The great question of 2020 it seems is how much we can all take? I’m using meditation, training and time outside to try and stay sane. The beach helped me tremendously this summer. I absolutely love LBI and also frequently visited other areas of the NJ shore. It is a happy place for me, and I’ve been hoping I could enjoy some more time as September tends to be warm, but lately it’s been freezing. I woke up to 44 degrees today and as luck would have it, no heat. They had to come fix it today. Amongst the stress of motivating a child who is unmotivated to do online school and try to get any work done, no heat and alas, a tooth issue ( my kid not me) all came together for a really kick- ass time. Kidding— there was nothing fun about it.
It could always be worse. It could always be harder. I remind myself of this a lot, but it’s harder to stay stronger and be positive because I’ve got much less time to meditate and do anything, and a whole lot more responsibilities when it comes to online school. Our district isn’t sending kids in yet, our board of education expects these young kids to be online for the whole complete school day, plus homework as if everything is normal. All while many of us parents are working.
I think the hardest part for me personally is watching my extremely intelligent, funny and driven kid become absolutely disengaged from school.
Add to that, the isolation. Having to take everything on myself, alone is really hard. Feeling alone all the time is mind numbing and heart crushing. I just keep trying to refocus on the positives each day, but sometimes they’re impossible to find, like today.
How much can one person take? I guess we’re all about to find out.
But the very least, while feeling at my breaking point today, someone shared this song with me. It’s a cover The Killers did of a favorite childhood song of mine on YouTube. And a small piece of me felt a little loved and a little content for five minutes.
Better than none at all. Not to mention, electric blue does seem a good way to describe how I’m feeling. Incredibly blue. Intensely blue.