What It’s Really Like to Give Up Dating & Dating Apps: 5 Month Challenge Progress

I recently made a commitment to myself to stop dating for five months to sort of refresh myself and take a break from the whole thing. About two weeks previous to that post, I cut out dating apps, so it’s been about 3 weeks and I have to say … I feel a lot better.

Giving up never felt so damn good– in other words.

I was not enjoying my experience on the apps and if it’s not fun, why bother? Life is too short and I am too busy to spend my little free time on an endeavor that doesn’t bring me happiness.

In the first place, I tend to veer away from long-term relationships only because I rarely meet someone I click with enough to make it worth my time. I tend to get bored quickly, and I have a very full life. If someone doesn’t bring a lot to the table, I would rather not get deeply involved as for me, my time is precious.

So, here’s what I have learned from stepping away from the whole dating process and trying to get past some of my hang-ups, thus far. And here’s how well I’ve done committing to myself for the last few weeks.

Continue reading

Advertisements

Putting The Brakes on Dating & Rethinking Relationships: My 5 Month Challenge

While I would love a relationship … it hasn’t come along easily for me or at all– in the past five years I’ve been single.

I’ve had many dates and many conversations with men, but I haven’t felt much of a connection with anyone that would last. I met one guy initially who seemed great– but that fizzled out fast. I met another guy who was nice, but too immature. I had a bunch of nondescript crappy dates or flings.  Then, I met one person who I had an amazing special connection with, but he didn’t want a relationship.

I have spent a lot of time trying dating apps or sites. I have spent a lot of time wondering why I didn’t find much of a connection with anyone or why things don’t seem to work out. Wondering what I could do differently or what I did wrong. Wondering if I bypassed the wrong person— or wondering if I had been looking in the wrong places.

Period: I just spent too much damn time thinking about it and feeling bad about it. I have spent a lot of time leaving dates feeling like, “Man, this sucks. I am not feeling it.”

This method isn’t working. If insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, I am insane.

So, I’m doing something different now: My 5 month challenge or commitment to myself.

Continue reading

6 Steps to Get Over Someone for Good

Have you been crying or depressed over someone? Agonizing over why the person won’t commit, dumped you or is annoying in some other way?

Join the club. We’ve all felt that torturous sting of love. The one woman/man who can’t make up her mind. The guy/gal who can’t commit for sh*t. The other flake who dumped you out of nowhere. The dude that ghosted you.

It’s hard to recover when your heart hurts and it feels like the pain will never end. But it will.

Read on for 6 steps on how to get over that chump, get your revenge and move forward!

Continue reading

6 Lessons Learned After Being Divorced for Three Years

Very shortly, it will be 3 years since my divorce date and over 5 years since I have been separated from my ex-husband. As it gets close to that date each year which also is right next to our wedding anniversary ironically, I always reflect on the trials, wins, and growth I’ve made in that time. In some ways, I always find myself a bit short of where I want to be, and in other ways, I always find that I’ve surpassed my expectations. Now that it’s almost three years out, here’s what I’ve learned, where I’ve been, and where I’m headed.

1. DOING THE RIGHT THING ALWAYS PAYS OFF

There were many times when it came to my ex or things involving him where friends would say I was “too nice” or going out of my way.
This isn’t to say that I always did the right thing each time, but that overall, I usually tried to do the right thing.

I think it’s paid off. I think my daughter has learned a lot from my example, and I think it has helped bridge the gap and heal relationships between myself and my ex’s family. I think it’s helped to ensure that my daughter has a relationship with them as well. I even see some positive changes between my ex and me, so I’ll take them.

Read More: 6 Lessons Learned After Being Divorced for Three Years

Learning & Growing,

Laura

9 Traits Grown Women Find Seriously Attractive in Men

Lots of guys ask questions like, “Why do girls like bad boys?”, wondering what it is women find even remotely attractive about men who end up hurting them. But if you really want to know how to get a girl to like you, the last place you should look for inspiration about what women find attractive are those rebels without a clue. And women, you should be paying no attention at all to those bad boys. They’ll only leave you high and dry, and they’re really no fun, save for – maybe – a few bedroom romps.

Honestly, if you’re over 21, you probably already know how quickly these kinds of guys lose their appeal. They’ve got a clear expiration date. They’re cute when they’re young, but as a girl matures into a woman, her patience for them disappears. And while the saying that “Good men are hard to find” may be popular for good reason, the good news is that at least they aren’t impossible to find. They do exist! And when we ladies finally figure out how to find a good man, there are so many things about that person that we love that we cannot help but overlook the small things he might do to upset us.

Truly, when you break it down, bad guys are “boys,” but good guys are “men.” Would you rather play with a boy – or run with a man? So guys, here are the dominant personality traits grown women find most attractive and utterly irresistible about a good man that make bad boys look like little babies. (After all, ladies, if you want to find a good man, you need to know what you’re looking for and why these men are so much better than that “bad boy” who’s been stringing you along.)

