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Posts Tagged ‘divorce advice’

10 Ways to Show Appreciation to Your Ex For Being a Good Dad This Fathers Day

In divorce, divorce advice, single dad on June 16, 2017 at 2:53 pm

Father’s Day is almost here, but you’re not living with the father of your child/children anymore. If your kids are older, they can certainly figure out a way to tell dad how much they love him, but for those of you with younger children…isn’t it up to you to do something?

Sure, a stepmother or new partner may hold the helm with these duties, but as mom of those children, if you’ve got an ex who is an active and good dad, you should step up and do something. You don’t have to drop cash on him or go all out like you used to because you’re not his wife…but they’re still his kids. If your ex is a good father, step up and show him your appreciation. It could be so much worse. Even if you’re still feeling the sting over the divorce, think of the many divorced parents who watch as the dad walks out on the kids’ lives. If your ex is in it for the long haul, show him how important he is on Father’s Day with these ideas.

1- Plan a Breakfast

If the kids are dying to make him breakfast, ask if he wouldn’t mind if you help the littles make breakfast for him. If his new partner is not happy with the idea, try inviting the new partner too.

What will an hour together hurt?

If the two of you can’t get along but he’s still an awesome dad, give the kids money and let them treat him to breakfast!

Read More: 10 Ways to Show Appreciation to Your Ex For Being a Good Dad This Fathers Day

Be Grateful If He’s Good,

Laura

Are You Harboring Resentment Against Your Ex?

In divorce, divorce advice on June 8, 2017 at 8:15 pm

One of the hardest things to do during or after a divorce, is let go of any resentment you might have towards a jerky ex.

I get it. You hate her. You hate him. He’s a piece of dog poo. She’s a mess. Your skin crawls when you hear his or her voice…your blood pressure rises with every single email or text from this human being.

Welcome to divorce. Wink.

If you loved your ex still, most likely you wouldn’t be divorced! This doesn’t mean that everyone who gets divorced hates his or her ex as some people remain friendly afterwards, but it’s not unusual to have a bit of dislike for your former partner.

Especially if your ex is a bad coparent, an absent coparent, financially wrecked you, doesn’t pay support, milks you for every cent…or many other numerous reasons. It’s very easy if you’re struggling to rebuild yourself after divorce with or without kids, to not feel a little pissed at the person who is doing you wrong, essentially.

However, anger is an emotion that while it seems to go one way, is an emotion that is both directed…and swallowed. What the heck does that mean? I’m asking myself that now.

It means that when you’re angry, the other party feels your anger, but so do you. They say that depression is anger turned inwards, right? Well if you’re angry at someone else, you’re bound to feel it. Dare I say it, you’re probably consumed with anger! It’s not exactly a very fleeting feeling…being angry at someone. But all that resentment you have towards your ex—is it really making this person a better person? Or is it just wasting your energy?

Read More: Are You Harboring Resentment Against Your Ex?

Let It Go,

Laura

8 Tips to Help You with Finances When Facing Divorce

In divorce advice on January 19, 2017 at 2:44 am

Getting a divorce is a marathon—not a sprint and if you know you’re going down the divorce road, prepping your finances is a smart way to handle what’s about to come your way. Finances can be the hardest obstacle of them all in divorce. It’s one thing to go through the various emotions of divorce—grief, anger, happiness, relief and sadness, but quite another to be potentially facing a perilous financial situation.

Here are some tips to help you financially prep for divorce:

1- Assess your accounts and debts—joint and sole:

Here’s one piece of scary news—you better hope your spouse doesn’t have debt secretly wracked up because as the spouse, you can be held responsible. This is something out of your control, but what you can do is assess all the joint and sole accounts and debts. Get a handle on what the two of you stand to have to pay off—and what the two of you will potentially be fighting for, or splitting.

And if you don’t have your own account…

Read more: 8 Tips to Help You with Finances When Facing Divorce

Run With Purpose,

Laura

How to Deal with an Absent Parent and Help Your Children

In divorce on January 5, 2017 at 3:32 am

There are many reasons why a parent may be absent from a child’s life. In divorce, usually a parent is simply sharing custody time with another parent, rather than being absent; however, sometimes with divorce, one parent will “lessen” his or her commitment to the child/children or worse, become completely absent.

