Taking Back My Maiden Name After Divorce: Is it the Right Thing?

Sitting at court waiting for our official divorce decree after our divorce was announced official, I turned to my ex and said, “I’m sorry about the whole last name thing.”

“No worries. You don’t have to be sorry. I understand.”

When you divorce with kids, it’s not unusual for moms to claim they would like the same last name as their children. I cannot say I blame them, although that’s not the choice I made. I considered it for a second, but the truth is, even when I got married I did not want to change it. I wanted to stay Lifshitz. It felt archaic to me to change my last name and I had earned so many victories and defeats with my maiden name. I had lived an interesting life as a Lifshitz. I had a life as a TV personality. A life as a student. A life as a comedienne. A life as a little half-Jewish girl who occasionally, got poked fun of because her last name had the word “sh*t” in it. Did that derail me? Nope! Not this sassy girl and now woman, but a lot of life had gone on as a Lifshitz.

Read More: Taking Back My Maiden Name After Divorce: Is it the Right Thing?

Becoming Me Again, Only Better,

Laura

How to Kill Your Ex With Kindness

It doesn’t matter if your ex is saintly or the devil incarnate: you’ve got to learn how to navigate divorce the classy way. Not for his sake but for everyone’s sake, especially yours and your kids. If you’re divorcing with children, you won’t be free of this guy, ever. No one wants an ugly divorce, but it does happen sometimes. This doesn’t mean, however, that you’ve got to bare your claws or let the drama hang out for everyone to witness as you cope with divorce and the divorce process. You can navigate any divorce with class and keep your composure when your ex is around. Save the meltdowns for when you’re with loved ones that don’t include your kids. This isn’t to say that you can’t cry around your kids or be sad. That’s not realistic. You can’t be Pollyanna 24/7 while dealing with a divorce, but you can restrain the waterworks and drama, so your kids don’t feel burdened with your emotions. They’re your kids — not your therapists, plus remember that kids are dealing with their own unique emotions regarding the divorce, so don’t give them your emotions to handle. Ladies and mothers: fix your crown, straighten that posture, and take these tips on how to kill your ex with kindness in order to keep things cool and classy!

 

Read More: How to Kill Your Ex With Kindness

Do the Right Thing,

Laura

6 Things to Do When Divorce Gets Ugly

The divorce process can drag on forever. At this rate, I’m wondering if my divorce will be final before my daughter goes to college (she’s 4 years old). During the process, it’s completely normal to have highs — days in which you feel happy about the divorce — and lows — days in which you feel burdened with grief and pain over the decision.

It’s also just as common to have highs and lows with your former spouse, especially as the two of you attempt to get into a rhythm as coparents. Distance helps any drama the two of you may have, but being diligent coparents requires that sometimes you’ll have to deal with each other. If you’re ready to blow a gasket because your divorce is becoming ugly or stressful, these are six things you can do to calm your head.

1. Review, Review, Review

Before you hit send on that text or email message to your ex, back away from your words for at least 20 minutes if the two of you have been fighting. Sometimes we say things out of anger but things said out of anger can be used against you in divorce.

2. Move!

When you’re ready to pull out your hair (or your ex’s) it’s time to move — physically. Getting exercise will help release anxious and stressful energy and allow you to have a space to release toxic feelings. Not only will exercise give you that ability to let go of bad emotions, but it will also flood your brain with feel-good emotions. To this day, running has been the best therapy since my divorce. And even better? It’s free!

Read More: 6 Things to Do When Divorce Gets Ugly

You’ve Got This,

Laura

How to Navigate Your 50/50 Custody Agreement

Long gone are the days in which fathers were merely visitors in their children’s lives — and this is a good thing. Children need both parents, and they need to feel as if they can have healthy and positive relationships with both parents without any guilt or grief. Divorce is hard enough on children. However, there is a growing trend of 50/50 custody, and while it has its drawbacks, it is mostly positive. Even with 50/50 custody, there is a custodial parent (the residence that dictates where the child goes to school), and then the two parents share joint custody, meaning both parents are actively involved in all decisions regarding the child’s welfare.

