The Benefits of A Relationship Vs. Benefits of Being Single

You want to date or you want to be alone. All of this is dependent on your perspective and current needs.

Dating someone or being single both have pro’s and cons– and it’s up to you to decide which “pros” are more desirable.

Here are the pros of being part of a couple versus being a swinging single:

Happily Coupled

1. Safe sex (usually)

Not only is the sex safe, but the sex is often reliable, enjoyable and experimental if you two so choose. When a relationship is safe and happy, often two people can really explore their desires and this is amazing. Not to mention without fear (usually) of STD’s etc. Of course, many people want a monogamous situation, and this will limit the ability to be with others.

2. Shared resources

When you’re part of a couple, you usually share mental, financial and physical resources. Two are better than one as the saying goes. You have someone to turn to and vice versa. It is very beneficial.

It does mean that you often cannot act without someone else weighing in on these resources.

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What Its Like to Be a Reluctant Dater

I took a break this year– about 5.5 months from dating altogether. I needed a break from the swiping, chatting and searching. It wasn’t getting me far and I wasn’t having fun. I enjoyed a nice peaceful summer at the beach and I don’t regret it.

Now, I’d like to date but I find myself reluctant on many levels and I wonder if I will ever have someone pull me out of this reluctancy.

To start, I married the wrong person– and I am reminded of this periodically even after all this time. The good news is I’m divorced. Happily. Separated almost six years and divorced almost four years.

So why still the hesitancy?

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6 Ways to Tell If Your Partner Thinks You’re Replaceable

Have you ever felt like your partner– male or female, gay or straight or otherwise– would be ok replacing you at any minute?

Have you ever felt like you weren’t significant to this person or perhaps, like he or she always has eyes open for other candidates?

It’s not a great feeling.

I’ve heard many friends and loved ones tell me how they feel as if their partner wasn’t really committed all the way. In some cases, it was paranoia. In other cases, their partner wasn’t really committed.

Here are 6 ways to tell if your partner thinks you’re replaceable … or not.

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That Moment When You Realize You Deserve More

There is no moment more magical than the moment where you realize you deserve more. Better. The best.

The only moment more magical would be meeting someone you love and cherish. The first time you set eyes on that person.

But the moment when you realize that you’re getting shortchanged and deserve better is a pivotal moment.

Because two things can happen in that moment:

1- You commit to demanding better for yourself OR

2- You recognize you deserve better, but keep living the same damn way.

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What to Do When Someone Won’t Commit

There is no greater pain than love and commitment not returned or worse, retracted.

It is very easy to blame yourself for this person’s state of mind and feeling. It is very easy to retreat into your pain.

But, here are a few things you should do when dealing with someone who can’t commit to save your sanity:

1. Remember It’s Not You– It’s Them

 The person has issues with commitment that probably have nothing to do with you. You have no idea what the person may have experienced prior to meeting you. That person could be a mess. Maybe they don’t know good love from bad love.

And even if it’s you like, say you aren’t a match for them or they don’t love you back … it doesn’t mean you aren’t a match for someone else.

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The Most Important Thing to Look For in a Partner as a Single Man or Woman

As you’re swiping, scoping or chatting with potential partners, I bet the first two things that strike you are:

  • The person’s looks
  • The person’s attitude

After you’ve assessed those two basic things, you drill down into the nitty gritty– especially if you’re a single parent dating:

  • Do they have kids? If yes, do they see them often. If no, do they want kids?
  • Were they married? Do they want to get married again?
  • What do they do for work?
  • What’s the person’s lifestyle like?
  • What are the person’s goals for the next year or so?
  • Where do they live? Is it far from you? Do they live on their own or with other people?

