The One Change You Need To Make Before Going Out On A Date

When it comes to dating, you’re concerned. You have a laundry list of fears. You’re worried about the size of your thighs. You’re worried someone won’t accept your kids. You’re worried you won’t have the time for someone. You’re concerned people will judge you for your divorce. You’re feeling old. Isn’t that a count against you? And truly, will someone else love you for you? Or was your former marriage the last chance that happened, if your ex even loved you for you in the first place?

The fears I hear from people, men and women, but especially women after divorce, usually sound like the ones I listed above. The fear that ultimately, you have lost your chance at love, forever, simply because your marriage failed.

By the way, that’s a flat-out no, you haven’t, but it’s a fear many people have—men and women, alike.

Yet, there is one thing that I see many women forgetting as they start dating after divorce that if they considered it would really change the way they date and meet someone, for good.

Read More: The One Change You Need To Make Before Going Out On A Date

Is He/She Worthy?

Laura

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10 Simple, Sexy Ways To Show A Man Intimacy (Without Jumping Into Bed)

Intimacy isn’t solely about sex. Sure, sex counts an awful lot, but that’s not the only factor that goes into building an intimate and passionate relationship.

We all know you can have sex without real intimacy and connection, but how can you be intimate with a man beyond or besides simply intercourse? Here’s how to be intimate without jumping into bed, and they are guaranteed to make his body ache just a little.

1. Give each other a naked massage.

Forget the clothes. Forget the half-clothed shoulder rubs. Get naked, both of you, and give him a massage.

9 Huge Differences Between Men Who Commit To One Woman And The Ones Who Never Will

Although you can get a guy who is a serial bachelor to commit, and then have the nice guy who suddenly goes “rogue,” there are key differences between men who can commit and men who won’t.

Usually, it’s a dead ringer and easy to tell which group a particular guy ends up belonging to, but for clarity’s sake (and to avoid heartache), let’s dish on the real differences.

1. Is he secure in himself?

Men who can commit: He’s secure in himself. He feels positive about who he is and knows that he has a lot to offer. He isn’t cocky or needy — he’s simply comfortable in his own skin.

Men who won’t commit: He’s cocky and feels entitled. Or he’s insecure, bitter and jaded. He isn’t rooted in the world as an individual and he can’t be committed to you. Picture him as a little leaf floating in the wind with no direction.

Read More: 9 Huge Differences Between Men Who Commit To One Woman And The Ones Who Never Will

Committed…or Not?

Laura

7 False Things Every Verbal Abuser Wants You To Believe (But You Shouldn’t)

Verbal abusers have a sophisticated way of having you believe their hogwash. They use a lot emotional smokescreens, verbiage, and myths about verbal abuse to keep you under their thumbs; this way, they can feel like a bigger and better person than you are.

With your demise and emotional “shrinkage,” they feed off what you are losing to try and bolster their own weak self-esteem.

The reality is that an abuser is not a confident and happy person. Not ever. The abuser is someone who is unhappy, weak and has poor self-esteem. Like a little parasite, this person tries to feed off others. Here are seven things a verbal abuser wants you to believe, even though you shouldn’t.

1. “It’s your fault.”

If I had a dollar for every time an abuser said, “It’s your fault,” I’d be a rich woman. Abusers want you to believe that any problem is your fault because then you’ll feel bad and do what he or she wants, feel bad about yourself, and grow reliant on the abuser. Plus, reliance on the abuser means the abuser has control.

2. “You made me do it.”

Did the abuser yell at you? Cheat on you? Hit you? Hurt you? The abuser will always try again and again to make you believe that you made this person do whatever it is that upset you. This way, you can feel bad about yourself and grow reliant on them, make the abuser feel better for his or her sh*tty choices, and allow them to gain power over you.

Read More: 7 False Things Every Verbal Abuser Wants You To Believe (But You Shouldn’t)

Don’t Believe the BS,

Laura

What His Holiday Gift Really Says About Your Relationship Status

You’re in a relationship with a new guy and it’s the holidays. That means gifts. Well, usually.

You get a present from him and, in true female fashion, you analyze what his holiday gift means. You wouldn’t have a pulse if you didn’t. But instead of the guess work and sleuthing, there are a few ways to find out for sure.
Before we dive into the dirty details, let’s consider a few things:

Money doesn’t matter. People should spend what they can afford. It’s the thought that counts the most. The exception to this is a wealthy guy who goes cheap on a gift.
The thought and time invested is what counts and shows how much he cares… or doesn’t.

1. A gift card of low denomination
It means he considers you… and that’s about it (unless he is broke, then it is more meaningful). He wants you to feel acknowledged but he’s not about to go crazy for you. This is a good “early dating,” gift but if you have stronger feelings for him, you’ll be disappointed not about the dollars spent, but the less personal gift.

Now, if he is broke and does this, it means he probably didn’t know what to get you and wanted to acknowledge you still. And depending on how broke he is, it could mean you really matter to him but he doesn’t know you well enough yet.

Read More: What His Holiday Gift Really Says About Your Relationship Status

Thoughts Count,
Laura

If Your Man is Like a Cat-Back Exhaust System, You’re In Luck

I never thought I would know anything about cars or men.

Actually, it’s debatable how much I know about the XX species—and I’m still learning about cars.

