The Recipe for a Great Relationship

The recipe of a good partner is a mix of connection, chemistry, dedication and direction.

Connection— the feeling of closeness, comfort and unity.

Chemistry– the feeling of passion and desire.

Dedication– the act of continuous care, collaboration and work.

Direction– is the act of taking your connection, chemistry and dedication for each other forward.

Without a good dose of all of these ingredients combined, your relationship will lack.

Can you imagine a partner with chemistry but has no dedication or direction? What about a partner that has dedication with no chemistry?

To really have love take off, you need the right mix, but which ingredient is more important than the other?

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You Want A Divorce But, You Still Love Your Husband

While many people get a divorce because they don’t love their spouses anymore for whatever reason—martial problem breakdown, abuse, neglect, lack of sex, lack of respect, etc.—I occasionally hear from women that they still love their husbands during the divorce process.

What gives? It doesn’t seem to make sense in this scenario, or does it? You can technically love someone but not “be in love” with them anymore, although, to me, that means the love is dead. Let’s be honest, you’re not getting hot and heavy or committing to someone that you fell out of love with. But there are many women who when divorcing, share that they still love their husbands—and it becomes a source of personal conflict for some time.  If this is you, these are the reasons you may be struggling with this very issue as you go through the divorce process. And hang tight—it gets better and over time, you will feel assured you made the right choice by getting a divorce.

Read More: You Want A Divorce But, You Still Love Your Husband

Keep Moving Forward,

Laura

6 Things I Wish I’d Done Differently With My Former Mother-In-Law

I had a difficult relationship with my ex-husband’s mother. There were many things she did that hurt me, but looking back, there are things I could have done differently for my own sanity and for the sake of the relationship.

Today, she is usually very helpful to me and also, a great grandmother. Although we don’t live near each other, she is as supportive as she can be from afar. I know she truly loves my daughter. I feel (I hope) she appreciates how hard I try as a single mom to raise my daughter right, and sees that I attempt to keep a good relationship with her son. Does it always work out? No, it doesn’t, but I try my best.

People are shocked at the change in our relationship—for the better—since my divorce. I am sure it’s helped that I’m not her son’s wife anymore and that I’m the mother of her favorite grandchild (OK, technically that’s not proven). Whatever the reason for the change, I am grateful for it. We let the past stay in the past and have forged a good path for the future. I know, overall, we both want my daughter/her granddaughter to be happy.

Read More: 6 Things I Wish I’d Done Differently With My Former Mother-In-Law

Everything Looks Better In Hindsight,

Laura

Mother’s Day When You’re Married Vs. When You’re Divorced

Mother’s Day when you’re married is very different from when you’re divorced. Of course, the day is really a celebration of motherhood and all we do each day— it’s not a celebration of marriage in any sense. But it feels very different “celebrating” the day as a single parent than it does when you are part of a nuclear family, in my opinion. It doesn’t take away from the special role we play as mothers, but it does feel like a whole other ball game.

WAKING UP TO A DAY “OFF” VS. WAKING UP TO ANOTHER DAY

When you’re married, your partner will usually (even the laziest of partners) try to pick up the slack so mom (you) can have a day off. Of course, you’ll most likely be picking up after everyone anyway—and doing a load of laundry or ten. But your partner will swing taking you to a meal or making you one. Maybe even tell you to put up your feet. The kids will be rallied a bit more to help with the coaxing of the other parent that hey—it’s Mother’s Day. You might want to do something, you know?

Read More: Mother’s Day When You’re Married Vs. When You’re Divorced

For All the Mommies,

Laura

 

Why Does My Partner Go From Hot to Cold & Back Again?

There is nothing more frustrating than having a partner rescind his or her warmth and love. Especially if in return, you get a cold front.

It’s like having a relationship with someone who exists in a room: the door opens and so does your partner and then, the door closes … and so does the access to your partner.

I’ve been down this road before where a love interest or partner would shut me out and let me in … I know how painful it can be to deal with. I know the questions that run in your mind and that maybe keep you up at night. I also know what it’s like to walk away from that person. At times, my ex-husband could be very cold.

