You Want A Divorce But, You Still Love Your Husband

While many people get a divorce because they don’t love their spouses anymore for whatever reason—martial problem breakdown, abuse, neglect, lack of sex, lack of respect, etc.—I occasionally hear from women that they still love their husbands during the divorce process.

What gives? It doesn’t seem to make sense in this scenario, or does it? You can technically love someone but not “be in love” with them anymore, although, to me, that means the love is dead. Let’s be honest, you’re not getting hot and heavy or committing to someone that you fell out of love with. But there are many women who when divorcing, share that they still love their husbands—and it becomes a source of personal conflict for some time.  If this is you, these are the reasons you may be struggling with this very issue as you go through the divorce process. And hang tight—it gets better and over time, you will feel assured you made the right choice by getting a divorce.

Read More: You Want A Divorce But, You Still Love Your Husband

Keep Moving Forward,

Laura

4 Meaningful Twists On The Divorce Party To Help You Heal

Nowadays, people don’t just sign the divorce papers and move on with their lives. People party.

Literally, folks throw divorce parties.

It sounds a bit sarcastic and ironic to some people—and maybe even wrong, but for some who have gone through the process and rebuilt their lives due to a divorce, a party seems more than appropriate.

It is a brand-new life—one that is wildly different than the one you celebrated on your wedding day. So, why not make a toast to this new uncharted territory? However, while a party may be nice, there are other ways to mark and honor this new chapter in your life that go beyond cocktails and celebratory martinis.

Try one of these 4 meaningful twists on the divorce party to truly get your new life started on the right foot:

The Divorce Hike

Before you go joking that your ex would be happy if you fell off a cliff, consider all the real mental and physical ways a hike can change you.

Gathering with friends or going alone (if you’re not a novice hiker) is a truly spiritual way to celebrate your entrance to this new life.

Read More: 4 Meaningful Twists On The Divorce Party To Help You Heal

Go For It!

Laura

17 Funny Divorce Sayings To Make You Put On A Happy Face

Divorce is no laughing matter but if you don’t laugh a bit throughout the process and find the good, it’s going to kill your spirit. Making light and finding humor in life is a key coping strategy for getting through the bad and moving on to the good in life. Keep these 17 funny sayings and quotes about divorce in your back pocket for whenever you need a good smile—and a laugh!

1. When you physically feel ill—don’t worry … you’re not alone!

Divorce is the psychological equivalent of a triple coronary bypass.
-Mary Kay Blakely

2. Be wary of lawyers …

A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, any more than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.
– Jean Kerr

Read More: 17 Funny Divorce Sayings To Make You Put On A Happy Face

Laugh a Little,

Laura

How To Put Your Kid Ahead Of Your Ego With The Custody Schedule

Making a custody schedule is about as fun as stubbing your toe on a Lego or getting food poisoning. However, if you’re divorcing with kids you’ve got to make a schedule that works, which means rolling up your sleeves with your ex and potentially, a mediator or lawyers if needed (hopefully not) and putting it in writing.

The hardest part of all of this is putting your kids before yourself.

It shouldn’t be. I mean, a custody schedule is all about the children, but it’s not uncommon for divorcing parents to let their egos get in the way when making a schedule for their kids.

The bottom line is, of course, you and your ex need to consider your own personal needs and work schedules, but the kids’ needs have to come first.

Here are a few tips to keep your ego in check and put your kids first:

Read More: How To Put Your Kid Ahead Of Your Ego With The Custody Schedule

Put Them First,

Laura

How to Network & Relaunch Your Career After Divorce

Okay, lady. You just got your divorce signed, sealed and delivered. You’re probably a bit weary, a lot tired and maybe completely terrified.

Been there, done that—certified in those feelings totally.

And now, you’ve got more financial responsibilities on your shoulders. While your life has unraveled, it’s now time for you to get it all buttoned up and particularly, with your career.

Believe it or not, your divorce could be the launching pad you need to either totally revamp your career or start one altogether. Even though it’s a time of crisis, it is a time of renewal and a time to focus on you and your life path for at least the next 1-10 years.

So, how will you get your career off the ground or, shined and polished up? With a bit of networking and strategy, that’s how:

GET THE TOOLS

Before you start networking like a fiend, you need to know what tools you’ll need to make your career blast off.

Is it:

  • More education? Do you need to go back to school? If so, can you take out loans? Can you set aside any money weekly? What about your assets? Can you sell your engagement ring, wedding band or marital jewelry to help fund this endeavor?
  • A better resume? Do you need to invest in a resume writer? Perhaps you need two separate resumes or more—in order to nail down the position you want, you may have to test out a few resumes.
  • A job switch? Do you have to leave your current job altogether to get to where you want to go? Or, could you move up or laterally in the company? Consider your “directionality.”

