4 Things C-Section Moms Don’t Want to Hear

I had a C-section. Not by choice, but because after four hours and counting of pushing, the baby was stuck. I took a break and tried again. Five hours later? Still no baby. So I had a C-section. It felt extremely weird lying there in a cross position. As a half-Jewish girl, I sort of felt like I was lying on a crucifix as they did the operation. The sensation of my organs being moved around was absolutely freaky, and afterwards, on my very first night in the hospital, I almost pooped myself because I couldn’t get up and my former husband was sleeping in the hospital visitor bed next to me. He couldn’t hear me trying to wake him to help me, but thankfully, a lovely nurse came and I didn’t make a show of myself. Poop crisis averted, only to lead to many poop crises brought to the world by my breastfeeding daughter. Oh, C-section! You were an interesting experience.

There are a few things, though, that as a woman who had a C-section, I would rather not hear from someone ever again.

Read More: 4 Things C-Section Moms Don’t Want to Hear

Ssh,

Laura

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7 Things To NEVER Say To Someone Struggling With Infertility

Seriously. You’re not helping.

When someone experiences or goes through infertility, or pregnancy and infant loss, it’s very hard to tolerate just about anything someone might say. For a long time it can feel as if there are no correct words to help your heart heal, but on occasion, someone will say a gem that really makes you feel a little warmth and brightness during such a stressful and dark time in your life.

On the flip side, there are also the people who say things that you absolutely cannot believe another human being would have the balls to say to someone experiencing difficulty getting pregnant, grieving over the loss of a pregnancy or coping with a stillbirth.

If you or your loved ones are dealing with these heart wrenching issues, hand all the people you know and love this list of what NOT to say someone enduring fertility or pregnancy/infant loss.

1. “You can always adopt.”

After I miscarried, an old ex-friend of mine’s advice was “Well there are plenty of babies and kids looking for homes. You can always adopt.”

While that statement is true, number one, nowhere in that statement does it acknowledge the grief I experienced and number two: news flash sister: Not everyone can afford to adopt. I know I couldn’t back then and I still can’t! Throwing those words around is foolish. Adoption is a completely lovely way to grow your family, but not everyone is equipped to do so. Please, bite your tongue people.

Read More: 7 Things To NEVER Say To Someone Struggling With Infertility

Watch Your Tongue,

Laura

The Gift I Received For My Miscarriage

My mom came in with a plant.

“What is this?” I asked, certain that unless it barked or meowed, it was dead on sight in my care.

“A Cyclamen plant. I thought you could take care of it.”

“Okay,” I said and there you have it — I was a plant owner.

A few days before, I had a D&C for a miscarriage. At ten weeks along, the OBGYN and ultrasound tech discovered my first pregnancy was no more. So as I wore some mega-big maxi-pad, I found a place for my plant, and then went back to lying down on the couch with my crampy uterus to watch some seriously nostalgic television.Little House on the Prairie was one of the shows I watched on repeat, enduring the tragic pregnancies the show had one by one, in tears. I was in a funk. The kind of funk that has you eating privately, ignoring your friend’s phone calls, and not returning to work.

The flowers on the plant bloomed white shortly thereafter and my friend, an absolute genius when it comes to anything that’s green or crawls on four legs or a million who I have known since childhood, Jason, told me how to care for the plant.

Read More: The Gift I Received For My Miscarriage

I Am in Bloom,

Laura

The Pain of a Miscarriage and the Healing Power of Yoga

My very first pregnancy was a miscarriage, and it felt like a cruel joke. I had been very sick to my stomach and barely eating. I was out of work and my OBGYN kept sending me for ultrasounds as he wasn’t sure if the pregnancy was viable. When I got the bad news, I was told my pregnancy had most likely been “over” and non-viable for probably two weeks, yet my body apparently was refusing to miscarry on its own. My doctor decided it would be best if I underwent a D&C, a procedure to remove the contents of the uterus, rather than continuing to wait for my body to do the job on its own. To make matters worse, I had to wait six days for the procedure, which was torture.

The D&C was relatively simple and didn’t cause me much pain beyond some minor cramping afterward (some women get horrible cramps so I was lucky), but it was the feelings that I was left with that hurt so much. My doctor didn’t have a reason for why I had miscarried and apparently this is common. According to American Pregnancy, “Studies reveal that anywhere from 10-25 percent of all clinically recognized pregnancies will end in miscarriage. Chemical pregnancies may account for 50-75 percent of all miscarriages.

