We All Need to Be Cared For

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No matter how old we are or how independent and capable we may be, we all need someone to be there for us. Sure, there are people who protest and say they don’t need anyone and that they’re “OK” on their own, but the reality is none of us is an island.

We all crave human touch, companionship, love, passion and connection. Without it, let’s admit it: we would be pretty boring people. It’s why people take so much time and effort to pursue love, romance, sex and friendship. If it wasn’t so intoxicating, amazing and transformative, nobody would be running after it, writing songs about it, or discussing it in detail with their friends.

When we don’t feel cared for, we are often at our worst. We feel anxious, unsure and misunderstood. We feel alone, powerless and intimidated. These feelings stem into depression or general anxiety. It bleeds into our everyday lives. Not having that connection can feel like you’re on an island or swimming in a turbulent ocean with the undertow taking you further and further away from the rest of the world. This isn’t to say that we need someone else’s care and love in order to be successful and happy, but that with love and available people in our lives, we become the best versions of ourselves. Because when we have people who do not care for us or treat us well, it does dim our light. This is why it is so crucial that we care for others and that we allow ourselves to be cared for and in return, that we give love back.
Having that love is like having a homebase: without a homebase, you will feel adrift, anxious and uncertain. This is the place where we feel our least “best.” It affects our mental health and wellness. But when we have that homebase— that love and care in our lives, we grow long, strong roots and reach out towards the sky with all the potential that is in us. This is what helps us grow and shapes our self-view and stability for the days to come.

Love Others and Yourself,

Laura

Forgiving Yourself Is As Important As Forgiving Others

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Growing up with parents coming from two different religious backgrounds has so many pluses. One is it has made me more open to others’ viewpoints. At the same time, I don’t feel aligned with any religion really. I do find both Jewish and Christian traditions interesting and meaningful. So, I am spiritual but I’m not religious.

But for the first year ever, I thought about what Yom Kippur really means. Asking for forgiveness for sins and forgiveness of others. Supposedly, it’s the time of year where G-d decides your fate and therefore, you’ve got to make amends, and fast.

I thought about who I would apologize to, however anyone I may have wronged I’ve certainly apologized to. And if there’s anyone out there I offended, well, I am truly sorry!

But I think the person I am most sorry to is myself. For being so hard on myself.
The way I’ve talked to myself and about myself.
The way I’ve judged myself and compared myself.
The way I’ve doubted myself and criticized myself.
The way I talk to myself is most often, much harder than how I’ve talked to anyone else!
It is like I’m in some competition where the goals to be fabulous are so high and not obtainable that I beat myself to death for not being enough.
But if there is one thing I am, it is tenacious and persistent. I try so hard to be my best self. To be better. To do better. Be a better mom. Person. Partner. Friend. Worker. Etc.

Here is what I don’t do: give myself a break. Be kind to myself. Compliment myself. Believe in myself.

So here is a huge apology to myself for being so bad to myself at times.

Lovingly,

Laura

One Compliment Can Change Your Day

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Today, I set up a time to meet someone new for a potentially good creative opportunity for me. The person and I chose the time and when emailing me back said, “I saw a video of you giving a speech and I’m so excited to meet with you. You’re super adorable!”

I was so flattered and surprised. It’s not often I get to hear that. It made my day. In fact, when I was exhausted and tired from a day of working and virtual school and found a massive dead spider in my house, I called upon the compliment in my mind and it cheered me up.

Truly just one compliment can change your day. Imagine then how much joy you could give someone else by complimenting them? For me, a man who is verbally demonstrative is a huge must. And in friendships and at work too— verbal affirmation matters to me. This one compliment changed the whole tone of my upcoming meeting. Imagine the power of just a few words!

With that said, don’t forget to compliment someone once a day. We all need it!

Love,

Laura

4 Things Thoughtful People Always Do

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There are certain things that thoughtful people—friends, lovers and family members — do on instinct and also, well-crafted thought. It’s very easy to tell when someone is particularly thoughtful: that person makes us feel very cared for and loved. Special. We feel safe and also, able to be our true selves, vulnerable and all, when someone is so thoughtful.
Here’s why:

Thoughtful people take action considering your feelings first.