There are many reasons for a divorced parent’s absence, although most of them aren’t good reasons but simply, filthy excuses.

Some of the good reasons may be work-related, like work travel or perhaps military service or sickness.

Some of the bad “reasons?” A new relationship or abandoning the “old” kids for a new family are two lame excuses that sadly, happen more commonly in divorce than people think. And then there are actual chemical or mental health issues that affect a parent’s ability to be a parent like, drug addiction, gambling or other mental health related issues.

If your child is missing an absent parent due to military service or work travel, it’s easier to write off why to yourself and your kids why mom or dad isn’t around. But when it comes to more complicated reasons or plain old terrible excuses, it can be difficult to express to your child what’s going on.

How do you explain an absent parent to a child?

Read More:How to Deal with an Absent Parent and Help Your Children

It’s Hard,

Laura

How to Build Your Strength To Leave

In divorce, divorce advice on October 26, 2016 at 5:54 pm

Hands down the greatest fear involving divorce is the fear of the unknown. It’s the fear of walking away from something you have known for years, maybe even for decades, simply to walk out into the great unknown. If you’re divorcing with kids, the second greatest fear is “How will my kids cope?” but before you can even consider how you will get your kids through the ordeal, you have to commit to making the choice to leave.

I wish I had magic that could tell you that making this choice will be crystal clear and vivid. Indeed, it may. There are some people who after much fretting, getting the feeling and vision that the only choice for survival is to leave, right away! This vision/emotion will carry someone through the whole divorce process.

And then of course, there are many people who fall into the “grey” area. They may know leaving is the best choice, but as they make the call, they struggle internally with whether or not it’s really the right thing. The good news in all of this is no matter what, I can tell you that even if you leave a marriage feeling uncertain and fearful, eventually, you will see that you made the right choice.

That crystal clear vision WILL come.

Read More: How to Build Your Strength To Leave

You Can Do It,

Laura

How To Tell Your Friends & Family You’re Getting a Divorce

In divorce, divorce advice, Uncategorized on October 11, 2016 at 1:29 am

You and your soon-to-be ex-spouse have decided to get a divorce and at first, the two of you were not ready to tell anyone. However now, it’s time to separate and really step out into the world as two separated distinct beings. How do you go about telling your friends and family? Is there a method or a way to go about it to try and break the news in a way that allows you to both keep your sanities and privacy?

There is no definite rulebook as to how to tell everyone, but there are some smart ways to go about the matter that will incur you and your former spouse, les stress.

Who NEEDS to Know

Before you start breaking the news, decide who really needs to know. In the early stages of separation, you are most likely going to feel vulnerable, scared and unsure. You and your former spouse can have a conversation over whom you both feel “needs” to know about the divorce, but understand that your partner’s view and comfort level may be different than yours. So when deciding to tell people, choose people in the beginning that you feel comfortable seeing you at your potential worst. The early stages are often the hardest.

 

Read More: How to Tell Your Friends & Family You’re Getting a Divorce

It’s Going to Be O.k.,

Laura

For All The Broken Divorced Guys Out There

In divorce, divorce advice on July 31, 2016 at 2:11 am

You are like Oz: the man behind the curtain is much smaller and vulnerable than he appears to be.

I see you everywhere, broken hearted divorced guys. You come up as my matches through online dating. You are my friends. You are the guys who talk to me and get close, only to retreat away. You are the men who comment under my articles, an anger seething in even the mildest words.

You are broken hearted but you won’t say so.

You’ll use words like “angry” or “over her” or “not ready,” but not once will you admit it: You are broken hearted. Your spirits are down. Your heart is broken. You wonder if you will ever be whole again.

You wonder if you will ever find the person you were before all of this began. You won’t say a word to anyone. Why call friends and burden them? Why go through the blow-by-blow of your disintegrated and dead marriage with family? Do they need to hear your heart’s worst pains?

