A Bad, Horrible, No- Good Weekend Day

https://unsplash.com/@ryanxbraxton

I was looking forward to the weekend, until it just seemed to go not as I had hoped. And normally, two bad disappointing days could be just that. Two bad disappointing days. No biggie. But in today’s day and age where Covid has kept us from our normal lives, it’s harder to get past disappointment and sadness. It’s harder because we’re more isolated. And when I do speak to my friends, there isn’t much to say. I’m home most of the time raising my kid. Sometimes it’s easier to not talk rather than rattle on about the mundaneness of it all.

My daughter and I saw my parents outside for five minutes masked the other day, and could tell my mom didn’t seem herself, although she was happy to see us. Maybe this is just how it is when you are losing your memory. Whatever the case, it was just such a fleeting visit and how it has to be during these times. But it’s hard knowing I don’t know when I’ll be able to spend time with my parents again and how my mom will be cognitively at that point. My dad has taken over many things — things my mom once did. Noticing these things it’s like tiny moments of grief for me. Grieving I can’t call her and talk like we once did. Grieving I didn’t realize this would happen.

And as I write this, a family member is in the hospital recovering from a painful and emotionally difficult surgery. One that will take a long time to recover. Nobody can visit and honestly, right now is not the time to step foot in the hospital unless mandatory. The feeling of powerlessness that I can’t help this person is huge. The hope that finally, my family member will feel better after years of sickness, is what I’ve got carrying me through this, hoping she gets better. She’s a good person and desperately needs a break.
Some days I feel like the good people never get a break. We’re not appreciated. We’re not truly ever lifted up as we should be. But that’s how I feel today. Maybe tomorrow will be better. It’s a new chance. A new day. Maybe.

Today was just one of those days where I felt down, hopeless, upset and defeated. Where you’re down and just don’t know what to think anymore.
Then, I somehow hurt my back over the weekend and the pain radiated to my hip, making me feel a bit queasy. However, I pushed through and did everything I had to do today not asking for help once and I ended up paying the price feeling worse at the end of the day.
In the end, a heating pad, meditation, some ice cream and one of my favorite Curb Your Enthusiasm episodes, were my go- to’s to try and help me feel a little less down and a little less discouraged in mankind.

Did it work? Maybe. Not really. Not sure. That’s ok. Maybe I don’t know how I’m really feeling.
One minute, I’m grieving my daughter’s lack of normalcy and the next I am thankful for being healthy. A sore back is something I can take care of.
Another minute, I’m thankful for the good people in my life, and the next I am doubting my worth.

But they say it’s darkest before the dawn so I’m just going to hope things get better. The reality is nothing is permanent. Everything changes. At some point, there will be light! Meditation teaches us impermanence. Nothing stays the same. This moment is different than the next.

Breathe Deep,

Laura

How a Single Mom Gets a Medical Procedure

Photo by Daan Stevens on Unsplash

Here’s the answer. She doesn’t get the procedure done.

I need a test– procedure– under anesthesia in early 2021, however, I have no one to take me. I certainly wouldn’t ask my elderly parent during COVID-19– especially since one of my parents is caring for the other parent, who has dementia.

This is why it unnerves me when people comment how I am strong and independent. I know this. I don’t need a team of people to remind me. I am very comfortable on my own– minus repairs and manual labor. And admittedly, I would love if Lenny Kravitz could do any and all of the home repairs as that man is perfect, but I digress.

It is upsetting to never have a guaranteed person to be there for you. I am strong because I know I cannot rely on anyone and that is a shame.

So the answer is, I will probably not get the procedure/test I need. It is one that tests for cancer that I need every 5 years due to an issue I had almost 15 years ago and I cannot UBER or drive myself.

Then to make my anxiety particularly active, I need to go for general bloodwork to check for anemia. If that comes back badly again, alas, I will need a different larger procedure perhaps.

Overall though, I am grateful that I am overall, healthy, fit and can do renegade push-ups like no other 100 lb woman can.

I feel good generally, and I care for myself. I try to self-care. I try to contribute to the good of society during this pandemic by being careful and following scientific guidelines.

But this strong capable person could use another person sometimes, and I don’t feel bad for admitting it.

Lovingly,

Laura

Socially Distant Dates: Are You Going on Them or Avoiding Altogether?

mike-benna-SBiVq9eWEtQ-unsplashPhoto by Mike Benna on Unsplash

It’s a very weird time to be single and I’ve spoken to quite a few people who all have a different take on single life during the COVID-19 pandemic.

Some people, have said they have taken a break from online dating altogether. The idea of managing online dating while dealing with their various circumstances during the pandemic is too much. Others don’t feel comfortable at all meeting even 6 feet apart and others still, find the video calling and potentially long waits of meeting in person not worth delving into online at this time.

Others have taken the circumstances to work to their advantage: I know quite a few people are meeting in parks or speaking to each other from porches or stoops.  Other people still, are video calling or chatting via phone before meeting either in person at a park or, when restrictions are lifted. Some relationships are even taking off: from a socially distant park meet up, to deciding to socially distance together, including the new person in their social circle of who they will interact with during this public health crisis. I have to say that having a buddy and partner must make this  whole isolation easier and I commend people for making it happen during such a bleak time.

