frommtvtomommy

Archive for the ‘divorce’ Category

10 Ways to Show Appreciation to Your Ex For Being a Good Dad This Fathers Day

In divorce, divorce advice, single dad on June 16, 2017 at 2:53 pm

Father’s Day is almost here, but you’re not living with the father of your child/children anymore. If your kids are older, they can certainly figure out a way to tell dad how much they love him, but for those of you with younger children…isn’t it up to you to do something?

Sure, a stepmother or new partner may hold the helm with these duties, but as mom of those children, if you’ve got an ex who is an active and good dad, you should step up and do something. You don’t have to drop cash on him or go all out like you used to because you’re not his wife…but they’re still his kids. If your ex is a good father, step up and show him your appreciation. It could be so much worse. Even if you’re still feeling the sting over the divorce, think of the many divorced parents who watch as the dad walks out on the kids’ lives. If your ex is in it for the long haul, show him how important he is on Father’s Day with these ideas.

1- Plan a Breakfast

If the kids are dying to make him breakfast, ask if he wouldn’t mind if you help the littles make breakfast for him. If his new partner is not happy with the idea, try inviting the new partner too.

What will an hour together hurt?

If the two of you can’t get along but he’s still an awesome dad, give the kids money and let them treat him to breakfast!

Read More: 10 Ways to Show Appreciation to Your Ex For Being a Good Dad This Fathers Day

Be Grateful If He’s Good,

Laura

Are You Harboring Resentment Against Your Ex?

In divorce, divorce advice on June 8, 2017 at 8:15 pm

One of the hardest things to do during or after a divorce, is let go of any resentment you might have towards a jerky ex.

I get it. You hate her. You hate him. He’s a piece of dog poo. She’s a mess. Your skin crawls when you hear his or her voice…your blood pressure rises with every single email or text from this human being.

Welcome to divorce. Wink.

If you loved your ex still, most likely you wouldn’t be divorced! This doesn’t mean that everyone who gets divorced hates his or her ex as some people remain friendly afterwards, but it’s not unusual to have a bit of dislike for your former partner.

Especially if your ex is a bad coparent, an absent coparent, financially wrecked you, doesn’t pay support, milks you for every cent…or many other numerous reasons. It’s very easy if you’re struggling to rebuild yourself after divorce with or without kids, to not feel a little pissed at the person who is doing you wrong, essentially.

However, anger is an emotion that while it seems to go one way, is an emotion that is both directed…and swallowed. What the heck does that mean? I’m asking myself that now.

It means that when you’re angry, the other party feels your anger, but so do you. They say that depression is anger turned inwards, right? Well if you’re angry at someone else, you’re bound to feel it. Dare I say it, you’re probably consumed with anger! It’s not exactly a very fleeting feeling…being angry at someone. But all that resentment you have towards your ex—is it really making this person a better person? Or is it just wasting your energy?

Read More: Are You Harboring Resentment Against Your Ex?

Let It Go,

Laura

Divorce Can Make You Happy

In divorce on June 6, 2017 at 2:16 am

Divorce can be extremely difficult, but as the process is finalized it can be extremely peaceful . . . or at the least, even in the midst of the stress and strain, it can be a positive event. For many people, the toughest part is in the first two stages: the first is when you are deciding whether to divorce or not. The decision to divorce can be harder than the divorce itself, as you’re filled with anxiety and sadness. The second stage is the separation process in which both parties begin to cut ties.

Divorce shouldn’t be considered trivial or an easy way out of a marriage, because more times than not it takes immense bravery to divorce and move forward with your life. But once you’re over the tough part, there are so many reasons divorce can bring you happiness.

1. No More Doubt

That period when we were deciding whether to divorce or not was so hard. It was full of anxiety, sadness, confusion, and pain. I can’t express enough how difficult that period was for me and, I am sure, my ex. Making the decision to divorce was hard because we had invested years together and had a child. My divorce made me happier and, I am sure, him as well, simply because the decision was made and we could move forward.

Read More: Why Divorce Made Me Happier

To A New Life!

