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Posts Tagged ‘divorce’

Finding Treasure Among The Trash

In divorce, life, relationships, single mom on April 11, 2017 at 2:16 am

My one-year divorce-aversary is coming up quickly.

It’s made me stop to think about the year and overall, it’s been a rough one.

Every time I thought I had things under control, life would pull the rug under me and laugh saying, “Not so fast, blondie.”

There were some moments in which I thought—I just can’t do this. Many moments. The feeling was overwhelming, but then suddenly, I turned a corner. Not that I don’t sometimes feel defeated about caring for myself and my daughter on my own…not that I don’t look at my bank account and think, “When does it get better?” because I do… a lot.

Not that I don’t think, when another issue comes up with my ex, “What now?”

But that I believe wholeheartedly that I will manage it. Somehow, I managed when I thought I couldn’t during numerous moments throughout this year. And honestly, out of the three years we have been done with our marriage, this one was the hardest by far—proving that no two divorce journeys are alike.

And here it is spring. A time of new growth. A time of warmer sun. A time of longer days.

And for the first time, I will be without my child for six whole nights.

Originally when we split, we shared her time 50/50, and it was challenging making a life for myself when she was gone with dad. Then as her dad started to take less and less and less time with her, suddenly, it was the two of us again, attached at the hip just like we had been when I was a stay-at home mom.

I’ve never been apart from my daughter for this long. I’ve never missed the chance to dye eggs or see the bunny in time for Easter. It’s this time of the year that I am most sentimental about missing my stay-at home days with her… she just turned six and I still remember those days…the ones rocking her in her chair, her nursing to sleep. The ones in which we hopped from park to park, drawing on the sidewalks, writing letters, and swinging on swings…climbing to the top and me wondering if she wasn’t going just a little too high…or not.

How quiet the house is going to be for six whole nights…getting used to that silence. Getting used to being alone with my own thoughts.

 

Read more: Finding Treasure Among The Trash

Diamond in the Rough,

Laura

My Interview For Fox News on Financial Education for Women

In divorce, single mom, women's issues, work on March 21, 2017 at 1:12 am

When I decided to get a divorce, I was terrified. I was financially dependent and desperately trying to grow my income. Three years later, with a lot of hard work and sweat…I am doing it, thanks to the help of an amazing organization called Savvy Ladies.

Please watch this video and share. It could help a woman who is struggling in silence.

Watch the interview here.

With Hope,

Laura

8 Stereotypes of Divorced Women

In divorce on March 12, 2017 at 3:35 am

Stereotypes exist for a reason they say, but it doesn’t mean that we should make judgments or pass assumptions based on some mythological stereotype. I wrote an article on stereotypes of divorced men, and so here are some of the stereotypes divorced women face each day…whether the experience is true or completely false for them. Instead of making assumptions that all divorces and divorced people act along “gendered lines,” we would really benefit if we could agree that divorce doesn’t look the same for anyone. I know not one single person that has my exact “divorce story,” and to recognize that divorce impacts people and children in different ways will only help us make new lives post-divorce, better…for all of us.

1- She’s a gold-digger

Not all divorcing women are rolling in alimony from their heads to their toes. Reality is some women pay their former spouses, not the other way around. People assume falsely so that not only will a woman “be financially okay,” but she’ll also make out big after her divorce, leaving her ex floundering.

That certainly isn’t my situation by any stretch of the imagination, nor is it many people I happen to know.

Read More: 8 Stereotypes of Divorced Women

 

Not Rolling In It,

Laura

Are These Divorce Men Stereotypes Fair?

In divorce, divorce advice, Uncategorized on February 27, 2017 at 6:10 pm

While some people certainly make stereotypes come to life, there are also a lot of unfair stereotypes in this world. In my own experience, my ex has fit the bill with some of the stereotypes you’ll see here…but many of my divorced friends and associates do not fall into these harsh and sometimes, untrue assumptions about divorced men. Not every woman or man who divorced is exactly how you imagine them– the money hungry ex-wife….the deadbeat ex-husband. Here are stereotypes that divorced men face each day—no matter how good a man he is…or not.

It was his fault

A lot of people assume the divorce was the man’s fault—at least initially. Obviously if people know a couple, they’ll have an idea of the “root” of the issues, but most times when I tell people I am divorced, they assume it was my ex’s fault. I’m not going to personally reveal the source of our divorce, but I am stating that many people assume the guy either was a cheater, jerk or the cause of the marital discord.

Read More: Are These Divorce Men Stereotypes Fair?

Stereotypes Lie in Falsehoods, Too…

Laura

8 Reasons Why Being Single is Sexy

In divorce, sex, Single Life on February 16, 2017 at 2:12 am

It’s always a party when someone gets engaged or married. Wahoo! It’s the best. Couple’s life…right?

Not always. Not everyone was born to be married to the same person for the rest of his or her life, and that’s ok. In fact, there are many unhappily married people out there. Enough to make you wonder how viable the institution is in the first place. Of course—there’s nothing wrong with marriage…but there’s also nothing wrong with being single. It can be a happier and in fact, more liberating choice for so many damn reasons that no one should be surprised to meet someone over 30 who decided not to “tie the knot.”

Being single is sexy and a lot of times, it’s sexier.

Here’s why:

1) They Don’t Let Themselves Go

I’m sorry but way too many married people take their coupledom as an excuse to let themselves go. There’s nothing wrong with a doughnut or three, but disregarding your health and letting your body go isn’t good for anyone long-term, single or married.

