What to Do When Someone Won’t Commit

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Photo by Nadia Jamnik on Unsplash

The other day, a friend was asking me for advice. He wanted to know what to do next.

Yup, male friends often turn to their female friends in these situations.

Someone he had been seeing and dating for a while had told him she didn’t want to further the relationship. They were really close and things were clicking … but then she said that while she really liked him, she wanted to be alone and stay away from committing or getting involved with him. He, heartbroken and looking to me for some solace, wants to be with her and told her he would be patient, but realized that there was nothing left he could do. He had tried so hard and was really great to her, but her position was firm: she wanted to be selfish at this point in her life, and as great as he is– it didn’t matter to her, sadly.  He knew the only thing he could do would be to move forward.

“What next?” he said.

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You Had a Great Date & The Person Flaked Afterwards– What Happened?

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Photo by Davids Kokainis on Unsplash

Had an amazing date and then–screech– he/she retreated or has been flaky?

It can leave you scratching your head wondering what the heck just happened.

Of course, most likely it has nothing to do with you! So that’s one positive thing.

I mean, if you had a great amazing date and the person then acts weird– most likely, he or she is weird, and not you.

Here are potential reasons you’re not getting asked out again after a wonderful date:

The person is seeing someone else

The person may have feelings for someone else or may be seeing other people.

If the person wasn’t honest with you about that– that can suck– but it’s his or her fault … not yours!

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5 Reasons Your Friend, Love Interest or Partner Is Flaky

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Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Some people are flaky by nature.  They leave everyone sitting around, waiting and waiting and waiting …

Their personalities make them go from person to person, or thing to thing without seeing anything through. They never settle down with anyone and their hobbies change by the minute. This type of individual doesn’t necessarily mean any harm. They just (I guess) go by the seat of his or her pants until boredom hits, and then a change is needed.

But, if you are often or are hurt by someone’s flakiness, this can be incredibly frustrating.

Here are 5 reasons someone might be flaky and unreliable:

They May Be Stressed

We all can be flaky sometimes– especially if we are stressed and feeling like we’re being pulled in too many directions. This can lead to missed meet ups and phone calls.

The person might just be extremely stressed and having a hard time juggling things. He or she may be going through tough times. I know when I have hard times I can be forgetful or may need to retreat in and out of my social sphere to manage my feelings.

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Look For These Things When Dating Men in Their Forties

mariya-georgieva-0O6Fv3Ff_XI-unsplashPhoto by Mariya Georgieva on Unsplash

If you’re dating and looking to meet a man in his forties, there are certain things to look for that you most likely didn’t consider when you were dating in your twenties.

At this stage of the game, your dating pool may be more shallow, but on a positive note, the man you should be looking for, will be wiser and hopefully, more self-aware than the guys you ran into when you were 20 or 30.

He’s Self-Aware & Works on Himself

He knows his flaws and doesn’t pretend he doesn’t have them. He owns who he is and also, he works to better himself. Sure, he will have baggage just as we all do, but he will try to make the baggage “lighter” and will always own which luggage is his– if you catch my drift.

He’s Willing to Work for You as He Knows He Stands to Gain

He’s not 20 and naive. He knows relationships take work. He knows that being with someone is a dance … sometimes you lead, sometimes your partner leads– and sometimes the pace is fast or slow.

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7 Annoying, Creepy or Rude Online Dating Behaviors

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Photo by Yogas Design on Unsplash

For a good chunk of the year, I decided to skip online dating and take a break from all of it.

As the tail end of the year arrived, I figured I might give dating a try again. Why not? So, in that whole process, I signed up for a few different apps.

My god. How is it that I have selective amnesia, forgetting how hideously awful and also, slightly humorous and scary this whole beast is?

Here are some of the most consistent and crappy findings I’ve noticed online. If you are doing these things or behaving this way, please stop. No one thinks you’re cute. Really.

Using Random Photos Without Your Human Face in ANY of Them

Literally, landscapes are beautiful but unless you’re a mountain, I believe your profile photo should be one of a human. Preferably of you– not someone else.