Laura

10 Things I Could Only Learn From Marrying The Wrong Person

In divorce, life, marriage on May 29, 2017 at 11:14 pm

There are some things in life that you won’t learn until you screw up badly or take a major risk. It’s taking that risk or making those mistakes that help you become who you are. Without those mistakes and failures, you’d be a fragment of who you are today.

Yes, you read that right! Your failures can really break you, but more importantly, they can make you.

Think about the last time someone gave you advice, especially in matters of the heart. Did you take it? Think about your last breakup. If someone had stopped you right before you committed to this person and said, “It’s going to end, so don’t bother,” would you have listened to him or her, or went ahead and married the wrong person?

You would have done what you wanted to. Had someone tried to stop me from getting married, I would have told them to screw off.

The reality is while I did love my former husband and wanted it to work out, we were not meant for each other. We couldn’t have lasted a lifetime, but without marrying him, I wouldn’t have learned so many things.

By taking the risk and getting married to the wrong person, I gained so much. A beautiful daughter and many life lessons that made me who I am today. Lessons that I could only have learned by marrying the wrong person.

 

Read More: 10 Things I Could Only Learn From Marrying The Wrong Person

Lessons Learned,

Laura

Strangeness of Mothers Day After Divorce

In divorce, single mom on May 13, 2017 at 8:52 pm
In the three years my marriage ended, I’ve made a bunch of new traditions with my daughter for each holiday. Whether it’s Easter or Hanukkah (yeah, we’re that kind of family) or any other holiday, we’ve got new traditions we’ve been establishing for the past few years so that overall, the holidays feel “normal” to me. Well, except for when my daughter is not with me. That’s still really hard.

But the one “holiday” that still feels a bit weird is Mother’s Day. Mother’s Day growing up meant Dad was supposed to do stuff so Mom could do whatever she wanted. It was a nuclear family event and granted, I have one child and growing up, I was the youngest of four. Now that we are all older with our own lives, Mother’s Day has become less of an event. And when people ask me what I am doing for Mother’s Day, a part of me laughs inside and thinks, “Exactly what I do every other damn day.”

There’s no one doing anything for me. From sunrise to sunset, when you are a single parent, you are a single parent no matter what Hallmark or the rest of your married and coupled friends are doing. I will be lucky if my ex even thinks to have my daughter make me a card.

The reality is, it’s just one day out of the year and it’s one day that someone decided we should all celebrate Mothers of the world…but really, does it matter?

Read More: Strangeness of Mothers Day After Divorce 

Happy Mothers Day to the Single Moms Doing it All!

Laura

10 Things You MUST Do In Your First Year As A Divorcée

In divorce, divorce advice on May 13, 2017 at 8:50 pm

Everyone experiences the emotions of divorce differently, but that first year as a divorcee can be a variety of things. From transformative to stressful or perhaps both, the first year can set the stage for how you view life and love, post-marriage.

I highly recommend to all of you just getting your papers signed and official to make this year as positive as possible, even if there are quite a few sh*tstorms headed your way. Here are 9 things to do after a divorce that are absolutely necessary.

1. Start a new hobby.

It doesn’t matter what you choose, but pick a new hobby! If you’re broke and can’t get out of the house much, pick something you can do at home. I don’t care if it’s knitting, painting, scrapbooking, boxing, cycling — whatever hobby you choose, make it something you do for yourself. Not a hobby to meet a new partner or make friends (although making friends is great), but something you can do for you.

It’s time you got to know yourself again. Think of yourself like a plant: after a divorce, you’re dry and thirsty for food, water and sustenance. Feed yourself.

2. Get a physical.

How healthy are you really? After an ordeal like divorce, maybe you’re not as healthy as you would like to be. Get a physical. Get yourself checked out. Assess how you feel so you can decide how to take care of yourself from here on out. Remember, you’re a dry and starving plant.

Read More:  10 Things You MUST Do In Your First Year As A Divorcée

Finding Treasure Among The Trash

In divorce, life, relationships, single mom on April 11, 2017 at 2:16 am

My one-year divorce-aversary is coming up quickly.

It’s made me stop to think about the year and overall, it’s been a rough one.

Every time I thought I had things under control, life would pull the rug under me and laugh saying, “Not so fast, blondie.”

