3 Things to Do Immediately When Someone Has Hurt You & Broke Your Heart

There is no pain like the pain of heartbreak. The pain of someone lying to you. The pain of an affair.The pain of finding out someone you thought loved you, doesn’t. Whatever the story is,  we’ve all been hurt in some way or capacity and we can recall those feelings vividly within a second!

I know for me, my immediate reaction, like many people when I’ve been hurt, is anger. Vivid, wrathful anger. There is no pain like being hurt by someone you care about.

But there are constructive ways to handle the pain and “destructive” ways to handle it. Here are 3 things to do immediately when someone has hurt you– 3 things that will help you without being destructive.

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How to Embrace Your Past & Forgive Yourself for Your Mistakes

We can all look back and feel regret or pain over mistakes or choices we have made. No one is perfect. Life is a journey and on our journey, we take wrong turns and make bad moves. If we knew everything already, we most likely wouldn’t need to be here. We’ve all felt regret and wanted to kick ourselves over things we’ve done. This is normal.

When it becomes unhealthy is when we dwell, living in the fear of our mistakes lurking behind us like shadows. When we can’t forgive ourselves and move forward. When we continue to judge ourselves in the present and future for actions that are left in the past, that is unhealthy. We need to be able to wave goodbye to the choices of the past and move ahead towards the future without yoking ourselves too intimately to our pasts. As long as we are not repeating the same choices, why should we continue to beat ourselves up, sentencing ourselves to misery?

Read More: How to Embrace Your Past & Forgive Yourself for Your Mistakes

Heal,

Laura

Real Stories of Love, After Divorce

The words “love” + “divorce” aren’t usually paired together. In fact, after a divorce most people find themselves wondering if perhaps, love is just a scam. Of course it’s not, but it’s normal to feel a bit weary or jaded, as long as you don’t let those feelings linger. After all, if you believe it, you’ll receive it— meaning that if you have a bad attitude about love, you’re most likely apt to attract negative situations and people. Believing is part and parcel of finding love … you just need a little blind faith. Hopefully not too blind, or you might choose the wrong person again.

With Valentine’s Day here, you might be licking a few salty wounds or feeling lonely. It is a Hallmark holiday in many ways, but if you’re a romantic like me, it’s normal to want to have someone to enjoy it with. So, as my present to all those wondering when cupid will strike, here are a few love stories after divorce to inspire you to have faith, be patient and believe.

You Say He’s Just a Friend

Jackie, creator and Editor-in-chief of Divorced Girl Smiling, had been divorced for 11 years and her ex had been remarried for quite some time when she ended up in a relationship that lasted for 6 years.

“It was always comfortable, but I felt like I wasn’t ready to get married again and neither did my boyfriend–which made things easy,” she says.

However, the tides turned when when boyfriend finally wanted to settle down. That’s when the issues started. After a few “make up’s and break up’s” as I call them, they finally ended it.

Read More: Real Stories of Love, After Divorce

Believe,

Laura

If You Think Sex With Your Husband Is a Chore, You’re in Trouble

I was killing some time on social media when I found a particularly interesting post about suggested gifts for a partner. A few of the women joked that sex would be their gift to their partner. The main gist was: I know he really wants sex, so I’ll just do it for him this time. That’ll be his gift.

There was a huge response from other women that screamed, “That’s right, girl! Throw him some sex and keep him quiet for a bit.”

I didn’t comment. I was a bit floored.

I’ve never understood the whole “sex as a chore” trope between couples. Although as it’s been played out on sitcoms (and, apparently, my social media feed), the dominant thread seems to be more often than not, women feeling imposed on by partners to have sex. Just like watering a plant, it sounds like something one must do in order to get on with their day.

Not that anyone should be forcing or pressuring a partner to have sex, but the view that sex is a job and chore to be checked off on a list and not a pleasure is extremely problematic for so many reasons.

Read More: If You Think Sex With Your Husband Is a Chore, You’re in Trouble

No Bueno,

Laura

The Top 6 Things I Learned From My Failed Marriage

People don’t walk down the aisle expecting to end up going separate ways. If they did, that would be clinically insane. With that said, sometimes things don’t go the way we planned or hoped, and that goes for marriage. We could have a billion good intentions and truly believe in our heart of hearts that this marriage will work out and then … it doesn’t.

The vows have been said. Families have been made. Bonds have been created.

And broken. And frayed. And destroyed.

What happens when it doesn’t work out? What happens when the love is gone and you have to start over?

You live. You learn. You move on. You grow. You love again—and often, even more than you did before.

That may be hard to believe if you’re in the middle of watching your marriage disintegrate, but it is so true! Here are the top six things I learned from my failed marriage, and they have served me all for the better.

Read More: The Top 6 Things I Learned From My Failed Marriage

Always Learning,

Laura

7 New Year’s Resolutions to Ditch This Year

t’s a timeless tradition: the New Year Resolution.

