You Want A Divorce But, You Still Love Your Husband

While many people get a divorce because they don’t love their spouses anymore for whatever reason—martial problem breakdown, abuse, neglect, lack of sex, lack of respect, etc.—I occasionally hear from women that they still love their husbands during the divorce process.

What gives? It doesn’t seem to make sense in this scenario, or does it? You can technically love someone but not “be in love” with them anymore, although, to me, that means the love is dead. Let’s be honest, you’re not getting hot and heavy or committing to someone that you fell out of love with. But there are many women who when divorcing, share that they still love their husbands—and it becomes a source of personal conflict for some time.  If this is you, these are the reasons you may be struggling with this very issue as you go through the divorce process. And hang tight—it gets better and over time, you will feel assured you made the right choice by getting a divorce.

Read More: You Want A Divorce But, You Still Love Your Husband

Keep Moving Forward,

Laura

4 Meaningful Twists On The Divorce Party To Help You Heal

Nowadays, people don’t just sign the divorce papers and move on with their lives. People party.

Literally, folks throw divorce parties.

It sounds a bit sarcastic and ironic to some people—and maybe even wrong, but for some who have gone through the process and rebuilt their lives due to a divorce, a party seems more than appropriate.

It is a brand-new life—one that is wildly different than the one you celebrated on your wedding day. So, why not make a toast to this new uncharted territory? However, while a party may be nice, there are other ways to mark and honor this new chapter in your life that go beyond cocktails and celebratory martinis.

Try one of these 4 meaningful twists on the divorce party to truly get your new life started on the right foot:

The Divorce Hike

Before you go joking that your ex would be happy if you fell off a cliff, consider all the real mental and physical ways a hike can change you.

Gathering with friends or going alone (if you’re not a novice hiker) is a truly spiritual way to celebrate your entrance to this new life.

Read More: 4 Meaningful Twists On The Divorce Party To Help You Heal

Go For It!

Laura

How To Put Your Kid Ahead Of Your Ego With The Custody Schedule

Making a custody schedule is about as fun as stubbing your toe on a Lego or getting food poisoning. However, if you’re divorcing with kids you’ve got to make a schedule that works, which means rolling up your sleeves with your ex and potentially, a mediator or lawyers if needed (hopefully not) and putting it in writing.

The hardest part of all of this is putting your kids before yourself.

It shouldn’t be. I mean, a custody schedule is all about the children, but it’s not uncommon for divorcing parents to let their egos get in the way when making a schedule for their kids.

The bottom line is, of course, you and your ex need to consider your own personal needs and work schedules, but the kids’ needs have to come first.

Here are a few tips to keep your ego in check and put your kids first:

Read More: How To Put Your Kid Ahead Of Your Ego With The Custody Schedule

Put Them First,

Laura

How to Handle Divorce Advice From Your Non-Divorced Friends

It’s not unusual to get bad advice from well, just about anyone. The worst, though, might be getting advice from someone who has no idea what you’re talking about. If you’re divorced, you know what I mean. Everyone has a piece of advice about how you should live, date, breathe and exist as a divorced person, even if they’re happily married. It’s like the hottest topic and everyone thinks he or she is a guru worthy of spitting out advice like Dr. Phil or Oprah. If you just recently separated, be prepared. The unsolicited advice is going to hit you like a bout of diarrhea after eating Pizza Hut. No disrespect to the “Hut,” but girlfriend is lactose intolerant and there is no hell worse than diarrhea, minus vomiting. That’s the worst.

So, batter up kids: the constant self-help and psychobabble is about to be unleashed because everyone knows how to handle your divorce better than you do. (Kidding).

Read More: How to Handle Divorce Advice From Your Non-Divorced Friends

Deep Breaths,

Laura

How to Keep Your Divorce From Becoming Office Gossip

If you work in an office, you know how gossipy it gets. The office is its own microcosm with rules and a life all its own. People like to mind others’ business, and often, share it. What else is there to do when you’re in cubicle central? You could stay quiet but … many don’t.

And at the same time, our coworkers often see us at our best and worst, and when you’re getting a divorce there is a big chance you will be on your “worst,” on quite a few occasions. You can put on a happy face as much as possible and put your nose to the grindstone at work, but you’ll definitely have a few grouchy days. You may need to step into the bathroom, find a stall and cry for a few minutes. That’s normal.

Read More: How to Keep Your Divorce From Becoming Office Gossip

Keep The Chatter Down,

Laura

You Can’t Keep Up With Your Married Friends’ Budgets After Divorce–& That’s Ok!