For a new job of mine, I’ve had to learn a lot about cars, trucks, performance driving, off-roading and then some. If you know me, you already know that all that stuff is Greek to me. But I’m a good student and hate to look stupid, so I’ve been doing my research. When it comes to men, I’ve made stupid mistakes sometimes, and I’m learning too—a work in progress trying to understand the sexy, mysterious and sometimes incredibly weird species, called males. Let’s just say…I have been researching men since age 3 and so far, I’ve yet to find that one guy that can capture me and throw me into his man cave for eternity.

But the other day, I had to write about Cat Back Exhaust Systems, and it made me think of men.

First of all, I knew zilch about exhaust systems, much less what a “cat” had to do with any of it.

But as I read on about mufflers, resonators, and horsepower, I realized that a man’s love or lack thereof, can be compared easily to a Cat Back.

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An Offer I Can’t Refuse: Dating & Hunting

The other day a friend of mine said, “All of a sudden the guys are coming out of the woodwork!” She had had a few good dates…and it seemed all the ex’s were popping up out of nowhere, randomly…and at once.

It’s always the case—for women at least…is it the same for men? I’m not sure. Guys—you’ll have to tell me.

Why is it that men seem to all come rushing for you at once, when just a month or even days ago, nobody had “boo” to say to you?

It’s the hunt.

Men smell when you don’t want them, need them or have forgotten them.

And then suddenly when they realize someone else is hunting you and you’re no longer an option to bring back to their cave,  men come around to mark their territory. Or at least try to. This isn’t to say guys pee on you—but you get the gist of it.

So for example, at the beginning of the year, I had quite a few dates. Two people I saw a few times…but nothing that rocked my world. Then suddenly—

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9 Little Gestures That Mean, YES GIRL, He’s Into You

You met someone and you’re in the new stage in which you’re really not sure where you stand with him or where things are heading. So what happens next? It’s the game of love — or heartbreak.

You two do that dating tango: the dance in which you decide if you’re really in sync with each other or not. But before you decide to get on your metaphorical dancing shoes, pay attention to all of the little things.

It’s not the BIG huge gestures of affection and sweeping statements that really indicate a man is ready to say ‘I love you’. Talk is cheap. Anyone can say they love you (or is into you), but the reality is, it’s the little gestures a man does every day, on occasion, or on a whim that shows just how in love with you he is… or isn’t.

Here are the 9 little gestures that say ‘I love you’ without saying a word:

 

1. He fixes up the house.

If your new dude-to-potentially-be is offering to be Mr. Fixer Upper, chances are high that he’s “fixing” to score you as well. He wants to help take some of the DIY burden off your shoulders and give the place in which you dwell a lot of love. Why? Because he probably loves you, too, at least a little.

Read More: 9 Little Gestures That Mean, YES GIRL, He’s Into You

OH– He Wants You!

Laura

8 Signs He’s Not Just Having Sex With You, He Actually LIKES You

You’re super-excited about someone and your feelings are intense for them. The sex is off-the-charts hot. The connection is amazing. Waiting to see this person is torture. You cannot imagine another second without being in this man’s arms.

You’re so cooked and fried over this guy, we could call you a friggin’ hamburger. But is he sizzling over you? (Pardon me… all this talk about sex makes me hungry. Wink.)

Is this man crazy about you and serious about the relationship you’re forming? Or is it just about the sex for him, and the only real relationship that’s going on is the one inside your head? Here are eight signs he’s actually serious about your relationship and isn’t just in it for sex.

1. When the chips fall, he’s there to see you through.

If he’s serious about your relationship, when your car breaks down, you get sick, the cat dies or you have a huge blowout with someone in your family, he’s there. He’s there not because he’s forced to be, but because he cannot imagine leaving you alone.

He’s there because he’s invested in the time he spends with you and developing what you two share. He’s there because you need him, and that’s all he needs to know. If he’s not there for you, he’s only into you as a “curvy, sexy body.” Period.

Read More: 8 Signs He’s Not Just Having Sex With You, He Actually LIKES You

He’s Into You,

Laura

8 Ways To Know The TRUE Difference Between Having Sex & Making Love

In my dirtiest opinion, there is room for both f*cking and making love. If you have a partner that you can’t f*ck and only make love to, or vice versa, you’ve got the wrong partner.

A hearty and fulfilling sex life has a little of both, and most of the time, couples go through stages in which they’re “making love” all the time or “f*cking” all the time. It’s simply part of the life cycle of the relationship.

But in the early stages of the relationship, it’s when the cycle happens rapidly. Sometimes, if you’re with a new partner and wondering where it’s going, you’ll start to analyze the sex. Is it just banging, or is he connecting with you?

Bottom line: Is it f*cking or making love? Here are the differences.

1. When you’re making love, your vulnerability levels are high.

When you’re making love, the vulnerability level is high. People start to share words and feelings that they didn’t before. Don’t be surprised if her eyes, or yours, well up a little. This is when both of you let down your guard. This is when risk and reward comes into play.

Do you tell him you love him? Do you tell her you love her? Are you becoming so close that it’s difficult and scary? Are you becoming so close that it’s hard to imagine any other moments happening without him or her? This is making love.

2. When you’re f*cking, the vulnerabilities are there, too… it’s just different.

On the flip side, when you’re f*cking, the vulnerabilities lie in the two of you sharing some freaky stuff that might make the other person turned off. If your freak flag doesn’t fly with this new partner’s, the party shuts down. The vulnerabilities lie in: Is the sex going to suck? Are we going to lose chemistry? If I let my sexual needs show, will they be received well, or not?

Read More: 8 Ways To Know The TRUE Difference Between Having Sex & Making Love

Which Is It?

Laura