Category: divorce advice

He Won’t Change & Your Relationship Is Going Nowhere: What To Do

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You’ve cried a billion times over this man. He makes minimal effort to make your relationship work. Or, he avoids commitment and just wants to hang out. Or, he continues to hurt you and doesn’t seem to want to change.

Why won’t he change?

Simply put, he doesn’t want to.
Yes— gasp! Horrible isn’t it? It is, but he likes being who he is.
People only change under two conditions:

  1. They want to
  2. They’re forced to.

But most importantly, they want to.

If your man doesn’t want to change, guess what?

He doesn’t care about you, he’s happy where he is, maybe lazy but even still— there is nothing you can do to change him.

So, you’re sick of crying. He’s disappointed you enough. He never prioritizes you and he’s cool hanging out, hooking up sometimes, or being committed but not being very good to you.
What do you do?

You leave him.

You just leave him. Let him behave foolishly with someone else. Let him lose you. This forces him to change or forces you to seek out someone who loves you.

Someone who really cares about you will be motivated to do better. Be better. To change. To be the man you need.

And someone who does nothing, doesn’t care. Doesn’t want you. Doesn’t need you. And doesn’t care if you cry.

You deserve better!

Laura

Recovering From a Cold Icy Partner

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You know you have or had a cold icy partner when:

  • The person always remembers things negatively
  • The person dumps you or during a break up, acts like he or she doesn’t care at all
  • The person shares extensive intimacy with you and then acts like nothing mattered
  • The person minimizes every special moment you have
  • The person rarely expresses affection or if they do they’re hot and cold
  • The person minimizes your feelings and tells you you’re too sensitive or remembering it incorrectly

If these situations sound familiar to you, congratulations you’ve either dated or married a very cold person. Or, were in a relationship with somebody who was icy cold. How do you recover from somebody so hurtful? The answer is it can take years but there are a few things you can do to get yourself warmed up after being with a total icicle so you can move on to someone who is loving and warm. Also, nicer. There is hope! Not every man or woman is a cold hearted jerk. Wink.

  • Remind yourself that the person has issues Whatever the case is, it’s not your fault if somebody is withholding love from you. Most likely the person has other issues.
  • Some cultures are more cold or seemingly cold than others so, it may just be a matter of upbringing and how the person was taught to communicate.
  • If the person constantly minimizes the good times you had or your feelings or the person wasn’t warm and expressive, that person seems a bit cruel and will probably be the same way to someone else. Let the next person feel the icy burn!
  • Get yourself out on dates with a variety of people and just try to have fun in order to rebuild your confidence because we all know that cold partners can tear down your confidence completely, making you feel unworthy and not lovable.
  • Remind yourself each day that this person wasn’t nice and you shouldn’t take what they said to heart because chances are they are not kind anyway. Don’t let those negative thoughts from that icy person get you down.

It’s not easy to rebuild your faith after such an icy partner, but you can do it! Don’t let a cruel cold person extinguish your beautiful inner light.

Love,

Laura

When Someone Wastes Your Time

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There is nothing more frustrating when someone wastes your time while you put all your effort and energy into them. My last relationship the person was not as invested as I was. I put in 150% of my heart and time and the other person put in about 30%. I felt as if I did all the heavy lifting while this person had a walk-on role in our relationship. I guess the relationship didn’t matter to this person at all because as we all know, effort = how much someone cares.

The frustration I felt doing everything while the other person sat back and did the minimum, bothers me to no end.

How hurtful can someone be to watch someone else bust his or her butt to get the relationship going while he or she does barely anything?

After going through that, I realize I will never be dumb again.  I gave too much of myself to someone who didn’t appreciate me and took me for granted.

Don’t Do All the Work!!
Laura

 

 

 

When You’ve Had Enough: The Last Straw

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Photo by Meghan Rodgers on Unsplash

So long, Mr./Mrs. Nice Guy! Even we nice people get to a point where we can’t handle being taken for granted. Even nice people get tired of people’s crap and tired when people let us down. We give you folks so many chances but at some point, even we say– “Enough is enough.”

Have you ever felt as if you’re always giving people a chance? Always being patient and understanding of their issues? Always hoping the best for them? Putting in the extra effort? Going the extra mile?

Yeah well, we nice people get tired of giving, giving and giving, while people take, take and take. We get tired of being “so understanding” of other’s issues. And doing our best to keep everyone happy– friends, partners, family, etc.

There comes a point when it’s the last straw– the last straw to break the camel’s back. When we’re tired of someone hurting us, letting us down and disappointing us.

When that time comes, you best believe that even nice people say– “Screw it.”

We withdraw everything! We withdraw our love, our care, our friendship, our respect and our time. We withdraw from caring about someone who doesn’t give a hoot about us. We say– “Enough is enough.”

And suddenly, we don’t care about you. We have no time for you. We have no patience, no love and no nothing for you.

Our goodwill and love has an expiration date– today. 2020.

Peace Out,

Laura

 

 

How to Get the Best Revenge on Someone Who Hurt You

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When I got divorced, I did not want any revenge on my ex. I only wanted him to be happy. In general with most break ups I had, I wished the person well and we remained friends. A few didn’t want to be friends and a few I sort of didn’t really care for, but generally revenge is just not my cup of tea.

