Category: divorce advice

5 Life Remedies You Need to Heal A Broken Heart Over The Holidays

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The holidays are sort of like a high: they rush in, take over your life, and fill your schedule with a bunch of activities. They take charge of your wallet (unless you shop smart!) and tug at your heartstrings. What makes the holidays so special are the memories and traditions we have created with our loved ones. The yearly family photos. The gift-giving exchanges.

That’s what makes the holidays so amazing: the love.

So, what happens when you’re going through a breakup, a loss of a parent or loved one, or a divorce at the holidays?

The heartache feels like it’s amplified a million times more. Every tradition or moment is tinged with that former person’s presence, whether it’s an ex-husband or a parent who passed. There is a ghost in the room with everything you do.

It’s understandable to feel this pain in a more pronounced way during the holidays, but how can you help yourself heal and enjoy the time with your loved ones and beautiful children despite the heartache?

Read More: 5 Life Remedies You Need to Heal A Broken Heart Over The Holidays

Just Heal,

Laura

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4 Perspectives to Embrace When Supporting Your Kids After Divorce

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Our children are bystanders in the divorce process. Theyoverave no control in the matter and can often just sit or stand by and watch as their families change, drastically. Depending on the age of the child and the child’s individual personality, some kids will roll with divorce more easily than others. Not to mention, a child will fare better and come out happy despite divorce if the two parents are both active parents who for the most part, get along. This doesn’t mean you and your former spouse have to be “BFF’s,” but that the more you get along, the easier it is in general.

Keeping this in mind that our children are bystanders and the “audience” of the whole divorce debacle, how can we minimize the negative impacts a divorce can bring? Because our kids aren’t part of a passive audience: the divorce changes their lives in many ways.

Whether you’re separating, newly divorced or an old seasoned “pro” at divorce, keep in mind these 4 perspectives when parenting children after divorce.

Read More: 4 Perspectives to Embrace When Supporting Your Kids After Divorce

Support Them,

Laura

 

6 Thoughts You Will Have About Your Ex and Damnit, It’s Ok

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If we really loved our exes so much, we would still be with them. You don’t divorce someone because that person is the love of your life. Of course, you can still have plenty of positive thoughts about your ex-spouse after a divorce, but if you have a few bad ones, well … that’s not unusual, and you won’t go to hell.
Unless of course, you treat the person like garbage. That’s a whole other story.
But if you’ve ever had these thoughts about your ex, you’re in good company with many others who have felt the same way. Have a laugh and also, take heed of the positive spin I’ll give on all of those negative feelings. If you can’t grow from this experience, then what was the point of divorcing the person?

  1. HOW DID MY EX FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO FALL FOR HIS/HER SH*T?

     

    Yup, this isn’t an unusual thought to have. But before you go crazy wondering, keep a few things in mind:

    Read More: 6 Thoughts You Will Have About Your Ex and Damnit, It’s Ok

 

You’re Human,

Laura

5 Ways Giving Up Can Be A Sign of Strength

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One of the first things we tell our children is to “not give up!” So, we hold the same value for ourselves: giving up is a sign of weakness and persisting is a sign of strength and character.

Overall that is a true statement: Persisting and believing in our dreams and goals are positive ways to be! However, sometimes persisting on and on is actually a bad thing. Sometimes, giving up is a sign of strength and an acknowledgment that something you are doing or “persisting at” is not healthy or helpful for you. Throwing in the towel can require more strength sometimes, than to keep on the same path that you’ve been treading forever.

  1. GIVING UP REQUIRES THE STRENGTH WHEN YOU KNOW THE UNRAVELING WON’T BE EASY

     

    Maybe it’s getting a divorce. Maybe it’s leaving your job and finding something new. Maybe it’s cutting off a bad familial relationship. Whatever the case, sometimes giving up is harder and requires more mental strength simply because we know that while giving up the situation is best for us, it will be a tough path to get to where we need to be. For example, with divorce, we know the end result is best for us and our children, but just knowing how tough the process can be getting to that happy new place, is hard to face. So, when you are giving up on something that perhaps you once put a lot of effort and love into, like a marriage, remind yourself that you are not weak: giving up requires strength.

Read More: 5 Ways Giving Up Can Be A Sign of Strength

Let go,

Laura

When Life Gives You Lemons, Tell Life F U And Laugh

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Life loves to hand out lemons. Whether you’re rich or poor, young or old, male or female or whatever you choose to identify as, I can guarantee you that life will send some lemons your way, for sure.

And let’s be real: when you’ve gone through a divorce you sort of feel as if you took the whole friggin’ lemon in your mouth and drank sour juice for months on end. Even in the best of divorce situations, we’ve all had a bit of sour taste in our mouth and it’s easy to be depressed and discouraged with puckered lips to boot.

With a show of hands, how many of you have simply felt like you couldn’t handle another thing life handed you? How many of you have felt like it’s never going to get better? Like life is raining little tiny sh*t balls all over you? Feeling like you’re walking around the corner, getting slimed by your worst enemies every day?

Read More: When Life Gives You Lemons, Tell Life F U And Laugh

Adjust Your Crown & Keep Walking,

Laura

8 Signs You’re Limiting Yourself After Divorce & How to Stop It

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You’ve gotten the divorce and made it this far, but you’re not really happy. It’s as if you’ve got one huge dark cloud over you and you can’t seem to escape it. Mostly, because you seem to keep getting in your own way. Your life was supposed to evolve and get better, which is why you got a divorce in the first place, but it’s as if you’re stuck. The real issue is you are limiting yourself and it’s keeping you from fulfilling your full potential, as well as being happy. Here are 8 signs you’re limiting yourself after divorce.