We resolve to make them by year’s end and then, as it approaches the end of January, suddenly, we’re completely off track. The key to making those resolutions stick is to form and word them like an actual habit and keep the resolutions simple. Another way to stay on target? Recruit a friend! A friend of mine and I emailed each other our resolutions and reached out on a quarterly basis to see how we were both doing and hold each other accountable. Truly, the buddy system works! Where I failed in 2018 with my resolutions was making too many. In typical fashion, I bit off more than I could chew and at times, my resolutions were too complex. Overall though, I did pretty well considering. For 2019 however, I’m going to stick to just a few and keep it simple.

Another reality of resolutions is we often make ones that are not realistic or concretely helpful. So, to all you single mommas out there trying to pin down your resolutions and goals for 2019, here are some resolutions you can kick to the curb or revise, and exchange for resolutions that are:

  1. Easier to follow and make habit
  2. Realistic and positive

Let’s get started!

REDO THE LOSE WEIGHT RESOLUTION

Many women (and men) make the “I’m losing weight goal,” only to be sidelined by well, cookies, cakes and leftover macaroni and cheese their kids didn’t finish.

Read More: 7 New Year Resolutions to Ditch This Year

Just DO It,

Laura

5 Behaviors to Shed in the New Year for a Happier Loving Life

New Year, new you?

Well, not if you do the same old stuff you did last year. And so many of us, seem to make the same mistakes repeatedly simply because certain behaviors that were learned or perhaps genetic, have become a habit.

But that doesn’t have to be you. A new year is a shiny new shot at rewriting your story. Remember those “Choose Your Own Adventures” books? If you turned to page 25, you might end up trapped. If you turned to page 50, you might end up a wealthy tycoon … or something like that.

Consider this New Year a chance to “choose your own adventure” by rewriting yourself. Take an honest look at yourself and what worked and what didn’t work for you in 2018. Decide to avoid those pesky traps by shedding old behaviors and replacing them with better attitudes and habits that will bring you joy in 2019. You can’t change every single aspect of yourself or your life, but you can turn the wheel in another direction, or head to page 50 instead of page 25 to change your life this coming year.
Here are a few behaviors to kiss goodbye to and leave in the past as you head into the future on January 1, 2019 …

Read More: 5 Behaviors to Shed in the New Year for a Happier Loving Life

Happy New Year!

Laura

5 Life Remedies You Need to Heal A Broken Heart Over The Holidays

The holidays are sort of like a high: they rush in, take over your life, and fill your schedule with a bunch of activities. They take charge of your wallet (unless you shop smart!) and tug at your heartstrings. What makes the holidays so special are the memories and traditions we have created with our loved ones. The yearly family photos. The gift-giving exchanges.

That’s what makes the holidays so amazing: the love.

So, what happens when you’re going through a breakup, a loss of a parent or loved one, or a divorce at the holidays?

The heartache feels like it’s amplified a million times more. Every tradition or moment is tinged with that former person’s presence, whether it’s an ex-husband or a parent who passed. There is a ghost in the room with everything you do.

It’s understandable to feel this pain in a more pronounced way during the holidays, but how can you help yourself heal and enjoy the time with your loved ones and beautiful children despite the heartache?

Read More: 5 Life Remedies You Need to Heal A Broken Heart Over The Holidays

Just Heal,

Laura

10 Men Share How They Know Whether A Woman Is Short-Term Fun Or Worthy Of A Long-Term Relationship

Have you ever wondered what makes a guy settle down? Have you ever watched a lifelong bachelor finally decide on someone? What about your guy friends? Have you seen them swoon over one woman and act indifferent to another? Have you, as a woman, sat there before or during a date and made some sort of strategy, whether it was to hold off on kissing, sex, or avoiding or encouraging certain kinds of conversations?

I’ve spent a lot of time wondering how men categorize women they meet, strategizing and deciding how much of myself to reveal, give or offer up. After all, that’s what will make a good relationship in the long-run.

It’s always seemed straightforward: if a woman really likes a man, she should make him work for it and not give up too much. Because if a woman is too quick to hop in bed or seems to be too eager to be involved, a man puts her in that “short-term fling” category, instead of someone he’d want a long-term relationship with.

Read More: 10 Men Share How They Know Whether A Woman Is Short-Term Fun Or Worthy Of A Long-Term Relationship

Get the Scoop,

Laura

4 Key Ways to Identify Your Doormat Behavior

In the world of female relationships from day one, being nice is stressed; we are told that we should be a good, nice girl … not a bad girl.

Of course, we want our children to be kind. Of course, we want to be kind ourselves. To be good people.

But sometimes, being “nice” is really just a prettier way of framing the fact that you might be a doormat. That you might let others frequently walk, run and fly all over you.

I hear it from women frequently.

“I’m trying to be nice.”

Or, “I felt I needed to be nice.”

And when women say these things, it’s often in a situation where they shouldn’t be nice! Where they shouldn’t just suck it up and deal.

So, how do you know if you’re being kind and respectful, or if you’re being a complete doormat? Because being nice isn’t always the best thing. Sometimes, having a backbone and being tough is the best course of action. All too often, women are dissuaded from being tough, or even tormented for being “bitchy” when really, a woman might just be standing up for herself.

Read More: 4 Key Ways to Identify Your Doormat Behavior

Standing Up For Yourself Is The New Black,

Laura