The One Change You Need To Make Before Going Out On A Date

When it comes to dating, you’re concerned. You have a laundry list of fears. You’re worried about the size of your thighs. You’re worried someone won’t accept your kids. You’re worried you won’t have the time for someone. You’re concerned people will judge you for your divorce. You’re feeling old. Isn’t that a count against you? And truly, will someone else love you for you? Or was your former marriage the last chance that happened, if your ex even loved you for you in the first place?

The fears I hear from people, men and women, but especially women after divorce, usually sound like the ones I listed above. The fear that ultimately, you have lost your chance at love, forever, simply because your marriage failed.

By the way, that’s a flat-out no, you haven’t, but it’s a fear many people have—men and women, alike.

Yet, there is one thing that I see many women forgetting as they start dating after divorce that if they considered it would really change the way they date and meet someone, for good.

Read More: The One Change You Need To Make Before Going Out On A Date

Is He/She Worthy?

Laura

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9 Ways You Unknowingly And Actively Sabotage Yourself From Finding Love Again After Divorce

If you’re divorced, it’s normal to wonder if you’re going to ever love someone again and have that person love you.

Doubting love and the longevity of relationships is normal. But if you’re one of those people who have decided that you want to try dating after divorce and find a lasting love, you need to make sure you’re approaching love the right way, and not from dysfunction.

Many of us struggle with issues such as trust, confidence and commitment after our marriages fail, but it’s how you manage those issues that make you succeed — or lose — in love.

Here are 9 ways you keep yourself from finding love after divorce.

1. You have flimsy boundaries with your ex.

You’re divorced, but your boundaries with your ex are fragile. You two are too invested in each other’s lives, or perhaps, you’re too invested in continuing to fight with each other.

This type of emotional friction keeps you from finding love. You need to stop the battle or stop the emotional investment in your ex in order to move on.

Read More: 9 Ways You Unknowingly And Actively Sabotage Yourself From Finding Love Again After Divorce

Your Own Worst Enemy- YOU!
Laura

8 Serious Signs You Are Self-Sabotaging Your Love Life

You’re divorced and now you’re ready to meet the right one.

Ok, got it! So many of us are looking for love, part deux.

But are you putting your best self forward? Or are you sabotaging romance before a spark can set aflame?

It’s not unusual for people to go out into the world bitter, afraid and slightly jaded after a divorce or any major breakup really. The key is really going out there and meeting people when you are truly your best self. Here are 8 serious signs you are sabotaging your love life all on your own.

1) A Billion Things on the Checklist

Before you’ve even met the person, you’ve got a billion things on the checklist someone needs to meet or you won’t consider him or her.

If your list of criteria is so stringent it is enviable to college application requirements, you’re not ready.

Yes—you should have deal breakers in your list.

Yes—you shouldn’t settle.

But no, it shouldn’t require jumping through hoops to be with you.

2) A Great Big Dump

Are you joining dates for a drink, only to prattle on about your ex or how jaded or torn you are about love and relationships?

You’re not ready. You’re a big hot mess of negativity and sorry, no one wants that.

No one wants to date your sad stories. A potential partner wants to date you—the available loving, you. Sure, you come with baggage like everyone does, but if your baggage arrives at the date before your personality can…you are not ready!

Read More: 8 Serious Signs You Are Self-Sabotaging Your Love Life 

Tellin’ Y’all It’s Sabotage…

Laura

My Summer of Zero Dates

I decided at some point that this was going to be my summer of zero dates.

Well, mostly.

I was online and on apps a lot. I had more first dates in a two month period than I had in my entire life, and I was always a pretty active dater. Nothing disastrous had happened. Nothing traumatic. I just felt as if the dating had become a chore.

For most people, casual conversation with a “mostly” stranger like the dates you have online are difficult. For me, I could talk to anyone…really. The janitor. The CEO. The three-year old child. The eighty-year old guy with Dementia on the subway. Conversing with dates was a breeze.

I met interesting people…and not so interesting people. Some were a little crazy while others were perfectly fine.

None gave me a tingle or spark. None made me say, let’s take this to the next level.

And hey, when you are divorced and dating, we all know how tough that can be.

Juggling your schedules around the kids…if you’ve both got them or you or your date is a parent.

Trusting someone after perhaps some intense trust fails from an ex.

Revealing parts of yourself and being vulnerable after watching a marriage fail.

Dating after divorce is an intricate dance, and one that I had committed to carrying out, from the beginning intro the final curtsy, but before summer had even dropped its hot humid temperatures on the East Coast, I was just done.

Not bitter. Not jaded.

Just bored.

Read More: My Summer of Zero Dates

A Little Break,

Laura

10 Expert Dating Tips After Divorce

Dating after divorce. Ah. When my ex and I first separated, it felt exciting to date and also, a bit like dodging bullets. While it wasn’t a whole new world — I had obviously dated before — it was still a new playing field and I came into dating differently this time, than I had before marriage.

Heed these expert dating tips offered to you by myself and Jason McClain — speaker, mentor, and life coach — before you go off into the wild yonder of dating after divorce. It’s better to have some wise advice under your belt in order to avoid unnecessary strife and heartache.

1. Get Out Those Old Ugly Feelings:

Jason McClain, urges you to reach out before dating and spend time with a good counselor or best friend to air out your feelings. Does either individual believe you are ready to date again? Ask for an honest answer.

