8 Signs You’re Limiting Yourself After Divorce & How to Stop It

You’ve gotten the divorce and made it this far, but you’re not really happy. It’s as if you’ve got one huge dark cloud over you and you can’t seem to escape it. Mostly, because you seem to keep getting in your own way. Your life was supposed to evolve and get better, which is why you got a divorce in the first place, but it’s as if you’re stuck. The real issue is you are limiting yourself and it’s keeping you from fulfilling your full potential, as well as being happy. Here are 8 signs you’re limiting yourself after divorce.

1) You Act as if the Divorce Happened Yesterday

Even if the divorce was a year ago or more, you’re acting still as if it happened yesterday. You’re mourning. Depressed. Angry. You can’t seem to get past the whole drama of the marriage, even though you say you’ve put it behind you.

You haven’t! It’s the shadow that follows you and it limits your potential.

2) You Have a Million Excuses for Everything

When someone asks you when you’ll start dating, exercising, seeking a raise, or doing anything remotely productive, you’ve got an excuse for it.

It’s never the right “time” you say.

You don’t have enough time, encouragement, money, energy etc.

The list of excuses is Old Testament long. Biblical.

Really, you are the biggest problem you’ve got and you hold yourself back.

Read More: 8 Signs You’re Limiting Yourself After Divorce & How to Stop It
Excuses, Excuses,

Laura

Advertisements

7 Things You Need After Divorce More Than You Even Realize

There are many things you need to make it through a divorce, most of which is courage and tenacity. The process can be long and hellish if you’re unlucky, quick and easy if you’re fortunate. In any event, after a divorce no matter how good or bad the divorce is, there are some things you need after divorce more than you even realize. The chances are really that you’ll realize you need these things when you’re in the middle of a crisis or low moment, but if you know ahead of time, you’ll be better off.

1 – Patience

Patience is a virtue of which I lack. But let me tell you, getting a divorce certainly beat the importance of patience into my bones.

More than you know it, you’ll need patience.

Patience to navigate life afterwards, from finances to dating and new relationships.

Patience for your kids.

Patience for all the things that a divorce can bring.

2 – Ability to Let Things Go

Ouch, here’s another thing I struggle with.

You can’t make your ex be a good person. You can’t make money fall from the sky. You can’t make love happen when you want it to.

There are some things I can walk away from, and others I struggle to.

If this is you, divorce is going to require you to learn how to do this, asap. Really, life after divorce requires that you let go of things and people and conceptions, and quickly.

3 – Acceptance of the Unknown

You thought your marriage was going to be forever. News flash, it’s over.

Pretty jarring, eh? Yes, it is. Your fairy tale took a sharp turn to the right and suddenly, it’s a tragic-comedy or just a drama series.

Read More: 7 Things You Need After Divorce More Than You Even Realize

Strength & Peace,

Laura

 

6 Things That Keep You From Moving On

Are you separated? Newly-divorced? Struggling to find some happiness and a life of peace and joy? There are certain things that will hold you back from having the life you want. Some of these things you may not even realize are impacting you, whereas others may be more obvious.

If you’re not as happy as you hoped you would be, here are some potential things keeping you down and preventing your progress.

1. NOT FINALIZING YOUR DIVORCE

Stalling your divorce is not going to help you. Hanging onto the marriage and drawing out the separation is only going to impede your progress. Of course, you don’t want to rush a divorce agreement, but stalling or thinking that making it legal doesn’t matter, is a bad move.

It will keep you from cutting ties and starting afresh.

Read More: 6 Things That Keep You From Moving On 

Move On, Friend,

Laura

Finding Treasure Among The Trash

My one-year divorce-aversary is coming up quickly.

It’s made me stop to think about the year and overall, it’s been a rough one.

Every time I thought I had things under control, life would pull the rug under me and laugh saying, “Not so fast, blondie.”

There were some moments in which I thought—I just can’t do this. Many moments. The feeling was overwhelming, but then suddenly, I turned a corner. Not that I don’t sometimes feel defeated about caring for myself and my daughter on my own…not that I don’t look at my bank account and think, “When does it get better?” because I do… a lot.

Not that I don’t think, when another issue comes up with my ex, “What now?”

But that I believe wholeheartedly that I will manage it. Somehow, I managed when I thought I couldn’t during numerous moments throughout this year. And honestly, out of the three years we have been done with our marriage, this one was the hardest by far—proving that no two divorce journeys are alike.

And here it is spring. A time of new growth. A time of warmer sun. A time of longer days.

And for the first time, I will be without my child for six whole nights.

