Forgiving Yourself Is As Important As Forgiving Others

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Growing up with parents coming from two different religious backgrounds has so many pluses. One is it has made me more open to others’ viewpoints. At the same time, I don’t feel aligned with any religion really. I do find both Jewish and Christian traditions interesting and meaningful. So, I am spiritual but I’m not religious.

But for the first year ever, I thought about what Yom Kippur really means. Asking for forgiveness for sins and forgiveness of others. Supposedly, it’s the time of year where G-d decides your fate and therefore, you’ve got to make amends, and fast.

I thought about who I would apologize to, however anyone I may have wronged I’ve certainly apologized to. And if there’s anyone out there I offended, well, I am truly sorry!

But I think the person I am most sorry to is myself. For being so hard on myself.
The way I’ve talked to myself and about myself.
The way I’ve judged myself and compared myself.
The way I’ve doubted myself and criticized myself.
The way I talk to myself is most often, much harder than how I’ve talked to anyone else!
It is like I’m in some competition where the goals to be fabulous are so high and not obtainable that I beat myself to death for not being enough.
But if there is one thing I am, it is tenacious and persistent. I try so hard to be my best self. To be better. To do better. Be a better mom. Person. Partner. Friend. Worker. Etc.

Here is what I don’t do: give myself a break. Be kind to myself. Compliment myself. Believe in myself.

So here is a huge apology to myself for being so bad to myself at times.

Lovingly,

Laura

One Compliment Can Change Your Day

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Today, I set up a time to meet someone new for a potentially good creative opportunity for me. The person and I chose the time and when emailing me back said, “I saw a video of you giving a speech and I’m so excited to meet with you. You’re super adorable!”

I was so flattered and surprised. It’s not often I get to hear that. It made my day. In fact, when I was exhausted and tired from a day of working and virtual school and found a massive dead spider in my house, I called upon the compliment in my mind and it cheered me up.

Truly just one compliment can change your day. Imagine then how much joy you could give someone else by complimenting them? For me, a man who is verbally demonstrative is a huge must. And in friendships and at work too— verbal affirmation matters to me. This one compliment changed the whole tone of my upcoming meeting. Imagine the power of just a few words!

With that said, don’t forget to compliment someone once a day. We all need it!

Love,

Laura

Why He Let You Down; Why She Left You Stranded

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Why Do People Let Us Down?

People let us down for many reasons. One, no one is perfect. We all make mistakes. We all mess up. I know I made mistakes no matter how hard I tried, but that’s ok. We are human.

It’s when people let us down a lot that it becomes more about them– and not about “Oh, I messed up.”

People let us down because they lack commitment and dedication to us.

And when someone isn’t dedicated or committed, he or she won’t try as hard. The person will make less effort, care less and feel less. This person will be a bad friend, a negligent girlfriend or a distant husband.

People let us down because we have more hope and love for them than they do for us.

You’re a dedicated loving spouse. Your spouse is cold, distant or perhaps, unfaithful. When someone doesn’t care as much as we do, that person will go astray. When we love hard, we love hard. When someone doesn’t love much, we feel that lack of love. We feel that emptiness and loneliness.

People let us down out of stress and fear.

When people are anxious, gun-shy or afraid, they often let us down unintentionally. When people are stressed and pushed to their max capacity, they often let us down. They don’t mean to, but they do.

No one is perfect.

We all make mistakes.

The trick is to learn from our mistakes and do better the next time because we care. And when people don’t care, they don’t do better.

It’s up to us to do better.

Lovingly,

Laura

 

4 Things Thoughtful People Always Do

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There are certain things that thoughtful people—friends, lovers and family members — do on instinct and also, well-crafted thought. It’s very easy to tell when someone is particularly thoughtful: that person makes us feel very cared for and loved. Special. We feel safe and also, able to be our true selves, vulnerable and all, when someone is so thoughtful.
Here’s why:

Thoughtful people take action considering your feelings first.

Someone who really cares about you doesn’t make a move without considering how you might feel first. This is the person who knows how nervous you get when going to the doctor’s and in turn, calls you before and after an appointment.
The thoughtful person delivers both good and bad news in a way that considers the other person’s potential comfort level and response first.

Thoughtful People Love to Show You How Much You Mean to Them.