Read More: The Pain of a Miscarriage and the Healing Power of Yoga

Time Heals All (Sometimes),

Laura

5 Comebacks For People Who Scare You With Horror Stories While You’re Pregnant

There’s nothing better than having someone tell you every single awful labor story or story about how after having a wonderful first born child, her “second kid was the devil incarnate” or that “You look exactly how I looked right before I went into preterm labor” when you’re pregnant! Oh the stories! My favorite was the woman who tried to sell me life insurance about a month before I was due just in case I “didn’t make it” through labor. I liked that woman a lot until that very moment in which she opened her mouth and I started to hate her.

For some reason, a pregnant woman brings out all of our “stories” for better or for worse. There is a kindred connection and a warm feeling many of us experience when we see a pregnant woman as mothers, but then there are also moms who, while they may mean well, can’t help but hold back on their dire tragedies, stresses, and experiences in the hopes that they can scare the living daylights out of some innocent woman!—I mean, help someone.

Read More: 5 Comebacks For People Who Scare You With Horror Stories While You’re Pregnant

Don’t Overshare Horror Tales Ladies,

Laura

Why Saying “Just One Kid” to a Mom With an Only Child Is a Hideous Crime

Whether it’s innocent or not, it’s not uncommon to hear these words uttered to me as a mom of an only child:

“You have just one kid?”

Yes, just one kid.

There’s something damning and almost insulting about this statement. “Just,” to me, signifies that one child is not enough. It suggests that everyone should indeed be having multiple children or at the very least two. “Just” screams, “Oh, you only have one kid. That’s nothing. I have a lot of kids. Now THAT’S a lot of work!”

Read More: Why Saying “Just One Kid” to a Mom With an Only Child Is a Hideous Crime

One is Enough, Thanks,

Laura

Are You Ready to Try Again After a Miscarriage?

A miscarriage is a very common but very sad event in a mom or mom-to-be’s life that can be difficult to grieve. At some point, though, most women who miscarry will consider trying again, but how do you know when you’re ready to go another round and perhaps risk the chance of experiencing miscarriage again?

The Negative Outlook Is Gone

When I miscarried before my daughter, I thought it would happen again and again. I thought the worst. I feared I would be childless for life, and while I had no major health issues involved in my miscarriage (simply a bad luck of the draw I suppose), you may have some fertility or genetic issues to overcome.

Read More: Are You Ready to Try Again After a Miscarriage?

Wishing You Baby Dust,

Laura

The Heartache of Being “Done” With Babies

Dare I say it: I think I am finished making babies.

I haven’t shut down the shop, but with my current odds, I think that having another most likely will never happen.

I’m almost divorced. I’m in my late 30s. I’m building my career. I went through the hardships of hyperemesis gravidarum in pregnancy twice and dealt with miscarriage. The odds of meeting someone amazing and fast and being stable enough work-wise to leave work and get sick and pregnant (plus risk my health) are pretty low. So when my ex signed over our martial home to the bank, I found myself sifting through our daughter’s old baby clothes picking which items to keep for myself, which to give away, and which to leave in storage for . . . a potential baby for my ex? For me?

Read More: The Heartache of Being “Done” With Babies

It’s Hard,

Laura

How to Support a Mom With Postpartum Depression

I remember vividly watching someone at a moms’ group who was suffering with postpartum depression as she broke down. My heart ached for this mom. As someone who has experienced depression in the past, I could only imagine how hard it must be to feel that way while caring for a baby, especially your very first baby. I felt so fortunate that after having a difficult pregnancy, my postpartum life was a happy one. Having an easy baby helped. People have a hard enough time wrapping their heads around depression and mental health issues in the first place; the idea that a woman could be severely depressed after an event that is supposed to bring someone the greatest joy is even harder for people to comprehend. Yet according to the CDC, 600,000 women get PPD annually in the United States alone. That’s a huge number for something that’s supposedly “rare” to happen. Obviously it’s not so unusual or rare if so many women struggle with it, yet it’s still not something that’s talked about very openly. To feel depressed after birth is almost sinful in some people’s eyes.

Read More: How to Support a Mom With Postpartum Depression

Here For My “Sisters,”

Laura

8 Ways to Support Someone Going Through IVF

I’ve never gone through IVF (in vitro fertilization), but I have experienced pregnancy lossand watched while friend after friend experienced a myriad of infertility issues from stillbirths to multiple rounds of IVF. As a child, it never crossed my mind when playing “house” that those pretend babies I had might not ever be real. Once I got pregnant with the first pregnancy though, I learned that making a baby is not as easy as it looks. Hitting the end of my thirties, I am standing by and holding the hands of friends who are also discovering that, lo and behold, pregnancy is not a walk in the park. If you know a friend or family member going through IVF, keep in mind that it’s not easy and try to support them with one or all of these three ways!

Read More: 8 Ways to Support Someone Going Through IVF

Always Here for a Helping Hand,

Laura