What to Do When Someone Won’t Commit

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Photo by Nadia Jamnik on Unsplash

The other day, a friend was asking me for advice. He wanted to know what to do next.

Yup, male friends often turn to their female friends in these situations.

Someone he had been seeing and dating for a while had told him she didn’t want to further the relationship. They were really close and things were clicking … but then she said that while she really liked him, she wanted to be alone and stay away from committing or getting involved with him. He, heartbroken and looking to me for some solace, wants to be with her and told her he would be patient, but realized that there was nothing left he could do. He had tried so hard and was really great to her, but her position was firm: she wanted to be selfish at this point in her life, and as great as he is– it didn’t matter to her, sadly.  He knew the only thing he could do would be to move forward.

“What next?” he said.

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You Had a Great Date & The Person Flaked Afterwards– What Happened?

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Photo by Davids Kokainis on Unsplash

Had an amazing date and then–screech– he/she retreated or has been flaky?

It can leave you scratching your head wondering what the heck just happened.

Of course, most likely it has nothing to do with you! So that’s one positive thing.

I mean, if you had a great amazing date and the person then acts weird– most likely, he or she is weird, and not you.

Here are potential reasons you’re not getting asked out again after a wonderful date:

The person is seeing someone else

The person may have feelings for someone else or may be seeing other people.

If the person wasn’t honest with you about that– that can suck– but it’s his or her fault … not yours!

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5 Reasons Your Friend, Love Interest or Partner Is Flaky

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Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Some people are flaky by nature.  They leave everyone sitting around, waiting and waiting and waiting …

Their personalities make them go from person to person, or thing to thing without seeing anything through. They never settle down with anyone and their hobbies change by the minute. This type of individual doesn’t necessarily mean any harm. They just (I guess) go by the seat of his or her pants until boredom hits, and then a change is needed.

But, if you are often or are hurt by someone’s flakiness, this can be incredibly frustrating.

Here are 5 reasons someone might be flaky and unreliable:

They May Be Stressed

We all can be flaky sometimes– especially if we are stressed and feeling like we’re being pulled in too many directions. This can lead to missed meet ups and phone calls.

The person might just be extremely stressed and having a hard time juggling things. He or she may be going through tough times. I know when I have hard times I can be forgetful or may need to retreat in and out of my social sphere to manage my feelings.

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How to Deal When People You Care About Make Bad Choices

 

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Photo by trail on Unsplash

When dealing with someone who is resistant to what you want, no matter what it is, it’s important to just let it go and let the person “come” to the decision (or not) in his or her own time.

Whether it’s to be a good parent, be a committed loving partner, be healthier, be a helpful friend or simply make good choices for him or herself, it’s difficult to sit back and watch someone be “stuck” in his or her way of thinking.

For example:

-Your friend wants to keep dating an abusive guy– you wish for her to be free.

-Your love interest is amazing and the two of you click– but she is resistant to committing.

-Your co-parent is absent from your kids’ lives, and you want him to be available.

Your family member is sick and not caring for his health– and you’re worried for him.

What’s the common factor in these scenarios?

You want someone to do something, yet the person is resisting what you want.

It’s frustrating as hell, watching someone hurt him/herself or making a choice that’s keeping the person from being happy in the long run.

The hardest part in all of this is accepting that you can’t change your loved ones or people that matter to those you love.

So, what can you do?

When it comes down to it– give them what they want!

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Men Who Do These 6 Things Are Incredibly Sexy

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Photo by John Schnobrich on Unsplash

Every person has his or her own language of love, but there are certain things that men do that women find attractive and sexy. Is it a universal rule that every woman will find these things irresistible? No, but there are many women who would agree that these actions or character traits are incredibly appealing. Read on and see just how irresistible (or not) you might be!

Surprising her– Spontaneity

Okay, some women want the outfit planned and everything timed to a T, however, there is something irresistible and so attractive when a man plans a surprise for us. It feels so thoughtful, romantic and fun to be surprised, whether it’s with a dinner, a visit, a trip away, a present– anything!

