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Archive for the ‘parenthood’ Category

7 Reasons You Should Give Zero F*cks If Your Kid Isn’t Potty Trained Yet

In humor, motherhood, parenthood on July 6, 2017 at 1:44 am

So your kid isn’t potty trained yet? To hell with you! What kind of mother are you anyway?

Kidding.

Really, everyone learns to use the bathroom in his or her own time and we all know there are some adults that still “miss” the toilet, so is this really a tragedy? Does it really matter if your kid pees in a pull-up or in the super special Star Wars undies you bought for them? The answer to all these is a resounding NO.

Here are just seven reasons you should care less if your kid still isn’t potty-trained:

1. They Won’t Wear a Diaper to the Prom

Eventually, your child will get it. He won’t be begging you to change his diaper or wipe his butt as he rides off with a girl who looks older than you and like she might have an R-rated Instagram account.

2. Underwear Isn’t All It’s Cracked Up to Be

Really. Have you ever had your kid complain about a wedgie? Diapers are comfy, cushy and soft. Underwear rides up butts. You’ll just love when your kid pulls at their undies in public and another human laughs at your child—or worse—your kid insists these are the “worst underwear” ever.

Yes, that is an ACTUAL thing that children do to their parents in order to torture them. My daughter constantly tells me her undies are too tight or too loose. Meanwhile, they look perfectly fine to me. Argh!

Read More: 7 Reasons You Should Give Zero F*cks If Your Kid Isn’t Potty Trained Yet

Chillax,

Laura

11 Awesome Things From Our Childhood That Our Kids Will Never Get To Do

In humor, motherhood, parenthood on November 3, 2016 at 12:41 am
Every generation of kids thinks they have it better/worse/easier or harder than the previous, but in my opinion, it’s not that easy to compare a whole generation of time and being to another. However, there are some awesome things that I got to do as a kid that my daughter will most likely never experience, and quite frankly, that stinks—for her!

1. Making Prank Calls

I’m not sorry in admitting I loved prank calling people. I was damn good at it, and it continued all the way up through college.

But with smartphone technology, sure you can block a number, but it’s much easier to get caught. And besides, kids today can tweet, Snapchat and Facebook each other a bunch of nonsense under fake profiles.

Still, there’s nothing quite like the thrill of live prank calling.

2. Playing MASH

Our kids will never know how awesome it is to discover your entire future on a piece of paper.

Mansion. Apartment. Shack. House.

Single. Married. Divorce.

How many kids you had.

Read More: 11 Awesome Things From Our Childhood That Our Kids Will Never Get To Do

I Was Promised a Mansion,

Laura

7 Things I Want to Say to Strangers During My Child’s Public Meltdown

In humor, motherhood, parenthood on October 24, 2016 at 1:35 am

Kids will meltdown and it will always happens at the worst moment, like when they’re meeting someone very important to you, or in public among a large crowd. I’m pretty certain that children time these tantrums appropriately to humiliate us to the largest possible degree.

And truthfully, it’s not your family or friends that care about their behavior so much—it’s total strangers who love to judge you for for every imperfect moment your child has to prove you’re a big fat failure as a mother.

Here are some things I would love to say to strangers as they burn holes into my soul, wishing me into dirt, for all of the bad things my kid has done in public:

1. “She’s just like her [insert other family member name here]”

When my daughter is having a “moment,” I would love to blame it on another family member, simply to relieve myself of those nasty beady stranger eyes, and also to jolt some nonsense into that nosy stranger!

Like, “Oh yeah lady, well she gets this awful habit from her INSERT FAMILY MEMBER NAME HERE—but definitely not me,” and then go on to pick my nose right in front of her.

Charming, right?

2. “If you think you can do a better job, here, she’s yours.”

When strangers be looking at you and your kid like you’re both spawns of Satan, I would love to tell them to try to beat my parenting game.

Read More:7 Things I Want to Say to Strangers During My Child’s Public Meltdown

Everyone is an Expert,

Laura

8 Things Every Sleep-Deprived New Mom Needs to Keep in Mind Through the Chaos

In motherhood, parenthood on October 11, 2016 at 1:27 am

When the baby is crying (again), your nipples are cracked and bleeding, and you want to hide in a corner and cry, you can’t seem to think past the baby phase and into the future. Right now, you’re in the thick of the lovely, yet stressful newborn chaos, and in most cases, you probably don’t feel it to be lovely at all — you can’t see beyond your fatigue.

