t be counted on whether in general or suddenly, your partner may start to feel anxious around you. Instability doesn’t lead to trust and comfort. It leads to anxiety and distance.
Be consistent.

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How to Deal With Cold & Unreliable Dating Partners

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Everyone has pet peeves– but for me, the 2 big ones are people who are cold and unreliable (or pure flaky.) I have very little tolerance for any of that. I’m sure other people have bigger trigger points, but these 2 really get to me.

That said, as you’re dating, swiping, chatting and what have you, you’re going to come up against a whole plethora of people with different traits and things that you may love, like or really hate.

How do you handle or respond to cold or unreliable dating partners then?

Here is how you handle these “pain” points:

Cold

Ask the person first, if something is wrong. It’s not all about you– and you don’t know what the person has been up against.

If there is nothing “wrong,” and you’ve communicated to this person that you care and want to talk then, you can assume a few things:

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4 Gestures That Made For Great, Memorable Dates

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Not every date is worth talking about– but some are worth talking about and sharing for years to come– even if you’re not with the person still.
When you have a good date and then go out of your way to show someone that you are intrigued by them and want to know more, it really makes a memorable difference to that person. The little things or the big things we do can go such a long way.

If you had a great time with someone or think there’s a special connection, why not make some extra effort to share how excited you are about meeting this person and developing the relationship potentially further? At the very least by doing so, you’ll get an idea of how this person feels about getting to know you further as well!

Here are some of the most special small gestures I’ve received on dates or after dates, through the years, that really touched me and made me smile.

A Thoughtful Note

When someone expresses what a great time he or she had in words the day after a date– it goes a long way.

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Someone Who Really Loves You Will Never Let Go of You

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Photo by David Hofmann on Unsplash

Someone who truly cherishes and desires you will never let go of you. He or she will never choose the other “green grass.” That person will never try to forcibly change you or dodge/avoid committing to you.

That person will want you as you are, and want to give him or herself to you completely.

This doesn’t mean this person will be perfect or constantly the epitome of a “perfect partner.”

What it means is this person will be imperfect, but true to you. This person will be flawed, but always, trying to have you near him or her. This person will work hard to be a better person because you inspire him or her to be better!

This person will inspire you to be better!

This person will not dilly-dally or risk losing you.

This person will come forth with all the good intentions you can imagine, trying to get a chance to be loved and known by you.

Not because the person is a crazy stalker– but because the person truly sees all you have to offer and wants so much to have you be a part of his or her life and story.

That person wants you to join him or her in this crazy dance called life. For the slow parts– the quick parts. The interlude. For every movement and tempo and every type of song, this person knows you are the music to which his or her heart beats and goes.

Without you, life is not the same.

You will meet someone who will want so much to dance next to you and be with you in this life.

Do not doubt it.

It’s a promise. Not an “If” but a “when.”

Dance On,

Laura

The Moment When You Decide You Are Going to Be Loved Exactly As You Want to Be

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We all hit a point in our lives when we decide– whether very early on or later on– that we have had enough and want more.

We all hit that point where we are ready to own our lives and make our dreams come true.

We all come to that point where we decide that we absolutely without a doubt, cannot settle.

No more settling. No more waiting around. No more hoping for things to work out.

No more allowing people who don’t love or value us to continue to have us for nothing.

We decide we are opening ourselves up to all good and amazing possibilities.

From here on out even if the water is rough, we are going full throttle into the deep and finding what we want.

We say “adios” and swim forward to the future.

We find someone who fully embraces us. Fully wants us and cherishes us. Someone who gives us his or her all– just as we do in return.

We open ourselves completely to love in a positive way, whether we are 20, 40, 60 or older. We choose to seek out someone who truly cannot imagine a day or time without us. We choose to seek out someone who really is in it for the long haul– no games or BS> We find someone who loves us as is, flaws and all.

We decide to love and be love– and to ask only and I mean only for the best from our partner.

We decide that taking less than what we deserve is no longer acceptable. It is no longer serving us well.

We decide that we deserve the happy ending– and the happy middle and all.

We choose the best for us because we know we are deserving.

Every single human on this Earth wants to be loved and feel special. All of us.

We all want to be cherished and desired. We want to be loved.

And there will come a day for all of us when we know what we want and we will do everything in our power to get that love we deserve– without hesitation.

With Love & Light,

Laura

 

The Top 7 Things I Want in a Partner

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I’m not picky. I am selective when it comes to a partner. Picky sounds snobbish and difficult. Selective sounds patient and also, smart. Which I am.

I have become pretty comfortable in my high-energy, quirky and lovable skin. Effusive and sometimes incredibly rambling, I know my strengths and weaknesses.

At this stage of the game, I know what I want from a partner. I know what I don’t want.

Mostly, I want someone who doesn’t get in my way of growing. I want someone who wants to have fun and go balls-to-the wall about life. As my parents have grown older and I have become a single mom, I realized that life is too short and it changes too fast. Have fun now. Take chances now. Be in the moment.

So, no, I am not open to everyone, nor should I be.

The characteristics I find the most appealing in a man are:

Kindness & Humility

I don’t need a tough guy. I like someone who is diplomatic and thoughtful, not a brute.

Tell me your honest thoughts without being hurtful. You can be precise without being cutting.

Action-driven & Not Lazy

Have interests. Be passionate about something.

Make consistent efforts with me and take charge. If you want to be involved with me, prove you deserve that chance.

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Your Actions (or No Actions) Show How You Really Feel About Someone

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Photo by Kyle Hinkson on Unsplash

Every relationship is built on actions– lack of actions, plenty of actions, the wrong or right actions.

One of the biggest things that will always tell the truth even if you don’t want it to, are  your actions!

Your actions show if you are full of hot air or, true to your word.

Consider this example– you can tell someone to let you know if he/she needs help, or you can show up on the doorstep and help.

You can tell someone you care about them and they’re important, and never be available for them

Or you can be there when they’re sick, in trouble or just to spend time together.

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The Rules of Intimacy

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Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

The rules of intimacy are simple and genuine. They’re not as complex as love is. Love is a feeling and feelings are often complicated– but complicated doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Love can be intricately and wonderfully complex.

Intimacy however at its core, is simple.

To really have intimacy though, you must honor that person and that intimacy!

You can’t take that person for granted. You can’t be full of hot air. You must be genuine and available.

The 8 rules of intimacy:

Be available & present

Emotional unavailability is absolutely not ok! It breaks intimacy down and hurts and isolates the parties.

Be available. Be present. Put your phone done. Put your “reactions” away. Listen first. Then respond.

But be available. Show up.

Be honest

This doesn’t mean cutthroat commentary at every minute. It means being honest with yourself and your partner about your needs and wants. When you are dishonest, you trash intimacy– whether you’re being dishonest with yourself or your partner, or both of you.

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