What Your Married Friends Think Dating After Divorce Is Like VS. What It’s Really Like

Married life is great if you’re happy but of course, it’s not the same type of love as when you first met. So, it’s not unusual for your married friends to be curious and eager to chat about your dating life simply because it’s interesting (or so they think) and exciting compared to a date night with their partners.

There is definitely a clear difference in the conversations around dating when I talk with a divorced person vs. a married person. The divorced person already knows or has a gist of the reality you face whereas the married person has ideas about it that are either rooted in fantasy or perhaps, horror!

At the end of it all, your married friends want to see you happy and loved—whether it’s self-love from you or coupled love with someone else. Truly, at the bottom of all their curious and nosy questions, there is a love that radiates to you hoping for your happiness. Remember—these were the people who most likely saw you at your very worst in your marriage: unhappy and brokenhearted.

Read More: What Your Married Friends Think Dating After Divorce Is Like VS. What It’s Really Like

Reality Check,

Laura

Tips For Your First Date After Divorce

Going out on the first date after divorce or separation is quite a doozy for most people. Think of it as like a cocktail of emotions—a dash of excitement, a sprinkle of dread and a dousing of nerves—and voila—you’ve got the first date after divorce.

Of course, the situation is different for everyone. If you’re going out with an ex or an old friend, your “spidey senses” won’t be as tingling since the person is familiar. If you’re venturing out with an online date or app match, chances are your nerves are in overdrive because, let’s face it: the online experience is a kooky one.

You might even feel a little guilty that first date out, even though you shouldn’t. Guilt over moving on or guilt over being so excited about a date and maybe not caring at all about your ex.

Read More: Tips For Your First Date After Divorce

You’ve Got This,

Laura

9 Ways You Unknowingly And Actively Sabotage Yourself From Finding Love Again After Divorce

If you’re divorced, it’s normal to wonder if you’re going to ever love someone again and have that person love you.

Doubting love and the longevity of relationships is normal. But if you’re one of those people who have decided that you want to try dating after divorce and find a lasting love, you need to make sure you’re approaching love the right way, and not from dysfunction.

Many of us struggle with issues such as trust, confidence and commitment after our marriages fail, but it’s how you manage those issues that make you succeed — or lose — in love.

Here are 9 ways you keep yourself from finding love after divorce.

1. You have flimsy boundaries with your ex.

You’re divorced, but your boundaries with your ex are fragile. You two are too invested in each other’s lives, or perhaps, you’re too invested in continuing to fight with each other.

This type of emotional friction keeps you from finding love. You need to stop the battle or stop the emotional investment in your ex in order to move on.

Read More: 9 Ways You Unknowingly And Actively Sabotage Yourself From Finding Love Again After Divorce

Your Own Worst Enemy- YOU!
Laura

8 Serious Signs You Are Self-Sabotaging Your Love Life

You’re divorced and now you’re ready to meet the right one.

Ok, got it! So many of us are looking for love, part deux.

But are you putting your best self forward? Or are you sabotaging romance before a spark can set aflame?

It’s not unusual for people to go out into the world bitter, afraid and slightly jaded after a divorce or any major breakup really. The key is really going out there and meeting people when you are truly your best self. Here are 8 serious signs you are sabotaging your love life all on your own.

1) A Billion Things on the Checklist

Before you’ve even met the person, you’ve got a billion things on the checklist someone needs to meet or you won’t consider him or her.

If your list of criteria is so stringent it is enviable to college application requirements, you’re not ready.

Yes—you should have deal breakers in your list.

Yes—you shouldn’t settle.

But no, it shouldn’t require jumping through hoops to be with you.

2) A Great Big Dump

Are you joining dates for a drink, only to prattle on about your ex or how jaded or torn you are about love and relationships?

You’re not ready. You’re a big hot mess of negativity and sorry, no one wants that.

No one wants to date your sad stories. A potential partner wants to date you—the available loving, you. Sure, you come with baggage like everyone does, but if your baggage arrives at the date before your personality can…you are not ready!