Thoughtful people enjoy expressing their feelings for you whether you’re their best friend or their spouse. When your birthday comes up, that person will be the first to plan a celebration for you. When you get a promotion at work or accomplish a goal, your thoughtful person will be right by your side to celebrate you. And if times are tough, that same person will be there to hold your hand and tell you how much you mean to them.

Thoughtful People Know Their Strengths and Weaknesses As Much As Your Own.

Thoughtful people know their own limitations, as well as the things they excel at. They are able to create a good network of people that complement these strengths and weaknesses, and they are very aware of their loved ones’ flaws and good traits.
In the same vein, they never make their loved ones feel bad for these flaws but instead, help the people they love to get stronger each day and also, support their friends, family members and romantic partners, knowing that somethings are harder for them than others.

Thoughtful People Pay Close Attention.

Thoughtful people are very attentive. They remember things about the ones they love, and try to tune in to their partners and friends emotions and feelings. They work hard on their listening skills. Let’s be honest: many of us are not good listeners. It really is a work in progress for all of us. Thoughtful people try to listen and keep their eyes on the ones they love. They do their best to give them focused and genuine attention, rather than being constantly distracted.

Thinking, Doing, Loving,

Laura

Missing Someone’s Birthday Is an Insult; Celebrating One Is an Honor

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Celebrating a birthday is an honor, especially in a time where our health— mental and physical — is so tenuous and frail. And we are so isolated from others in many ways, that it’s very hard to feel celebratory at al.
So, when our loved ones have a special day during a time when he or she may feel so disconnected from the world, it’s crucial that we are there to celebrate their special day more than ever.

To me, missing a loved one’s birthday is a horrible thing no matter whether there is a major virus floating around or not. The gift of life is so precious that every year we get to call another to me, is another opportunity to be bigger and better than who we were the year before. A chance to learn from our mistakes and start fresh. To me, when a loved one’s birthday comes up, it’s a time to show that person how special he or she is and honor the connection that person has with me, whether it’s a family member , friend or a romantic connection.

Choosing to not be there for someone on his or her big day is an insult. It’s like saying you wish the person ill. Being there to wish a “Happy Birthday” to the person you care about is a wish for that person to do well and be happy in the next year. Only an unkind partner, friend or family member who doesn’t really care about you would refuse to honor you turning around the sun another year. You don’t have to be married or committed. You don’t have to be best buddies. You don’t have to be the closest family member. But if someone asks you to join them in starting their next year off right, it’s an honor for you to join him or her. And I definitely find it extremely crappy, hurtful, cold and plain out wrong if a romantic partner or family member misses a birthday. That to me in unacceptable. Over the years, I’ve had to adjust to the fact that my mom–someone I really love— can’t remember my birthday due to her dementia, and that’s hard enough. So if someone important in my life who has no memory issues can’t be there for me to wish me well on the turning of another year, it hurts.
And it’s not something the person can ever make up! You won’t turn 30,32,40,50 or whatever age you happen to be turning ever again. So, if a person selfishly isn’t there for a birthday, that person missed the whole moment.

Moral of the story? Cherish and celebrate the ones you love. Don’t be foolish and miss out. Don’t make a mistake you can’t take back. Take the time out for the person. Rejoice in all they mean to you.

If it’s your birthday, embrace the new year and make some changes.

Love

Laura

When You’ve Had Enough: The Last Straw

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Photo by Meghan Rodgers on Unsplash

So long, Mr./Mrs. Nice Guy! Even we nice people get to a point where we can’t handle being taken for granted. Even nice people get tired of people’s crap and tired when people let us down. We give you folks so many chances but at some point, even we say– “Enough is enough.”

Have you ever felt as if you’re always giving people a chance? Always being patient and understanding of their issues? Always hoping the best for them? Putting in the extra effort? Going the extra mile?

Yeah well, we nice people get tired of giving, giving and giving, while people take, take and take. We get tired of being “so understanding” of other’s issues. And doing our best to keep everyone happy– friends, partners, family, etc.

There comes a point when it’s the last straw– the last straw to break the camel’s back. When we’re tired of someone hurting us, letting us down and disappointing us.

When that time comes, you best believe that even nice people say– “Screw it.”

We withdraw everything! We withdraw our love, our care, our friendship, our respect and our time. We withdraw from caring about someone who doesn’t give a hoot about us. We say– “Enough is enough.”

And suddenly, we don’t care about you. We have no time for you. We have no patience, no love and no nothing for you.

Our goodwill and love has an expiration date– today. 2020.

