8 Signs You’ve Healed After Your Broken Marriage

Healing from a broken marriage requires time, love and patience — to a different degree for each individual. How much time, love and patience you’ll need with yourself to heal really depends on a few things, like:

  • How positive your outlook is
  • How your mental health is to start, before the divorce process, as mental health issues may play into your healing
  • How strong your support network is
  • How self-aware you are of your own role in your marriage’s demise, whether it was picking a bad abusive partner, making bad choices on your end, or a mix of things
  • How committed you are to having a better life after divorce
  • How much change you need to make to finalize the divorce (housing, money, etc.)

 

No matter whether the cards are stacked for you or against you though, you can move on and heal from your broken marriage. It may seem hard to put the past behind you, but you have to. You have to leave it where it belongs…in the past. It can’t be changed, reversed or altered, so accepting what is and trying to decide what will be next is vital to your happiness. Your future is bright and your glass is always half-full!

 

Here are 8 signs you’ve healed past your broken marriage:

  1. YOU WANT SOMEONE IN YOUR LIFE WITHOUT FEAR HE/SHE WILL BE A REPEAT

     

    You’re not sitting around fearful that the next person will just be like your “insert bad word” ex spouse. Sure, you may be afraid to be vulnerable and get hurt, but the fear is not so paralyzing that you’re going to A: self-sabotage something with a great new partner or B: run from any commitment. You know you could get hurt and you’re scared, but not so scared that you’re about to stay home alone every Saturday night to protect yourself from getting hurt.

Read More: 8 Signs You’ve Healed After Your Broken Marriage

Feeling Good,

Laura

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When Life Gives You Lemons, Tell Life F U And Laugh

Life loves to hand out lemons. Whether you’re rich or poor, young or old, male or female or whatever you choose to identify as, I can guarantee you that life will send some lemons your way, for sure.

And let’s be real: when you’ve gone through a divorce you sort of feel as if you took the whole friggin’ lemon in your mouth and drank sour juice for months on end. Even in the best of divorce situations, we’ve all had a bit of sour taste in our mouth and it’s easy to be depressed and discouraged with puckered lips to boot.

With a show of hands, how many of you have simply felt like you couldn’t handle another thing life handed you? How many of you have felt like it’s never going to get better? Like life is raining little tiny sh*t balls all over you? Feeling like you’re walking around the corner, getting slimed by your worst enemies every day?

Read More: When Life Gives You Lemons, Tell Life F U And Laugh

Adjust Your Crown & Keep Walking,

Laura

How My Divorce Turned Me Into The Independent Woman I Am Today

When I first met my ex-husband, I was wrapping up a period in which I saw an amazing therapist. I was working on myself and trying to overcome certain things and doing a great job, but still had a ways to go. But hey—each journey begins with one step, right?

I say that I had a ways to go because when I met my ex-husband, I really believed that maybe I wasn’t quite good enough yet and that the relationship was proof that I was indeed, good enough. If you don’t know this, a healthy relationship begins with two people who already know they are worthy of love, and not needing a relationship to “confirm” this belief. Unfortunately, my ex used this to his advantage numerous times, trying to remind me how basically, I wasn’t all that great or smart and that I had “so many problems,” unlike him, who was apparently, untouchable from problems that the rest of the population had. Empathy was not his strong suit.

This isn’t to say that he never said good things about me and this isn’t to say I was the perfect wife. I wasn’t perfect. I made mistakes of course like anyone, but that narrative was I was slightly lesser than and needed his help. Who wrote the narrative? Was it me? Him? Both of us?

Read More: How My Divorce Turned Me Into The Independent Woman I Am Today 

Stronger,

Laura

How My Friendships Feed Me (Literally & Emotionally) After Divorce

While many people internally panic about the idea of being alone after divorce, one of the few anecdotes to “divorce” depression is not another partner, but the people you call your friends. In fact, for a lot of people, divorce can really fracture friendships because couples may have shared a lot of mutual friends, leaving people to more often than not, pick sides over who they are going to align with, even if in truth they really like both spouses a lot. In my case, my ex and I had some mutual friends that had to navigate new friendships with us after divorce, but most of my close friends were mine solely. The larger issue for us was that many people know us both since we went to high school in the same town.
So, if you’re not as fortunate as I was to have a tight crew already, you can be left almost friendless after divorce. Even if you’ve got a group of friends like I did, when I first separated from my ex, I really wanted to meet other people who were either divorced or on the journey like myself. It helps to have that support group. Over time, I met more single parents like myself, which made me feel less alone.

Read More: How My Friendships Feed Me (Literally & Emotionally) After Divorce

Get By With a Little Help From My Friends,

Laura

7 Things You Need After Divorce More Than You Even Realize

There are many things you need to make it through a divorce, most of which is courage and tenacity. The process can be long and hellish if you’re unlucky, quick and easy if you’re fortunate. In any event, after a divorce no matter how good or bad the divorce is, there are some things you need after divorce more than you even realize. The chances are really that you’ll realize you need these things when you’re in the middle of a crisis or low moment, but if you know ahead of time, you’ll be better off.

