How to Network & Relaunch Your Career After Divorce

Okay, lady. You just got your divorce signed, sealed and delivered. You’re probably a bit weary, a lot tired and maybe completely terrified.

Been there, done that—certified in those feelings totally.

And now, you’ve got more financial responsibilities on your shoulders. While your life has unraveled, it’s now time for you to get it all buttoned up and particularly, with your career.

Believe it or not, your divorce could be the launching pad you need to either totally revamp your career or start one altogether. Even though it’s a time of crisis, it is a time of renewal and a time to focus on you and your life path for at least the next 1-10 years.

So, how will you get your career off the ground or, shined and polished up? With a bit of networking and strategy, that’s how:

GET THE TOOLS

Before you start networking like a fiend, you need to know what tools you’ll need to make your career blast off.

Is it:

  • More education? Do you need to go back to school? If so, can you take out loans? Can you set aside any money weekly? What about your assets? Can you sell your engagement ring, wedding band or marital jewelry to help fund this endeavor?
  • A better resume? Do you need to invest in a resume writer? Perhaps you need two separate resumes or more—in order to nail down the position you want, you may have to test out a few resumes.
  • A job switch? Do you have to leave your current job altogether to get to where you want to go? Or, could you move up or laterally in the company? Consider your “directionality.”

Read More: How to Network & Relaunch Your Career After Divorce

Be Empowered,

Laura

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What Your Married Friends Think Dating After Divorce Is Like VS. What It’s Really Like

Married life is great if you’re happy but of course, it’s not the same type of love as when you first met. So, it’s not unusual for your married friends to be curious and eager to chat about your dating life simply because it’s interesting (or so they think) and exciting compared to a date night with their partners.

There is definitely a clear difference in the conversations around dating when I talk with a divorced person vs. a married person. The divorced person already knows or has a gist of the reality you face whereas the married person has ideas about it that are either rooted in fantasy or perhaps, horror!

At the end of it all, your married friends want to see you happy and loved—whether it’s self-love from you or coupled love with someone else. Truly, at the bottom of all their curious and nosy questions, there is a love that radiates to you hoping for your happiness. Remember—these were the people who most likely saw you at your very worst in your marriage: unhappy and brokenhearted.

Read More: What Your Married Friends Think Dating After Divorce Is Like VS. What It’s Really Like

Reality Check,

Laura

Mother’s Day When You’re Married Vs. When You’re Divorced

Mother’s Day when you’re married is very different from when you’re divorced. Of course, the day is really a celebration of motherhood and all we do each day— it’s not a celebration of marriage in any sense. But it feels very different “celebrating” the day as a single parent than it does when you are part of a nuclear family, in my opinion. It doesn’t take away from the special role we play as mothers, but it does feel like a whole other ball game.

WAKING UP TO A DAY “OFF” VS. WAKING UP TO ANOTHER DAY

When you’re married, your partner will usually (even the laziest of partners) try to pick up the slack so mom (you) can have a day off. Of course, you’ll most likely be picking up after everyone anyway—and doing a load of laundry or ten. But your partner will swing taking you to a meal or making you one. Maybe even tell you to put up your feet. The kids will be rallied a bit more to help with the coaxing of the other parent that hey—it’s Mother’s Day. You might want to do something, you know?

Read More: Mother’s Day When You’re Married Vs. When You’re Divorced

For All the Mommies,

Laura

 

Tips For Your First Date After Divorce

Going out on the first date after divorce or separation is quite a doozy for most people. Think of it as like a cocktail of emotions—a dash of excitement, a sprinkle of dread and a dousing of nerves—and voila—you’ve got the first date after divorce.

Of course, the situation is different for everyone. If you’re going out with an ex or an old friend, your “spidey senses” won’t be as tingling since the person is familiar. If you’re venturing out with an online date or app match, chances are your nerves are in overdrive because, let’s face it: the online experience is a kooky one.

You might even feel a little guilty that first date out, even though you shouldn’t. Guilt over moving on or guilt over being so excited about a date and maybe not caring at all about your ex.

Read More: Tips For Your First Date After Divorce

You’ve Got This,

Laura

How to Keep Your Divorce From Becoming Office Gossip

If you work in an office, you know how gossipy it gets. The office is its own microcosm with rules and a life all its own. People like to mind others’ business, and often, share it. What else is there to do when you’re in cubicle central? You could stay quiet but … many don’t.

And at the same time, our coworkers often see us at our best and worst, and when you’re getting a divorce there is a big chance you will be on your “worst,” on quite a few occasions. You can put on a happy face as much as possible and put your nose to the grindstone at work, but you’ll definitely have a few grouchy days. You may need to step into the bathroom, find a stall and cry for a few minutes. That’s normal.

Read More: How to Keep Your Divorce From Becoming Office Gossip

Keep The Chatter Down,

Laura

6 Lessons Learned After Being Divorced for Three Years

Very shortly, it will be 3 years since my divorce date and over 5 years since I have been separated from my ex-husband. As it gets close to that date each year which also is right next to our wedding anniversary ironically, I always reflect on the trials, wins, and growth I’ve made in that time. In some ways, I always find myself a bit short of where I want to be, and in other ways, I always find that I’ve surpassed my expectations. Now that it’s almost three years out, here’s what I’ve learned, where I’ve been, and where I’m headed.

