3 Key Differences Between Men Who Take You Seriously & Men Who Treat You as an Option

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You meet a guy and he seems fabulous… but a bit flaky at times. Does he care about you? Does he find you valuable or just someone to toy with?

Are you meaningful to him and special? Or just a notch on the ol’ belt?

Are you his Plan A or his “optional package?”

There is nothing worse than being a guy’s optional package. It can kill your self-esteem and confidence.

Here are 3 key differences between men who are seriously into you … and men who see you as an option for him to choose when he feels like it:

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Men Who Do These 6 Things Are Incredibly Sexy

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Photo by John Schnobrich on Unsplash

Every person has his or her own language of love, but there are certain things that men do that women find attractive and sexy. Is it a universal rule that every woman will find these things irresistible? No, but there are many women who would agree that these actions or character traits are incredibly appealing. Read on and see just how irresistible (or not) you might be!

Surprising her– Spontaneity

Okay, some women want the outfit planned and everything timed to a T, however, there is something irresistible and so attractive when a man plans a surprise for us. It feels so thoughtful, romantic and fun to be surprised, whether it’s with a dinner, a visit, a trip away, a present– anything!

Releasing her from a burden– Helpful

A man she cares about know she’s stressed and needs to relax, so if he steps in to help take a burden off her shoulders or give her some extra love– this is very appealing.

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Look For These Things When Dating Men in Their Forties

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If you’re dating and looking to meet a man in his forties, there are certain things to look for that you most likely didn’t consider when you were dating in your twenties.

At this stage of the game, your dating pool may be more shallow, but on a positive note, the man you should be looking for, will be wiser and hopefully, more self-aware than the guys you ran into when you were 20 or 30.

He’s Self-Aware & Works on Himself

He knows his flaws and doesn’t pretend he doesn’t have them. He owns who he is and also, he works to better himself. Sure, he will have baggage just as we all do, but he will try to make the baggage “lighter” and will always own which luggage is his– if you catch my drift.

He’s Willing to Work for You as He Knows He Stands to Gain

He’s not 20 and naive. He knows relationships take work. He knows that being with someone is a dance … sometimes you lead, sometimes your partner leads– and sometimes the pace is fast or slow.

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6 Best Traits Every Man Should Have

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Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

Not all men are equal. Well, okay– we are all equal as humans, but not all men are super awesome as the rest. Hey, like I tell myself– someone will always be funnier, smarter, prettier than you– but that doesn’t mean you’re not funny, smart or pretty!

But there are certain traits that set other men above the pack and let them shine as stellar examples. Nice pecs help, too, but I’m talking about character and personality.

Does your love interest or man have these 6  traits?

Integrity & Honor

He stands by his word. He doesn’t lie and he will tell the truth, even if it sucks.

He puts his name on everything and everyone he touches– in a positive way.

He does not half-a*s stuff. He puts in an amazing amount of effort.

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Is He Using His Job as a Coping Method?

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One of the things my friends have been commenting to me lately is that the men they love tend to bury themselves in their work.

Consider that phrase- bury themselves.

Literally, suffocate themselves and their feelings by giving themselves so much work that they’re not accessible to handle their relationships or other issues of the heart. They’re not around. They’re present, but absent.

As someone whose dad worked constantly, I could relate to their feelings.

When men are depressed, anxious or any other kind of troubling emotion, they “seem” to dive into their jobs, isolating themselves from others.

Society jokes about the “man-cave” and of course the newly minted, “she-shed,” but work can be a safe place for men to dive in and ignore their feelings. This really interesting article in Psychology Today talks about the ways in which men manage their emotions.

Typically, men compartmentalize and shut out their feelings at work. So, it’s not unusual to me when people start commenting that their husbands are working too much, or that their partners are coming home late, only to find that the man in consideration is struggling with his feelings.

So, if you start to notice these signs, it’s possible that your favorite man is burying his feelings at the office or place of work.

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What Does His Holiday Gift Really Mean? What About Her Holiday Card?

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Okay– so, it’s holiday time and you’re unwrapping a gift from your love interest or partner … or maybe not. Maybe there is no gift. No gift?!

There are 15 days left til Christmas and 12 until Hanukkah, so …

What does your partner or love interest’s gift mean? What does his or her card mean? Well, I’m not a psychic, but I use these rules of thumb when analyzing a gift or card and what it means.

What Your Love Interest or Partner’s Gift REALLY Means

1. No Gift

Well, damn! That’s the absolute worst. No gift is just a clear sign that the person doesn’t give a hoot about you or, is completely forgetful and thoughtless.

Even people who are forgetful often do remember in the last few minutes.