1 – Patience

Patience is a virtue of which I lack. But let me tell you, getting a divorce certainly beat the importance of patience into my bones.

More than you know it, you’ll need patience.

Patience to navigate life afterwards, from finances to dating and new relationships.

Patience for your kids.

Patience for all the things that a divorce can bring.

2 – Ability to Let Things Go

Ouch, here’s another thing I struggle with.

You can’t make your ex be a good person. You can’t make money fall from the sky. You can’t make love happen when you want it to.

There are some things I can walk away from, and others I struggle to.

If this is you, divorce is going to require you to learn how to do this, asap. Really, life after divorce requires that you let go of things and people and conceptions, and quickly.

3 – Acceptance of the Unknown

You thought your marriage was going to be forever. News flash, it’s over.

Pretty jarring, eh? Yes, it is. Your fairy tale took a sharp turn to the right and suddenly, it’s a tragic-comedy or just a drama series.

Read More: 7 Things You Need After Divorce More Than You Even Realize

Strength & Peace,

Laura

 

8 Serious Signs You Are Self-Sabotaging Your Love Life

You’re divorced and now you’re ready to meet the right one.

Ok, got it! So many of us are looking for love, part deux.

But are you putting your best self forward? Or are you sabotaging romance before a spark can set aflame?

It’s not unusual for people to go out into the world bitter, afraid and slightly jaded after a divorce or any major breakup really. The key is really going out there and meeting people when you are truly your best self. Here are 8 serious signs you are sabotaging your love life all on your own.

1) A Billion Things on the Checklist

Before you’ve even met the person, you’ve got a billion things on the checklist someone needs to meet or you won’t consider him or her.

If your list of criteria is so stringent it is enviable to college application requirements, you’re not ready.

Yes—you should have deal breakers in your list.

Yes—you shouldn’t settle.

But no, it shouldn’t require jumping through hoops to be with you.

2) A Great Big Dump

Are you joining dates for a drink, only to prattle on about your ex or how jaded or torn you are about love and relationships?

You’re not ready. You’re a big hot mess of negativity and sorry, no one wants that.

No one wants to date your sad stories. A potential partner wants to date you—the available loving, you. Sure, you come with baggage like everyone does, but if your baggage arrives at the date before your personality can…you are not ready!

Read More: 8 Serious Signs You Are Self-Sabotaging Your Love Life 

Tellin’ Y’all It’s Sabotage…

Laura

6 Things That Keep You From Moving On

Are you separated? Newly-divorced? Struggling to find some happiness and a life of peace and joy? There are certain things that will hold you back from having the life you want. Some of these things you may not even realize are impacting you, whereas others may be more obvious.

If you’re not as happy as you hoped you would be, here are some potential things keeping you down and preventing your progress.

1. NOT FINALIZING YOUR DIVORCE

Stalling your divorce is not going to help you. Hanging onto the marriage and drawing out the separation is only going to impede your progress. Of course, you don’t want to rush a divorce agreement, but stalling or thinking that making it legal doesn’t matter, is a bad move.

It will keep you from cutting ties and starting afresh.

Read More: 6 Things That Keep You From Moving On 

Move On, Friend,

Laura

7 Ways to Create New Holiday Traditions After Divorce

Okay, so you’re divorced and now you’ve got to figure out the holidays…on your own or with the kids. It can take adjusting. Missing your ex (or maybe not!). Missing your ex’s family unless you still see them…or also, maybe not. Sharing your kids. Being alone. Less money. Being single.

It’s not surprising if you’re already feeling a little grinchy and not so spirited. But—and here is the challenge—even if you don’t have your kids…they’re watching you before they walk off to the other parent’s home. So you’ve got to shake off the holiday blues and make different memories and traditions that they will love, and so will you.

Or in other words, your divorce is not a death sentence. It just means some adjustments have to be made for you to find a new happy normal! Here are some holly jolly ways to create new traditions at the holidays after divorce.

Read More: 7 Ways to Create New Holiday Traditions After Divorce

Jolly, Jolly,

Laura

How to Take Your Financial Challenges and Turn Them Into Life Goals

It is very hard to stare down financial hardships and see a light at the end of the tunnel, unless you make a plan. Truly, having no financial plan in general, is dangerous. Even if you are scraping by for now and can’t be strategic, you can take these financial challenges you are dealing with, and turn them into life goals that will help serve you. Here are a few ways you can turn your financial hardships into something fruitful!

CREDIT ISSUES

Do you have a bad credit score or maybe a lot of credit debt? This is a common issue after divorce. Perhaps your ex racked up debt or you racked up some yourself. Whatever the case is, take credit issues as a journey towards smarter spending.
Some tips I have learned from the advisors I met through Savvy Ladies:

Read More: How to Take Your Financial Challenges and Turn Them Into Life Goals

Challenge is On!

Laura