Someone Who Is In It For The Long Haul Vs. Someone Who Is In It For The Wrong Reasons

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Photo by Steve Daniel on Unsplash

Some people celebrate you and all you have to offer.

Other people see you as a point to hit on their pathway.

How can you tell if someone you are talking to or dating, male, female or otherwise, values you and is invested versus fulfilling a need in the meantime?

I think it’s pretty clear, but in my twenties, I got sidetracked by a lot of men that were clearly not in it for the long haul, and I wasted good time sweating silly boys. As an adult, I really am pretty good at seeing someone’s true colors, so I always like to advise younger people who are learning. I know I appreciated my wise friends when I was clueless and naive, although I didn’t always listen to reason.

Here are some differences between people who are invested versus people who see you as a way to fulfill their needs:

Someone Who Is Invested, Celebrates You

The person who values you, is invested in you. That person celebrates your job promotions. Your business investments. Your mini life wins, too, like getting a winning $10 lotto ticket.

The person who is invested, wants to be by your side to celebrate all the victories in your life.

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Someone Who Really Loves You Will Never Let Go of You

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Photo by David Hofmann on Unsplash

Someone who truly cherishes and desires you will never let go of you. He or she will never choose the other “green grass.” That person will never try to forcibly change you or dodge/avoid committing to you.

That person will want you as you are, and want to give him or herself to you completely.

This doesn’t mean this person will be perfect or constantly the epitome of a “perfect partner.”

What it means is this person will be imperfect, but true to you. This person will be flawed, but always, trying to have you near him or her. This person will work hard to be a better person because you inspire him or her to be better!

This person will inspire you to be better!

This person will not dilly-dally or risk losing you.

This person will come forth with all the good intentions you can imagine, trying to get a chance to be loved and known by you.

Not because the person is a crazy stalker– but because the person truly sees all you have to offer and wants so much to have you be a part of his or her life and story.

That person wants you to join him or her in this crazy dance called life. For the slow parts– the quick parts. The interlude. For every movement and tempo and every type of song, this person knows you are the music to which his or her heart beats and goes.

Without you, life is not the same.

You will meet someone who will want so much to dance next to you and be with you in this life.

Do not doubt it.

It’s a promise. Not an “If” but a “when.”

Dance On,

Laura

The Moment When You Decide You Are Going to Be Loved Exactly As You Want to Be

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We all hit a point in our lives when we decide– whether very early on or later on– that we have had enough and want more.

We all hit that point where we are ready to own our lives and make our dreams come true.

We all come to that point where we decide that we absolutely without a doubt, cannot settle.

No more settling. No more waiting around. No more hoping for things to work out.

No more allowing people who don’t love or value us to continue to have us for nothing.

We decide we are opening ourselves up to all good and amazing possibilities.

From here on out even if the water is rough, we are going full throttle into the deep and finding what we want.

We say “adios” and swim forward to the future.

We find someone who fully embraces us. Fully wants us and cherishes us. Someone who gives us his or her all– just as we do in return.

We open ourselves completely to love in a positive way, whether we are 20, 40, 60 or older. We choose to seek out someone who truly cannot imagine a day or time without us. We choose to seek out someone who really is in it for the long haul– no games or BS> We find someone who loves us as is, flaws and all.

We decide to love and be love– and to ask only and I mean only for the best from our partner.

We decide that taking less than what we deserve is no longer acceptable. It is no longer serving us well.

We decide that we deserve the happy ending– and the happy middle and all.

We choose the best for us because we know we are deserving.

Every single human on this Earth wants to be loved and feel special. All of us.

We all want to be cherished and desired. We want to be loved.

And there will come a day for all of us when we know what we want and we will do everything in our power to get that love we deserve– without hesitation.

With Love & Light,

Laura

 

3 Ways to Deal With Disappointment

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It is really hard when someone or something disappoints us.

When we put our best effort or hopes into anything or anyone, be it a relationship, a new job or a new venture, if it doesn’t work out or things don’t go as planned, it can be difficult to pick up the pieces and start over. Or, forgive and forget and forge ahead. Or even further still, not let the pain get in the way of our own growth.

Everyone feels disappointed now and then. For some of us, disappointment may seem to literally come and come and come– without ceasing to end for a while– but it always does go away.

How we deal with these disappointments are key to how we grow from them.

Here are 3 healthy ways to cope with disappointment:

Take Time Alone to Think

Taking some time on your own to reflect and consider how this disappointment played out is helpful.

Consider:

  • If your expectations were fair
  • If you put your best effort in
  • If there was a way you may have contributed to the situation
  • If there is anything you could do to feel better and heal

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The Top 7 Things I Want in a Partner

 

taylor-ann-wright-s6DBKueaX-g-unsplashPhoto by Taylor Ann Wright on Unsplash

I’m not picky. I am selective when it comes to a partner. Picky sounds snobbish and difficult. Selective sounds patient and also, smart. Which I am.

I have become pretty comfortable in my high-energy, quirky and lovable skin. Effusive and sometimes incredibly rambling, I know my strengths and weaknesses.

At this stage of the game, I know what I want from a partner. I know what I don’t want.

