Category: dating advice

The One Change You Need To Make Before Going Out On A Date

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When it comes to dating, you’re concerned. You have a laundry list of fears. You’re worried about the size of your thighs. You’re worried someone won’t accept your kids. You’re worried you won’t have the time for someone. You’re concerned people will judge you for your divorce. You’re feeling old. Isn’t that a count against you? And truly, will someone else love you for you? Or was your former marriage the last chance that happened, if your ex even loved you for you in the first place?

The fears I hear from people, men and women, but especially women after divorce, usually sound like the ones I listed above. The fear that ultimately, you have lost your chance at love, forever, simply because your marriage failed.

By the way, that’s a flat-out no, you haven’t, but it’s a fear many people have—men and women, alike.

Yet, there is one thing that I see many women forgetting as they start dating after divorce that if they considered it would really change the way they date and meet someone, for good.

Read More: The One Change You Need To Make Before Going Out On A Date

Is He/She Worthy?

Laura

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14 Signs Your Neediness Scares Men Away (And Turns Your Relationships Toxic)

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Are you a stage-five clinger? Do you rely on a man for everything? Do you believe that couples should be so close, sharing everything from every second of each other’s time, to telling each other every single thing? Do you schedule things around every guy you have even an inch of feelings for?

You might be a needy, needy Nancy. And neediness is not attractive or healthy.

Wanting someone is healthy and normal. But needing someone in order to sustain your happiness, livelihood or self-esteem is downright toxic. You might not even realize how much your neediness is impacting your ability to have real lasting relationships.

Here are 14 signs your neediness is scaring men away.

1. He often asks you for space.

Things start out great, the chemistry is on point… but then, he asks for space. If this happens more than once or twice, you may be clinging too hard to him.

Sure, there can be other reasons a guy can request space like his inability to be emotionally available or his desire to avoid commitment, but if this happens to you often, you may be clinging too hard.

2. He starts going out with friends all the time.

Couples should certainly spend time separately and with their respective friends. But if a guy starts going out with friends all the time and doesn’t want to spend as much time with you, you might be pushing too hard. It can also mean he’s lost feelings, is cheating, or is avoiding commitment.

Read More: 14 Signs Your Neediness Scares Men Away (And Turns Your Relationships Toxic)

Needy, Needy, Needy,

Laura

9 Ways You Unknowingly And Actively Sabotage Yourself From Finding Love Again After Divorce

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If you’re divorced, it’s normal to wonder if you’re going to ever love someone again and have that person love you.

Doubting love and the longevity of relationships is normal. But if you’re one of those people who have decided that you want to try dating after divorce and find a lasting love, you need to make sure you’re approaching love the right way, and not from dysfunction.

Many of us struggle with issues such as trust, confidence and commitment after our marriages fail, but it’s how you manage those issues that make you succeed — or lose — in love.

Here are 9 ways you keep yourself from finding love after divorce.

1. You have flimsy boundaries with your ex.

You’re divorced, but your boundaries with your ex are fragile. You two are too invested in each other’s lives, or perhaps, you’re too invested in continuing to fight with each other.

This type of emotional friction keeps you from finding love. You need to stop the battle or stop the emotional investment in your ex in order to move on.

Read More: 9 Ways You Unknowingly And Actively Sabotage Yourself From Finding Love Again After Divorce

Your Own Worst Enemy- YOU!
Laura

8 Serious Signs You Are Self-Sabotaging Your Love Life

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You’re divorced and now you’re ready to meet the right one.

Ok, got it! So many of us are looking for love, part deux.

But are you putting your best self forward? Or are you sabotaging romance before a spark can set aflame?

It’s not unusual for people to go out into the world bitter, afraid and slightly jaded after a divorce or any major breakup really. The key is really going out there and meeting people when you are truly your best self. Here are 8 serious signs you are sabotaging your love life all on your own.

1) A Billion Things on the Checklist

Before you’ve even met the person, you’ve got a billion things on the checklist someone needs to meet or you won’t consider him or her.

If your list of criteria is so stringent it is enviable to college application requirements, you’re not ready.

Yes—you should have deal breakers in your list.

Yes—you shouldn’t settle.

But no, it shouldn’t require jumping through hoops to be with you.

2) A Great Big Dump

Are you joining dates for a drink, only to prattle on about your ex or how jaded or torn you are about love and relationships?

You’re not ready. You’re a big hot mess of negativity and sorry, no one wants that.

No one wants to date your sad stories. A potential partner wants to date you—the available loving, you. Sure, you come with baggage like everyone does, but if your baggage arrives at the date before your personality can…you are not ready!

Read More: 8 Serious Signs You Are Self-Sabotaging Your Love Life 

Tellin’ Y’all It’s Sabotage…

Laura

10 Simple, Sexy Ways To Show A Man Intimacy (Without Jumping Into Bed)

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Intimacy isn’t solely about sex. Sure, sex counts an awful lot, but that’s not the only factor that goes into building an intimate and passionate relationship.

We all know you can have sex without real intimacy and connection, but how can you be intimate with a man beyond or besides simply intercourse? Here’s how to be intimate without jumping into bed, and they are guaranteed to make his body ache just a little.

1. Give each other a naked massage.

Forget the clothes. Forget the half-clothed shoulder rubs. Get naked, both of you, and give him a massage.

9 Huge Differences Between Men Who Commit To One Woman And The Ones Who Never Will

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Although you can get a guy who is a serial bachelor to commit, and then have the nice guy who suddenly goes “rogue,” there are key differences between men who can commit and men who won’t.