Here are a few reasons that could explain your partner’s mood changes from cold to hot, and hot to cold.

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If You Think Sex With Your Husband Is a Chore, You’re in Trouble

I was killing some time on social media when I found a particularly interesting post about suggested gifts for a partner. A few of the women joked that sex would be their gift to their partner. The main gist was: I know he really wants sex, so I’ll just do it for him this time. That’ll be his gift.

There was a huge response from other women that screamed, “That’s right, girl! Throw him some sex and keep him quiet for a bit.”

I didn’t comment. I was a bit floored.

I’ve never understood the whole “sex as a chore” trope between couples. Although as it’s been played out on sitcoms (and, apparently, my social media feed), the dominant thread seems to be more often than not, women feeling imposed on by partners to have sex. Just like watering a plant, it sounds like something one must do in order to get on with their day.

Not that anyone should be forcing or pressuring a partner to have sex, but the view that sex is a job and chore to be checked off on a list and not a pleasure is extremely problematic for so many reasons.

Read More: If You Think Sex With Your Husband Is a Chore, You’re in Trouble

No Bueno,

Laura

The Top 6 Things I Learned From My Failed Marriage

People don’t walk down the aisle expecting to end up going separate ways. If they did, that would be clinically insane. With that said, sometimes things don’t go the way we planned or hoped, and that goes for marriage. We could have a billion good intentions and truly believe in our heart of hearts that this marriage will work out and then … it doesn’t.

The vows have been said. Families have been made. Bonds have been created.

And broken. And frayed. And destroyed.

What happens when it doesn’t work out? What happens when the love is gone and you have to start over?

You live. You learn. You move on. You grow. You love again—and often, even more than you did before.

That may be hard to believe if you’re in the middle of watching your marriage disintegrate, but it is so true! Here are the top six things I learned from my failed marriage, and they have served me all for the better.

Read More: The Top 6 Things I Learned From My Failed Marriage

Always Learning,

Laura

10 Men Share How They Know Whether A Woman Is Short-Term Fun Or Worthy Of A Long-Term Relationship

Have you ever wondered what makes a guy settle down? Have you ever watched a lifelong bachelor finally decide on someone? What about your guy friends? Have you seen them swoon over one woman and act indifferent to another? Have you, as a woman, sat there before or during a date and made some sort of strategy, whether it was to hold off on kissing, sex, or avoiding or encouraging certain kinds of conversations?

I’ve spent a lot of time wondering how men categorize women they meet, strategizing and deciding how much of myself to reveal, give or offer up. After all, that’s what will make a good relationship in the long-run.

It’s always seemed straightforward: if a woman really likes a man, she should make him work for it and not give up too much. Because if a woman is too quick to hop in bed or seems to be too eager to be involved, a man puts her in that “short-term fling” category, instead of someone he’d want a long-term relationship with.

Read More: 10 Men Share How They Know Whether A Woman Is Short-Term Fun Or Worthy Of A Long-Term Relationship

Get the Scoop,

Laura

The 6 Types Of (Healthy) Fights Every Long-Lasting Relationship Must Have To Survive

Fighting constantly is a sign of a bad relationship, but on the flip side, never arguing at all is not only rare, but also not particularly healthy. If you can’t ever disagree constructively with your partner, one has to wonder how healthy and stable your relationship truly is.

Many of us panic during the very first argument we have with someone we love, as disagreement brings up a lot of anxiety for all of us, and we might not know how to fight effectively. However, having healthy relationship fights indicates two people who respect each other.

And let’s be honest: there are some words and some topics that really don’t belong in relationship fights with someone you love. The problem is, so many of us listen to respond, rather than listen to understand.

The bottom line is that there are certain fights you should have in your relationship, all of which indicate you belong together.

1. Fights about the direction your relationship is headed

Obviously, you two should be headed in the same direction when it comes to your commitment level, but if you fight about it initially, it’s a good sign the two of you are being direct and honest about your needs.

Read More: The 6 Types Of (Healthy) Fights Every Long-Lasting Relationship Must Have To Survive

Fight for Your Right to Fight–Respectfully,

Laura