If someone doesn’t get you a gift, chances are this person is not interested in you.

That indeed, sucks.

2. A Gift Card

This person is really busy and wanted to make sure he or she hit the mark when it came to your holiday gift.

Or, the person doesn’t want to devote much time to buying you a gift.

I typically buy gift cards for friends and family so they can treat themselves, but for a romantic partner, I’d rather buy a gift unless I am unsure where I stand with the person.

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Your (My) Partner & Relationship Must-Have List

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Photo by Steve Halama on Unsplash

If I’m being honest– which I am, and usually, bluntly so– there are some things that I really find attractive in a man. My ‘no-compromise’ list I suppose however, no one will ever be the pinnacle of some list. You will find someone who meets most of your requirements, but never all– and that’s ok! The key is knowing what your “must-have’s” are versus your ” nice-to-have’s.”

Do you really know what you want in a partner and what you can’t stand?

I have spent a lot of time thinking about my must’s, nice-to-have’s and don’t want’s, and I feel like it’s a good exercise to put what I want out into the universe. And I highly suggest you all do the same: find your absolute must-have’s in a human, and write it out– state it aloud!– and claim that person to the universe before you may have even met them. Owning what and who you want and being really hardcore honest with yourself is so important to making great relationships. In the past, I wasn’t honest and I ignored red flag after red flag, which did me no good. So for now, I’m owning what I want.

1. I really like a man who is Calm.

As a complete firecracker and siren, a calm man really just balances me and by calm, I don’t mean dull. I simply mean easy-going or not quick to freak out.

A man who is even-keeled and does not have a temper is really my speed.

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4 Kinds of Men Who Really Stand Out Amongst the Pack

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If I am going to date, it’s going to be someone good. A friendly girl by nature, there are many men for me to talk to– but, talking and taking the next step to go out together is a different thing altogether. I can be friends with just about anyone, but deciding to meet in person or go out somewhere if we’ve already met is a big deal considering I am busy and I don’t plan on settling. So, while these online apps and the real world can keep a girl busy, it doesn’t mean much until the talking turns into coffee or more.

The good news to all my single lady and guy friends searching for guys:  there are plenty of fish in this crazy turbulent sea even if you can’t stand swiping or don’t have the guts to say hi to the hot guy at the gym. Of course, there aren’t a plethora of good fish (dudes) around– for men or women— but they exist. There are some really good guys out there and if you’re like me and looking for someone with class and character,  you’ll want to pay attention to these 4 different types of men online or in the real world.

1– He’s Healthy– Not Obsessed With His Body

Ok, so maybe my gay friends would want 100% hotness over anything and I will admit, I like an attractive guy myself, but … the guy who is too obsessed with his looks whether in real life or online with fifty gym pics, is not good.

Keep your eyes on the guy who has healthy habits– body and mind– and exudes confidence with his words and mannerisms, not from his ab pics.

There’s nothing wrong with picking an attractive and fit guy– but you don’t want a narcissist.

A man who is healthy and fit but does so in order to have a good life and not obsess over his pecs is a good catch.

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Where Do You Stand With Your Man?

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Men are pretty simple I think. I don’t say that to be condescending or negative. I see the simplicity as a positive. Basically, if a man likes you, you know it. If he’s on the fence about you– you know it. If he doesn’t like you– you know it. Of course, there is always room for situational and individual differences. Some men may be shy or, unsure of how to read your signals in response to him, whether you’re a woman or another man. This may make him appear as more or less interested depending on the situation.

But as a general guide, here are some signs to notice when you’re trying to decide where you stand with a man.

1. How He Sees You & When He Sees You

If a man likes you, he makes an effort to see you despite his hectic schedule.

He also will make sure to see you to do things with you or to just hang and talk to you– not just to fool around.  Not that there is anything wrong with physical intimacy!  Intimacy is very important, but, there is a difference between physical intimacy and a hook up, so don’t count frequent texts to come over for “action” as an indicator of deep emotions.

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Really Good Men Exist– Here’s What to Look For

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Photo by Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash

“A good man is hard to find.”– Flannery O’Connor

If you’ve been searching, swiping, checking out or just in general, chatting up a lad and are curious of how he rates, well– time will certainly answer that question for you.

However, if you want to  know if you’ve met a man who is a good man at heart or one who needs to take a hike, read on:

1. He is thoughtful

Someone who makes the effort to get to know you and pay attention to the things you like is a good man.

2. He is protective– not controlling

Yes, you’re an independent woman but a good man wants to protect you because you matter to him. This is not the same as someone who is controlling. This is a man who cares and values you and wants you to be safe and happy.

3. He is warm and giving

He wants to make you smile and enjoys making you happy.

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