What Are Your Real Priorities? Check Yourself (& Others)

northfolk-pxNcBLSPSMc-unsplash.jpgPhoto by NORTHFOLK on Unsplash

Priorities. We all have priorities in our life. When people tell me they’re too busy, I secretly add in my head “because it’s not important.” When people decide something is important, they do it.

The same goes for you. If someone decides you are important, he or she will commit to you. The person will make time for you. The person will want to be with you. The person will have no lame excuses  as to why he or she isn’t available.

The same goes for “things.” If being healthy is important, people will make time to be healthy. If being kind is important, people will be kind.

Actions delineate priorities. This makes it easy to see who really cares about you.

People who would rather be with you then be with many partners or alone, care about you.

People who say they’d rather be alone or with many people, don’t give a flying f*ck about you.

Friends who show up when you need help, care.

Friends who reach out and want to connect with you, care.

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Thoughts on Holiday Romantic Highs & Lows

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Photo by Jared Sluyter on Unsplash

The holidays are a frenzied time of highs and lows for most people. If you’re entering into the New Year still a bit dizzy over the past few weeks, you’re not alone. Depending on your own personal situation with love, perhaps the holidays were very successful and romantic, or perhaps it was not at all. It may have even been a mix of highs and lows– that is life, after all. Here are some typical holiday romantic highs and lows, and how to deal with them as you enter in the new year.

You got amazing gifts from your loved one.

Your partner or love interest spoiled you rotten. After the high and delight from such care and love, you are probably feeling really confident in your relationship. Treasure it! And also realize that some times, your partner won’t be able to be as doting.

VS.

Your love interest didn’t get you a gift

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Look For These Things When Dating Men in Their Forties

mariya-georgieva-0O6Fv3Ff_XI-unsplashPhoto by Mariya Georgieva on Unsplash

If you’re dating and looking to meet a man in his forties, there are certain things to look for that you most likely didn’t consider when you were dating in your twenties.

At this stage of the game, your dating pool may be more shallow, but on a positive note, the man you should be looking for, will be wiser and hopefully, more self-aware than the guys you ran into when you were 20 or 30.

He’s Self-Aware & Works on Himself

He knows his flaws and doesn’t pretend he doesn’t have them. He owns who he is and also, he works to better himself. Sure, he will have baggage just as we all do, but he will try to make the baggage “lighter” and will always own which luggage is his– if you catch my drift.

He’s Willing to Work for You as He Knows He Stands to Gain

He’s not 20 and naive. He knows relationships take work. He knows that being with someone is a dance … sometimes you lead, sometimes your partner leads– and sometimes the pace is fast or slow.

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11 Things I Learned About Life & Love in 2019

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Photo by Amy Shamblen on Unsplash

There is only one week left in 2019, and what a year it has been! It ended a little crazy– but also, with many things to look forward to. Simply put, if you can’t take lessons from your year then what good is it to celebrate a new one?

Here are 11 things I learned in 2019– and will never forget.

Standing up for yourself is never a bad thing

It’s not always easy to speak out when someone does something wrong, but it is necessary.

As a mom, I am a role model for my kid. If I allow bad treatment to happen or sit back and do nothing when I could make a positive difference, that’s not setting the right tone.

Breathe–your journey is not going to be the same as others

Your timeline will be very unique from everyone else’s. Even when it seems like everyone else on the planet has done something or hit a life goal in the same linear fashion, and you haven”t.

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6 Things to Consider Before Moving

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Photo by Erda Estremera on Unsplash

Making a move can be very scary. It can be hard to make the change, especially if you thought your current home would be a forever place or circumstances like divorce, breaking up or a job change force you into a move.

And if you’re on the fence about a move and mulling it over, pulling the trigger can also be hard. Here are some things to consider when debating to move … or not.

Will it Further Your Career in a Significant Way?

If moving will elevate you to the next level, do it! These opportunities only come around once in a lifetime.  You may not have the same opportunity again.

This is especially key if it will lift your salary in a big way.

Will it Help You Heal?

If you move, will you heal a divorce or break-up?

Or will you be just as sad or hurting if you leave?