Your heavy-lidded eyes are too stuck in the throes of sleep exhaustion to remind yourself that this too shall pass and will be over in a blink of an eye. When it’s your first baby, you don’t have the past experience to remind you of that.

So when you’re utterly exhausted and wishing your baby could just sleep through the night, here are eight things to remember in the middle of this newborn blur — straight from a mom who is done having babies.

1. You Must Know That This Too Shall Pass — All Too Quickly.

Right now, it seems like your baby will never sleep through the night and that you will never get the hang of it, but that’s not true. In a blink of an eye, your “up all night, sleep all day” baby will begetting on the bus to kindergarten.

Read More: 8 Things Every Sleep-Deprived New Mom Needs to Keep in Mind Through the Chaos

Babies Don’t Keep,

Laura

8 Reasons Positive Discipline Is Still Discipline

In motherhood, parenthood on October 11, 2016 at 1:25 am

Positive discipline is essentially when you focus on your child’s behaviors and choices as good or bad and reward the good behaviors. There is no such thing as a “bad” kid when it comes to positive discipline, and a lot of schools and parents are taking on this way of rearing, raising, and helping kids grow.

But still, there are the naysayers — especially parents of the previous generation — who say that perhaps we are all “too soft” on our kids with this positive parenting nonsense. To the older generation, this is us going too easy on our kids.

“Back in my day, kids behaved the right way!”
“A good spanking got you and your siblings to behave!”

Although each generation of parents tends to have its own unique method of parenting, for some reason the previous generations seem to believe that children can’t learn to behave unless they are frightened to death or scared. And perhaps for some kids, the scare tactic approach works. For me it didn’t, and for many other kids it doesn’t work (in my opinion). I truly think that for positive parenting skeptics, they ought to open their minds to the idea that perhaps children can learn to make great choices without being afraid. That rewarding good choices and focusing on the positives of each individual child can result in a healthy, strong adult.

Need more evidence? Read through for eight reasons positive disciplining is still disciplining.

1. Focusing on the Bad Brings on the Bad; Doing the Opposite Brings on the Good!

Think about it logically. When you focus on something bad that happens to you, the rest of the day seems worse. Do you really think it’s any different in regard to behavior? If you focus on all of the bad things your kid does, I can guarantee you your child will do more bad things. Why? Well, he or she will grow to assume that he or she is only capable of doing bad things and therefore is not a worthy person.

Read More: 8 Reasons Positive Discipline Is Still Discipline

Fear Does Not Equal Respect,

Laura

6 Reasons to Not Feel Guilty That Your Kid Is Playing Alone

In motherhood, parenthood on October 11, 2016 at 1:22 am

As the parent of an only child, there are plenty of times when I feel bad leaving my girl to play alone. But truthfully, it doesn’t matter if you have one child or four, because many mothers feel that “am I leaving my kid alone too much?” pang. That, or they feel guilty at times when they can’t join in and play with their children.

As mommies, we should of course make time to play with our kids as that’s how we bond and connect with them, but that should be balanced with making time to have some fun ourselves. Teaching our kids how to be OK with being alone from time to time is a great life skill, but there’s is a difference between neglecting your kid and giving your child time to learn to be independent while you do 50 million other things as a mom.

Read through for six reasons you should feel glad your child is learning to simply be alone.

1. They’ll learn how to manage time.

When you are alone as an independent worker — which many of us are as adults for at least a portion of our day — you need to learn how to manage your time on your own without someone hovering over you to remind you what to do next. Although a child could never be that independent all day long, playing alone can teach a child how to work within a time frame to accomplish whatever he or she wants — build a castle or read a book, etc.

Read More: 6 Reasons to Not Feel Guilty That Your Kid Is Playing Alone

Independent Thinkers,

Laura

The Important Thing I Learned While Struggling to Be the Perfect Parent

In motherhood, parenthood on October 3, 2016 at 8:11 pm

I wish there were a rulebook that came with babies when they are born, but there isn’t. There isn’t even a rulebook for one set of moms versus the other. The only thing that is certain about motherhood and parenting is that there is no hard and fast set of rules other than, “Do your best to not hurt your child and keep him/her well cared-for.”