From my perspective, there is nothing worse than sitting on a date with someone who is still angry, hurting, or messed-up over a former spouse. It’s very off-putting and instantly feels like the person needs therapy, and not romance.

Read More: 10 Expert Dating Tips After Divorce

Are You Ready?

Laura

Do NOT Date Before the Divorce Is Finalized Until You Consider These Important Factors

You’re separated from your soon-to-be-former spouse, and now you’re wondering: is it acceptable for me to date? 

I wish I had an easy yes or no answer for you, but each situation is different. Some people may be available to date easily, and others? Not so much. There is one thing I can say with absolute certainty on the subject and that is this: whether you are divorcing with kids, without kids, or have been married a long time or simply a few years, no one is ready to be serious with ANYONE right after a separation.

Sure, you could be ready to have fun, have sex, and casually date, but you are no one’s Mrs. Right until you have taken time to assess yourself, your failed marriage, and where you are going in life. Not to mention, you need to heal. You may feel completely over someone, but the fact is it takes time to unravel yourself from a marriage.

Here are some indicators/rules you can go by to determine whether you are ready to casually date vs. whether you are not ready to casually date.

Read More: Do NOT Date Before the Divorce Is Finalized Until You Consider These Important Factors

It’s Not the Smartest Move,

Laura

The 5 Toxic People You Will Meet While Dating After Divorce

Watch out!

Love with caution.

Dating after divorce is tough territory and it needs to be done right and it can be, as long as you use common sense, date when you are truly ready, and avoid getting your heart invested with the wrong people.

Here are 5 toxic people you will meet in your love journey. Please be sure to avoid them at all costs. Thank me later.

1. The Hornball with Charm
This usually pertains to women dating after divorce.

The Hornball is sowing every single one of his oats as quickly and as often as he can.

He is injured emotionally from his divorce, or is a lifelong bachelor that can’t help but “taste the variety.”

He is vicious and you are vulnerable. Watch out!

Read More: The 5 Toxic People You Will Meet While Dating After Divorce

You’ve Been Warned,

Laura

Dating Sites and Apps for Single Working Moms—a Roundup

You’re single, you’re a mom, you have a job—and you want to date. Me too. So before you tell me it’s impossible, I offer you this: Anything is possible! I know, I know, the logistics of dating as a solo parent who’s working to provide for her family can get tough. I’m right there in the trenches online and on apps, looking for love and, mostly, looking to stay out of trouble. Sometimes it seems I’m swimming in a very shallow dating pool, but I haven’t given up and taken in fifty cats. Yet.

So here’s the “downlow” on dating sites I’ve tried as a SWM (single working mother). You should try too. And remember: You can do it at home, at night after the kids go to bed, in your jammies if you want.

Phone Apps

Tinder
Pros: Tinder is quick and easy. You set it up through your Facebook account and set your preferences within minutes. You won’t waste time filling out large forms and questionnaires, and your pictures are right there on Facebook. (Caveat: Don’t use photos of you with your kids or of them alone, for their safety. You never know.) Searching for matches is super simple. Once you’ve set age and distance preferences, you start swiping. A simple swipe left and dreamguy is gone forever; a simple swipe right, and he could end up a match for life!

Read More: Dating Sites and Apps for Single Working Moms—a Roundup

Give it A Shot,

Laura

 

What It’s Like to Have Too Much to Offer As A Divorced Woman

I used to think that I wasn’t good enough. Mainly because of late tween and teenage experiences that bled into more colorful but not so great experiences in my early-twenties. And then furthermore, being married to someone who loved me based on conditions and not on who I was. Someone that could give up and someone that didn’t seem to see the best in me, even though I was trying my best. Perhaps he was too.

Now I know I am good enough. I have much to offer. A stable career. A blooming career. The ambition of a billion men and (wo)men. The spirit and energy of a teenager. The friendliness of a Labrador Retriever. A healthy child. Great friends. Two parents who tolerate me. Wink.

I’m fit and healthy. I have a good work-life balance although yes, I am rather busy. I make friends with strangers. I am open and not bitter. I am not the least bit grieving my divorce.

Yet somehow I end up feeling as if I have “too much” to offer someone that often dates, back off or never happen.

Guys worry: Are you judging my grammar? ( I am a writer after all.)

You write about sex? Wow. Intimidating.

Read More: What It’s Like to Have Too Much to Offer As A Divorced Woman

Strong & Tall (Well, In Spirit),

Laura

Single on Valentine’s Day? Who Cares!

Hi, my name is Laura and I am single on Valentine’s Day.
When I enter any store or public location, I am harassed and dazzled with hearts of pink and red and chocolate boxes and cards for people of all ages.
When I go to the store, my daughter points out all the Valentine’s Day candy she sees because apparently to four year-old’s, every holiday is a celebration of chocolate and gifts…upon them.
Truly, it is though.
I am Laura, and I am almost divorced, separated for almost two whole years and am completely and utterly single.
When I go to websites and social media outlets, retargeting ads hit me saying “Buy this sexy lingerie” or “Indulge in the taste of sweet chocolates.”
I am Laura, and I have gone on a bunch of dates and had not one real boyfriend (minus one guy who got really close) in the time I have been separated.

Read More: Single on Valentine’s Day? Who Cares!

As One & Happy,

Laura