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Emotionally Unavailable Men & Women Are Just Like Gated Bridges & Stop Signs

joseph-barrientos-Ji_G7Bu1MoM-unsplash.jpgPhoto by Joseph Barrientos on Unsplash

He wants his freedom. He is not available to date you.

She doesn’t want a relationship. She only wants to see you sometimes  when it’s convenient.

These “freedom lovers” view you as someone holding him or her back. These bachelors don’t want someone to get in the way of his or her agenda.

They want to do what they want– when they want!

They want to be free to date many people and never commit.

Or, just sleep around and dodge intimate pillow talk.

You– wanting and loving you– are in the way of that freedom. Your desire to feel needed, appreciated and close is a noose on this person’s neck.

This is what it’s like with emotionally unavailable partners. And if sex is involved well,  sex is fine, but not commitment. Sex is fine,  but not intimacy. (I repeated for a reason).

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Is She Worthless to You or Worthwhile?

 

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Photo by Natalie Breeze on Unsplash

Okay gentlemen and ladies– or anyone dating or caring for a woman– let’s be real:

Do you make her feel worthy or worthless?

Do you even know?

I had a friend whose partner was so abusive and controlling, she couldn’t see it. My mom and I tried to point it out, but it was impossible. She didn’t get it. Even with both of us pointing out the obvious, it went over her head.

Sure, he bought her gifts. Sure, he was “there” for her. But he was also, controlling and insulting.

Same with another friend. Her ex was stalking her when angry. He was “great” the rest of the time she said.

And hey, I had an ex who was nice and calm when he was nice, and then when he wasn’t, he would insult me and tell me I was only good because I was hot. That no one would want me for anything but my body.

So, were these men treating my friends or myself as worthy or worthless?

To me, worthless! It didn’t matter if they were nice sometimes. The fact was, they weren’t nice and kind all the time.

Here are signs you’re making her feel worthless– letting her flower wilt VS worthwhile– helping her bloom:

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8 Ways to Say I Love You Without Really Saying It

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Saying “I love you” is certainly important and meaningful, but there are many ways to say those 3 words without really saying them. And why wouldn’t someone want to just say “I love you?”

There are many reasons:

  • It’s boring to just use the words constantly without backing them up with actions!
  • Someone might not be ready to say those words– and therefore, would rather show love instead of make a declaration.
  • Someone could love you but not really realize it yet.

Truly, showing someone you love them is the most important thing of all– above and beyond those 3 little words.

Here are ways you can show someone love, without having to speak a word.

Eliminating or Assisting With a Burden

Helping someone with work or a task that stresses the person out is a great way to show love.

Caring When You’re Sick

Got a sick partner or love interest? Caring or helping the person in some way is an act of love.

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5 Reasons He/She REALLY Doesn’t Want a Relationship

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Photo by Tyler Lastovich on Unsplash

You’ve spent a lot of time wondering why he/she is so flaky or unavailable. You seem to have a good time with the person, but then he or she is nowhere to be found. The person ghosts you for a while, and then pops back up. Or, you can’t get any consistency from the person. Dates are good, but they come and go. You wonder to yourself “WTF is wrong with this person,” when you get the “I don’t want a relationship” line that we all know is total bullsh*t for the most part.

Here are 5 reasons your love interest really doesn’t want a relationship.

Brace yourself. The harsh truth is coming.

1. He/She Doesn’t Care About You

Their options and freedom is more important. They like the idea of having many options available to them and you aren’t special.

Yup– you aren’t special and you mean squat to that person.

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4 Things to Remember About Online Dating

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Online Dating is a bizarre place, indeed. I have to wonder what people are thinking sometimes with the things they write, share or use as photos with the goals of meeting someone.

For example, one man wore a squirrel outfit as a main profile pic. Funny? Maybe, if you like nuts. Haha.

Another man looked like he was half asleep or high.

In other words, you have to have a really good sense of humor in order to swipe left and right for more than ten minutes. It’s easy to see why people don’t really enjoy the process. Both my male and female friends seem to groan over the whole thing.

So, if you’re about ready to swipe left or right on potential matches, keep these 4 things in mind in order to laugh more and cry less.

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