“I wanted blood.I wanted to take her and toss her into the ocean and never look back again.”
Parenting after divorce has its heartaches that no one may ever whisper aloud, until now.
Trying to Have Faith and Believe More Love is a Good Thing,
This year I am dreading the holiday spend on my own. It is double for me since we celebrate both Hanukkah and Christmas, but I do try to avoid going crazy. My kid is 4 and won’t know if a few of her gifts are from the dollar store, right? When you get a divorce, it’s very easy to quickly fall into the Who’s a better parent competition, especially around the holidays. The fact is no one ever wins that competition usually and trying to outdo each other at the holidays is an even more pitiful race to try to win. For me, I have no clue what my ex is getting our kid and while he may out-shop me (my kid is his parents’ only grandchild), I know full well that it doesn’t matter. At the end of the day, our love is not measured in Disney trips, Christmas presents, and dolls. Our love is measured in the time we give to our kids. The attention, energy, and devotion we share and show for our little ones. No Barbie can say “I love you” quite like the gift of time. Enough said!
However, it’s fairly easy to feel insecure and guilty about your role as a parent after divorce. We know our little ones’ lives are affected by our marital demises, and it’s hard to not watch your ex’s life from afar and think perhaps he or she might have it better than you, but those types of thoughts are not worth your mental energy. We cannot give our kids our marriages back, but we can give ourselves and our children a happy life after divorce.
Don’t be Childish,
It is very hard when the holidays roll around to feel good about your divorce for a number of reasons, whether it’s the financial stress of the holidays or the emotional stress and feelings around sharing your children and/or not having the same family as you once did. No one would deny the stress and sadness that can exist around the holidays for a divorced parent. I myself started to feel a sense of dread once we hit mid-October, worried about who I will spend the holidays with and how I will feel, until I finally told myself: enough already!
Yes, as a divorced, single mom you will probably have tough emotions at the holidays, and this is absolutely acceptable, but I did not want to resign myself to the idea that the holidays are going to “stink” or be horrible.
Read More: 3 Reasons to Be Thankful For Your Divorce (Even When It Sucks)
Tis the Season for Gratitude,