1) You Act as if the Divorce Happened Yesterday

Even if the divorce was a year ago or more, you’re acting still as if it happened yesterday. You’re mourning. Depressed. Angry. You can’t seem to get past the whole drama of the marriage, even though you say you’ve put it behind you.

You haven’t! It’s the shadow that follows you and it limits your potential.

2) You Have a Million Excuses for Everything

When someone asks you when you’ll start dating, exercising, seeking a raise, or doing anything remotely productive, you’ve got an excuse for it.

It’s never the right “time” you say.

You don’t have enough time, encouragement, money, energy etc.

The list of excuses is Old Testament long. Biblical.

Really, you are the biggest problem you’ve got and you hold yourself back.

Read More: 8 Signs You’re Limiting Yourself After Divorce & How to Stop It
Excuses, Excuses,

Laura

7 Things You Need After Divorce More Than You Even Realize

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There are many things you need to make it through a divorce, most of which is courage and tenacity. The process can be long and hellish if you’re unlucky, quick and easy if you’re fortunate. In any event, after a divorce no matter how good or bad the divorce is, there are some things you need after divorce more than you even realize. The chances are really that you’ll realize you need these things when you’re in the middle of a crisis or low moment, but if you know ahead of time, you’ll be better off.

1 – Patience

Patience is a virtue of which I lack. But let me tell you, getting a divorce certainly beat the importance of patience into my bones.

More than you know it, you’ll need patience.

Patience to navigate life afterwards, from finances to dating and new relationships.

Patience for your kids.

Patience for all the things that a divorce can bring.

2 – Ability to Let Things Go

Ouch, here’s another thing I struggle with.

You can’t make your ex be a good person. You can’t make money fall from the sky. You can’t make love happen when you want it to.

There are some things I can walk away from, and others I struggle to.

If this is you, divorce is going to require you to learn how to do this, asap. Really, life after divorce requires that you let go of things and people and conceptions, and quickly.

3 – Acceptance of the Unknown

You thought your marriage was going to be forever. News flash, it’s over.

Pretty jarring, eh? Yes, it is. Your fairy tale took a sharp turn to the right and suddenly, it’s a tragic-comedy or just a drama series.

Read More: 7 Things You Need After Divorce More Than You Even Realize

Strength & Peace,

Laura

 

7 Ways to Create New Holiday Traditions After Divorce

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Okay, so you’re divorced and now you’ve got to figure out the holidays…on your own or with the kids. It can take adjusting. Missing your ex (or maybe not!). Missing your ex’s family unless you still see them…or also, maybe not. Sharing your kids. Being alone. Less money. Being single.

It’s not surprising if you’re already feeling a little grinchy and not so spirited. But—and here is the challenge—even if you don’t have your kids…they’re watching you before they walk off to the other parent’s home. So you’ve got to shake off the holiday blues and make different memories and traditions that they will love, and so will you.

Or in other words, your divorce is not a death sentence. It just means some adjustments have to be made for you to find a new happy normal! Here are some holly jolly ways to create new traditions at the holidays after divorce.

Read More: 7 Ways to Create New Holiday Traditions After Divorce

Jolly, Jolly,

Laura

How to Face a Quiet House This Holiday Season

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1. Less Pressure

You know how Sally kissed Harry on New Year’s Eve? Well, we would all like that to be us, but the reality is our life is not a movie or fairy tale, so what does that mean?

It means putting less pressure on yourself for the holidays to be some giant huge love fest of joy. Cut the pressure. It’s really just another day. Yes, you may not be spending it exactly as you wish, but the day will come…and go. Even for a two-day holiday like Christmas…it does pass.

Don’t put any pressure on yourself for it to be perfect. Plenty of people are having crappy and crappier holidays and they’re married with kids and some of them, are wealthy.

Yup. So chillax.

If you’re about to face a quiet house this holiday because the kids will be with your ex, join the club. There are many of us who have to share holidays with our exes…even if they don’t see the kids that much. Honestly, it’s a special kind of hell that not many people can understand or would volunteer for, but you can make it through and find comfort during the holidays. It takes perspective, support and patience with yourself to truly embrace the holiday time without your children. Here are a few things that I try in order to keep myself sane and happy during the holidays.

Read More: How to Face a Quiet House This Holiday Season 
You Can Do It,
Laura

Ending Your Bad Marriage for Good

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There you are each day, unhappily married.

It’s to a point in which the people that love you including your kids, (if you’ve got them) don’t remember a time in which you were happy. And if they do, it was in a galaxy far, far away.

The unhappy you. The depressed you. The quietly miserable you is the one people get to deal with, day in and day out.

Every day people ask when or if you’re going to divorce finally and you say the same thing:

“I’m working on it.”

And while you’re “working on it,” which is really just a BS excuse covering the fact that you’re doing nothing but panicking over how and when to make the decision, your life is passing you by.

Days, weeks, months and maybe even years go by…in which you spend such little time happy. At this point, you’re used to it.

As unhappy as you are, you are comfortable. The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t, you tell people.

You make excuses and say it’s easier this way. You say you don’t have the money. You say you’ll do it when this happens…or that kid gets older…or you finish paying that bill or this bill.

There is always something that is keeping you from ending your dead decaying marriage, but while you delay, the smell and rot from that decaying marriage is growing stronger and bigger.

The space between the two of you is getting so big, you could place another galaxy in-between you both, and there would still be plenty of room between the two of you.

The bickering or the intensity or the distance between the two of you are so bad, it impacts everyone from your families to your friends.

Honestly, from the outside in, it’s hell to watch. It’s like watching an impending car crash and knowing the end result, but not being able to stop it.

So how do you finally cut off the dead marriage and start over? How do you stop ignoring the elephant in the room and start calling it quits?

Here’s how to do it. For good.

Read More: Ending Your Bad Marriage for Good

It’s Time,

Laura