Usually, it’s a dead ringer and easy to tell which group a particular guy ends up belonging to, but for clarity’s sake (and to avoid heartache), let’s dish on the real differences.

1. Is he secure in himself?

Men who can commit: He’s secure in himself. He feels positive about who he is and knows that he has a lot to offer. He isn’t cocky or needy — he’s simply comfortable in his own skin.

Men who won’t commit: He’s cocky and feels entitled. Or he’s insecure, bitter and jaded. He isn’t rooted in the world as an individual and he can’t be committed to you. Picture him as a little leaf floating in the wind with no direction.

Read More: 9 Huge Differences Between Men Who Commit To One Woman And The Ones Who Never Will

Committed…or Not?

Laura

7 Things You Need To Know When Dating A Kickass Single Mom

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If you are dating a kick-ass single mom, congratulations! If you are attempting to date a kick-ass single mom…well, sit back, because I’ve got some things you need to hear.

 

As a single mom who is pretty badass and also dating, I’d like to share one thing you need to know before messaging me or any other single mom online or in real life:

 

We’re not desperate.

 

I know, I know. You went on Craig’s List. You watched an XXX video. You “heard” single moms are desperate horn balls just dying (insert my eye roll right here folks) for some male attention.

 

Apparently, the word on the street is single moms are just dying for some “big hulking man” to come and make her life better. Well, that my friends is the first thing on this list that you need to know in order to date a kick-ass single mom:

 

1. NO, DARLING, I’M NOT DESPERATE FOR YOU TO SLEEP WITH ME

Sure, every human on this earth loves sex and loves company. Well, besides intentionally celibate people I suppose.

 

But kick-ass single moms are not dying for sex. And hey, there are tools for that sort of issue if it becomes hairy, and truthfully, there are many of us single moms out in the world. Many of us dating.

 

We are not desperate to get in the sack with you. We can be just as choosy as you are, man with the annoyingly pretentious abdominal photos and braggery of his fifty vacation spots. Stop buying into the myth and find someone who is foolish enough to stroke your ego, thanks.

Read More:  7 Things You Need To Know When Dating A Kickass Single Mom 

My Summer of Zero Dates

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I decided at some point that this was going to be my summer of zero dates.

Well, mostly.

I was online and on apps a lot. I had more first dates in a two month period than I had in my entire life, and I was always a pretty active dater. Nothing disastrous had happened. Nothing traumatic. I just felt as if the dating had become a chore.

For most people, casual conversation with a “mostly” stranger like the dates you have online are difficult. For me, I could talk to anyone…really. The janitor. The CEO. The three-year old child. The eighty-year old guy with Dementia on the subway. Conversing with dates was a breeze.

I met interesting people…and not so interesting people. Some were a little crazy while others were perfectly fine.

None gave me a tingle or spark. None made me say, let’s take this to the next level.

And hey, when you are divorced and dating, we all know how tough that can be.

Juggling your schedules around the kids…if you’ve both got them or you or your date is a parent.

Trusting someone after perhaps some intense trust fails from an ex.

Revealing parts of yourself and being vulnerable after watching a marriage fail.

Dating after divorce is an intricate dance, and one that I had committed to carrying out, from the beginning intro the final curtsy, but before summer had even dropped its hot humid temperatures on the East Coast, I was just done.

Not bitter. Not jaded.

Just bored.

Read More: My Summer of Zero Dates

A Little Break,

Laura

10 Ways You’re Making Him PANIC (And Back Away From Your Relationship)

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Sometimes, it’s his own character or situation that provokes panic from your actions; in other cases, you do stuff to bring on panic that never existed.

There are many situations that can scare guys away and you have to decide if you’re causing him anxiety or if he’s dealing with issues that cause him to panic over everything. Here are 9 ways you’re scaring him away.

1. You mention marriage any moment you can.

Sure, things are going well for you and your guy, but you are pushing him to the edge with your marriage talk. He just got comfortable with the idea of you two being a solid, committed pair, and now, no matter what you two are doing, marriage is part of every conversation.

Emails with wedding ring images. Pinterest boards on weddings you just “happen” to send him links to. Pointing out couples that are engaged. You don’t even have regular conversations anymore. You’re making him panic hardcore.

2. You never let him reach out to you. 

You are the one to initiate every move and you’re not giving him the chance to let him chase you or make plans. Even if you’re not needy, it scares guys away and makes him think you’re going to suffocate him. It’s easy to be enthusiastic about someone you like. Just back off and let him do some of the driving. Men like to pursue.

Read More: 10 Ways You’re Making Him PANIC (And Back Away From Your Relationship)

Is He Afraid?

Laura

If Your Man is Like a Cat-Back Exhaust System, You’re In Luck

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I never thought I would know anything about cars or men.

Actually, it’s debatable how much I know about the XX species—and I’m still learning about cars.

For a new job of mine, I’ve had to learn a lot about cars, trucks, performance driving, off-roading and then some. If you know me, you already know that all that stuff is Greek to me. But I’m a good student and hate to look stupid, so I’ve been doing my research. When it comes to men, I’ve made stupid mistakes sometimes, and I’m learning too—a work in progress trying to understand the sexy, mysterious and sometimes incredibly weird species, called males. Let’s just say…I have been researching men since age 3 and so far, I’ve yet to find that one guy that can capture me and throw me into his man cave for eternity.

But the other day, I had to write about Cat Back Exhaust Systems, and it made me think of men.

First of all, I knew zilch about exhaust systems, much less what a “cat” had to do with any of it.

But as I read on about mufflers, resonators, and horsepower, I realized that a man’s love or lack thereof, can be compared easily to a Cat Back.

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