No, you tell yourself. A real man goes this alone. And besides, you don’t want to be known as the “sad” guy. You don’t want pity or someone’s “I’m sorries.” Instead, you want to feel like a man again. You want to feel human. You want to wash yourself clean of this experience and magically, voila, be a new person again.

Except that doesn’t happen. Not to anyone. It comes in time, but to you, it’s taking too long. Why does it need to be never-ending?

Read More: For All The Broken Divorced Guys Out There

It Gets Better,

Laura

Do NOT Date Before the Divorce Is Finalized Until You Consider These Important Factors

In dating, dating advice, divorce, divorce advice on July 31, 2016 at 2:03 am

You’re separated from your soon-to-be-former spouse, and now you’re wondering: is it acceptable for me to date? 

I wish I had an easy yes or no answer for you, but each situation is different. Some people may be available to date easily, and others? Not so much. There is one thing I can say with absolute certainty on the subject and that is this: whether you are divorcing with kids, without kids, or have been married a long time or simply a few years, no one is ready to be serious with ANYONE right after a separation.

Sure, you could be ready to have fun, have sex, and casually date, but you are no one’s Mrs. Right until you have taken time to assess yourself, your failed marriage, and where you are going in life. Not to mention, you need to heal. You may feel completely over someone, but the fact is it takes time to unravel yourself from a marriage.

Here are some indicators/rules you can go by to determine whether you are ready to casually date vs. whether you are not ready to casually date.

Read More: Do NOT Date Before the Divorce Is Finalized Until You Consider These Important Factors

It’s Not the Smartest Move,

Laura

The 1 Thing to Never Say to Your Child After Divorce

In divorce, divorce advice, single dad, single mom on July 21, 2016 at 1:36 pm

I learned something very important in court parenting class. Something I didn’t expect.

I was sitting in a large nondescript room that looked something like a school cafeteria or a VFW, about to listen to a court parenting class. They offered cheap snacks like peanuts and granola bars, along with water bottles. I grabbed some snacks and looked around. As I scanned the crowd I saw newly separated people with the mark of divorce on their faces. The exhaustion, fear and defeat showed on almost everyone. I had already been separated for 2 years at this point so it wasn’t new to me. Yet as “old” as it was to me, sitting in that class taught me a lot.

I learned a lot about what the court deals with in regards to children and divorce. I learned a lot about what the court expects from me and other divorced parents.

But the one thing that stuck with me was when the court social worker told us we should never call our “ex” our “ex” in front of our children or to other people we are speaking to in front of the kids.

“Ex has a bad connotation. Ex is something that is no longer part of you. Ex is the past. But to your kids, your “ex” is their father or mother. A good person. A part of them. Their present and future.”

Read More: The 1 Thing to Never Say to Your Child After Divorce

One Small Habit to Make,

Laura

How to make the most of a long weekend alone without the kids— Divorce Style

In divorce, divorce advice, single dad, single mom, single parent life on May 26, 2016 at 5:00 pm

In all truth, ever since splitting from my former husband, the hardest times for me have been holidays…and summer weekends alone. It’s easy to understand why adjusting to sharing holidays has been hard. Thankfully, my ex and I split almost every single holiday day in half since we live close. But why have I found summer weekends alone to be hard in particular? Well, I suppose it’s one thing to be alone on a frigid cold winter night. Is everyone else going out and having a good time? Most likely not. Most likely they’re Netflixing and “chilling” or literally watching Netflix alone like any other single gal home at night on a Saturday in January. But in the summer there are a lot of family vacations, hot summer romances, trips away…and as a single person who hasn’t been too impressed yet with the dating pool, the nights I found myself struggling to find something to do felt pretty awkward and sad in the past. I was, in theory, supposed to have “fun” on my free nights and be out like everyone else, so why wasn’t I? I mean, I was having fun sometimes, but it was hard to find other single people ready to go out. It seemed like more of a chore to find something to do than I had expected, but most of my friends were home with their partners, like other married folks.

 

Read More: How to make the most of a long weekend alone without the kids— Divorce Style

Enjoy It,

Laura