3 Key Differences Between Men Who Take You Seriously & Men Who Treat You as an Option

kelly-sikkema-5g8exOobDjg-unsplashPhoto by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

You meet a guy and he seems fabulous… but a bit flaky at times. Does he care about you? Does he find you valuable or just someone to toy with?

Are you meaningful to him and special? Or just a notch on the ol’ belt?

Are you his Plan A or his “optional package?”

There is nothing worse than being a guy’s optional package. It can kill your self-esteem and confidence.

Here are 3 key differences between men who are seriously into you … and men who see you as an option for him to choose when he feels like it:

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There Is Without a Doubt, Someone Out There For You– Dying to Be With You

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Photo by Maatla Seetelo on Unsplash

It seems impossible. There can’t possibly be someone out there.

You have been on every dating site. You have gone to dating events, bars, concerts, friend set-ups, community gatherings and are pretty sure you have met everyone on the planet.

And you like none of them. They all stink.

But for those who look closely and pay attention to the details, there will always be one.

One person who shows up when you least expect it.

One person who says yes. One person who doesn’t make you jump hoops to be with him/her.

One person who shows up, has something to offer and is willing to stick it out with you, no matter what. One person who likes you for your flaws and imperfections.

It may seem impossible but really anything is possible.

There are billions of people on this planet. What makes you think you’re so awful that there is no one created for you?

That is a lie.

Someone will show up. Someone good. Sift through the weeds. Pay attention to the red flags.

And amongst all the noise of bad online dates, weird people, flaky people and missed connections, someone will show up.

God Speed,

Laura

You Had a Great Date & The Person Flaked Afterwards– What Happened?

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Photo by Davids Kokainis on Unsplash

Had an amazing date and then–screech– he/she retreated or has been flaky?

It can leave you scratching your head wondering what the heck just happened.

Of course, most likely it has nothing to do with you! So that’s one positive thing.

I mean, if you had a great amazing date and the person then acts weird– most likely, he or she is weird, and not you.

Here are potential reasons you’re not getting asked out again after a wonderful date:

The person is seeing someone else

The person may have feelings for someone else or may be seeing other people.

If the person wasn’t honest with you about that– that can suck– but it’s his or her fault … not yours!

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5 Reasons Your Friend, Love Interest or Partner Is Flaky

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Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Some people are flaky by nature.  They leave everyone sitting around, waiting and waiting and waiting …

Their personalities make them go from person to person, or thing to thing without seeing anything through. They never settle down with anyone and their hobbies change by the minute. This type of individual doesn’t necessarily mean any harm. They just (I guess) go by the seat of his or her pants until boredom hits, and then a change is needed.

But, if you are often or are hurt by someone’s flakiness, this can be incredibly frustrating.

Here are 5 reasons someone might be flaky and unreliable:

They May Be Stressed

We all can be flaky sometimes– especially if we are stressed and feeling like we’re being pulled in too many directions. This can lead to missed meet ups and phone calls.

The person might just be extremely stressed and having a hard time juggling things. He or she may be going through tough times. I know when I have hard times I can be forgetful or may need to retreat in and out of my social sphere to manage my feelings.

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Thoughts on Holiday Romantic Highs & Lows

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Photo by Jared Sluyter on Unsplash

The holidays are a frenzied time of highs and lows for most people. If you’re entering into the New Year still a bit dizzy over the past few weeks, you’re not alone. Depending on your own personal situation with love, perhaps the holidays were very successful and romantic, or perhaps it was not at all. It may have even been a mix of highs and lows– that is life, after all. Here are some typical holiday romantic highs and lows, and how to deal with them as you enter in the new year.

You got amazing gifts from your loved one.

Your partner or love interest spoiled you rotten. After the high and delight from such care and love, you are probably feeling really confident in your relationship. Treasure it! And also realize that some times, your partner won’t be able to be as doting.

VS.

Your love interest didn’t get you a gift

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Look For These Things When Dating Men in Their Forties

mariya-georgieva-0O6Fv3Ff_XI-unsplashPhoto by Mariya Georgieva on Unsplash

If you’re dating and looking to meet a man in his forties, there are certain things to look for that you most likely didn’t consider when you were dating in your twenties.

At this stage of the game, your dating pool may be more shallow, but on a positive note, the man you should be looking for, will be wiser and hopefully, more self-aware than the guys you ran into when you were 20 or 30.

