Broke Single Parent Holiday

The buzz is on. Everyone is chatting about their awesome holiday vacations. The presents they’re buying for their spouses. The gift list they have made for their kiddos. The smashing New Year’s Eve reservations they’ve got in store. It sounds so thrilling and wonderful, but to you, it feels pretty god darn awful. This is the part in which your “Fa-la-la-la-la” is completely flat:

The part in which you realize you’re flat broke and there’s no awesome holiday getaway or hot spousal date or worse, an amazing list of gifts you’re dying to buy your kids.

Sure. Those things exist in your head but they’re not reality. Instead, you sit down and look at your budget. You look at how much money you have coming in and how much you can use to contribute towards the holidays, whether that be taking any days off or buying gifts for your children. You don’t feel so “Fa-la-la-la-la,” when you look at the bottom line that money is tight and that you’re going to be lucky if you can take vacation days because guess what? As a single parent, you probably used up quite a bit already.

It’s enough to make you Bah- humbug and honestly, feel inferior and sad that the holidays in your head aren’t living up to the ones you’ll have in reality. Does it suck? Sure, but is it the end of the world? No. No, damnit it’s not. Instead of feeling bad that you can’t make the holidays some huge smash, remember that your kids don’t need huge gifts and getaways to be happy. That being a broke single parent at the holidays is hard, but it’s not awful. Being a homeless single parent on the holidays IS awful. And even still—it doesn’t make you a bad parent. Being an unloving and unresponsive or absent parent makes you a bad parent. Not buying your kid every one of his or her whims and fancy does not qualify you as a bad parent. Having to work Christmas- New Year’s Eve vacation does not make you a bad parent.

Read More: Broke Single Parent Holiday

Jingle Bell Broke,

Laura

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How to Face a Quiet House This Holiday Season

1. Less Pressure

You know how Sally kissed Harry on New Year’s Eve? Well, we would all like that to be us, but the reality is our life is not a movie or fairy tale, so what does that mean?

It means putting less pressure on yourself for the holidays to be some giant huge love fest of joy. Cut the pressure. It’s really just another day. Yes, you may not be spending it exactly as you wish, but the day will come…and go. Even for a two-day holiday like Christmas…it does pass.

Don’t put any pressure on yourself for it to be perfect. Plenty of people are having crappy and crappier holidays and they’re married with kids and some of them, are wealthy.

Yup. So chillax.

If you’re about to face a quiet house this holiday because the kids will be with your ex, join the club. There are many of us who have to share holidays with our exes…even if they don’t see the kids that much. Honestly, it’s a special kind of hell that not many people can understand or would volunteer for, but you can make it through and find comfort during the holidays. It takes perspective, support and patience with yourself to truly embrace the holiday time without your children. Here are a few things that I try in order to keep myself sane and happy during the holidays.

You Can Do It,
Laura

7 Things You Need To Know When Dating A Kickass Single Mom

If you are dating a kick-ass single mom, congratulations! If you are attempting to date a kick-ass single mom…well, sit back, because I’ve got some things you need to hear.

 

As a single mom who is pretty badass and also dating, I’d like to share one thing you need to know before messaging me or any other single mom online or in real life:

 

We’re not desperate.

 

I know, I know. You went on Craig’s List. You watched an XXX video. You “heard” single moms are desperate horn balls just dying (insert my eye roll right here folks) for some male attention.

 

Apparently, the word on the street is single moms are just dying for some “big hulking man” to come and make her life better. Well, that my friends is the first thing on this list that you need to know in order to date a kick-ass single mom:

 

1. NO, DARLING, I’M NOT DESPERATE FOR YOU TO SLEEP WITH ME

Sure, every human on this earth loves sex and loves company. Well, besides intentionally celibate people I suppose.

 

But kick-ass single moms are not dying for sex. And hey, there are tools for that sort of issue if it becomes hairy, and truthfully, there are many of us single moms out in the world. Many of us dating.

 

We are not desperate to get in the sack with you. We can be just as choosy as you are, man with the annoyingly pretentious abdominal photos and braggery of his fifty vacation spots. Stop buying into the myth and find someone who is foolish enough to stroke your ego, thanks.