Read More: 9 Traits Grown Women Find Seriously Attractive in Men

Boys Drool, Men Rule,

Laura

3 Things to Do Immediately When Someone Has Hurt You & Broke Your Heart

There is no pain like the pain of heartbreak. The pain of someone lying to you. The pain of an affair.The pain of finding out someone you thought loved you, doesn’t. Whatever the story is,  we’ve all been hurt in some way or capacity and we can recall those feelings vividly within a second!

I know for me, my immediate reaction, like many people when I’ve been hurt, is anger. Vivid, wrathful anger. There is no pain like being hurt by someone you care about.

But there are constructive ways to handle the pain and “destructive” ways to handle it. Here are 3 things to do immediately when someone has hurt you– 3 things that will help you without being destructive.

Continue reading

Real Stories of Love, After Divorce

The words “love” + “divorce” aren’t usually paired together. In fact, after a divorce most people find themselves wondering if perhaps, love is just a scam. Of course it’s not, but it’s normal to feel a bit weary or jaded, as long as you don’t let those feelings linger. After all, if you believe it, you’ll receive it— meaning that if you have a bad attitude about love, you’re most likely apt to attract negative situations and people. Believing is part and parcel of finding love … you just need a little blind faith. Hopefully not too blind, or you might choose the wrong person again.

With Valentine’s Day here, you might be licking a few salty wounds or feeling lonely. It is a Hallmark holiday in many ways, but if you’re a romantic like me, it’s normal to want to have someone to enjoy it with. So, as my present to all those wondering when cupid will strike, here are a few love stories after divorce to inspire you to have faith, be patient and believe.

You Say He’s Just a Friend

Jackie, creator and Editor-in-chief of Divorced Girl Smiling, had been divorced for 11 years and her ex had been remarried for quite some time when she ended up in a relationship that lasted for 6 years.

“It was always comfortable, but I felt like I wasn’t ready to get married again and neither did my boyfriend–which made things easy,” she says.

However, the tides turned when when boyfriend finally wanted to settle down. That’s when the issues started. After a few “make up’s and break up’s” as I call them, they finally ended it.

Read More: Real Stories of Love, After Divorce

Believe,

Laura

5 Ways Divorce Changed My Attitude About Love for the Better

After my divorce, I wanted to be better, not bitter. Loved, not lonely. Positive, not prattling on about how things didn’t turn out for me. Whining is not sexy and after age six, it’s downright dreadful, to be honest. Even before age six, but I like to try to give kids a benefit of the doubt until kindergarten. Wink.

I knew I didn’t want to be that angry chick at the bar pissing and moaning about her ex-husband.

What Motivated Me?

A million things, but one day, a girlfriend of mine and I went to a bar by the shore for a drink. It was a beautiful summer night, and a lecherous drunk dude kept bothering me. When he asked me out, I—
surprise—said no, and he proceeded to curse me out. Thank god the bartender told him to back the heck off. Once drunk dude quit yelling at me, he went on to talk about his “whore ex-wife.”

That was not going to be me I thought, in the middle of finalizing my divorce.

Read More: 5 Ways Divorce Changed My Attitude About Love for the Better

Believe,

Laura

The Top 6 Things I Learned From My Failed Marriage

People don’t walk down the aisle expecting to end up going separate ways. If they did, that would be clinically insane. With that said, sometimes things don’t go the way we planned or hoped, and that goes for marriage. We could have a billion good intentions and truly believe in our heart of hearts that this marriage will work out and then … it doesn’t.

The vows have been said. Families have been made. Bonds have been created.

And broken. And frayed. And destroyed.

What happens when it doesn’t work out? What happens when the love is gone and you have to start over?

You live. You learn. You move on. You grow. You love again—and often, even more than you did before.

That may be hard to believe if you’re in the middle of watching your marriage disintegrate, but it is so true! Here are the top six things I learned from my failed marriage, and they have served me all for the better.

Read More: The Top 6 Things I Learned From My Failed Marriage

Always Learning,

Laura

7 New Year’s Resolutions to Ditch This Year

t’s a timeless tradition: the New Year Resolution.

We resolve to make them by year’s end and then, as it approaches the end of January, suddenly, we’re completely off track. The key to making those resolutions stick is to form and word them like an actual habit and keep the resolutions simple. Another way to stay on target? Recruit a friend! A friend of mine and I emailed each other our resolutions and reached out on a quarterly basis to see how we were both doing and hold each other accountable. Truly, the buddy system works! Where I failed in 2018 with my resolutions was making too many. In typical fashion, I bit off more than I could chew and at times, my resolutions were too complex. Overall though, I did pretty well considering. For 2019 however, I’m going to stick to just a few and keep it simple.

Another reality of resolutions is we often make ones that are not realistic or concretely helpful. So, to all you single mommas out there trying to pin down your resolutions and goals for 2019, here are some resolutions you can kick to the curb or revise, and exchange for resolutions that are:

  1. Easier to follow and make habit
  2. Realistic and positive

Let’s get started!

REDO THE LOSE WEIGHT RESOLUTION

Many women (and men) make the “I’m losing weight goal,” only to be sidelined by well, cookies, cakes and leftover macaroni and cheese their kids didn’t finish.

Read More: 7 New Year Resolutions to Ditch This Year

Just DO It,

Laura