Read More: How to Network & Relaunch Your Career After Divorce

Be Empowered,

Laura

What Your Married Friends Think Dating After Divorce Is Like VS. What It’s Really Like

Married life is great if you’re happy but of course, it’s not the same type of love as when you first met. So, it’s not unusual for your married friends to be curious and eager to chat about your dating life simply because it’s interesting (or so they think) and exciting compared to a date night with their partners.

There is definitely a clear difference in the conversations around dating when I talk with a divorced person vs. a married person. The divorced person already knows or has a gist of the reality you face whereas the married person has ideas about it that are either rooted in fantasy or perhaps, horror!

At the end of it all, your married friends want to see you happy and loved—whether it’s self-love from you or coupled love with someone else. Truly, at the bottom of all their curious and nosy questions, there is a love that radiates to you hoping for your happiness. Remember—these were the people who most likely saw you at your very worst in your marriage: unhappy and brokenhearted.

Read More: What Your Married Friends Think Dating After Divorce Is Like VS. What It’s Really Like

Reality Check,

Laura

Mother’s Day When You’re Married Vs. When You’re Divorced

Mother’s Day when you’re married is very different from when you’re divorced. Of course, the day is really a celebration of motherhood and all we do each day— it’s not a celebration of marriage in any sense. But it feels very different “celebrating” the day as a single parent than it does when you are part of a nuclear family, in my opinion. It doesn’t take away from the special role we play as mothers, but it does feel like a whole other ball game.

WAKING UP TO A DAY “OFF” VS. WAKING UP TO ANOTHER DAY

When you’re married, your partner will usually (even the laziest of partners) try to pick up the slack so mom (you) can have a day off. Of course, you’ll most likely be picking up after everyone anyway—and doing a load of laundry or ten. But your partner will swing taking you to a meal or making you one. Maybe even tell you to put up your feet. The kids will be rallied a bit more to help with the coaxing of the other parent that hey—it’s Mother’s Day. You might want to do something, you know?

Read More: Mother’s Day When You’re Married Vs. When You’re Divorced

For All the Mommies,

Laura

 

Tips For Your First Date After Divorce

Going out on the first date after divorce or separation is quite a doozy for most people. Think of it as like a cocktail of emotions—a dash of excitement, a sprinkle of dread and a dousing of nerves—and voila—you’ve got the first date after divorce.

Of course, the situation is different for everyone. If you’re going out with an ex or an old friend, your “spidey senses” won’t be as tingling since the person is familiar. If you’re venturing out with an online date or app match, chances are your nerves are in overdrive because, let’s face it: the online experience is a kooky one.

You might even feel a little guilty that first date out, even though you shouldn’t. Guilt over moving on or guilt over being so excited about a date and maybe not caring at all about your ex.

Read More: Tips For Your First Date After Divorce

You’ve Got This,

Laura

How to Keep Your Divorce From Becoming Office Gossip

If you work in an office, you know how gossipy it gets. The office is its own microcosm with rules and a life all its own. People like to mind others’ business, and often, share it. What else is there to do when you’re in cubicle central? You could stay quiet but … many don’t.

And at the same time, our coworkers often see us at our best and worst, and when you’re getting a divorce there is a big chance you will be on your “worst,” on quite a few occasions. You can put on a happy face as much as possible and put your nose to the grindstone at work, but you’ll definitely have a few grouchy days. You may need to step into the bathroom, find a stall and cry for a few minutes. That’s normal.

Read More: How to Keep Your Divorce From Becoming Office Gossip

Keep The Chatter Down,

Laura

6 Lessons Learned After Being Divorced for Three Years

Very shortly, it will be 3 years since my divorce date and over 5 years since I have been separated from my ex-husband. As it gets close to that date each year which also is right next to our wedding anniversary ironically, I always reflect on the trials, wins, and growth I’ve made in that time. In some ways, I always find myself a bit short of where I want to be, and in other ways, I always find that I’ve surpassed my expectations. Now that it’s almost three years out, here’s what I’ve learned, where I’ve been, and where I’m headed.

1. DOING THE RIGHT THING ALWAYS PAYS OFF

There were many times when it came to my ex or things involving him where friends would say I was “too nice” or going out of my way.
This isn’t to say that I always did the right thing each time, but that overall, I usually tried to do the right thing.

I think it’s paid off. I think my daughter has learned a lot from my example, and I think it has helped bridge the gap and heal relationships between myself and my ex’s family. I think it’s helped to ensure that my daughter has a relationship with them as well. I even see some positive changes between my ex and me, so I’ll take them.

Read More: 6 Lessons Learned After Being Divorced for Three Years

Learning & Growing,

Laura