Although there are exceptions to every rule, many of us feel a financial lifestyle shift after divorce. This impact can be lessened if you end up getting good financial support from an ex or, if you have family who helps support you. But overall, most people have to make financial adjustments. This may mean that you won’t be able to spend like you used to on everything from “must-have’s” to “want-to have’s.” This can be extremely frustrating and hard to adjust to, but the reality is being happy is more important than having a certain lifestyle. As long as you have a roof over your head and are healthy … that’s more than many people have.

If you beat yourself up over these financial changes, it can really bring you down. There’s nothing worse than the feeling of coming up empty-handed, while you think others are doing great and able to give their kids the world. The operative word being “think,” as you really don’t know how other people live, and what they go through. And no matter what, you’ll never measure up by comparing yourself to a two-income family and by doing so, you will only make yourself feel worse. There are ways, however, to deal with these financial stresses and comparisons between your friends and yourself. Read on – and hang on because it always gets better.

Read More: You Can’t Keep Up With Your Married Friends’ Budgets After Divorce–& That’s Ok!

In the Balance,

Laura

6 Lessons Learned on My Three-Year Divorce Anniversary

Very shortly, it will be 3 years since my divorce date and over 5 years since I have been separated from my ex-husband. As it gets close to that date each year which also is right next to our wedding anniversary ironically, I always reflect on the trials, wins, and growth I’ve made in that time. In some ways, I always find myself a bit short of where I want to be, and in other ways, I always find that I’ve surpassed my expectations. Now that it’s almost three years out, here’s what I’ve learned, where I’ve been, and where I’m headed.

1. DOING THE RIGHT THING ALWAYS PAYS OFF

There were many times when it came to my ex or things involving him where friends would say I was “too nice” or going out of my way.
This isn’t to say that I always did the right thing each time, but that overall, I usually tried to do the right thing.

Read More: 6 Lessons Learned on My Three-Year Divorce Anniversary

Growing,

Laura

6 Bad Attitudes That Keep You From Finalizing Your Divorce

One of the biggest themes I see in the divorce groups I frequent as well as moderate is the grey zone of separation. So there you are. You’re separated. Maybe you’ve been separated for a few months or maybe, a few years. You figure that as long as you’re separated, it’s done and finalizing the whole deal…doesn’t really matter.

Wrong.

That’s what you have told yourself, at least. I’ve watched, counseled, listened and read person after person struggle with cutting the cord for good. Almost everyone (including my former self!) has had excuse after excuse to delay the process.

When usually, the reality is that you’re harboring some bad or negative attitudes that are holding you back from making it official. It could even be fear of what’s to come. The hope of reconciliation. The dread of dealing with the legalities.

From separation to the final court date, it took about two years for my ex and I to make our divorce official. And that, my friends, was too long. Too long for both of us, I am sure, but now at least it’s been done for a few years now.

Read More: 6 Bad Attitudes That Keep You From Finalizing Your Divorce

Move Ahead,

Laura

5 Ways Divorce Changed My Attitude About Love for the Better

After my divorce, I wanted to be better, not bitter. Loved, not lonely. Positive, not prattling on about how things didn’t turn out for me. Whining is not sexy and after age six, it’s downright dreadful, to be honest. Even before age six, but I like to try to give kids a benefit of the doubt until kindergarten. Wink.

I knew I didn’t want to be that angry chick at the bar pissing and moaning about her ex-husband.

What Motivated Me?

A million things, but one day, a girlfriend of mine and I went to a bar by the shore for a drink. It was a beautiful summer night, and a lecherous drunk dude kept bothering me. When he asked me out, I—
surprise—said no, and he proceeded to curse me out. Thank god the bartender told him to back the heck off. Once drunk dude quit yelling at me, he went on to talk about his “whore ex-wife.”

That was not going to be me I thought, in the middle of finalizing my divorce.

Read More: 5 Ways Divorce Changed My Attitude About Love for the Better

Believe,

Laura

4 Perspectives to Embrace When Supporting Your Kids After Divorce

Our children are bystanders in the divorce process. Theyoverave no control in the matter and can often just sit or stand by and watch as their families change, drastically. Depending on the age of the child and the child’s individual personality, some kids will roll with divorce more easily than others. Not to mention, a child will fare better and come out happy despite divorce if the two parents are both active parents who for the most part, get along. This doesn’t mean you and your former spouse have to be “BFF’s,” but that the more you get along, the easier it is in general.

Keeping this in mind that our children are bystanders and the “audience” of the whole divorce debacle, how can we minimize the negative impacts a divorce can bring? Because our kids aren’t part of a passive audience: the divorce changes their lives in many ways.

Whether you’re separating, newly divorced or an old seasoned “pro” at divorce, keep in mind these 4 perspectives when parenting children after divorce.

Read More: 4 Perspectives to Embrace When Supporting Your Kids After Divorce

Support Them,

Laura