Read More:  7 Things You Need To Know When Dating A Kickass Single Mom 

Strangeness of Mothers Day After Divorce

In the three years my marriage ended, I’ve made a bunch of new traditions with my daughter for each holiday. Whether it’s Easter or Hanukkah (yeah, we’re that kind of family) or any other holiday, we’ve got new traditions we’ve been establishing for the past few years so that overall, the holidays feel “normal” to me. Well, except for when my daughter is not with me. That’s still really hard.

But the one “holiday” that still feels a bit weird is Mother’s Day. Mother’s Day growing up meant Dad was supposed to do stuff so Mom could do whatever she wanted. It was a nuclear family event and granted, I have one child and growing up, I was the youngest of four. Now that we are all older with our own lives, Mother’s Day has become less of an event. And when people ask me what I am doing for Mother’s Day, a part of me laughs inside and thinks, “Exactly what I do every other damn day.”

There’s no one doing anything for me. From sunrise to sunset, when you are a single parent, you are a single parent no matter what Hallmark or the rest of your married and coupled friends are doing. I will be lucky if my ex even thinks to have my daughter make me a card.

The reality is, it’s just one day out of the year and it’s one day that someone decided we should all celebrate Mothers of the world…but really, does it matter?

Read More: Strangeness of Mothers Day After Divorce 

Happy Mothers Day to the Single Moms Doing it All!

Laura

Finding Treasure Among The Trash

My one-year divorce-aversary is coming up quickly.

It’s made me stop to think about the year and overall, it’s been a rough one.

Every time I thought I had things under control, life would pull the rug under me and laugh saying, “Not so fast, blondie.”

There were some moments in which I thought—I just can’t do this. Many moments. The feeling was overwhelming, but then suddenly, I turned a corner. Not that I don’t sometimes feel defeated about caring for myself and my daughter on my own…not that I don’t look at my bank account and think, “When does it get better?” because I do… a lot.

Not that I don’t think, when another issue comes up with my ex, “What now?”

But that I believe wholeheartedly that I will manage it. Somehow, I managed when I thought I couldn’t during numerous moments throughout this year. And honestly, out of the three years we have been done with our marriage, this one was the hardest by far—proving that no two divorce journeys are alike.

And here it is spring. A time of new growth. A time of warmer sun. A time of longer days.

And for the first time, I will be without my child for six whole nights.

Originally when we split, we shared her time 50/50, and it was challenging making a life for myself when she was gone with dad. Then as her dad started to take less and less and less time with her, suddenly, it was the two of us again, attached at the hip just like we had been when I was a stay-at home mom.

I’ve never been apart from my daughter for this long. I’ve never missed the chance to dye eggs or see the bunny in time for Easter. It’s this time of the year that I am most sentimental about missing my stay-at home days with her… she just turned six and I still remember those days…the ones rocking her in her chair, her nursing to sleep. The ones in which we hopped from park to park, drawing on the sidewalks, writing letters, and swinging on swings…climbing to the top and me wondering if she wasn’t going just a little too high…or not.

How quiet the house is going to be for six whole nights…getting used to that silence. Getting used to being alone with my own thoughts.

 

Read more: Finding Treasure Among The Trash

Diamond in the Rough,

Laura

My Interview For Fox News on Financial Education for Women

When I decided to get a divorce, I was terrified. I was financially dependent and desperately trying to grow my income. Three years later, with a lot of hard work and sweat…I am doing it, thanks to the help of an amazing organization called Savvy Ladies.

Please watch this video and share. It could help a woman who is struggling in silence.

Watch the interview here.

With Hope,

Laura

A Single Mom’s Prayer

Now I lay me down to sleep…except for, I am still awake.

Awake thinking of the many things I meant to do, but couldn’t get done today.

Awake thinking of the things I said that I second guess—

In my mind, I go over these conversations with my child and wonder if something could have been said differently or if perhaps, there was something I might have missed in her words.