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7 Annoying, Creepy or Rude Online Dating Behaviors

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Photo by Yogas Design on Unsplash

For a good chunk of the year, I decided to skip online dating and take a break from all of it.

As the tail end of the year arrived, I figured I might give dating a try again. Why not? So, in that whole process, I signed up for a few different apps.

My god. How is it that I have selective amnesia, forgetting how hideously awful and also, slightly humorous and scary this whole beast is?

Here are some of the most consistent and crappy findings I’ve noticed online. If you are doing these things or behaving this way, please stop. No one thinks you’re cute. Really.

Using Random Photos Without Your Human Face in ANY of Them

Literally, landscapes are beautiful but unless you’re a mountain, I believe your profile photo should be one of a human. Preferably of you– not someone else.

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Will You Be Remembered as a Good Person?

anthony-cantin-ig-lw0Dtz34-unsplash (1)Photo by Anthony Cantin on Unsplash

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”– Maya Angelou

On a daily basis, we do “things.” Some of these things are mistakes or bad choices. Some of these things are good choices and decisions. We interact with so many people on a daily basis, leaving powerful impressions behind on each person we speak to or even just look at!

How are we making these people feel? Are we leaving impressions of goodness or are we leaving them feeling annoyed, angry, hurt or disgusted?

And on a greater scale–when our time on this planet is done, how will you have left the people you loved behind? Will you have left them with good, positive feelings? Will you have left them remembering all the negative ways you made them feel? Will they remember you as a loving person who made them feel cared for?

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Emotionally Unavailable Men & Women Are Just Like Gated Bridges & Stop Signs

joseph-barrientos-Ji_G7Bu1MoM-unsplash.jpgPhoto by Joseph Barrientos on Unsplash

He wants his freedom. He is not available to date you.

She doesn’t want a relationship. She only wants to see you sometimes  when it’s convenient.

These “freedom lovers” view you as someone holding him or her back. These bachelors don’t want someone to get in the way of his or her agenda.

They want to do what they want– when they want!

They want to be free to date many people and never commit.

Or, just sleep around and dodge intimate pillow talk.

You– wanting and loving you– are in the way of that freedom. Your desire to feel needed, appreciated and close is a noose on this person’s neck.

This is what it’s like with emotionally unavailable partners. And if sex is involved well,  sex is fine, but not commitment. Sex is fine,  but not intimacy. (I repeated for a reason).

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Is She Worthless to You or Worthwhile?

 

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Photo by Natalie Breeze on Unsplash

Okay gentlemen and ladies– or anyone dating or caring for a woman– let’s be real:

Do you make her feel worthy or worthless?

Do you even know?

I had a friend whose partner was so abusive and controlling, she couldn’t see it. My mom and I tried to point it out, but it was impossible. She didn’t get it. Even with both of us pointing out the obvious, it went over her head.

Sure, he bought her gifts. Sure, he was “there” for her. But he was also, controlling and insulting.

Same with another friend. Her ex was stalking her when angry. He was “great” the rest of the time she said.

And hey, I had an ex who was nice and calm when he was nice, and then when he wasn’t, he would insult me and tell me I was only good because I was hot. That no one would want me for anything but my body.

So, were these men treating my friends or myself as worthy or worthless?

To me, worthless! It didn’t matter if they were nice sometimes. The fact was, they weren’t nice and kind all the time.

Here are signs you’re making her feel worthless– letting her flower wilt VS worthwhile– helping her bloom:

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When Nothing Gets Easier & Everything Gets Harder, Even The Strong Need Support

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Photo by Ian Stauffer on Unsplash

One of the hardest things about being the youngest of four kids with a large age gap between me and the other 3 kids, is that my parents are older and unable to support me and be there for me in the way I wish they could. I understand why they can’t though, especially with my mom’s health issues, but it is still hard. They root for me on the sidelines, but because they are dealing with a lot– I cannot at their age ask for too much. In fact, I try to give instead of take when it comes to them. They paid their dues in their eighties to be helped instead of burdened.

Still, it makes it really challenging– especially when going through a very hard situation knowing that they can’t physically be there for me.

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