Do Affair Relationships Last After Divorce?

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Photo by Octavio Fossatti on Unsplash

Affairs are a hot-button topic, both in the real world and online. From being cheated on to being the cheater, you can find many people who have been affected by marital affairs.

However, once the affair has “wrecked the marriage,” what happens to it? Do the couples stay together after the divorce or do they drift apart?

Before I dive in deep, consider these statistics when it comes to affairs:

  • Only 5 to 7% actually end in marriage
  • Of that number, 75% end in another divorce

I asked one coach, one private investigator, a relationship expert and therapist to tell me what they thought happens to the “affair” after the divorce is signed and sealed.

Read More: Do Affair Relationships Last After Divorce?

Spoiler Alert: Doubtful,

Laura

Why He’s Not Leaving His Wife. Why She’s Not Leaving Her Husband.

He’s not leaving because he doesn’t want to. She’s not leaving because married life is easier.

We all know someone, are friends with someone or dated someone who is in a constant state of “separation” — or worse, on and off with his or her husband or wife.

I had a guy friend who constantly complained about his wife. Divorce threats came out of his mouth like his life depended on it. He “dated” people, wondered why his wife was mad and complained he had to leave her. But guess what? As time went on, nothing changed. He was still the same old hamster, stuck on his wheel.

Then, there was my female friend. The marriage was brutally awful and the plan was to leave him in five months. Then six months. Then seven months. The reasons why she hadn’t yet left him simply changed or got more complex.

Then, there are the numerous “separated guys” — and women too, I’m sure — you go out with, only to discover that they’re not divorced yet, or you knew they weren’t divorced but separated only to discover that their idea of separation doesn’t quite match yours.

Why? Why do people stay despite their pledges to leave?

When a man isn’t leaving his wife,  he complains about her non-stop, or you meet him online (or anywhere really) and he says they’re separated.

What does that mean? Maybe they live separately. Maybe you discover they’re “living together” until he can figure things out or any other number of legit or non-legit reasons. Maybe they’re talking to lawyers.

Read More: Why He’s Not Leaving His Wife. Why She’s Not Leaving Her Husband.

Don’t Believe the Hype,

Laura

To the Mom Staying in the Unhappy Marriage For Her Kids

You’ve been unhappy now for a while. It’s been so long that you’ve forgotten what happy looks like. Some people have no idea what you’re enduring. On the outside, you two look like a happy couple. But to the people who know you well, they know the full story and there are no pretenses there. You’re unhappy, and it shows. Even when you think you’re putting on a good show for the kids, you’re not. Even if your children can’t put their finger on what’s wrong with Mommy exactly, they know that their mother is not happy.

And most likely, although I know you don’t want to hear this, your kids see you in an unhappy marriage, especially the older children who have the outside world to compare your situation to. But because you’re a great mother, you stick around in this unhappy situation, believing wholeheartedly that you must be doing the right thing by staying married for your children. You feel by choosing unhappiness for yourself, you are choosing happiness for your children. Besides, how could you do it by yourself anyway? It would be impossible. You settle for your miserable marriage because you’ve told yourself it could be worse. They could be worse. You could be worse off. Your kids could be worse off.

Read More: To the Mom Staying in the Unhappy Marriage For Her Kids

Is it Worth Your Sanity and Theirs?

Laura

How to Recover From a Bad Marriage or Relationship

It’s not easy recovering from a bad marriage or relationship. You could end up walking away feeling:

  • Emotionally drained
  • Of no value—as if you have nothing to offer
  • Afraid
  • Bitter
  • Distrustful of your judgment
  • Lack of hope

 

For me, I felt as if I had very little value as a person and hopeless. Somehow, I didn’t become completely bitter. I think that’s just my nature as a person—bubbly.

But for many of us, starting over and moving forward is hard when we have the emotions from the past still acting on our present.

Here are ways to resolve these issues:

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Why It’s Time to Divorce For the Kids’ Sake

“Divorce is devastating for kids.”

“It’s so hard living between two homes. Sharing your kids is torturous. How difficult is it for kids to feel as if they’re in the middle?”

“One home and one set of parents are much better than two homes and multiple new partners or stepparents that might just be — gasp — awful.”

“Divorce means kids will grow up to be adults who never commit. Divorce means kids will grow up with issues and scars. A married family is so much better for kids”

“Just stick it out. It can’t be that bad. Right?”

Have you heard any of those phrases before? Have you told yourself any of those phrases before? Have you bought into the idea that staying in a marriage is better than leaving it? Have you bought into the fact that a broken marriage together is better than starting over, divorced and apart, for your kids?

Read More: Why It’s Time to Divorce For the Kids’ Sake

It’s Time,

Laura