Read More: 8 Serious Signs You Are Self-Sabotaging Your Love Life 

Tellin’ Y’all It’s Sabotage…

Laura

The 5 Toxic People You Will Meet While Dating After Divorce

Watch out!

Love with caution.

Dating after divorce is tough territory and it needs to be done right and it can be, as long as you use common sense, date when you are truly ready, and avoid getting your heart invested with the wrong people.

Here are 5 toxic people you will meet in your love journey. Please be sure to avoid them at all costs. Thank me later.

1. The Hornball with Charm
This usually pertains to women dating after divorce.

The Hornball is sowing every single one of his oats as quickly and as often as he can.

He is injured emotionally from his divorce, or is a lifelong bachelor that can’t help but “taste the variety.”

He is vicious and you are vulnerable. Watch out!

Read More: The 5 Toxic People You Will Meet While Dating After Divorce

You’ve Been Warned,

Laura

Single on Valentine’s Day? Who Cares!

Hi, my name is Laura and I am single on Valentine’s Day.
When I enter any store or public location, I am harassed and dazzled with hearts of pink and red and chocolate boxes and cards for people of all ages.
When I go to the store, my daughter points out all the Valentine’s Day candy she sees because apparently to four year-old’s, every holiday is a celebration of chocolate and gifts…upon them.
Truly, it is though.
I am Laura, and I am almost divorced, separated for almost two whole years and am completely and utterly single.
When I go to websites and social media outlets, retargeting ads hit me saying “Buy this sexy lingerie” or “Indulge in the taste of sweet chocolates.”
I am Laura, and I have gone on a bunch of dates and had not one real boyfriend (minus one guy who got really close) in the time I have been separated.

Read More: Single on Valentine’s Day? Who Cares!

As One & Happy,

Laura

Married Folks: STOP Telling Me I’ll Find ‘The One’ If I Stop Looking

Whenever I comment on how difficult dating after divorce is, married person after married person says to me, “You’ll find the right one when you’re not looking.”

Here’s a reality check for those folks: as a single parent who works round the clock, works with women, is friends with a bunch of married people, lives in suburbia with a child, and is close to forty, if I stop getting out there and dating, I won’t meet anyone … EVER.

There aren’t a plethora of dudes in their thirties and forties just hanging out in Target near the grocery items waiting to get to know me. There aren’t a zillion men hanging around my cubicle dying to catch my first name. There aren’t a bunch of friends’ friends and neighbors’ cousins to go around for a woman in her late thirties with a kid who’s looking for a dude who isn’t a total wreck.

Read More: Married Folks: STOP Telling Me I’ll Find ‘The One’ If I Stop Looking

You Don’t Get it,

Laura

6 Online Dating No-Nos For Single Moms

You’re online looking for love or dates, whether it’s through an app or a site or both, and you’re finally getting out there. Good for you, Single Mom! But wait . . . before you get too eager, watch out for some of these absolute no-nos when online dating after divorce, whether it’s a mistake on your profile or the wrong attitude predate. Putting your best foot forward and approaching online dating with the right attitude makes finding that second love easier and better!

Put the Past Away

While I myself am online looking for a great man for me, I have checked out both men’s and women’s profiles simply for research I have done for articles on online dating — like this one. One of the biggest no-nos I see time and again is reference to the past.

Read more: 6 Online Dating No-Nos For Single Moms

Don’t Do it Ladies!

Laura

3 Ways to Introduce Your New Partner to Your Kids

You’re a single mom who just met someone special and are certain it’s the right time to introduce him to your kids. Pretty exciting but also a little nerve-racking. How will your kids respond to this new person in their single mom’s life? Well, that I am not certain of, but there are many great ways to introduce your new best mate to your kids that will help make the transition for your kids and your new partner easier.

Park Play Date Instead of Ice Cream

The whole “let’s get ice cream and meet mom’s new boyfriend” scenario is staid. It’s awkward to be forced to sit and eat with someone you barely know, and older kids know that the ice cream part of the equation is a bit like bribery.

Read More: 3 Ways to Introduce Your New Partner to Your Kids

Do it the Right Way!

Laura