Someone who really cares about you doesn’t make a move without considering how you might feel first. This is the person who knows how nervous you get when going to the doctor’s and in turn, calls you before and after an appointment.
The thoughtful person delivers both good and bad news in a way that considers the other person’s potential comfort level and response first.

Thoughtful People Love to Show You How Much You Mean to Them.

Thoughtful people enjoy expressing their feelings for you whether you’re their best friend or their spouse. When your birthday comes up, that person will be the first to plan a celebration for you. When you get a promotion at work or accomplish a goal, your thoughtful person will be right by your side to celebrate you. And if times are tough, that same person will be there to hold your hand and tell you how much you mean to them.

Thoughtful People Know Their Strengths and Weaknesses As Much As Your Own.

Thoughtful people know their own limitations, as well as the things they excel at. They are able to create a good network of people that complement these strengths and weaknesses, and they are very aware of their loved ones’ flaws and good traits.
In the same vein, they never make their loved ones feel bad for these flaws but instead, help the people they love to get stronger each day and also, support their friends, family members and romantic partners, knowing that somethings are harder for them than others.

Thoughtful People Pay Close Attention.

Thoughtful people are very attentive. They remember things about the ones they love, and try to tune in to their partners and friends emotions and feelings. They work hard on their listening skills. Let’s be honest: many of us are not good listeners. It really is a work in progress for all of us. Thoughtful people try to listen and keep their eyes on the ones they love. They do their best to give them focused and genuine attention, rather than being constantly distracted.

Thinking, Doing, Loving,

Laura

When The Universe (or Whatever God You Believe in) Places Someone Amazing in Your Path

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I have had some very hard times over the last six years. I have went through things I never thought I could handle. From long-term unemployment to physical abuse to heartache and legal battles, it was a haul.

To say that I have gotten out of the darkness is an understatement and if it’s not clear, I am very proud of how hard I have worked to be where I am today as a devoted working single mother.

But every now and then, we have someone who helps us on our journey– our twisted paths– that helps us even in the darkest of times.

This person for me, is named Rob.

Rob and I have known each other for about 23 years. We met in a gym years ago, and while at first he was just a very funny, eccentric, smart and quirky man of steel, I have learned– albeit I haven’t cracked the Rob code yet– that he is more than that.

More often than not, he has given me a helping hand, smart advice and an ear.

Over this pandemic, I started training with him virtually and to say that I have seen results doesn’t do it justice. I have seen results.  I am a bit timid  and hard on myself, so I won’t post pics, but I have gotten in solid shape.

If you want to train with him and his program, I guarantee you will get results– just show up! I rarely sing anyone’s praises publicly, so if I am telling you he is good, he is good!

On days that I felt overcome with anxiety about living in a state that is full of COVID-19, I showed up to virtual workouts. On days my stomach hurt or my head hurt because I was tired from working, homeschool and being alone/lonely as a single mom, I showed up to virtual workouts. He and his awesome team, have kept me going. He has encouraged me, offered advice, just been a friend, listened and basically been a steady presence throughout this whole scary freaking mess of quarantine.

I am beyond grateful. There were days I literally told myself– “I can’t miss this workout. I don’t want to let myself down. Or Rob.”

Seeing his face on the other side of the computer … just reminded me I am not as terribly alone as I feel.

So, not only has my body gotten an amazing workout, but my mind and heart has felt a bit less alone in all of this.

Some friends are just more amazing than others– and he really has stood by me in a time when quite honestly, I feel terribly alone doing this with my daughter.

Thank you– to someone who showed up when I needed it. Who has been the true meaning of a friend for me in a time when I am vulnerable and anxious and trying to stay positive and zen.

I hope you all have someone who god, the universe or whatever you believe in– places in your life to help you through. We need each other, now more than ever.

Love,

Laura

11 Things That Make Me Happy During the Covid-19 Outbreak

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It probably sounds ironic to mention the word happy next to Covid-19, but if you’re home social distancing … you’ve got to find some semblance of happiness or you’ll go crazy. And that’s ok,too: losing your mind at times is pretty normal also.

