We All Need to Be Cared For

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No matter how old we are or how independent and capable we may be, we all need someone to be there for us. Sure, there are people who protest and say they don’t need anyone and that they’re “OK” on their own, but the reality is none of us is an island.

We all crave human touch, companionship, love, passion and connection. Without it, let’s admit it: we would be pretty boring people. It’s why people take so much time and effort to pursue love, romance, sex and friendship. If it wasn’t so intoxicating, amazing and transformative, nobody would be running after it, writing songs about it, or discussing it in detail with their friends.

When we don’t feel cared for, we are often at our worst. We feel anxious, unsure and misunderstood. We feel alone, powerless and intimidated. These feelings stem into depression or general anxiety. It bleeds into our everyday lives. Not having that connection can feel like you’re on an island or swimming in a turbulent ocean with the undertow taking you further and further away from the rest of the world. This isn’t to say that we need someone else’s care and love in order to be successful and happy, but that with love and available people in our lives, we become the best versions of ourselves. Because when we have people who do not care for us or treat us well, it does dim our light. This is why it is so crucial that we care for others and that we allow ourselves to be cared for and in return, that we give love back.
Having that love is like having a homebase: without a homebase, you will feel adrift, anxious and uncertain. This is the place where we feel our least “best.” It affects our mental health and wellness. But when we have that homebase— that love and care in our lives, we grow long, strong roots and reach out towards the sky with all the potential that is in us. This is what helps us grow and shapes our self-view and stability for the days to come.

Love Others and Yourself,

Laura

What If What You Believe About Yourself Is a Lie?

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The other morning I did my usual morning meditation but chose a guided meditation on self-esteem. One of the questions asked was what is a negative view or thought we hold of ourselves? Typically these negative viewpoints/thoughts come from an experience, person or time in our childhood or adolescence. Right away, I knew what that negative thought was. We were told to think on it… to decide if we felt if it was true. To consider if we are ready to let that thought or view go, or if we are ready to consider that that thought we have about ourselves may be completely false.

I knew exactly from the moment it was asked what negative view I’ve held of myself for quite some time. I know exactly– or about where this thought originated from– or how it grew into a monstrous bad belief/self- view. As I meditated, I started to cry. I realized that for many, many, many years, I have held onto this thought or belief, including being surrounded by one or two people back in my past who confirmed this negative self-belief of mine.

It’s funny. We often don’t know why negative or bad people come into our lives, but I think it often stems from our own bad beliefs of ourselves. These negative people confirm our own bad thoughts about ourselves. The experience then “confirms” that we are indeed, bad or not good. We then continue to choose bad people who then repeatedly confirm these negative thoughts … these people then provide us with bad experiences and so we say, “Look! I told you. I am horrible. If I weren’t horrible, this wouldn’t have happened.”

This is why it is so key to have self-love and self-esteem. When we love ourselves and care for ourselves, we pick partners, people and friends in our lives who love us and care for us. I have noticed that since my divorce, I have chosen better people and better situations for myself because my self-esteem has improved. I am attracted to good people—and I spend my time with only good people. Good men and good women. I distance myself from people who don’t make me feel comfortable, and I spend time with people who make me feel happy and good. I am no longer attracted to “bad boys” as I was in my twenties, and I find good men– kind hearted folks, appealing.

Self-esteem really is everything. Ask yourself if what you believe about yourself is really true… or not.

Lovingly,

Laura

Recovering From a Cold Icy Partner

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You know you have or had a cold icy partner when:

  • The person always remembers things negatively
  • The person dumps you or during a break up, acts like he or she doesn’t care at all
  • The person shares extensive intimacy with you and then acts like nothing mattered
  • The person minimizes every special moment you have
  • The person rarely expresses affection or if they do they’re hot and cold
  • The person minimizes your feelings and tells you you’re too sensitive or remembering it incorrectly

If these situations sound familiar to you, congratulations you’ve either dated or married a very cold person. Or, were in a relationship with somebody who was icy cold. How do you recover from somebody so hurtful? The answer is it can take years but there are a few things you can do to get yourself warmed up after being with a total icicle so you can move on to someone who is loving and warm. Also, nicer. There is hope! Not every man or woman is a cold hearted jerk. Wink.

  • Remind yourself that the person has issues Whatever the case is, it’s not your fault if somebody is withholding love from you. Most likely the person has other issues.
  • Some cultures are more cold or seemingly cold than others so, it may just be a matter of upbringing and how the person was taught to communicate.
  • If the person constantly minimizes the good times you had or your feelings or the person wasn’t warm and expressive, that person seems a bit cruel and will probably be the same way to someone else. Let the next person feel the icy burn!
  • Get yourself out on dates with a variety of people and just try to have fun in order to rebuild your confidence because we all know that cold partners can tear down your confidence completely, making you feel unworthy and not lovable.
  • Remind yourself each day that this person wasn’t nice and you shouldn’t take what they said to heart because chances are they are not kind anyway. Don’t let those negative thoughts from that icy person get you down.

It’s not easy to rebuild your faith after such an icy partner, but you can do it! Don’t let a cruel cold person extinguish your beautiful inner light.

Love,

Laura

4 Things Thoughtful People Always Do

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There are certain things that thoughtful people—friends, lovers and family members — do on instinct and also, well-crafted thought. It’s very easy to tell when someone is particularly thoughtful: that person makes us feel very cared for and loved. Special. We feel safe and also, able to be our true selves, vulnerable and all, when someone is so thoughtful.
Here’s why:

Thoughtful people take action considering your feelings first.

Someone who really cares about you doesn’t make a move without considering how you might feel first. This is the person who knows how nervous you get when going to the doctor’s and in turn, calls you before and after an appointment.
The thoughtful person delivers both good and bad news in a way that considers the other person’s potential comfort level and response first.

