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Like most of us, you are probably at home and social distancing. My kid and I are on week 3 and as time has gone on, we’ve gotten into a “new normal” as we work and learn from home.
I myself vacillate between feeling good and cared for, to scared, alone and overcome with fear. I’ve done my best to battle those bad feelings with exercise, fresh air, music, and FaceTime with loved ones.
For me, it has really taught me a lot about myself:
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We all have a reason and purpose for being here, although some may argue that there is no purpose at all other than existing. But in my opinion, I believe we all have a path to carve as we are here on Earth.
We all have people, things and activities that propel us to wake up every day. Inside of all of us, is a light. Some of us are able to harness that light and shine it to others well, and some people, not at all. Maybe that person is not “well.” Maybe that person is depressed or traumatized. Whatever the case, we all want to shine that light, whether we feel able to or not. And at different times in our lives, we may be able to focus that light and share it with others whereas in other times, we may feel dark and dim.
I know that I personally feel my absolute brightest, when I am able to give love to others and feel needed and wanted in return. I feel lit from within as well, when I am creative, whether through writing or dance. Singing. Working together on an idea.
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This week I had a few people disappoint me.
Plus, it was one of the hardest weeks I have had in the past few months. It was the last thing I needed– to be disappointed. Actually, does anyone ever need to be disappointed? No, but this week I just felt I took a real beating. Every day I had like 5-10 challenges. I’ve been trying to be mindfully positive each day as a resolution, and let me tell you this week put me to the test.
So, I’m sitting here and trying to think about some of the life lessons and positive spins I learned from being disappointed– and from this crappy week in general– as a positive take on the whole past seven days. Hopefully it can help someone else going through a rough day or week or, who’s dealing with disappointment.
The person may have had good intentions but perhaps that didn’t come across. No one is perfect. Maybe the person felt he or she was doing the best possible thing for you, even if it wasn’t what you needed.
Someone who values you will try hard to be there for you. Someone who doesn’t is bound to let you down. At least you know now that the person doesn’t care or value you.
Now you know the person lacks feelings and care for you.
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One of the hardest things about being the youngest of four kids with a large age gap between me and the other 3 kids, is that my parents are older and unable to support me and be there for me in the way I wish they could. I understand why they can’t though, especially with my mom’s health issues, but it is still hard. They root for me on the sidelines, but because they are dealing with a lot– I cannot at their age ask for too much. In fact, I try to give instead of take when it comes to them. They paid their dues in their eighties to be helped instead of burdened.
Still, it makes it really challenging– especially when going through a very hard situation knowing that they can’t physically be there for me.
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It’s not easy keeping it together if you are feeling depressed or going through some serious life stuff. A biggest part of the challenge is hiding it.
Sure, maybe you have people you can come clean with, but for the most part, adult life is going through the motions without showing the “emotions”– unless you trust someone and let your guard down. I’m not saying you should fake it and not get help. If you are depressed, you should get help. But what I am saying, is sometimes you have to keep it together when you’re out in public or in a situation that demands privacy.
Here are some tips for keeping cool when really, you need a hug and a break.
1. Steer conversations towards other people
Avoid questions and have the person talk about him or herself. Most people like to do that!
2. Take time outs
Take a mental health day. Go for a walk. Hide out for a while and work in a different location in the office.
3. Say, “I’d rather not…”
Discuss it. When people ask if you are upset, you can decline talking– and find someone you trust to vent to.
4. Take a drive and cry
If your kids can’t see you cry or you just need to let it out, blast some music and cry a bit. Just watch the road.
5. Can say you’re fine
Not ready to talk to someone about your hurt feelings? Say you’re fine and wait for a time when you’re more composed.
6. Exercise, meditate or dance
Move. Move and mooove. Put your sadness or stress into the motions.
Chin up– hang tight– and hope for the best,
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Suicide Prevention Month is technically September but with the holidays rolling around, I thought it might be helpful to talk about it now. Many people feel alone, worthless and stressed at this time of year.
It’s not unusual for people to hit a rock bottom during this time of year. Unfortunately, I have known a few people (mostly from a distance) that took a turn for the worse right around Thanksgiving and Christmas.
So, I figured I might compile a list of some symptoms of serious depression so you can all keep an eye on your loved ones or yourselves if needed. A person very close to me lost someone she loved to suicide and it was and is, an unending wound. Hug your loved ones tightly this season and be the supportive ear that person might need!
When someone has gotten out of a traumatic situation, it’s very common to struggle with complex emotions and thoughts. More often than not, the abused will blame themselves for the abuser’s bad behavior, especially if the abuser was narcissistic.
1. Victims may retreat, lose/gain weight and feel depressed
It’s not unusual for victims of abuse to retreat from others out of shame, self-blame or desire to keep the abuse a secret.
Of course, it’s not the person’s fault and he or she shouldn’t be ashamed, but after being treated a certain way, it can be hard to not feel down about oneself.
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If you have a friend, romantic partner or family member who has been physically, emotionally, verbally or financially abused, this person needs your support.
If you really care, these are something things you can avoid doing to make this person’s recovery better and smooth.
1. Don’t Avoid Talking About It
If this person brings up the event or abuse, don’t dodge talking about it. Obviously it’s not the most fun topic to chat about, but avoiding the topic is basically invalidating how the person feels. Talking about something like abuse is not easy so if the person gets the courage to discuss, let them talk. It takes a lot of courage.
Sometimes in life, you’ve got to quit the fight and battle.
When it comes to important things like, taking care of your health or paying down debts, you mustn’t quit. But when it comes to other things, walking away and giving up on a situation or person can be incredibly smart.
Consider the person who has tried for so long to make a broken marriage work.
Consider the person who is trying to get a friend sober or get the person help with other issues all with no effort being done on the part of the other party.
Consider the person who has tried so hard to make a relationship get off the ground while the other person does nothing.
In those situations, walking away and letting go and seeing what the universe has in store for you is the best thing you can do.
If you’re that person putting in all the effort into a relationship while the other person does nothing– give up!
If you’re the person trying to get someone to get help for an addiction or problem, yet the person refuses to get treatment … give up!
One of the hardest things to accept is being unable to change something or someone that you care about. Of course, we’re all supposed to love someone as he or she is– but, there are times when we want a partner to change an unhealthy habit, get help or do something for us or our relationship. But as much as you may want this change, your partner or love interest may not. This is heartbreaking.
Consider this:
Sometimes, there are situations we want to change, not people, but we cannot.
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