He’s Self-Aware & Works on Himself

He knows his flaws and doesn’t pretend he doesn’t have them. He owns who he is and also, he works to better himself. Sure, he will have baggage just as we all do, but he will try to make the baggage “lighter” and will always own which luggage is his– if you catch my drift.

He’s Willing to Work for You as He Knows He Stands to Gain

He’s not 20 and naive. He knows relationships take work. He knows that being with someone is a dance … sometimes you lead, sometimes your partner leads– and sometimes the pace is fast or slow.

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7 Annoying, Creepy or Rude Online Dating Behaviors

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Photo by Yogas Design on Unsplash

For a good chunk of the year, I decided to skip online dating and take a break from all of it.

As the tail end of the year arrived, I figured I might give dating a try again. Why not? So, in that whole process, I signed up for a few different apps.

My god. How is it that I have selective amnesia, forgetting how hideously awful and also, slightly humorous and scary this whole beast is?

Here are some of the most consistent and crappy findings I’ve noticed online. If you are doing these things or behaving this way, please stop. No one thinks you’re cute. Really.

Using Random Photos Without Your Human Face in ANY of Them

Literally, landscapes are beautiful but unless you’re a mountain, I believe your profile photo should be one of a human. Preferably of you– not someone else.

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Emotionally Unavailable Men & Women Are Just Like Gated Bridges & Stop Signs

joseph-barrientos-Ji_G7Bu1MoM-unsplash.jpgPhoto by Joseph Barrientos on Unsplash

He wants his freedom. He is not available to date you.

She doesn’t want a relationship. She only wants to see you sometimes  when it’s convenient.

These “freedom lovers” view you as someone holding him or her back. These bachelors don’t want someone to get in the way of his or her agenda.

They want to do what they want– when they want!

They want to be free to date many people and never commit.

Or, just sleep around and dodge intimate pillow talk.

You– wanting and loving you– are in the way of that freedom. Your desire to feel needed, appreciated and close is a noose on this person’s neck.

This is what it’s like with emotionally unavailable partners. And if sex is involved well,  sex is fine, but not commitment. Sex is fine,  but not intimacy. (I repeated for a reason).

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Is Your Love Interest or Partner More Than “Friends” With Someone Else?

emily-morter-8xAA0f9yQnE-unsplash.jpgPhoto by Emily Morter on Unsplash

He says they’re “just friends.” She says they dated “ages ago,” but are now friends.

Okay– these statements can be totally true. I’ve stayed friends with people I have dated. I have friends of both sexes and all sorts of orientations. I mean, a lot of people have friends outside of their romantic relationship- without any sort of physical attraction or desire for these friends.

However,  sometimes, a friend may be more than a friend. Just consider the tale rapped by the great Biz Markie. On occasion, you may be wondering how truly friendly your love interest or partner is with someone. You’ve had doubts and despite the “just friend” response, you feel uneasy. Is the person being honest?

Here are some things to consider if you find yourself questioning if your love interest, partner or spouse might be more than friends with someone:

How committed is this person to you?

Is he or she a loving spouse or partner? Is he or she a very available and attentive love interest?

If the person is attentive, loving and available, your fears are probably not founded. Just paranoia.

If the person is not very attentive, loving or available, then you might have a problem.

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How to Talk to Her Before You Lose Her for Good

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Photo by Jenna Norman on Unsplash

Women aren’t as complicated as we get pinned for. Truly, all we want is to feel:

  • Valued
  • Heard (Listened to)
  • Cared for and Respected

It’s not rocket science and it doesn’t require any ab-bearing or fish-caught touting selfies to make us happy.

If you really give a crap about a woman and you have a pulse, you can change how you speak to her and make her even happier to ensure she cares about you for years to come.

Or, you can keep missing the mark. You decide.

Be Specific– Not Cookie-Cutter

Instead of saying I had a good time, say something like:

  • I really enjoyed spending time with you because I felt like I learned more about you.
  • Coming over was great– I loved being close to you and getting time to relax.

Share Your Feelings- Don’t Be Scared

Instead of saying after intimacy, a kiss or sex That was nice, say something like:

  • I really feel closer to you after that– which is amazing.
  • Wow– how lucky am I to have you next to me?
  • You feel amazing and make me happy.

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