No, I Do Not Need To ‘Forgive’ My Date Rapist, ThankYouVeryMuch

Holding onto anger about anything — a situation, trauma, person or lost circumstance, whatever the case may be — isn’t a punishment to anyone but you. Your wrath will never burn literal holes into any of your enemies (no matter how hard you try); rather, your wrath will burn every single last bit of energy you have.

Your anger will kill off the good parts of you until all that’s left is a negative, seething shell of slavery. Yes that’s right. When you hold onto that kind of anger, you ‘re enslaved.

So when I hopped onto Facebook and saw that my former date rapist who was supposed to be “my friend” was suggested as a “person you may know,” I felt nothing.

Read More: No, I Do Not Need To ‘Forgive’ My Date Rapist, ThankYouVeryMuch

There’s No More Anger,

Laura

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15 Things Every Smart Woman Should Do Before She Turns The Big 4-0

The big 4-0. It will come before you know it. So in the meantime, you need to live your thirties to the fullest. The thirties are so fabulous because you’re settled in who you are, and in many cases, settled in a career. You’re not a newbie or a “youngin” anymore, but you’re still vivacious enough to take risks, go out for a night of fun, and your sexy age makes you adored by young and old.

The fact is your confidence is sexier than your wrinkle-free, 20-year-old face and you know it. Your friendships are established, and while you’re still interested in exploring yourself and the world, you know where you’re headed or where you want to go. So before you clock in at 4-0, if you’re a smart woman, do these 15 things.

1. Don’t be afraid to ask for a raise.

You’ve worked hard, so why not? After being in your field or at a certain position for a while, you’ve paid your dues. Ask for the raise and get the salary you want now so it pays off later when you ask for another raise or move to another job with better pay.

Read More: 15 Things Every Smart Woman Should Do Before She Turns The Big 4-0

Just Do It!

Laura

7 Reasons Everyone’s *Slightly* Afraid Of An Independent Woman

An independent woman sounds oh-so-sexy, but why then are so many people afraid of an independent woman?

There are many reasons and most of them are never directly stated; instead, they’re implied and internalized. As one of those “independent” women, I often feel that, for men, perhaps it’s not that I’m not “enough” for them, but that I’m too much.

Other than car repairs and fixing things, I take care of everything. Yes, I’m one of those women who knows when she needs to ask either a man or woman for help, and that’s when it involves repairs.

So if you’re an independent woman who can’t meet the right guy, or has a tough time with friendships or colleagues — or are a man who’s in love with an independent woman — read on!

Read More: 7 Reasons Everyone’s *Slightly* Afraid Of An Independent Woman

Scared?

Laura

3 Myths About Bossy Women

While I’m not a dictator or as bossy as the quintessential boss Lucy from Peanuts, I like being in charge. Hell, let me rephrase that: I LOVE IT! This isn’t to say that I won’t let someone else lead; in fact, I have dealt with more assertive people than myself, both male and female, and let them lead the way because I either was buying what they were selling, so to speak, or could see they were more of a Top Dog than myself, or at the very least listened to what they had to say. But there is a great satisfaction in leading a cause or effort and getting things accomplished for me. There’s nothing like checking off a task accomplished to bring me that warm and fuzzy content feeling.

As of late, I found myself working with a male who by nature and culture is more direct than I am and enjoys leading. We butt heads once and after that, it was easy and a pleasure to work with him. It is nice to find someone who enjoys taking the lead and working with me to finish a job.

Read More: 3 Myths About Bossy Women

Small and in Charge,

Laura

Why You Shouldn’t Always Tell Your Daughter She’s Pretty

I hear myself saying “Oh, that looks very pretty” or “I love what you’re wearing” or “You’re very pretty” when I meet or see a little girl I know. It’s a knee-jerk response conditioned from years of growing up around five women and one man (my dad) who worked in the garment business and knows how to speak to women. One of the first things almost everyone does when they meet a woman is compliment her appearance.

Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty.

You look great. Fabulous. Did you lose weight? I love your shoes. Where did you get that dress? I really like your mascara.

She’s such a pretty girl. What a beautiful girl you are!

Read More: Why You Shouldn’t Always Tell Your Daughter She’s Pretty

Tell Her She’s Strong,

Laura

How to Get Winked at and Harassed at Work

I am so fortunate to be at a job in which both the men and women respect each other. I can’t express how glad I am to be blessed with this opportunity, but what makes me sad is that this respectful work environment is a rarity in my experience. The joy I feel in being a regular person in my full-time job and not a trophy employee for some disgustingly inappropriate male boss, shouldn’t be uncommon — it should be the standard. But unfortunately, being a “body” instead of a worker has been a common instance for me in my employed life.

Read More: How to Get Winked at and Harassed at Work

Not A Barbie Doll,

Laura

What My Mom Taught Me About Being a Woman

When Mother’s Day comes around, we often think about how our mothers helped to form how we “mother” our own children. We reflect on what it was that made Mom so special or perhaps what it was that we wished our moms could have done for us that they didn’t. I’ve written before and thought very often about what I would adapt from my mother’s parenting and what I wouldn’t, but what I hadn’t taken inventory of until now was how my mother shaped my internal view on what it means to be a woman. Very often, we think of ourselves as workers, spouses, sisters, children, and mothers, but do we stop to think about what it means to us to be a woman?

Read More: What My Mom Taught Me About Being a Woman

I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar…Meow?

Laura

How to Tell if a Woman Likes You: Women 101

Women are mysterious and complicated.

Some people say we are crazy, but I just think you’ve been reading your Women manual incorrectly. There are quite a few illiterate people out there, so this is entirely possible. Or perhaps, your manual is written in the incorrect language.

Let me give you a few simple pointers that even a dog could correctly adhere to.

Oh wait, dogs can’t read.

You get the drift. Continue reading

I Won’t Let a Man Abuse a Woman in Front of Me: Tales From The Bus

A few years back, there I was on the bus back into the city from my parent’s home in New Jersey. I was in my first year at Columbia, and diving head first into amazing classes on writing and psychology, as well as a few feminist courses. I was in my finest day: I love academics. Nothing makes me happier than a huge novel to read and write about.

Call me a loser, or just someone who doesn’t get enough action?

Or maybe you’re a lit-whore like myself. Welcome to the tribe jedi.

Anywhoo, there I was, just sitting in my seat, getting ready to study on the hour and a half ride when I heard him.

I heard a male voice berating the woman next to him. Continue reading

5 Reasons Why Your Husband Is Not Interested In Sex

I know that this sounds like a total lie, but some men won’t bang their wives.You may be laughing right now, but it is indeed, true.

Do some googling. Male sex drive isn’t as “golden” and high-geared as the rumor mill would like you to believe. Here are some reasons why your husband may not be banging you.

Note: I’m not a therapist, so don’t think of my word as “bond” to quote old-school 80’s hip-hop, but think of my word as a guide for “next steps,” mainly, buying a vibrator and possibly hiring a private investigator. Continue reading