But occasionally, we all have someone who has cut us to the bone and disappointed us in such huge ways that it feels as if we will never be ok. Of course, someone great always comes around to show up that fool who hurt you, but in the meantime, dealing with the hurt can be challenging.

Here are “good ways” to get revenge so you can feel great and let the fool be smarting … not you!

Ignore The Person

In public. In private. Always. When you see the person, snub him or her. Don’t return a smile. Don’t be kind. Don’t be mean. Just ignore the person.

If that person hurt you, he or she doesn’t deserve your time.

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You Want A Divorce But, You Still Love Your Husband

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While many people get a divorce because they don’t love their spouses anymore for whatever reason—martial problem breakdown, abuse, neglect, lack of sex, lack of respect, etc.—I occasionally hear from women that they still love their husbands during the divorce process.

What gives? It doesn’t seem to make sense in this scenario, or does it? You can technically love someone but not “be in love” with them anymore, although, to me, that means the love is dead. Let’s be honest, you’re not getting hot and heavy or committing to someone that you fell out of love with. But there are many women who when divorcing, share that they still love their husbands—and it becomes a source of personal conflict for some time.  If this is you, these are the reasons you may be struggling with this very issue as you go through the divorce process. And hang tight—it gets better and over time, you will feel assured you made the right choice by getting a divorce.

Read More: You Want A Divorce But, You Still Love Your Husband

Keep Moving Forward,

Laura

4 Meaningful Twists On The Divorce Party To Help You Heal

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Nowadays, people don’t just sign the divorce papers and move on with their lives. People party.

Literally, folks throw divorce parties.

It sounds a bit sarcastic and ironic to some people—and maybe even wrong, but for some who have gone through the process and rebuilt their lives due to a divorce, a party seems more than appropriate.

It is a brand-new life—one that is wildly different than the one you celebrated on your wedding day. So, why not make a toast to this new uncharted territory? However, while a party may be nice, there are other ways to mark and honor this new chapter in your life that go beyond cocktails and celebratory martinis.

Try one of these 4 meaningful twists on the divorce party to truly get your new life started on the right foot:

The Divorce Hike

Before you go joking that your ex would be happy if you fell off a cliff, consider all the real mental and physical ways a hike can change you.

Gathering with friends or going alone (if you’re not a novice hiker) is a truly spiritual way to celebrate your entrance to this new life.

Read More: 4 Meaningful Twists On The Divorce Party To Help You Heal

Go For It!

Laura

17 Funny Divorce Sayings To Make You Put On A Happy Face

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Divorce is no laughing matter but if you don’t laugh a bit throughout the process and find the good, it’s going to kill your spirit. Making light and finding humor in life is a key coping strategy for getting through the bad and moving on to the good in life. Keep these 17 funny sayings and quotes about divorce in your back pocket for whenever you need a good smile—and a laugh!

1. When you physically feel ill—don’t worry … you’re not alone!

Divorce is the psychological equivalent of a triple coronary bypass.
-Mary Kay Blakely

2. Be wary of lawyers …

A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, any more than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.
– Jean Kerr

Read More: 17 Funny Divorce Sayings To Make You Put On A Happy Face

Laugh a Little,

Laura

How To Put Your Kid Ahead Of Your Ego With The Custody Schedule

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Making a custody schedule is about as fun as stubbing your toe on a Lego or getting food poisoning. However, if you’re divorcing with kids you’ve got to make a schedule that works, which means rolling up your sleeves with your ex and potentially, a mediator or lawyers if needed (hopefully not) and putting it in writing.

The hardest part of all of this is putting your kids before yourself.

It shouldn’t be. I mean, a custody schedule is all about the children, but it’s not uncommon for divorcing parents to let their egos get in the way when making a schedule for their kids.

The bottom line is, of course, you and your ex need to consider your own personal needs and work schedules, but the kids’ needs have to come first.

Here are a few tips to keep your ego in check and put your kids first:

Read More: How To Put Your Kid Ahead Of Your Ego With The Custody Schedule

Put Them First,

Laura

How to Network & Relaunch Your Career After Divorce

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Okay, lady. You just got your divorce signed, sealed and delivered. You’re probably a bit weary, a lot tired and maybe completely terrified.

Been there, done that—certified in those feelings totally.

And now, you’ve got more financial responsibilities on your shoulders. While your life has unraveled, it’s now time for you to get it all buttoned up and particularly, with your career.

Believe it or not, your divorce could be the launching pad you need to either totally revamp your career or start one altogether. Even though it’s a time of crisis, it is a time of renewal and a time to focus on you and your life path for at least the next 1-10 years.

So, how will you get your career off the ground or, shined and polished up? With a bit of networking and strategy, that’s how:

GET THE TOOLS

Before you start networking like a fiend, you need to know what tools you’ll need to make your career blast off.

Is it:

  • More education? Do you need to go back to school? If so, can you take out loans? Can you set aside any money weekly? What about your assets? Can you sell your engagement ring, wedding band or marital jewelry to help fund this endeavor?
  • A better resume? Do you need to invest in a resume writer? Perhaps you need two separate resumes or more—in order to nail down the position you want, you may have to test out a few resumes.
  • A job switch? Do you have to leave your current job altogether to get to where you want to go? Or, could you move up or laterally in the company? Consider your “directionality.”

Read More: How to Network & Relaunch Your Career After Divorce

Be Empowered,

Laura