Originally when we split, we shared her time 50/50, and it was challenging making a life for myself when she was gone with dad. Then as her dad started to take less and less and less time with her, suddenly, it was the two of us again, attached at the hip just like we had been when I was a stay-at home mom.

I’ve never been apart from my daughter for this long. I’ve never missed the chance to dye eggs or see the bunny in time for Easter. It’s this time of the year that I am most sentimental about missing my stay-at home days with her… she just turned six and I still remember those days…the ones rocking her in her chair, her nursing to sleep. The ones in which we hopped from park to park, drawing on the sidewalks, writing letters, and swinging on swings…climbing to the top and me wondering if she wasn’t going just a little too high…or not.

How quiet the house is going to be for six whole nights…getting used to that silence. Getting used to being alone with my own thoughts.

 

Read more: Finding Treasure Among The Trash

Diamond in the Rough,

Laura

What I Do For My Child of Divorce

Divorce can be very hard and also very joyful if you move on to a better life afterwards. No matter how your experience with divorce goes, the fact is there is no single rule book that explains what you should or shouldn’t do in divorce. Even further still, there is no single rule book to explain how your children might react to a divorce. I have friends whose children have taken divorce very easily, whereas my child has not.

Knowing this, there are a few things I do as a parent to help get my little one through the process for her sake . . . and mine.

1. The Time Check 

I kept asking myself, “It’s been X amount of months or years, so why is it still so hard for my child? What can I do differently?”

Read More: What I Do For My Child of Divorce

It Takes Time,

Laura

Single on Valentine’s Day? Who Cares!

Hi, my name is Laura and I am single on Valentine’s Day.
When I enter any store or public location, I am harassed and dazzled with hearts of pink and red and chocolate boxes and cards for people of all ages.
When I go to the store, my daughter points out all the Valentine’s Day candy she sees because apparently to four year-old’s, every holiday is a celebration of chocolate and gifts…upon them.
Truly, it is though.
I am Laura, and I am almost divorced, separated for almost two whole years and am completely and utterly single.
When I go to websites and social media outlets, retargeting ads hit me saying “Buy this sexy lingerie” or “Indulge in the taste of sweet chocolates.”
I am Laura, and I have gone on a bunch of dates and had not one real boyfriend (minus one guy who got really close) in the time I have been separated.

Read More: Single on Valentine’s Day? Who Cares!

As One & Happy,

Laura

Why You Don’t Have to Be Friends With Your Ex

When my ex and I first split, I felt it was crucial we be a unified front as much as possible, for our daughter’s sake. I still believe this — however, we took that unified front to the maximum. We did many joint activities together, and as time went on, I felt a pressure both from others and from myself to make sure we were all a “happy, amicable divorced family.” Is this truly such a bad notion to have? Absolutely not! But some of these altruistic ideas created problems that I would not have had had we kept a civil but more distant approach to separating.

For example, too much joint time together confused our very young daughter. It also confused us, emotionally. The more time we spent together and got along “well enough,” it made us wonder: Was divorce really worth the pain and suffering we would experience?

Read More: Why You Don’t Have to Be Friends With Your Ex

You Just Have to Be a Big Boy or Girl,

Laura

Divorced in Your 30s? 8 Ways You Can Have the Best Year Ever

So this is it. You’re divorced and in your 30s. Well, welcome to the club! There are many of us in this club, so don’t feel bad. Instead use your divorce to spin off an improved you (you don’t need a new you — the old you is lovely — you just need some touch-ups) for an amazing 2016. This way, you can kiss your divorce blues buh-bye and make it a stellar year.

Read More: Divorced in Your 30s? 8 Ways You Can Have the Best Year Ever

 

The Day I Didn’t Need Anyone After My Divorce

It was another Saturday night without my daughter.
In the past, weekends without her were torture.
In truth, the silence in the house is still hard almost two years later. Walking by her empty room? It still feels unfair. Missing out on taking her to dance class? It feels like I’m being a disobedient mother. I should be there– it’s my role, my job.

But from the start, weekends without her felt like not only a test of my heart by being “still” enough to notice she wasn’t around (during weeknights if she’s not here, at least I get home so late from work that I can ignore her absence) but it also felt as if a big blaring horn were going off announcing:

“It’s another weekend and Laura is still single, after her divorce. It’s another Saturday night and Laura is not going out on a date this time.”

Since my ex and I decided to separate, my weekends without my daughter have always been full but there was always this underlying tension blaring, “Will there be a date this weekend, or not?”

Read More: The Day I Didn’t Need Anyone After My Divorce

On My Own, Happily,

Laura