Releasing her from a burden– Helpful

A man she cares about know she’s stressed and needs to relax, so if he steps in to help take a burden off her shoulders or give her some extra love– this is very appealing.

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What Are Your Real Priorities? Check Yourself (& Others)

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Priorities. We all have priorities in our life. When people tell me they’re too busy, I secretly add in my head “because it’s not important.” When people decide something is important, they do it.

The same goes for you. If someone decides you are important, he or she will commit to you. The person will make time for you. The person will want to be with you. The person will have no lame excuses  as to why he or she isn’t available.

The same goes for “things.” If being healthy is important, people will make time to be healthy. If being kind is important, people will be kind.

Actions delineate priorities. This makes it easy to see who really cares about you.

People who would rather be with you then be with many partners or alone, care about you.

People who say they’d rather be alone or with many people, don’t give a flying f*ck about you.

Friends who show up when you need help, care.

Friends who reach out and want to connect with you, care.

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Thoughts on Holiday Romantic Highs & Lows

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Photo by Jared Sluyter on Unsplash

The holidays are a frenzied time of highs and lows for most people. If you’re entering into the New Year still a bit dizzy over the past few weeks, you’re not alone. Depending on your own personal situation with love, perhaps the holidays were very successful and romantic, or perhaps it was not at all. It may have even been a mix of highs and lows– that is life, after all. Here are some typical holiday romantic highs and lows, and how to deal with them as you enter in the new year.

You got amazing gifts from your loved one.

Your partner or love interest spoiled you rotten. After the high and delight from such care and love, you are probably feeling really confident in your relationship. Treasure it! And also realize that some times, your partner won’t be able to be as doting.

VS.

Your love interest didn’t get you a gift

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Look For These Things When Dating Men in Their Forties

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If you’re dating and looking to meet a man in his forties, there are certain things to look for that you most likely didn’t consider when you were dating in your twenties.

At this stage of the game, your dating pool may be more shallow, but on a positive note, the man you should be looking for, will be wiser and hopefully, more self-aware than the guys you ran into when you were 20 or 30.

He’s Self-Aware & Works on Himself

He knows his flaws and doesn’t pretend he doesn’t have them. He owns who he is and also, he works to better himself. Sure, he will have baggage just as we all do, but he will try to make the baggage “lighter” and will always own which luggage is his– if you catch my drift.

He’s Willing to Work for You as He Knows He Stands to Gain

He’s not 20 and naive. He knows relationships take work. He knows that being with someone is a dance … sometimes you lead, sometimes your partner leads– and sometimes the pace is fast or slow.

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7 Annoying, Creepy or Rude Online Dating Behaviors

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Photo by Yogas Design on Unsplash

For a good chunk of the year, I decided to skip online dating and take a break from all of it.

As the tail end of the year arrived, I figured I might give dating a try again. Why not? So, in that whole process, I signed up for a few different apps.

My god. How is it that I have selective amnesia, forgetting how hideously awful and also, slightly humorous and scary this whole beast is?

Here are some of the most consistent and crappy findings I’ve noticed online. If you are doing these things or behaving this way, please stop. No one thinks you’re cute. Really.

Using Random Photos Without Your Human Face in ANY of Them

Literally, landscapes are beautiful but unless you’re a mountain, I believe your profile photo should be one of a human. Preferably of you– not someone else.

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Emotionally Unavailable Men & Women Are Just Like Gated Bridges & Stop Signs

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He wants his freedom. He is not available to date you.

She doesn’t want a relationship. She only wants to see you sometimes  when it’s convenient.

These “freedom lovers” view you as someone holding him or her back. These bachelors don’t want someone to get in the way of his or her agenda.

They want to do what they want– when they want!

They want to be free to date many people and never commit.

Or, just sleep around and dodge intimate pillow talk.

You– wanting and loving you– are in the way of that freedom. Your desire to feel needed, appreciated and close is a noose on this person’s neck.

This is what it’s like with emotionally unavailable partners. And if sex is involved well,  sex is fine, but not commitment. Sex is fine,  but not intimacy. (I repeated for a reason).

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