Peace Out,

Laura

 

 

When The Universe (or Whatever God You Believe in) Places Someone Amazing in Your Path

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I have had some very hard times over the last six years. I have went through things I never thought I could handle. From long-term unemployment to physical abuse to heartache and legal battles, it was a haul.

To say that I have gotten out of the darkness is an understatement and if it’s not clear, I am very proud of how hard I have worked to be where I am today as a devoted working single mother.

But every now and then, we have someone who helps us on our journey– our twisted paths– that helps us even in the darkest of times.

This person for me, is named Rob.

Rob and I have known each other for about 23 years. We met in a gym years ago, and while at first he was just a very funny, eccentric, smart and quirky man of steel, I have learned– albeit I haven’t cracked the Rob code yet– that he is more than that.

More often than not, he has given me a helping hand, smart advice and an ear.

Over this pandemic, I started training with him virtually and to say that I have seen results doesn’t do it justice. I have seen results.  I am a bit timid  and hard on myself, so I won’t post pics, but I have gotten in solid shape.

If you want to train with him and his program, I guarantee you will get results– just show up! I rarely sing anyone’s praises publicly, so if I am telling you he is good, he is good!

On days that I felt overcome with anxiety about living in a state that is full of COVID-19, I showed up to virtual workouts. On days my stomach hurt or my head hurt because I was tired from working, homeschool and being alone/lonely as a single mom, I showed up to virtual workouts. He and his awesome team, have kept me going. He has encouraged me, offered advice, just been a friend, listened and basically been a steady presence throughout this whole scary freaking mess of quarantine.

I am beyond grateful. There were days I literally told myself– “I can’t miss this workout. I don’t want to let myself down. Or Rob.”

Seeing his face on the other side of the computer … just reminded me I am not as terribly alone as I feel.

So, not only has my body gotten an amazing workout, but my mind and heart has felt a bit less alone in all of this.

Some friends are just more amazing than others– and he really has stood by me in a time when quite honestly, I feel terribly alone doing this with my daughter.

Thank you– to someone who showed up when I needed it. Who has been the true meaning of a friend for me in a time when I am vulnerable and anxious and trying to stay positive and zen.

I hope you all have someone who god, the universe or whatever you believe in– places in your life to help you through. We need each other, now more than ever.

Love,

Laura

How to Pick Up The Pieces After Someone Disappoints or Abandons You

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Photo by Saksham Gangwar on Unsplash

Hurt. Disappointment. Skepticism. Lack of trust. Lack of faith. Anger. Sadness. Anxiety.

When people we love, whether it’s a friend, coworker, partner, parent or whomever– abandon us out of nowhere, it is very painful. Even if it wasn’t out of nowhere– it still hurts.

Knowing that person didn’t care enough about you as a person is a hard pill to swallow.

When you rely on someone and trust them and that person hurts you, leaving you to deal with the heartache that person left behind– it’s not easy!

How do you deal with those feelings?

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4 Ways COVID-19 Showed Me People’s True Colors– & I’ll Never Forget This

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Photo by Zach Ahmajani on Unsplash

This virus has been the most difficult thing any of us have experienced in a lifetime– unless perhaps, if you were also alive during the 1918 Flu.

Challenging for everyone for different reasons, this virus has put all of our characters and collective sanity on the line.

But one thing is for sure, after this is all done, I will never ever forget the four different ways COVID-19 showed me people’s true colors. Not ever.

1. I learned who helps and who is just hot-air

The people who have helped myself and my daughter have been so valuable. There is nothing like having support when you are trying to raise a little girl on your own. There is nothing like having people who want to help and make things better for you.

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11 Things That Make Me Happy During the Covid-19 Outbreak

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It probably sounds ironic to mention the word happy next to Covid-19, but if you’re home social distancing … you’ve got to find some semblance of happiness or you’ll go crazy. And that’s ok,too: losing your mind at times is pretty normal also.

With that said, you have to find the silver linings in all of this or you won’t ever be “ok.”

For me, it’s the following things:

Tyson Chicken

A friend brought me a bag of this crispy Tyson chicken, and I just love it. Even when I’m not hungry due to stress, I’m always in the mood for more CHICKEN.

Tea and a Good Book

I love chai tea and I love to read. These two creature comforts make me feel more relaxed.

Sweet Messages

My one friend always makes a point to send me positive messages, telling me I’m doing great taking care of my little lady or that he thought I looked great and am working hard during a virtual workout.

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