Thoughtful People Love to Show You How Much You Mean to Them.

Thoughtful people enjoy expressing their feelings for you whether you’re their best friend or their spouse. When your birthday comes up, that person will be the first to plan a celebration for you. When you get a promotion at work or accomplish a goal, your thoughtful person will be right by your side to celebrate you. And if times are tough, that same person will be there to hold your hand and tell you how much you mean to them.

Thoughtful People Know Their Strengths and Weaknesses As Much As Your Own.

Thoughtful people know their own limitations, as well as the things they excel at. They are able to create a good network of people that complement these strengths and weaknesses, and they are very aware of their loved ones’ flaws and good traits.
In the same vein, they never make their loved ones feel bad for these flaws but instead, help the people they love to get stronger each day and also, support their friends, family members and romantic partners, knowing that somethings are harder for them than others.

Thoughtful People Pay Close Attention.

Thoughtful people are very attentive. They remember things about the ones they love, and try to tune in to their partners and friends emotions and feelings. They work hard on their listening skills. Let’s be honest: many of us are not good listeners. It really is a work in progress for all of us. Thoughtful people try to listen and keep their eyes on the ones they love. They do their best to give them focused and genuine attention, rather than being constantly distracted.

Thinking, Doing, Loving,

Laura

Someone Who Deserves You

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Someone who deserves you …

Feels honored to be by your side.
Is proud of you.
Loves showing you off to friends and family and the world.

Shows you deep respect and care.

Is kind to you.

Wants to spend time with you and not just for his or her own needs.

Expresses love to you.

Works on him or herself to be the best person he or she can be— not just for you, but for themselves as well.

Doesn’t take you for granted.

Wants you to stick around.

Can’t imagine life without you.

Appreciates you and attempts to understand you.

Listens to you.

Makes the effort to be available to you.

❤️
Laura

They’re Taking & You’re Giving: Stop Doing All The Work in the Relationship

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If you feel like you’re carrying all the weight in your relationship, guess what?

You probably are!

Why should you do all the work, give and give and give, while someone else takes and does relatively little?

If this is you– doing all the heavy lifting to keep your relationship running– STOP.

Successful relationships require two people working together. If you’re the one offering yourself up all the time and killing yourself to keep it going while the other person makes zero to little effort, you’re doing it all wrong.

No one should be doing all the giving, loving, sweating and heavy work of the relationship alone.

No one should be taking whatever is given to him or her, while doing nothing or, not much at all.

There will always be times when your relationship will not be equal. One person will do more giving and the other, more taking, but this shouldn’t be a constant. If it is, stop giving and start demanding more of the person you are with. You deserve to take as much as you give.

Much Love,

Laura

It’s Easy to Be Physical But Not So Easy to Love

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Anyone can have a fun physical connection with someone else. Anyone can buy a gift. Send a gift card. Anyone can have a quick cuddle fest or Netflix and “chill.”

But it’s not so easy to love. To be there for someone. To make them feel special. To really get to know them. To include the person in their daily life.

If you’re “seeing” someone and wondering where the relationship lies, just ask yourself these questions and you’ll find that it’s pretty easy to see how much you really matter to someone:

  1.  Is the person trying to get physical with you or getting physical with you, but hasn’t asked you on a date or included you in his/her hangouts with friends? If you answered yes, this person is taking the easy way out– and you don’t matter to him/her.
  2. Is the person available for you physically, but not emotionally? If this is a yes, this person isn’t invested in you beyond casual interactions.

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Someone Who Values You Vs. Someone Who Can’t Take You Out to Dinner

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One of the most important life lessons is to know how valuable you are. Because if you know you are valuable, you will never settle for anyone that makes you feel less then.
It’s taken me a lot longer than most people to realize I am a valuable and worthy person. I’m going to admit right off the bat that it’s very difficult for me sometimes to have any confidence and faith that I am really and truly deserving.

Because I have struggled, I have also learned the difference between somebody who values me and someone who doesn’t. So I’m hoping that sharing this will help others to not make the same mistakes I did. And if you have settled in the past or accepted  less than what you’re worth, don’t feel bad. You’re not alone and just know that every day is a new opportunity to try again and ask more of others and not settle.

 

Can’t Wait to See You Vs. Can’t Take You to Dinner

Oh yes. I’ve been there when the guy can’t even make an effort to take you out. When they have every excuse in the book. That’s not someone who values you. Someone who really values you can’t wait to see you. They’re  so excited and they look forward to getting to know you better.

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If You Avoid Commit & Invest in Someone— You Don’t Care Enough

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It doesn’t matter how much you say you care about someone if you can’t back it up.  If spending time with someone isn’t a priority and being close to someone isn’t a priority, well then, neither is that person.

We make time for what is important to us. We make investments in what matters to us. We do everything in our power for the people we love. If we are with someone and don’t want to spend time with them or commit, we don’t care about them enough. We don’t value them enough to make time or changes for them in order to have that person in our lives.

Sure, you hear people say how “Oh they’re not ready,” or “They don’t want it right now,” but the truth is, if the person really loved someone and actually cared about the person beyond surface attraction  and sex, they’d commit.
It’s that easy.

When we value something or someone, we invest in it.
Period.

Truth,

Laura

 

 

6 Things He/She Must Do If That Person Supposedly Cares About You

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If someone cares about you, he or she puts the money where his or her mouth is.

There are just certain things they have to do, otherwise that person is not worth it, not reliable and a flake.

And these things by the way, are non-negotiable.

1. Asks You Out

Random hangouts or late night get togethers aren’t a sign that someone cares about you. It’s a sign that someone views you as convenient.

If someone cares about you, that person will ask you out and make a plan. No BS. No “Maybe we’ll do something.” That person just asks you out!

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