1. DOING THE RIGHT THING ALWAYS PAYS OFF

There were many times when it came to my ex or things involving him where friends would say I was “too nice” or going out of my way.
This isn’t to say that I always did the right thing each time, but that overall, I usually tried to do the right thing.

I think it’s paid off. I think my daughter has learned a lot from my example, and I think it has helped bridge the gap and heal relationships between myself and my ex’s family. I think it’s helped to ensure that my daughter has a relationship with them as well. I even see some positive changes between my ex and me, so I’ll take them.

Read More: 6 Lessons Learned After Being Divorced for Three Years

Learning & Growing,

Laura

You Can’t Keep Up With Your Married Friends’ Budgets After Divorce–& That’s Ok!

Although there are exceptions to every rule, many of us feel a financial lifestyle shift after divorce. This impact can be lessened if you end up getting good financial support from an ex or, if you have family who helps support you. But overall, most people have to make financial adjustments. This may mean that you won’t be able to spend like you used to on everything from “must-have’s” to “want-to have’s.” This can be extremely frustrating and hard to adjust to, but the reality is being happy is more important than having a certain lifestyle. As long as you have a roof over your head and are healthy … that’s more than many people have.

If you beat yourself up over these financial changes, it can really bring you down. There’s nothing worse than the feeling of coming up empty-handed, while you think others are doing great and able to give their kids the world. The operative word being “think,” as you really don’t know how other people live, and what they go through. And no matter what, you’ll never measure up by comparing yourself to a two-income family and by doing so, you will only make yourself feel worse. There are ways, however, to deal with these financial stresses and comparisons between your friends and yourself. Read on – and hang on because it always gets better.

Read More: You Can’t Keep Up With Your Married Friends’ Budgets After Divorce–& That’s Ok!

In the Balance,

Laura

6 Lessons Learned on My Three-Year Divorce Anniversary

Very shortly, it will be 3 years since my divorce date and over 5 years since I have been separated from my ex-husband. As it gets close to that date each year which also is right next to our wedding anniversary ironically, I always reflect on the trials, wins, and growth I’ve made in that time. In some ways, I always find myself a bit short of where I want to be, and in other ways, I always find that I’ve surpassed my expectations. Now that it’s almost three years out, here’s what I’ve learned, where I’ve been, and where I’m headed.

1. DOING THE RIGHT THING ALWAYS PAYS OFF

There were many times when it came to my ex or things involving him where friends would say I was “too nice” or going out of my way.
This isn’t to say that I always did the right thing each time, but that overall, I usually tried to do the right thing.

Read More: 6 Lessons Learned on My Three-Year Divorce Anniversary

Growing,

Laura

Real Stories of Love, After Divorce

The words “love” + “divorce” aren’t usually paired together. In fact, after a divorce most people find themselves wondering if perhaps, love is just a scam. Of course it’s not, but it’s normal to feel a bit weary or jaded, as long as you don’t let those feelings linger. After all, if you believe it, you’ll receive it— meaning that if you have a bad attitude about love, you’re most likely apt to attract negative situations and people. Believing is part and parcel of finding love … you just need a little blind faith. Hopefully not too blind, or you might choose the wrong person again.

With Valentine’s Day here, you might be licking a few salty wounds or feeling lonely. It is a Hallmark holiday in many ways, but if you’re a romantic like me, it’s normal to want to have someone to enjoy it with. So, as my present to all those wondering when cupid will strike, here are a few love stories after divorce to inspire you to have faith, be patient and believe.

You Say He’s Just a Friend

Jackie, creator and Editor-in-chief of Divorced Girl Smiling, had been divorced for 11 years and her ex had been remarried for quite some time when she ended up in a relationship that lasted for 6 years.

“It was always comfortable, but I felt like I wasn’t ready to get married again and neither did my boyfriend–which made things easy,” she says.

However, the tides turned when when boyfriend finally wanted to settle down. That’s when the issues started. After a few “make up’s and break up’s” as I call them, they finally ended it.

Read More: Real Stories of Love, After Divorce

Believe,

Laura

6 Bad Attitudes That Keep You From Finalizing Your Divorce

One of the biggest themes I see in the divorce groups I frequent as well as moderate is the grey zone of separation. So there you are. You’re separated. Maybe you’ve been separated for a few months or maybe, a few years. You figure that as long as you’re separated, it’s done and finalizing the whole deal…doesn’t really matter.

Wrong.

That’s what you have told yourself, at least. I’ve watched, counseled, listened and read person after person struggle with cutting the cord for good. Almost everyone (including my former self!) has had excuse after excuse to delay the process.

When usually, the reality is that you’re harboring some bad or negative attitudes that are holding you back from making it official. It could even be fear of what’s to come. The hope of reconciliation. The dread of dealing with the legalities.

From separation to the final court date, it took about two years for my ex and I to make our divorce official. And that, my friends, was too long. Too long for both of us, I am sure, but now at least it’s been done for a few years now.

Read More: 6 Bad Attitudes That Keep You From Finalizing Your Divorce

Move Ahead,

Laura