Other than that, it’s all up for interpretation. What you think is the right way to raise one child may be the wrong way to raise your second child or someone else’s child, or vice versa! We all think we are doing what is right for our kids but the reality is we may not really know how “right” or correct we are, until our kids are up and grown from our homes, showing us how they “turned out” as adults.

I think the hardest lesson I personally needed to learn about parenting (so far — yes, the chapter isn’t closed . . . I am still in the early childhood to elementary years, and is it ever closed?) was that I don’t really know all the answers and that sometimes you have to test things out and watch for the results.

That I can never be perfect as a mom, but I can be “good enough.” That in parenting, there are rarely any A+’s and far more B’s and C’s. Sometimes even D’s and F’s — but we try. We try for that A, time and time again.

Read More: The Important Thing I Learned While Struggling to Be the Perfect Parent

We Are All Perfectly Imperfect,

Laura

What It Means When Your Kids Say a Girl Can’t Be President

In motherhood, parenthood, women's issues on September 15, 2016 at 9:00 pm

The other day my daughter came home from camp right before school started. She’s 5 years old and just started kindergarten. The last thing I expected was for her to start talking about the presidential candidates; however, there were older kids in camp and so perhaps I shouldn’t have been so surprised.

“The kids were chanting, “We hate Trump! We hate Trump!'” she reenacted.

I stopped for a second and collected myself to ask her if she knew who Donald Trump was.

“Of course,” she said, “He’s the guy with the blond white hair.”

So in my 5-year-old’s mind, she knows who Trump is. She didn’t say why these kids “hated” Trump, but my guess was that the kids were hearing this from their parents. After all, our parents are the first people to pass down values to us on everything from religion to politics.

I explained to her that he, along with Hillary Clinton, are our presidential candidates running to become our very next president. I did this in the simplest of language, of course.

Then she told me with a distraught face, “Some of the kids say a girl can’t be president. They say the girl shouldn’t be president.”

Read More: What It Means When Your Kids Say a Girl Can’t Be President

It’s BOLLOCKS,

Laura

Stop Shaming Moms For Bringing Kids Out in Public

In motherhood, parenthood on September 8, 2016 at 12:40 pm

There are certainly places kids shouldn’t be hanging about. There are certainly places in which children need to monitor their voices and actions. Libraries. Museums. Fancy restaurants . . . the list rolls on.

Parents understand that some places are more kid-friendly than others, and that they need to keep their kids on good behavior in public, but seriously now, raise a hand if you have gotten the nastiest look from the deepest pits of hell because you dared to bring a child out in public and they acted like — gasp — a child!

The other day, I brought my daughter to the pharmacy to pick up medication, and she was cranky. She wanted me to buy her a toy, but I didn’t want to buy her a toy, so in true child fashion, she was annoyed. I had one woman look at me like we were pariahs. All my kid was doing was whining. She wasn’t destroying anything or being excessively loud.

The nasty looks. The unsolicited parenting advice. The eye-rolls and sighs. When someone looks at a child like they’re an atomic bomb or a cockroach, I can’t help but wonder how the planet earth got so populated in the first place.

Listen, it’s fine if you don’t like kids, but get over it in public!

Read More: Stop Shaming Moms For Bringing Kids Out in Public

Get Over It,

Laura

 

If You’re a Parent With a Phone, You Need to Read This

In motherhood, parenthood on August 12, 2016 at 8:17 pm

People say it’s judgmental to knock parents for using their phones. We’re only human after all, right? We have the right to take a break. Socialize. Respond to work emails. Share sweet photos of our babies on Instagram. Obsess over the latest celebrity tweet. Veg out and scroll through our Facebook feed.

We have the right and damn it, we are only human.

I, too, am only human. I, too, check my phone for work purposes or to share a cute photo of my girl on Instagram.

Phones are very much a large part of our worlds. It’s like how the answering machine and CD player became must haves in the ’80s: our phones are our fifth appendage.

But you see, phones are more than a necessity or tool for socialization. They are the competition. They are what diverts our eyes, distracts our attention, and keeps us from focusing on the people in front of us — mainly our children.

 

Read More: If You’re a Parent With a Phone, You Need to Read This

We Love Our Phones, But Maybe TOO Much,

Laura