10 Things You SHOULD Do When Divorcing With Kids

There are some things that people intrinsically know and “say” they’re going to do if they are divorcing with kids…and then the divorce gets ugly.

And then…people stop behaving like adults in the best interest of the kids…and instead, in the best of interest of their own egos and attitudes…entirely in the worst way for their children!

This is not acceptable. We know way too much about the impact of divorce on children. We all love our kids. Just because the divorce is stressful it does not mean that parents get to forget about the little human beings that need them so very much to be, civil, mature and responsible.

Here are 10 things you SHOULD do when divorcing with kids if you want your kids to be happy, period.

 

1- Don’t Compare Them to The Ex – Keep To Yourself

Telling your kid in a negative tone of voice how “You remind me so much of your father/mother” or “You act so much like daddy/mommy,” is a surefire way to mess up your kids.

I don’t care if your child is your ex’s twin—be quiet! Keep those thoughts in your head. Save your issues with your ex for your ex, and not your innocent child.

 

2- Let The Small Stuff Slide

Does your ex-have the sneakers you bought at his or her house and not yours?

Does your child want to bring toys from your house to your ex’s? Does your child not feeling well and wants to sleep in at the exes during your custody time?

Let it slide. If it’s not happening constantly or affecting YOUR CHILD, drop it.

Read More:  10 Things You SHOULD Do When Divorcing With Kids

The 1 Thing to Never Say to Your Child After Divorce

I learned something very important in court parenting class. Something I didn’t expect.

I was sitting in a large nondescript room that looked something like a school cafeteria or a VFW, about to listen to a court parenting class. They offered cheap snacks like peanuts and granola bars, along with water bottles. I grabbed some snacks and looked around. As I scanned the crowd I saw newly separated people with the mark of divorce on their faces. The exhaustion, fear and defeat showed on almost everyone. I had already been separated for 2 years at this point so it wasn’t new to me. Yet as “old” as it was to me, sitting in that class taught me a lot.

I learned a lot about what the court deals with in regards to children and divorce. I learned a lot about what the court expects from me and other divorced parents.

But the one thing that stuck with me was when the court social worker told us we should never call our “ex” our “ex” in front of our children or to other people we are speaking to in front of the kids.

“Ex has a bad connotation. Ex is something that is no longer part of you. Ex is the past. But to your kids, your “ex” is their father or mother. A good person. A part of them. Their present and future.”

Read More: The 1 Thing to Never Say to Your Child After Divorce

One Small Habit to Make,

Laura

How to Kill Your Ex With Kindness

It doesn’t matter if your ex is saintly or the devil incarnate: you’ve got to learn how to navigate divorce the classy way. Not for his sake but for everyone’s sake, especially yours and your kids. If you’re divorcing with children, you won’t be free of this guy, ever. No one wants an ugly divorce, but it does happen sometimes. This doesn’t mean, however, that you’ve got to bare your claws or let the drama hang out for everyone to witness as you cope with divorce and the divorce process. You can navigate any divorce with class and keep your composure when your ex is around. Save the meltdowns for when you’re with loved ones that don’t include your kids. This isn’t to say that you can’t cry around your kids or be sad. That’s not realistic. You can’t be Pollyanna 24/7 while dealing with a divorce, but you can restrain the waterworks and drama, so your kids don’t feel burdened with your emotions. They’re your kids — not your therapists, plus remember that kids are dealing with their own unique emotions regarding the divorce, so don’t give them your emotions to handle. Ladies and mothers: fix your crown, straighten that posture, and take these tips on how to kill your ex with kindness in order to keep things cool and classy!

 

Read More: How to Kill Your Ex With Kindness

Do the Right Thing,

Laura

How to Navigate Your 50/50 Custody Agreement

Long gone are the days in which fathers were merely visitors in their children’s lives — and this is a good thing. Children need both parents, and they need to feel as if they can have healthy and positive relationships with both parents without any guilt or grief. Divorce is hard enough on children. However, there is a growing trend of 50/50 custody, and while it has its drawbacks, it is mostly positive. Even with 50/50 custody, there is a custodial parent (the residence that dictates where the child goes to school), and then the two parents share joint custody, meaning both parents are actively involved in all decisions regarding the child’s welfare.

Read More: How to Navigate Your 50/50 Custody Agreement

It’s Tricky,

Laura