There is a lot to consider before making a call like this:

  • How safe do you feel meeting someone in a park? Meeting during the day is the best bet in an active park. Make sure someone knows where you are, who you are meeting and what time you’ll be back.
  • How much protection will you use? Meaning, will you wear a mask or just keep your distance or both?
  • How willing are you to even meet someone at this time? Not willing? Very willing?
  • How ready are you to incorporate a new person into your life?

I would love to hear people’s stories, opinions and experiences in the comments!

You could help someone make that call– many people are on the fence about what to do during this time.

Lots of Love,

Laura

Being a Single Mom Right Now Has Pushed Me to My Limits

Whichever way you slice it, no one has it easy during this unprecedented time in the world. No one is jumping around for joy. Everyone is bogged down with stress and anxiety, and we’re all dealing with the changes the best we can. But I have to admit that as a single mom, this current health crisis has pushed me to the limit.

There are now limits I never thought I’d see before. There are people celebrating how excited they are to have their spouse home and their busy, independent teenagers. I get this. But then there’s me: acting as head teacher, cook, cleaning lady, employee of the month, and mom of the year, 24/7 — with no way to tap out.

Read More: Being a Single Mom Right Now Has Pushed Me to My Limits

Hang Tough,

Laura

11 Things That Make Me Happy During the Covid-19 Outbreak

cibao-chua-7hohUWqBqU4-unsplashhttps://unsplash.com/@cibaochua
It probably sounds ironic to mention the word happy next to Covid-19, but if you’re home social distancing … you’ve got to find some semblance of happiness or you’ll go crazy. And that’s ok,too: losing your mind at times is pretty normal also.

With that said, you have to find the silver linings in all of this or you won’t ever be “ok.”

For me, it’s the following things:

Tyson Chicken

A friend brought me a bag of this crispy Tyson chicken, and I just love it. Even when I’m not hungry due to stress, I’m always in the mood for more CHICKEN.

Tea and a Good Book

I love chai tea and I love to read. These two creature comforts make me feel more relaxed.

Sweet Messages

My one friend always makes a point to send me positive messages, telling me I’m doing great taking care of my little lady or that he thought I looked great and am working hard during a virtual workout.

Continue reading

6 Easy Ways We Can Show We Love Someone During Social Distancing

jude-beck-J7joCq7lkaY-unsplashPhoto by Jude Beck on Unsplash

While we can’t grab someone in a bear hug or hang out with the person we love necessarily, we can still sustain our relationships and show love to the people we care about while six feet– or most likely, homes apart.

For me, I’ve had someone reach out every single day to ask how I’m doing and my daughter. The person always asks if I am doing okay and says something nice to me. This makes my day!

Another person asks if I need anything and went out of the way to help me accomplish something I needed to  keep me “sane” over this tough time. I will never forget that! It is one of the few things keeping me going during social isolation.

These things make a HUGE difference from a distance. These things show real love.

They make me feel loved. When we feel loved, we are happier and more positive.

Just because you aren’t face to face doesn’t mean you can’t make a loved one feel loved.

In fact, during this god-awful time in which the lot of us are frightened and unemployed and a chunk of us very sick, we need to be MORE Loving, MORE caring and MORE giving.

Now is not the time for BS, fighting, tensions or stress. Now is not the time to be cold, uncaring or harsh.  Now is not the time for petty excuses and nonsense.

We need more than love of course. Many of us need PPE, groceries and our health… but we need love too. A lot of it.

Here are 6 things we can do to make someone feel loved, despite the distance– no excuses:

Continue reading

7 Things You REALLY Need During the Covid-19 Outbreak

jon-tyson-UK61KZPnpyY-unsplashPhoto by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

Like most of us, you are probably at home and social distancing. My kid and I are on week 3 and as time has gone on, we’ve gotten into a “new normal” as we work and learn from home.

I myself vacillate between feeling good and cared for, to scared, alone and overcome with fear. I’ve done my best to battle those bad feelings with exercise, fresh air, music, and FaceTime with loved ones.

For me, it has really taught me a lot about myself:

Continue reading

COVID-19 Should Make Us All Realize What Is REALLY Important

joshua-earle-g1TWbj5XYb4-unsplash

Photo by Joshua Earle on Unsplash

No matter where you are in this world today, most likely your life is impacted by this scary novel Coronavirus. For me and my girl, we are socially distancing and homeschooling/working. It’s challenging and isolating to say the least, but we are not alone. For us in particular, lacking adult and child/peer contact is difficult. But it’s for the greater good, society and our health. It’s not a “should we,” but a “we must” kind of moment.

During the day like many parents I am sure, I get snappy or annoyed. I feel like I can’t really focus on anything or, like I need to escape. Single parenthood doesn’t allow that escape. There are no other hands “on deck,” to change that for me.

But one positive thing from all of this is how clearly this virus points out what is really important in life and what isn’t. After this is all said and done, consider how many of us will “exit” this part of our lives and enter the next stage as a different person. Yes, some of us may leave financially devastated, anxious and depressed, but hopefully  all of us will realize now what really matters to us in life.

Love. The people in our lives. Our health. Happiness (mental health).

Continue reading