Read More: 8 Reasons Why Being Single is Sexy

One is the Hottest Number,

Laura

7 Things Your Divorce Attorney Thinks About You

In divorce on January 27, 2017 at 4:35 pm

You pay your attorney a lot of money per hour that sometimes, your lawyer feels akin to an expensive boyfriend or girlfriend. Sometimes you think it might be easier if you just handed over your paycheck to your lawyer, or have him or her dole out an allowance to you on your earnings… since most of your money goes to your legal bill anyway! Hopefully if you’re like me, you really like your family lawyer, but even if you don’t, have you ever considered what he or she thinks about you?

Are you your divorce attorney’s worst client or favorite?

7 things your divorce attorney thinks about you:

1 – You’re not always reasonable

Some of your requests are just batty or clearly the sign of an angry spouse. If your attorney is a good attorney, he or she will tell you flat out that’s not something that will:

  • A-Stand in court

Or

  • B-Is reasonable enough for you to ask

Read More: 7 Things Your Divorce Attorney Thinks About You

Calm or Crazy?

Laura

8 Tips to Help You with Finances When Facing Divorce

In divorce advice on January 19, 2017 at 2:44 am

Getting a divorce is a marathon—not a sprint and if you know you’re going down the divorce road, prepping your finances is a smart way to handle what’s about to come your way. Finances can be the hardest obstacle of them all in divorce. It’s one thing to go through the various emotions of divorce—grief, anger, happiness, relief and sadness, but quite another to be potentially facing a perilous financial situation.

Here are some tips to help you financially prep for divorce:

1- Assess your accounts and debts—joint and sole:

Here’s one piece of scary news—you better hope your spouse doesn’t have debt secretly wracked up because as the spouse, you can be held responsible. This is something out of your control, but what you can do is assess all the joint and sole accounts and debts. Get a handle on what the two of you stand to have to pay off—and what the two of you will potentially be fighting for, or splitting.

And if you don’t have your own account…

Read more: 8 Tips to Help You with Finances When Facing Divorce

Run With Purpose,

Laura

10 Expert Dating Tips After Divorce

In dating advice, divorce on January 9, 2017 at 3:20 am

Dating after divorce. Ah. When my ex and I first separated, it felt exciting to date and also, a bit like dodging bullets. While it wasn’t a whole new world — I had obviously dated before — it was still a new playing field and I came into dating differently this time, than I had before marriage.

Heed these expert dating tips offered to you by myself and Jason McClain — speaker, mentor, and life coach — before you go off into the wild yonder of dating after divorce. It’s better to have some wise advice under your belt in order to avoid unnecessary strife and heartache.

1. Get Out Those Old Ugly Feelings:

Jason McClain, urges you to reach out before dating and spend time with a good counselor or best friend to air out your feelings. Does either individual believe you are ready to date again? Ask for an honest answer.

From my perspective, there is nothing worse than sitting on a date with someone who is still angry, hurting, or messed-up over a former spouse. It’s very off-putting and instantly feels like the person needs therapy, and not romance.

Read More: 10 Expert Dating Tips After Divorce

Are You Ready?

Laura

How to Deal with an Absent Parent and Help Your Children

In divorce on January 5, 2017 at 3:32 am

There are many reasons why a parent may be absent from a child’s life. In divorce, usually a parent is simply sharing custody time with another parent, rather than being absent; however, sometimes with divorce, one parent will “lessen” his or her commitment to the child/children or worse, become completely absent.

There are many reasons for a divorced parent’s absence, although most of them aren’t good reasons but simply, filthy excuses.

Some of the good reasons may be work-related, like work travel or perhaps military service or sickness.

Some of the bad “reasons?” A new relationship or abandoning the “old” kids for a new family are two lame excuses that sadly, happen more commonly in divorce than people think. And then there are actual chemical or mental health issues that affect a parent’s ability to be a parent like, drug addiction, gambling or other mental health related issues.

If your child is missing an absent parent due to military service or work travel, it’s easier to write off why to yourself and your kids why mom or dad isn’t around. But when it comes to more complicated reasons or plain old terrible excuses, it can be difficult to express to your child what’s going on.

How do you explain an absent parent to a child?

Read More:How to Deal with an Absent Parent and Help Your Children

It’s Hard,

Laura

Why Single Parenthood Helped Me Face My Anxiety

In divorce, divorce advice, single dad, single mom, single parent life on November 21, 2016 at 2:49 am

I have never been a shy or introverted person. I was always comfortable being “me” even at a young age. Still, I have always been a sensitive soul and as I got older, I was anxious—a high energy, anxious, Type A sort of woman. When my ex and I separated, the anxiety ebbed and flowed. Sometimes, it was fine. There was a happiness and peace in finally deciding to divorce once and for all, as well as a joy in not being with the wrong person: i.e., not fighting every day and night anymore. But with separation and divorce, there came major uncertainty and with those changes and “new territory,” came anxiety.

Dating. Losing a home. Moving out on my own. Becoming financially independent. Navigating the divorce process. Sharing our child. Coparenting.

All of these things brought some very real fears and others, imagined. One of the greatest fears I would wager to bet most divorced people fear is failure.

Will I be able to make it on my own?

Did I make the right choice?

Will my daughter be fine?

Will I go broke?

Will I meet someone?

I want to tell you that two years later all my fears have subsided, but life has changed since we went our separate ways and in some ways, things are easier and other ways, things are much harder.

Single parenthood though, made me face my fears to the highest level.

Read More: Why Single Parenthood Helped Me Face My Anxiety

You Can Do It,

Laura