All of these things give you an idea of whether you’ll want to date them– or not. And truly, they are all important factors but after it’s all said and done and you’ve found someone who fits the bill on all of the previously mentioned factors– consider this one single most important thing you should look for in a partner:

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The One Change You Need To Make Before Going Out On A Date

When it comes to dating, you’re concerned. You have a laundry list of fears. You’re worried about the size of your thighs. You’re worried someone won’t accept your kids. You’re worried you won’t have the time for someone. You’re concerned people will judge you for your divorce. You’re feeling old. Isn’t that a count against you? And truly, will someone else love you for you? Or was your former marriage the last chance that happened, if your ex even loved you for you in the first place?

The fears I hear from people, men and women, but especially women after divorce, usually sound like the ones I listed above. The fear that ultimately, you have lost your chance at love, forever, simply because your marriage failed.

By the way, that’s a flat-out no, you haven’t, but it’s a fear many people have—men and women, alike.

Yet, there is one thing that I see many women forgetting as they start dating after divorce that if they considered it would really change the way they date and meet someone, for good.

Read More: The One Change You Need To Make Before Going Out On A Date

Is He/She Worthy?

Laura

10 Simple, Sexy Ways To Show A Man Intimacy (Without Jumping Into Bed)

Intimacy isn’t solely about sex. Sure, sex counts an awful lot, but that’s not the only factor that goes into building an intimate and passionate relationship.

We all know you can have sex without real intimacy and connection, but how can you be intimate with a man beyond or besides simply intercourse? Here’s how to be intimate without jumping into bed, and they are guaranteed to make his body ache just a little.

1. Give each other a naked massage.

Forget the clothes. Forget the half-clothed shoulder rubs. Get naked, both of you, and give him a massage.

9 Huge Differences Between Men Who Commit To One Woman And The Ones Who Never Will

Although you can get a guy who is a serial bachelor to commit, and then have the nice guy who suddenly goes “rogue,” there are key differences between men who can commit and men who won’t.

Usually, it’s a dead ringer and easy to tell which group a particular guy ends up belonging to, but for clarity’s sake (and to avoid heartache), let’s dish on the real differences.

1. Is he secure in himself?

Men who can commit: He’s secure in himself. He feels positive about who he is and knows that he has a lot to offer. He isn’t cocky or needy — he’s simply comfortable in his own skin.

Men who won’t commit: He’s cocky and feels entitled. Or he’s insecure, bitter and jaded. He isn’t rooted in the world as an individual and he can’t be committed to you. Picture him as a little leaf floating in the wind with no direction.

Read More: 9 Huge Differences Between Men Who Commit To One Woman And The Ones Who Never Will

Committed…or Not?

Laura

7 False Things Every Verbal Abuser Wants You To Believe (But You Shouldn’t)

Verbal abusers have a sophisticated way of having you believe their hogwash. They use a lot emotional smokescreens, verbiage, and myths about verbal abuse to keep you under their thumbs; this way, they can feel like a bigger and better person than you are.

With your demise and emotional “shrinkage,” they feed off what you are losing to try and bolster their own weak self-esteem.

The reality is that an abuser is not a confident and happy person. Not ever. The abuser is someone who is unhappy, weak and has poor self-esteem. Like a little parasite, this person tries to feed off others. Here are seven things a verbal abuser wants you to believe, even though you shouldn’t.

1. “It’s your fault.”

If I had a dollar for every time an abuser said, “It’s your fault,” I’d be a rich woman. Abusers want you to believe that any problem is your fault because then you’ll feel bad and do what he or she wants, feel bad about yourself, and grow reliant on the abuser. Plus, reliance on the abuser means the abuser has control.

2. “You made me do it.”

Did the abuser yell at you? Cheat on you? Hit you? Hurt you? The abuser will always try again and again to make you believe that you made this person do whatever it is that upset you. This way, you can feel bad about yourself and grow reliant on them, make the abuser feel better for his or her sh*tty choices, and allow them to gain power over you.

Read More: 7 False Things Every Verbal Abuser Wants You To Believe (But You Shouldn’t)

Don’t Believe the BS,

Laura