Or if perhaps, my strong love came through with each sentence, word and syllable

As she lays down to sleep,

I pray she doesn’t feel the difference between us and “them:”

As we walk our neighborhood on crisp days, she points to houses and says, “I want us to have our own home.”

As she lays down to sleep,

I hope she knows how amazing, creative, smart, strong and bright her light already is.

I sit and hope.

Hope that each day in every way,

my child knows I love her.

Read More: A Single Mom’s Prayer

 

Amen,

Laura

Broke Single Parent Holiday

The buzz is on. Everyone is chatting about their awesome holiday vacations. The presents they’re buying for their spouses. The gift list they have made for their kiddos. The smashing New Year’s Eve reservations they’ve got in store. It sounds so thrilling and wonderful, but to you it feels pretty god darn awful. This is the part in which your “Fa-la-la-la-la” is completely flat:

The part in which you realize you’re flat broke and there’s no awesome holiday getaway or hot spousal date or worse, amazing list of gifts you’re dying to buy your kids.

Sure. Those things exist in your head but they’re not reality. Instead, you sit down and look at your budget. You look at how much money you have coming in and how much you can use to contribute towards the holidays, whether that be taking any days off or buying gifts for your children. You don’t feel so “Fa-la-la-la-la,” when you look at the bottom line that money is tight and that you’re going to be lucky if you can take vacation days because guess what? As a single parent you probably used up quite a bit already.

Read More:Broke Single Parent Holiday

You’re Rich In Love,

Laura

Why Single Parenthood Helped Me Face My Anxiety

I have never been a shy or introverted person. I was always comfortable being “me” even at a young age. Still, I have always been a sensitive soul and as I got older, I was anxious—a high energy, anxious, Type A sort of woman. When my ex and I separated, the anxiety ebbed and flowed. Sometimes, it was fine. There was a happiness and peace in finally deciding to divorce once and for all, as well as a joy in not being with the wrong person: i.e., not fighting every day and night anymore. But with separation and divorce, there came major uncertainty and with those changes and “new territory,” came anxiety.

Dating. Losing a home. Moving out on my own. Becoming financially independent. Navigating the divorce process. Sharing our child. Coparenting.

All of these things brought some very real fears and others, imagined. One of the greatest fears I would wager to bet most divorced people fear is failure.

Will I be able to make it on my own?

Did I make the right choice?

Will my daughter be fine?

Will I go broke?

Will I meet someone?

I want to tell you that two years later all my fears have subsided, but life has changed since we went our separate ways and in some ways, things are easier and other ways, things are much harder.

Single parenthood though, made me face my fears to the highest level.

Read More: Why Single Parenthood Helped Me Face My Anxiety

You Can Do It,

Laura

12 Things Single Working Moms and Their Kids Need for a Happy Life

Single parenthood is the hardest thing I have done in my life. Every time I think I have it down, life throws me a curve ball and reminds me that I’m just a student of motherhood who will be dealing with a whirlwind syllabus for the rest of my life. I think all mothers can relate to this. Still, I find the pressure of mothering alone to be particularly intense. I often hold myself to impossible standards. I have lost a home and moved and then moved again for work. I have tried to build a career while figuring out how to be a solo parent at the same time.

One thing I’ve learned in this burgeoning journey: There are some things a single mom and her kids need and deserve to be happy. For starters, our own health and happiness are vital—a foundation for our kids to perch and grow upon. If we’re rocky, chances are our kids will stumble on the stones. This doesn’t mean we need to be perfect, but it does mean single moms (and as in my case, moms of divorce) must care for ourselves even as we fervently attend to our children.

Here are some of the things I believe we single moms need to do it.

1. A Single-Mom Network or Friend to Fall Back On

You must, must, must, even with all of your wonderful married friends, have at least one single mom friend who sees you as family, and vice versa. This will allow you both to help each other out when times get tough. No one understands your situation better than those wearing the same clunky shoes. So get out there and befriend someone. Even if you don’t have a ton in common, that one common bond will help both of you—even if it’s being each other’s emergency contact and back-up childcare.
Read More:12 Things Single Working Moms and Their Kids Need for a Happy Life

Build Your Network,

Laura