Read More: How to Navigate Your 50/50 Custody Agreement

It’s Tricky,

Laura

New Year’s Resolutions For the Mom (or Dad) Wanting a Divorce

Getting a divorce is for the brave only, and sometimes when you need to get that courage, it can be excruciating to reach down within yourself to find the strength you need to make that call. Cutting the cord for good is incredibly painful, but when it is the right choice, eventually that pain turns to gain. The rain turns into a rainbow. If you are making the choice to sever your marriage in 2016, here are some resolutions you need to make as a mother.

Stick to It

I vacillated back and forth on the decision to divorce, and I let my ex come back into my life repeatedly, which only hurt me more.

Read More: New Year’s Resolutions For the Mom Wanting a Divorce

Resolve to Do it Right,

Laura

8 Most Important Things to Remember When Divorcing

So you’re getting a divorce? Now what? Well, only about a billion things. Divorce, whether it’s amicable or ugly, is difficult as it is. Instead of letting your mind wander on a bunch of “What If’s,” get set on tackling the most important matters first in order to move your life ahead into a happier you post-divorce.

Don’t Forget These 8 Things When Divorcing

1. How to Make a Parenting Plan

Figuring out a fair parenting plan is the most essential step towards moving on after divorce for the whole family. If you have a deadbeat dad situation or perhaps you don’t feel your children are safe with your future ex, you’re going to have a different set of challenges than the average divorcees, otherwise, you and your ex will be sharing custody.

Read More: 8 Most Important Things to Remember When Divorcing

Be Prepared,

Laura

Think You’re Ready to Divorce, Moms? Consider These Things First

Making the choice to divorce is tough. Before we chose to separate, I often asked other divorced people how they knew when they were done.

“What was the deciding factor? How did you know it was right?”

No one had a magic answer for me, but everyone said that, at some point, they knew that divorce was the answer.

I wish I could tell you that, once we decided to divorce, I never doubted my choice, but that would be a lie. In the end, though, I know it was a sane choice even if a hard one. So if you’re considering taking the plunge and severing your marital ties, here are some things, as moms and potential single moms, that you should consider.

Read More: Think You’re Ready to Divorce, Moms? Consider These Things First

Make an Informed Choice,

Laura

Going To A Wedding As A Divorcée Was A Lot Less Romantic

It was the first wedding I attended since my ex-husband and I decided to separate. I hadn’t been to a wedding alone since eight years ago (before we met) and I’d just started to properly grieve the end of my marriage.

How could this wedding possibly be fun? I felt bad because it was a celebration of love for one of my dearest and most loved friends. I was so happy for her, a single mom who found her right fit, her happy ending.

Yet I was so scared to go. What if I cried and not in the “Oh, here’s a few tears. Isn’t this so romantic?” type of way. What if the joyous occasion was clouded in my mind by the fact that my marriage failed, despite standing in front of my loved ones and pledging to be there through good times and bad?

You should always be happy for your friends, but sometimes it’s impossible to not be sad for yourself.

Read More: Going To A Wedding As A Divorcée Was A Lot Less Romantic

Stronger Than I Thought,

Laura

How to Have a Peaceful Divorce

When people ask me if my divorce is amicable I tell them that it’s peaceful.

That statement in itself seems contradictory. A divorce is a total dissolution of a relationship and maybe even a family. Destruction. A collapse. How could something initially so sad–yet sometimes so happy–be considered peaceful? Here’s how.

You Fight Fair
Even in the smoothest of divorces, conflict arises. Sure, there may be 1 or 2 divorces in which both parties are both so content to be without each other that it’s easy peasy, but in most divorce situations there is some conflict at the beginning. If everything were sunshine and kittens, you would stay married! But the one thing I swore to myself when my ex-husband and I decided to split up was that we wouldn’t be the parents battling each other out in the school parking lot or at drop-offs in front of our child. I was not going to be a part of some ugly divorce circus.

Read More: How to Have a Peaceful Divorce

Give Peace A Chance,

Laura