Mostly, I want someone who doesn’t get in my way of growing. I want someone who wants to have fun and go balls-to-the wall about life. As my parents have grown older and I have become a single mom, I realized that life is too short and it changes too fast. Have fun now. Take chances now. Be in the moment.

So, no, I am not open to everyone, nor should I be.

The characteristics I find the most appealing in a man are:

Kindness & Humility

I don’t need a tough guy. I like someone who is diplomatic and thoughtful, not a brute.

Tell me your honest thoughts without being hurtful. You can be precise without being cutting.

Action-driven & Not Lazy

Have interests. Be passionate about something.

Make consistent efforts with me and take charge. If you want to be involved with me, prove you deserve that chance.

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Do Affair Relationships Last After Divorce?

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Photo by Octavio Fossatti on Unsplash

Affairs are a hot-button topic, both in the real world and online. From being cheated on to being the cheater, you can find many people who have been affected by marital affairs.

However, once the affair has “wrecked the marriage,” what happens to it? Do the couples stay together after the divorce or do they drift apart?

Before I dive in deep, consider these statistics when it comes to affairs:

  • Only 5 to 7% actually end in marriage
  • Of that number, 75% end in another divorce

I asked one coach, one private investigator, a relationship expert and therapist to tell me what they thought happens to the “affair” after the divorce is signed and sealed.

Read More: Do Affair Relationships Last After Divorce?

Spoiler Alert: Doubtful,

Laura

Your Actions (or No Actions) Show How You Really Feel About Someone

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Photo by Kyle Hinkson on Unsplash

Every relationship is built on actions– lack of actions, plenty of actions, the wrong or right actions.

One of the biggest things that will always tell the truth even if you don’t want it to, are  your actions!

Your actions show if you are full of hot air or, true to your word.

Consider this example– you can tell someone to let you know if he/she needs help, or you can show up on the doorstep and help.

You can tell someone you care about them and they’re important, and never be available for them

Or you can be there when they’re sick, in trouble or just to spend time together.

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The Rules of Intimacy

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Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

The rules of intimacy are simple and genuine. They’re not as complex as love is. Love is a feeling and feelings are often complicated– but complicated doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Love can be intricately and wonderfully complex.

Intimacy however at its core, is simple.

To really have intimacy though, you must honor that person and that intimacy!

You can’t take that person for granted. You can’t be full of hot air. You must be genuine and available.

The 8 rules of intimacy:

Be available & present

Emotional unavailability is absolutely not ok! It breaks intimacy down and hurts and isolates the parties.

Be available. Be present. Put your phone done. Put your “reactions” away. Listen first. Then respond.

But be available. Show up.

Be honest

This doesn’t mean cutthroat commentary at every minute. It means being honest with yourself and your partner about your needs and wants. When you are dishonest, you trash intimacy– whether you’re being dishonest with yourself or your partner, or both of you.

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5 Ways to Make Your Partner Feel Special After You’ve Been Unavailable or Distracted

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Photo by Clem Onojeghuo on Unsplash

We all want to feel important and cherished, whether we are an introvert, extrovert or something in-between. We all seek that attention and care from someone special, although the ways we may want that attention can vary. None of us want to be intimate with someone and then tossed aside. Unless of course, it was a one-night stand– but that’s for another blog. None of us want to feel ignored or not valued. We all want to feel special.

That being said, how good have you really been at showing the person you care about that he/she matters? Have you been sort of busy and unable to touch base? Have you been slacking or selfish or just not 100% there when with your partner? Have you had too much on your mind and been too distracted?

If you love someone and feel like maybe you need to give your special person some extra TLC for whatever reason, try these easy ideas to brighten their day.

Remember that every relationship  and marriage is truly a garden: it must be tended to, lest it grows weeds or dies.

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3 Lessons on Love From Fathers

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Photo by Debby Hudson on Unsplash

The other day, a friend posted something on social media asking people what their fathers taught them, and there were so many amazing gems on love that I felt so inspired!

I am a firm believer that like the Beatles sang, “All you need is love,” and of course, chocolate, and these fatherly lessons really hit me right in the heart.

Accept the person for everything he/she is

This lesson was taught to me by my own father.

You can’t change someone. You can only love the person (or don’t) for who that person is.

This means you accept them as is– flaws and all. No one will be perfect. You will never meet one incredibly perfect person who comes with no inconveniences or stresses, but you can choose someone who is “perfect” for you– flaws and all.

The trick is to accept those flaws!

If the person wants you, he/she will convince you

This quote really struck me, so I posted it somewhere for me to see periodically:

Patience. If the person wants you, let that person convince you!

This spoke to me on so many levels.

1- Be patient for the right person– the right person who shows you you matter

2- If someone cares about you, he/she will find a way into your life and heart and convince you that this person is worthy of staying

3- When someone cares, that person will go out of his or her way to see it that you know it!

You can’t reason with the unreasonable

If you meet someone who is constantly unreasonable, difficult or impossible to view your side, forget it.

You cannot reason with the unreasonable.

Stick around and wait for someone like quotes #1 and #2

With Love,

Laura