With that said, you have to find the silver linings in all of this or you won’t ever be “ok.”

For me, it’s the following things:

Tyson Chicken

A friend brought me a bag of this crispy Tyson chicken, and I just love it. Even when I’m not hungry due to stress, I’m always in the mood for more CHICKEN.

Tea and a Good Book

I love chai tea and I love to read. These two creature comforts make me feel more relaxed.

Sweet Messages

My one friend always makes a point to send me positive messages, telling me I’m doing great taking care of my little lady or that he thought I looked great and am working hard during a virtual workout.

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How Someone Treats You Is a Reflection of Who They Are

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Someone hurt my feelings a bit ago, and I found myself wondering what I had done to earn such behavior. When I dug deep, I realized I had done … nothing. When I spoke to a confidante about the matter, the person said plainly:

This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with this person’s self- view and own issues.

This is good advice.

How people treat us is often an indicator of how they view themselves and feel about themselves, more than anything.
Self- esteem and confidence. Past issues. These factor into many of our behaviors when we interact with others.

So, the next time someone hurts you remind yourself that this person’s actions are a reflection of how he/ she feels about him or herself. It has nothing to do with you.
Not to mention, your actions are in relation to how you feel about yourself.

All we can do is control our own actions. We can’t control if others hurt us or make bad choices. We can just choose how to respond and move forward.

Be Strong,

Laura

COVID-19 Should Make Us All Realize What Is REALLY Important

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Photo by Joshua Earle on Unsplash

No matter where you are in this world today, most likely your life is impacted by this scary novel Coronavirus. For me and my girl, we are socially distancing and homeschooling/working. It’s challenging and isolating to say the least, but we are not alone. For us in particular, lacking adult and child/peer contact is difficult. But it’s for the greater good, society and our health. It’s not a “should we,” but a “we must” kind of moment.

During the day like many parents I am sure, I get snappy or annoyed. I feel like I can’t really focus on anything or, like I need to escape. Single parenthood doesn’t allow that escape. There are no other hands “on deck,” to change that for me.

But one positive thing from all of this is how clearly this virus points out what is really important in life and what isn’t. After this is all said and done, consider how many of us will “exit” this part of our lives and enter the next stage as a different person. Yes, some of us may leave financially devastated, anxious and depressed, but hopefully  all of us will realize now what really matters to us in life.

Love. The people in our lives. Our health. Happiness (mental health).

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3 Things That Affect Whether Someone Trusts You or Not

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You may be a trustworthy person, but if you’re doing the following three things … your love interest and or partner may not trust you as much. It may even be unintentional completely, but small things can build up over time to affect how someone trusts you. If you’re unpredictable, not available or distant, you could end up causing someone to feel as if he or she can’t put all his or her faith in you.

Unpredictability

If you’re not reliable or can’t be counted on whether in general or suddenly, your partner may start to feel anxious around you. Instability doesn’t lead to trust and comfort. It leads to anxiety and distance.
Be consistent.

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10 Life Lessons I Learned From Being Disappointed

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This week I had a few people disappoint me.

Plus, it was one of the hardest weeks I have had in the past few months. It was the last thing I needed– to be disappointed. Actually, does anyone ever need to be disappointed? No, but this week I just felt I took a real beating. Every day I had like 5-10 challenges. I’ve been trying to be mindfully positive each day as a resolution, and let me tell you this week put me to the test.

So, I’m sitting here and trying to think about some of the life lessons and positive spins I learned from being disappointed– and from this crappy week in general– as a positive take on the whole past seven days. Hopefully it can help someone else going through a rough day or week or, who’s dealing with disappointment.

Everyone makes mistakes, so maybe the person you disappointed still tried his/her best

The person may have had good intentions but perhaps that didn’t come across. No one is perfect. Maybe the person felt he or she was doing the best possible thing for you, even if it wasn’t what you needed.

Being disappointed sometimes shows you who values you and who doesn’t

Someone who values you will try hard to be there for you. Someone who doesn’t is bound to let you down. At least you know now that the person doesn’t care or value you.

Now you know the person lacks feelings and care for you.

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