There were some moments in which I thought—I just can’t do this. Many moments. The feeling was overwhelming, but then suddenly, I turned a corner. Not that I don’t sometimes feel defeated about caring for myself and my daughter on my own…not that I don’t look at my bank account and think, “When does it get better?” because I do… a lot.

Not that I don’t think, when another issue comes up with my ex, “What now?”

But that I believe wholeheartedly that I will manage it. Somehow, I managed when I thought I couldn’t during numerous moments throughout this year. And honestly, out of the three years we have been done with our marriage, this one was the hardest by far—proving that no two divorce journeys are alike.

And here it is spring. A time of new growth. A time of warmer sun. A time of longer days.

And for the first time, I will be without my child for six whole nights.

Originally when we split, we shared her time 50/50, and it was challenging making a life for myself when she was gone with dad. Then as her dad started to take less and less and less time with her, suddenly, it was the two of us again, attached at the hip just like we had been when I was a stay-at home mom.

I’ve never been apart from my daughter for this long. I’ve never missed the chance to dye eggs or see the bunny in time for Easter. It’s this time of the year that I am most sentimental about missing my stay-at home days with her… she just turned six and I still remember those days…the ones rocking her in her chair, her nursing to sleep. The ones in which we hopped from park to park, drawing on the sidewalks, writing letters, and swinging on swings…climbing to the top and me wondering if she wasn’t going just a little too high…or not.

How quiet the house is going to be for six whole nights…getting used to that silence. Getting used to being alone with my own thoughts.

 

Read more: Finding Treasure Among The Trash

Diamond in the Rough,

Laura

My Interview For Fox News on Financial Education for Women

In divorce, single mom, women's issues, work on March 21, 2017 at 1:12 am

When I decided to get a divorce, I was terrified. I was financially dependent and desperately trying to grow my income. Three years later, with a lot of hard work and sweat…I am doing it, thanks to the help of an amazing organization called Savvy Ladies.

Please watch this video and share. It could help a woman who is struggling in silence.

Watch the interview here.

With Hope,

Laura

8 Stereotypes of Divorced Women

In divorce on March 12, 2017 at 3:35 am

Stereotypes exist for a reason they say, but it doesn’t mean that we should make judgments or pass assumptions based on some mythological stereotype. I wrote an article on stereotypes of divorced men, and so here are some of the stereotypes divorced women face each day…whether the experience is true or completely false for them. Instead of making assumptions that all divorces and divorced people act along “gendered lines,” we would really benefit if we could agree that divorce doesn’t look the same for anyone. I know not one single person that has my exact “divorce story,” and to recognize that divorce impacts people and children in different ways will only help us make new lives post-divorce, better…for all of us.

1- She’s a gold-digger

Not all divorcing women are rolling in alimony from their heads to their toes. Reality is some women pay their former spouses, not the other way around. People assume falsely so that not only will a woman “be financially okay,” but she’ll also make out big after her divorce, leaving her ex floundering.

That certainly isn’t my situation by any stretch of the imagination, nor is it many people I happen to know.

Read More: 8 Stereotypes of Divorced Women

 

Not Rolling In It,

Laura

Are These Divorce Men Stereotypes Fair?

In divorce, divorce advice, Uncategorized on February 27, 2017 at 6:10 pm

While some people certainly make stereotypes come to life, there are also a lot of unfair stereotypes in this world. In my own experience, my ex has fit the bill with some of the stereotypes you’ll see here…but many of my divorced friends and associates do not fall into these harsh and sometimes, untrue assumptions about divorced men. Not every woman or man who divorced is exactly how you imagine them– the money hungry ex-wife….the deadbeat ex-husband. Here are stereotypes that divorced men face each day—no matter how good a man he is…or not.

It was his fault

A lot of people assume the divorce was the man’s fault—at least initially. Obviously if people know a couple, they’ll have an idea of the “root” of the issues, but most times when I tell people I am divorced, they assume it was my ex’s fault. I’m not going to personally reveal the source of our divorce, but I am stating that many people assume the guy either was a cheater, jerk or the cause of the marital discord.

Read More: Are These Divorce Men Stereotypes Fair?

Stereotypes Lie in Falsehoods, Too…

Laura